What the world needs now, is lunch, sweet lunch
What is it to be, oh citizens of offtopic?


Alt:
Last person/thing you swore at and why? What did you say?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:41, 79 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The Sandwich lady hasn't turned up
I ate my bag of Monster Munch as a paltry substitute for a sausage and egg butty and now will have no crisps with my homemade cheese salad sandwich. This is completely unacceptable. I may have to go down the shops which seems a waste just for a bag of crisps.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:46, Reply)

Aha!
The second sandwich man turned up so I was able to get a bag of crisps. But I only found out he was around by spotting people with sandwiches - there was no announcement. What a food-based hellish nightmare this day has become!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

I didn't quite swore at him
but I thought of it. A very fat man on the bus, taking a seat and a half, leaving me with only half a seat and crushed. And he smelled.

It'd too early for lunch for me. I'll have pasta again, although I'm starting to go past this phase and starting to want some proper real nice big and tender MEAT!!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 20 May 2011, 11:48, Reply)

Isn't that what got you into this situation in the first place?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:51, Reply)

No, it was the wine
the Uruguayan wine. And being upset about having to say no to a job in Spain and having to come back to England. It was kind of, ok, if we're going back to the rain, I want a baby; so drink a bit more of this delicious wine, go on, just a bit more... there you are... now we don't need a condomn, you see?

BTW, that's a joke, we agreed beforehand.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 20 May 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Haha, I like it!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

You can use it with your wife
when you want a baby.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 20 May 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Wife?
I can't even stand my girlfriend, let alone consider getting married!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:26, Reply)

You can't stand your girlfriend?
Boy, you have a problem.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 20 May 2011, 12:28, Reply)

She's irritating, tries to play mind games, etc.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Bin her off then

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:29, Reply)

Tbh, I want to see if things get better once she's chilled out a little!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:58, Reply)

What this means is
she's a right go-er and he couldn't do without the benefits.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 May 2011, 13:13, Reply)

Well, that too

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:21, Reply)

This'll be a "no".
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Happy birthday though!
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Aye, I know it's unlikely, but I do like her quite a lot, she just drives me insane.
Not to worry!

Thank you!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Are you seeing the same woman that I am?
It can't be possible that there are 2 women out there who are slightly mental.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 20 May 2011, 14:01, Reply)

Sweet chilli chicken stir fry, home made.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:51, Reply)

Needs MOAR back pudding

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:53, Reply)

and CAYKE

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Back pudding?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Yes, it's made with the back boobs of sweaty internet men

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

So all you need is a peeler and a mirror?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Tell me what to eat for lunch, i have no plans

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:54, Reply)

Some back pudding.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Sweet!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:55, Reply)

Alt: Oh fuck.
(This is going to be awful...)
because I accidently pressed RUN instead of ITEM - POKEBALL when I had a Level 10 Zubat at as far as I could get it without killing it.

Zubats are shit, anyway, I just have two pokemon and they're a bit too strong and keep killing everything so I can't get another one :/
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:56, Reply)

Do you have a Rattata?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Nup, a level 15 Pidgey and a level 20 Charmeleon
I usually play Water-type, I feel like a traitor.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:02, Reply)

blah blah blah balh blah blah blah blah balh blah
blah blah blah balh blah blah blah blah balh blahblah blah blah balh blah blah blah blah balh blahblah blah blah balh blah blah blah blah balh blah I'ma 10 year old japanese girl blah blah blah balh blah blah blah blah balh blahblah blah blah balh blah blah blah blah balh blah
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:58, Reply)

-scowls-
I never had a gameboy when I was younger.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

I understood the same

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 20 May 2011, 12:15, Reply)

( Kroney, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:58, Reply)

That's really fucking creepy

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:00, Reply)

You are not allowed to make that face.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I am definitely, categorically not making that face right now
Might get myself one of those hats, mind...
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:02, Reply)

I AM NOT DRESSING UP AS MISTY BEFORE YOU ASK

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:03, Reply)

I thought we had agreed on Gardavoir?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:07, Reply)

I'm kind of shivering in horror at the moment.
Having a Vietnam-type flashback. It's eating away at me like a Wolverine.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:08, Reply)

It's alright, keep calm. Have a cup of tea, maybe something to eat, perhaps a bit of fried kitchen.

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:13, Reply)

And may I be saved by a fat ginger cat. With brave deed.

( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:15, Reply)

One of my friends is one of them high rated misty's on google images.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:21, Reply)

What? This sounds proper "oh dear, internet" right here.

