Two friends have got engaged in the past
two weeks. This makes four people I know in the last few months
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 11:58, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

Yeah, I've had I think four couples
out of my friends get engaged in the last six months. I also have three weddings this year. It's a bit like, guys, I'm happy for you but can you fuck off with the peer pressure already? It makes me feel terribly old...
(berk, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Pull yourself together!
I was single for SIX YEARS (unless you count a string of dates and two pretend boyfriends, each only for a short space of time.)
I'm well older than you.
Take some of TGB's advice about being single. It's not cancer.
It's only peer pressure if you view it that way, you wally.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:04, Reply)

^^This

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:08, Reply)

TGB does give the best advice

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:09, Reply)

I don't particularly mind being on my own
although I was quite emo about it for a bit, it's fine right now. It's just a bit depressing seeing all of your mates couple off and settle down and being the token single one. Some of them are already talking about families and mortgages and I'm like woah there! I'm not ready for any of that shit!
(berk, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:09, Reply)

You don't have to be
They're not asking you to have kids or a mortgage with them.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:11, Reply)

You only split up with your fella a couple of months ago didn't you?
Let them do what they like. Mortgages and families aren't my thing either and I don't feel under pressure. I'm well older than all of my mates (who are mostly paired off) and never felt like the token single nor did it affect my social life. Do something about your outlook gal!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Yes Roota, sorry Roota.
It doesn't help that my family keeps nagging me about boyfriends and families and shit either, I do genuinely feel a bit like I 'ought' to be chasing these things because they are apparently the 'normal' things that everybody my age 'wants' to be doing. This is backed up by the fact that probably 80% of my mates are in fact doing them.

Oh well, bollocks to them. I'm going to have a career and go travelling and get a cat instead.
(berk, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:18, Reply)

fuck normal
do what you want to do. it's your life, not your family's or anyone else's

I have a house and am getting married because I want to, not through some feeling that I ought to be doing it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Eugh my family does this
everytime I mention a boy in passing, I get the inevitable question. This may be however because my mother is deathly afraid that I'm a lesbian
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Many years ago before I got engaged, I used to be on the receiving end of comments from relatives
Whenever there was a family wedding or Christening. Things like, 'Oooh, you'll be next'.

It soon stops when you start making the same comment to them at family funerals.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Hahaha

( Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:25, Reply)

Do it.
You'll see what I'm on about. Jesus, I only have the cat bit, not even the career or the travelling, but I'm still really happy and sod everyone else.
(I know I have a bloke now but he's still fairly recent, and fortunately I don't have to see him too often, so I'm still living the single life. Got a date with a pool attendant tonight.)
I'm actually watching that thing about the English National Ballet and the second half of How to Train your Dragon Tonight. Alone. With my cat. In tracky bottoms.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:23, Reply)

families can fuck off
most of my mates are paired off and have mortgages, but are still just the same as before. It's the way to be. Only one set have a kid though, and we are only just now getting them back after 2 years.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Oh, well if you're not ready for that stuff
then obviously they shouldn't talk about how they're doing it. How jolly inconsiderate of them.
( Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:14, Reply)

It is, isn't it?

(berk, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:19, Reply)

No

( Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:19, Reply)

25 onwards people start rushing to settle down
what's the point? your 40's are for buying curtains.

that gives you FIFTEEN YEARS before you need to even think about it! there are so many lovely things about being single that you miss when you are in a couple. you can't control it so make the most of it by having great nights out and a decent night's sleep and holidays with your friends and dates/sex with exciting, unsuitable men.

eventually one of them will turn out to be exciting and suitable.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:16, Reply)

This^

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:18, Reply)

*rushes out and buys curtains*

( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:32, Reply)

CHINTZ ONES

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Nah! I have taste.

