Rusty locks = grateful shag
equals a metric fuckton of cunnilingus
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 4 May 2011, 10:58, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hang on, is Swipey one of the girls that doesn't like that?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:04, Reply)

used to be
got converted by an ex a couple of years ago.

i still prefer giving to receiving though...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

*joins queue*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

it's a short Q this morning
come in
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:25, Reply)

A short fucking what?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Piss off Monty
Your grammar policing happens every day, I'm on the verge of receiving INTERNET VALIDATION
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:30, Reply)

you mean a virtual blow-job?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:34, Reply)

Yeah, yeah, whatever
*unzips*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:36, Reply)

QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:34, Reply)

This is confirmed by "Nice, sweet, funny colleague with a good brain"
That means he's been passed over for the jocks and badboys all his life, his only female contact being the tears on his shoulder from when the ladies he idolises eventually get ditched for a younger model. His testicles will be bursting with meek ginger sperm, eager to make up for lost time.

To conclude, if she's into community service, wants to rebalance her karma, get him to do things for her, or is just really into bukkake, then she should shag him.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:04, Reply)

I really, really like this post
Fuck it, I'm going to read it again.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Do gingers have orange spunk?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

It's used for ink in highlighter pens.
Sperm banks won't take it y'see.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I'm glad I'm 'working from home' because this is hysterical.

And true.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:09, Reply)

I'll spare the use of strikethrough, as it's you
But I assume you meant to say wanking, rather than working
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Me too, "How clean in your house" has jut come on, this leads me to ask 1 question
What THE FUCK is wrong with people?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:13, Reply)

They have dirty houses.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

They aren't fussed with cleaning.

( Kroney, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

They need assistance cleaning their homes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:20, Reply)

They need assistance being functioning human beings

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Domestic chores are not their forte

( Kroney, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

They have really good immune systems

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:44, Reply)

i hate to shatter this beautifully written bubble
but actually - he's an investment banker at morgans who confuses his telephone number and his salary on a daily basis! consequently he doesn't usually have a problem being a pussy-magnet despite the hair...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

this is known as 'Hucknall Syndrome'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:12, Reply)

You've got that wrong
If West Coast gangster rap has taught me on thing, it's that one doesn't need to love no hos.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Is he that fellow from 'Bonanza'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Money isn't everything.
As this ginger banker proves.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

Cor lend us a tenner

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Or I'll cut you

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:17, Reply)

*bottles*
20 OK?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Just give us the fucking wallet, watch and phone

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Fucking South London omnibuses
Coming to the City, stealing our shit.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

hahaha
i like this.

south london is just not as GOOD as west london...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:31, Reply)

What about South West london?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Chock full of gaylords.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:33, Reply)

clapham?
will always be associated with the shitty stench of a freshly shat-in bed for me.

by which i mean my ex of 4 years lived there.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:33, Reply)

I liked Clapham when I went the other weekend with Clendrix, Wooks and TGB
It has a Bodean's too...
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:35, Reply)

Stinks like antipodean shit to me

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:36, Reply)

You went out with a 4-year-old?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:42, Reply)

Is 'Investment Banker' rhyming slang?
I dislike him now because he's a lot richer than I am. Therefore your friend should not fuck him.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:14, Reply)

That must be sad for him
Knowing that all the vapid whores that come in and out of his life actually despise him, but let him have the chance to empty his balls into their rancid vaginas just so they can sponge some money off him.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Sounds like the redistribution of wealth to me, something I would hve thought that you were in favour of

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:22, Reply)

I'll bet as he scrubs Vim all over his freckles with a Brillo pad, sobbing in the shower,
knowing that by the next morning ANOTHER Rolex will have been stolen from his bedside cabinet and once again all he's left with is a five grand bar bill, a stinking hangover and a skiddy thong as a souvenir, he feels really great about himself.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Sounds like our Xmas party.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:26, Reply)

That reminds me:
Darth wants his thong back but he's too shy to ask.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I've washed it.
I'll pop it in an envelope.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:29, Reply)

You can fax it mate

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:31, Reply)

you know what
i think it's probably a happy medium between him enjoying one night stands and looking for a girlfriend, like most guys...

he's always fancied my friend but she's never been single until now. anyway they are going out for dinner on thu, so we'll see... she earns more than he does, though, so he might nick her gucci if she's not careful.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:33, Reply)

Is that a euphamism?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:35, Reply)

It's doing that thing again...

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:35, Reply)

"Nick her Gucci"
sounds like a euphemism for something unpleasant.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:35, Reply)

It's accidentally poking her in the perineum
When transferring from her V to her A, causing her to say "Ooo, not there", thus foiling your attempts at the "Oops, wrong hole" technique.
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:38, Reply)

You are on form today young man

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:41, Reply)

Why thank you!

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Wed 4 May 2011, 11:43, Reply)

transferring from her V to her A changing at Baker Street
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 4 May 2011, 11:59, Reply)