Right, I'm going home in 13 minutes
Enter-fucking-tain me, bitches.

Which B3tan or celebrity, or ideally both, as some kind of intergalactic double act, would you send into space to be the first envoy(s) to another species on behalf of all humankind?

Alt: how well-endowed is too well-endowed? Choose your gender. And choose it wisely.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 17:49, 71 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What happens if I don't choose wisely?
Will I rapidly age and crumble into dust? Whatever I do, I'm not choosing the one that blonde tart points at.
( Kroney, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 17:55, Reply)

Yes you fucking will
And Sean Connery will die because of your incompetence.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 17:56, Reply)

I'd send Monty and David Bowie the original starman
Depends on the vag volume
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 17:57, Reply)

Assume average spam javelin accomodation capability
We're not talking about Jordan and her specially-developed wind tunnel vagina
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 17:59, Reply)

I like them big, and I like them small
but most importantly, I like a self confident boob, none of this looking at the ground nonsense. Look me in the eye, damn it.
( Kroney, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 17:58, Reply)

It's late, we're all tired, but this is the POTD
Well done, sir. Now stand up and take your applause.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:02, Reply)

always with the space travel
ugh

alt: I don't know. I was just wondering how many men buy the XXL condoms thinking they're "big" when they're actually not.
OR how many creepers really are big but they're totally gross and creepy and you'd never actually want them to touch you?
case in point: super creepy gross man that is a client, always a little over friendly, has magnum condoms in his car door. Gross.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 17:58, Reply)

errr, what do you do for a living?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:01, Reply)

hahahaha
I work in a garage, I was in the drivers seat and just looked down and there they were and it totally squicked me out
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:04, Reply)

Gross, bet he goes dogging all around Jersey

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:05, Reply)

yeah, probably
the gross creepy gross guy

but think how unfortunate that is, if you're totally creepy and gross no one wants to touch you but you've got this massive tool
to be fair, I don't think most girls care about that anyway
but then he probably thinks they do and all these women want him but he's creepy and gross so they don't
if he weren't so creepy and gross I'd almost feel sorry for him
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:08, Reply)

Well endowed
I would say that in a man, girth is the most important thing. I'm not talking about a total chode here. Just that, let's say that if there was a lady I knew, and she had been with a man or two, and one of them two men were exceptionally, long, she may have found out that 9" is too long.

Quite happy being a woman really.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:37, Reply)

Fuck off Bert
In other news, length depends on the length of your vaginal canal, girth I suspect depends on both genetics and how far and how often one has been previously stretched...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:44, Reply)

but it always goes back to shape
ya know, if you haven't been...ahem...stretched...for a while
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:47, Reply)

Mr Ape
Sure vaginal shape and size is a factor.

Who is this Bert of whom you speak? Does he have a friend Ernie?
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:48, Reply)

Nah, he was a massive tool who used to post here, but people found out that he'd shagged his sistyer so he flounced
but then kept returning in different guises.

It's a welcoming thing, welcome!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:54, Reply)

Fangs
I fink.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:56, Reply)

yeah why not
This is a nice first thread for you!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:56, Reply)

she's been here before
you're just late on teh news
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:00, Reply)

Oh soz, will try and keep up but my brain has melted today

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:06, Reply)

Did you make him go in sideways instead?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:50, Reply)

Sideways
You know, I thought that I was doing something wrong. I will have to try this when I find a willing victim.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:55, Reply)

or fold in half, then shove it in

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:00, Reply)

Drunk sex; like trying to push toothpaste back into the tube

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:00, Reply)

Old toothpaste
I'm almost old enough to remember when toothpaste came in those nice metal tubes, and if you were a little overenthusiastic with the squeezing, you could probably get about 4cm back in the tube if you were skilled enough.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:03, Reply)

A girl I used to live with starting going out with a guy who always inserted his penis limp.
He didn't like to get hard first and then enter. Fuck knows why.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:03, Reply)

Do not understand the physics/biology of this...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:05, Reply)

Me neither.
But she loved him innit.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:08, Reply)

Love is blind/understanding of weird sexual demands

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:09, Reply)

Fold it in half?
Is there a chance that we aren't talking about the same thing here?
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:00, Reply)

I think it takes a bit of work
and touniquets
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:01, Reply)

Needless to say
I won't be putting that aspiration to try out folding by means of tourniquets on my online dating profile, or perhaps I should. I might attract a different sort of tosser.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:07, Reply)

As long as I can feel it going in I'm happy.

( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:52, Reply)

where?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:59, Reply)

Up me bum!

( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:00, Reply)

yey! *does the up the bum dance*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:01, Reply)

*joins in*

( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:02, Reply)

how does that go?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:02, Reply)

Starts slowly
Then anything goes.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:04, Reply)

Like so:
You put your willy right in
Your willy right out
in
Out
in
out shake the poo all about!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:04, Reply)

hahahaha!

( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:05, Reply)

tee hee, i was rather pleased with that as well!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:06, Reply)

good work, sir

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:07, Reply)

Thanks!
I have a photography question to ask you if you don't mind?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:19, Reply)

go on, then
although I'm pretty photography-ed out today
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:20, Reply)

Oh sorry, I'll leave it for another time!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:21, Reply)

no, it's fine
I'm just a bit fuzzy headed so my response may be a little bit garbled
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:21, Reply)

Ok then,
been trying slow shutter speeds to blur movement, but i find it always overexposes. I've tried reducing the apature size, but i still get much whiteness!

Fanks in advance!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:23, Reply)

well if you use a long shutter speed it lets more light in
the way to deal with it is to make the aperture smaller (bigger number) and put the ISO on the lowest setting

If you're in daylight you'll probably find you can only go as slow as, say 1/30 of a second (bright daylight considerably less. So, either try it somewhere dark (you can do light painting, then) or get yourself a neutral density filter or two
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:26, Reply)

Top stuff, thanks a lot...I turned down neutral density filter in my bundle as I didn't know what it did :9
off home now, have a lovely evening!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:27, Reply)

byee
hardly anyone uses ND filters, they are a little pointless - UV, however you should always have on your camera
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:28, Reply)

Up the bum
Sounds like the average afternoon at work.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:04, Reply)

Same :)
My ex had had two breach births with her kids and poor woman, it was like a pineapple had been dragged through a swiss roll :S
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:00, Reply)

I just learnt that that isn't feet first but arse first!
With the baby folded in half ( . )
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:01, Reply)

I know!
Eeek :S
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:05, Reply)

C-sections for the win!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:06, Reply)

I was that way.
Makes you extra flexible.
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:07, Reply)

Your mother might say difficult

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:12, Reply)

not my fault she got knocked up

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:14, Reply)

Unless you are a cross dressing Marty Mcfly...well are you?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:16, Reply)

i don't even know who that is

( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:25, Reply)

Hello you : )

( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:01, Reply)

Hello!
How's you?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:03, Reply)

Bitter and twisted as usual : )
Looking forward to moving in with the Mrs?
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:04, Reply)

Good stuff!
Certainly am, very exciting.
I'm there all the time anyway so it makes sense, I'm paying rent for a house I'm never in at the moment.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:07, Reply)

Still coming to Todbash?

( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:09, Reply)

Hell yeah!
Jess might not can make it though due to working Saturdays. She needs the week after off as we're off up to Edinburgh for Matt and Maira's wedding :)

Better be off anyway, pub quiz beckons.
Have a funtastic evening all.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:11, Reply)

Aw *sadface*
Say hi from me.
( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:12, Reply)

WHY, WHY can't I change part of a merged cell you fucking piece of shit piece of software wank stain bastard
sorry this is the equivilant of shouting across the office
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:14, Reply)

Try turning it off and on again.

( girlinthehole, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:16, Reply)

Thanks, does throwing it out of the window and ordering a new one from IT count?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 19:17, Reply)