( girlinthehole, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I'm with berk on this one
it's not the engagements themselves that are depressing, it's looking around and seeing everyone happy and paired up.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:15, Reply)

You wouldn't want to go out with a man at Oxford, anyway
with their scarves and bicycles. OK, that's Cambridge, but Oxford men are still bent.
( Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:17, Reply)

What's wrong with you pair of emos!
Seeing people happy and paired up should not depress YOU.
You'll stay unhappy forever and a day if you view other people's happiness as an idictment. No matter what happens, if that's your outlook, you're screwed.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:17, Reply)

totally this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:19, Reply)

It's alright Roota :)
I'm very fond of people being happy, and it makes me a bit happy when they are! However it is still depressing, think of it along the lines of looking in a magazine at someone wearing the Vivienne Westwood coat you want and idly thinking 'I'd like that.' It makes you think a bit, what is wrong with me.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:19, Reply)

THIS
I'm happy that my friends are happy, but what's so broken and wrong about me that I can't achieve the same that they have? (sounds overly my chemical romance but you get the idea)
(berk, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:22, Reply)

see below
and additionally, I've been through the same thing, admittedly a bit younger, but I went through my entire teens with basically no one ever expressing a single bit of interest. It was shit, but it didn't last forever.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I didn't start getting genuine interest
until I was about 24. Trufax. Shoudl you ever see my first passport picture, taken at the age of 17, you may understand why.
( Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:26, Reply)

same here
also hadn't met the right sort of people. I didn't meet one girl who liked the same music as me until I was about 19 I think.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:28, Reply)

It's all a product of circumstance and attitude
Having the right attitude will lead to more circumstances and opportunities. Then you just need to seize those.
I realise I'm giving advice I don't follow, but I'm not fussed about it all right now.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:25, Reply)

think how stupid and shit most people are in general
not from a dating point of view necessarily.

It's fine to be selective about going for someone because if things work out then you are likely to be spending an awful lot of time with someone and you want them to be the right person.

yeah, for some people it works fine just meeting and hitting it off, but I was friends with my mrs for 4 years before we got together.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Discussed this with a friend
I could just be too picky, but there are some things I just can't compromise on.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:24, Reply)

and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that at all
it's your life, you don't want to spend it with someone who doesn't come up to scratch, or spend your time trying to change them.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:26, Reply)

Changing people is hopeless
I've never got why people try and do it.

You're right (and we came to the same conclusion) but that does mean I've pretty much put myself in the 'alone forever' box
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:27, Reply)

Me too
But I'm cool with it.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:29, Reply)

same here, fortunately my mrs agrees!
with that conclusion in mind, you need to weigh up which you'd mind more, being single (not necessarily alone, friends are good for some stuff) or compromising on what you are looking for.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:29, Reply)

I don't think I can compromise
on the three key basics. Everything else is open to discussion (I'm not bothered about their interests or whether we share stuff in common etc)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:30, Reply)

what were the basics again?
plenty of: anal, mainlining hard drugs, shellsuits?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:32, Reply)

I'm not Northern!
They need to be as clever or cleverer than me. (I'm not saying I'm hugely clever, but that's the baseline) they need to have a sense of humour, preferably one as bad as mine, and they need to be at least vaguely attractive to me (not necessarily to other people, but to me) because I don't think you can have a relationship with someone you're not sexually attracted to.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:35, Reply)

perfectly reasonable
and I'm sorry I'm unavailable
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:37, Reply)

good
because you're only 2 out of 3 beardy
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:39, Reply)

damn, knew I wasn't funny

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I'm not, I couldn't take that kind of compitition.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:11, Reply)

I reckon it's the intelligence one that's tripping you up.
Men are pretty base creatures. At university age they're also still pretty immature. Takes time for us to grow an appreciation for intelligence. Give it a couple of years and you'll be fighting them off with a shitty stick.
( Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:38, Reply)

I agree with this

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:39, Reply)

I agree
And not only because she's a clever girl.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Amberl would totally eat Muldoon for breakfast.

( Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:48, Reply)

*finger pistols and winks*

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:49, Reply)

pistols bangs i a
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:56, Reply)

If only I had the chance
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE!!!!1
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:58, Reply)

very soon

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:00, Reply)

Eh, maybe, who knows?

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:01, Reply)

hmm, my threat seems to have passed you by

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:05, Reply)

No it didn't
I just didn't find it that threatening.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:06, Reply)

I'm pretty sure as well
that I was reading some article about men aiming downwards intelligence wise, which means I'm limited some more, and especially more because no-one wants a patronising arsehole.*

*musky or otherwise
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Hey, I never talk to a woman's breasts!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Stupidity is massively unattractive. It just takes guys a few years to realise it.

( Kroney, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:55, Reply)

I once went on a first date with a girl who said
"I don't understand why anyone reads books, if it's any good they'll make a film."

There wasn't a second date.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:12, Reply)

good grief

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:18, Reply)

Rorschach: Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon.