( Kroney, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:23, Reply)

It is pretty oh dear internet.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Do a google image search for
"creepy ash meme" and there's a photo of a guy doing a really good impression of it.
( Kroney, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Woah, that was huge.
This is better.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Too much effort to edit and b3tard it when I'm supposed to be working
so it's a link
( Kroney, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

No, I meant my picture was too big
It took up the whole screen.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:08, Reply)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:02, Reply)

I think Pokemon puns is new low, even for OT

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Q: HOW DO YOU GET PIKACHU ONTO A BUS?
A: POKEMON!!!!!1111ROFFLECOPTERMAOELEVENTYONE!!!!
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:05, Reply)

CUNT-NIBBLING COCK-GOBBLING GRANNY FUCKER
Alt: You. See above.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:02, Reply)

That sounds tasty.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 20 May 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Yeah, I got bored of sandwiches so I decided to have a potato instead.
(Tenuous, but I think Darth Bumdertrot and Bobbyfatarse might get it.)
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:17, Reply)

They might
I don't. But ey, coming from you I'm sure it's funny, so :D
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 20 May 2011, 12:18, Reply)

home made soup
A granary role.

I said Fuck to a friend a bit. Just for giggles really, I just wanted him to say it back.
(Catomiagi is in with a chance, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:12, Reply)

I shall reply to the fine gent that started this thread
I did have some celery to eat the last of my piri piri hummous, but that is in the fridge at home. I may have to purchase some crisps to eat it with.

I swore at my laptop lots and also a colleague for being a cunt
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Home-made chicken, sweet potato and butternut squash soup and crispy wholemeal pitta for dipping.
I swear all the time. The last thing I swore at was the phone, about thirty seconds ago.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:24, Reply)

That sounds great!
Needs some chilli or ginger in to really zing though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:25, Reply)

As if I'd cook something without chilli in!

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:13, Reply)

I was too nice to tell her to her face
but when my neighbour woke me up at 6am this morning to get me to move my car, I swore quietly and sleepily the entire time I was out of bed, mainly featuring the words 'If you hadn't parked like such a fucking wanker, I could have parked alongside you instead of behind you and then I would still be asleep, you bucket-cunted imbecile.'
(berk, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:27, Reply)

If someone woke me up to move my fucking car the words would have been coming out a LOT louder

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Well, she's a nice person
and I was parked behind her, she was entitled to ask me to move...but I'm more inclined to believe in the effectiveness of alternative medicine than I am to believe that she passed her driving test, she's a fucking menace and she can't park worth a damn.
(berk, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:30, Reply)

You tell her

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:36, Reply)

You can park her car the night before
so that then you can park yours well and she doesn't have to wake you up in the morning.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 20 May 2011, 12:41, Reply)

Out of hospital yesterday and recuperating.....
... my email 'out of office assistant' says quite unequivocally that I'm not available until June, so does my mobile 'phone answer machine message. So, when a really small (sub£300/yr) and very persistant customer rang my HOME 'phone after emailing and calling my mobile I asked "Did you read the message on my email"?
"Yes"
"Did you hear the message on my answerphone"?
"Yes"
"Then could you do me a favour"?
"Of course"
"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE YOU IGNORANT TWAT"

I don't think he'll call again.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:42, Reply)

Hahaha
That's no way to treat costumers. But I'd have done the same! I kept receiving phone calls when in South America. I replied a couple of times, at a very high cost, and explained that I was in a different continent, on holidays, in the middle of the night and couldn't talk. When they insisted I got more rude, and finally had my phone in silence most of the time and sent not very nice emails the next morning explaining why I wasn't answering their calls.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 20 May 2011, 12:47, Reply)

Aber, that is class
Costumers!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:06, Reply)

A suitcase
Packed so tightly by the woman who owns it that both carrying handles broke under the strain just before I had to carry it up of four flights of stairs.

Edit: Clarity
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Kids are stupid
www.thelocal.de/society/20110330-34051.html
(PsychoChomp, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:50, Reply)

Have they not heard of chewing gum?
That's what I use to hide my secret lemonade drinking from my wife used to use when I was a kid.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:54, Reply)

So your wife bullys you into the ONE PINT RULE AND NOTHING ELSE
hahaha
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Man, that bitch needs fixin'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 20 May 2011, 12:57, Reply)

probably salad, as I've turned off the nice road of losing and onto the horrible fast lane of gaining
alt: I'm pretty sure I told you all to fuck off yesterday.
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:08, Reply)

Salt and vinegar chipsticks and a can of Red Stripe.
MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAAAA HALF DAY WOO
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:11, Reply)

Argh bastard
it's only quarter past one. How can it be only quarter past one? I want to goooo!
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:18, Reply)

SUCKAH!
I've got next Friday booked off for nefarious purposes too.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:18, Reply)

it's a bit late now for me to book this afternoon off
Also I have a presentation Monday Morning, although I'm as prepared as I'll ever be.

I wonder if I could claim some sudden unexpected need to go home?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Get someone to ring you with some kind of solicitor-based flat-buying emergency.

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:24, Reply)