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:31, Reply)

I put myself in that box once.
You really have no idea what freak will turn up and appear agreeable to you in the future ;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Nor should you
Pickiness is a good thing. Sure it might make you single for a while, but I'd rather that than 'making do'.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:27, Reply)

^this
if there is one time you shouldn't "make do" it is with whom you are in a relationship.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Oh, I very definitely agree with this
I do sometimes wonder if I'm too picky to ever be happy though.
(berk, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:39, Reply)

that's how you are though
and there's no changing that. Better to be picky than to end up stuck with something shit.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I think you're all being a bit hard.
Not all of you, but most of you above _are_ paired off, and let's be honest here, if you wern't happy being pared off (eg, it wasn't a good thing), you wouldn't be doing it.

When does anyone get married for the right reasons and is unhappy about it?

Marridge isn't for everyone, even relationships aren't for everyone, but if you want to be single, then no one can stop you, you just simply are. It's a default. But for those who do want a family life, or someone to share their life with, or anything like that... then it could be depressing in the long term not to be in that possition.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:24, Reply)

SIX LONG YEARS WITH ONLY MY CAT, GONZ
I shouldn't be lumped in with paired-off people who have no idea about being single. Yeah sometimes you'd like someone to snuggle up with, but mostly it's boss, and it makes you choosy. It doesn't make you choosy about dates in general, hell I'm anyone's after a few G&Ts, but it makes you know what you want when you properly get with someone.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:28, Reply)

You're saying six years like it's a long time for a bad thing.
What I mean is, if being single is what you want, then no one can stop you. If being in a relationship is what you want, then it requires others.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:45, Reply)

Aye it does require others
But allowing the sight of happy paired-off people to depress you is not a good place to be. Nor will it find you someone ace any sooner.
I'm not putting you in that bracket. I'm not criticising anyone who's actively looking, I'm just saying certain approches to it will eat you up and make you not pleasant to go out with.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Yup, deffo, nobody wants to be with someone who's negative all the time, but I don't think bert/amber is at that place yet.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:01, Reply)

I hope you mean berk haha
and hopefully you're right. I don't think I give off desperate vibes
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Hah, yah'.
Nah', neither of you gave me that impression at all... much to Supermatt's disapointment ,)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Oh no, I never said desperate.
And I didn't mean desperate either.
I mean that little disappointment you get when someone else pairs off. Leave em to it. Your time will come or not. In the meantime, be happy as Larry. No matter who you end up with, YOU have to be happy as you. You're not 'failing' by being single. They're not 'succeeding'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I am paired off and happily so
but my point is that it is my choice to get a mortgage and get married and all that business. That's the important thing. Do what you want to and damn what anyone else thinks you out to be doing
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:30, Reply)

No, it wasn't you're choice, it was your _and_ your misse's choice.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:46, Reply)

believe it or not
some decisions in a relationship are 50/50. If one of us didn't want to do it then we wouldn't have done.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:47, Reply)

That is exactly what I'm saying.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:49, Reply)

having read your response to Roota
I now understand what you were getting at.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:51, Reply)

That it takes two people to become a couple, but it only takes yourself to become single.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:53, Reply)

Is that a proverb, did you make it up?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:54, Reply)

Just made it up, good, innit =)

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:01, Reply)

it is
unfortunately it has made me get the lyrics "it only takes a minute girl, to fall in love, to. fall. in. looove" stuck in my head
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:04, Reply)

that is true
the point I was trying to make earlier is that no one should feel pressured to find a partner because of expectations from others. If someone does want to be with someone then it can be depressing not being able to find anyone, but there's no time limit, and no reason not enjoy yourself.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Vip's final word.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Oh'aye', but I doubt the only reason they wanna be in a relationship is due to outside pressure.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:07, Reply)

true
but it is one factor that berk mentioned
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 13:19, Reply)

some of them are genuinely happy, great for them, it'll be you one day anyway
some of them are not so happy and are dying a tiny bit inside day by repetitive day. nobody knows what is going on inside a relationship, sometimes not even the couple themselves! i have quite a few married friends who are jealous of my social/love life and feel that they would have liked a few more years of being single.

all it means is, you can be blissfully happy both ways.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:18, Reply)

this as well^
Listen to your b3ta aunts, girls.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:19, Reply)

SOMETIMES
i am serious and sensible.

SOMETIMES i even get it right.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Aye, you just did.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 12:29, Reply)