Did I hear right?
The government is giving a chunk of the Dept of Employment budget to private companies, and to make sure they don't turn it down they've promised not to interfere with how they spend it?

I am slightly croggled how anyone thinks this is a good idea.

How would YOU fix Broken Britain?

Alt: Suggest a scheme for NICK CLEGG AND HIS CRONIES to shovel money into.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 7:40, 109 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I heard they were going to be paid for the number of people they place in employment.
I wouldn't fix broken Britain, I quite like it this way.

Alt: They could shovel money into free wine for the discerning drinker (ie. us lot)
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:18, Reply)

As opposed to placing people in appropriate employment that they'll stick at
it'll be even more target-driven than the public version.

They might just as well stick up a big sign saying "QUEUE HERE FOR FREE MONEY (NOT YOU, POOR PEOPLE)".
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:24, Reply)

You are quite right.
Give the money for someone else to fail with. Then blame them and claim to have done your best.

Cunts, the lot of them.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:30, Reply)

With the added bonus of paying off big corporate donors

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Duct tape.
There's nothing you can't fix with duct tap and a little nouse.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:18, Reply)

A broken heart?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:19, Reply)

Ok! maybe Gin is better than duct tape for a broken heart.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:28, Reply)

Do you mean 'a little nous'? Or 'a little mouse'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:20, Reply)

Or 'a little noose'?
Hanging children and midgets may be fun but I fail to see how it will help in this instance.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:21, Reply)

They can't grow up to be on the dole? Reduction in child benefit?
You're just not seeing the bigger picture.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:22, Reply)

OK then, I'm willing to give it a try.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:26, Reply)

Nouse!
Common sense.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:26, Reply)

It's spelled 'nous'.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:31, Reply)

I figured I'd spelt it wrong.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:33, Reply)

What's with the sig?
Has you account been 'hacked' by a twelve-year-old boy?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:28, Reply)

I was drunk.
I'll change it when I can think of something suitable.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:34, Reply)

'Croggled' is a word I've never heard. I rather like it.
Alt: If the nation is happy to pump endless funds into outdated, outmoded, crumbling dinosaurs (NHS etc) then I want to know where my fucking money is.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:19, Reply)

Speaking of crumbling dinosaurs
How are you this morning?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:23, Reply)

THAT(wa)S THE JOKE.
I'm OK thanks. Having an odd week, as I'm spending more of it at my ex's than at my own home. I was there Tuesday and last night, am back there tonight and possibly tomorrow too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:25, Reply)

Lots of time with the little one then?

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:27, Reply)

Yes - followed by none for three weeks though.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:38, Reply)

Take a fresh picture of her with your phone, and have it as your wallpaper for three weeks.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:40, Reply)

^this
I'm sure Hendrix won't mind being ousted.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:43, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:46, Reply)

Lame-o that I am, I do this every week anyway.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:47, Reply)

You disgust me.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:50, Reply)

I disgust a lot of people.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:56, Reply)

a lot of people discussed you
with their rape counsellors
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:52, Reply)

Understandable, you have to get the hours in with your little one.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:28, Reply)

hours of wanking time with 'Little Monty'?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:35, Reply)

It's in a gold-plated yacht for the CEO of Group 4, where it belongs

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:25, Reply)

I just found someone on OKCupid who is so swell that I think she might be someone pretending to be someone else.... she's...
- Likes food and to cook
- Likes dogs
- Is a web deisgner who knows her stuff
- Likes markets
- Seems very happy
- Seems very relaxed
- Likes to just snuggle up on a weekend watching telly in PJs.
- Is very very pretty
- Marked me 4 stars
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:35, Reply)

Sorry Gonz that was me.
Sorry. I thought you'd find it funny.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Look I'm sorry OK.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:39, Reply)

Can you hook me up with the girl who you took the photos off? She's cute.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:40, Reply)

I did a Google image search for 'bird Gonz would fancy'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:44, Reply)

If you actually do that


This comes up on the first page
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:02, Reply)

phwoar etc

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Go for it.
He who dares wins!!!
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:42, Reply)

Have done =D
WHY HASN'T SHE REPLIED YET !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:44, Reply)

She might be busy...............sick................dead or something.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:45, Reply)

It's been a whole 4 minutes !
I'm finishing this fag then going off to work.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:47, Reply)

for some reason I really want a cigarette

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Maybe because you're addicted to nicotine?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:07, Reply)

pretty sure that's not it
otherwise I would smoke cigarettes during the day and stuff.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:17, Reply)

So:
reading about 'fags' has caused a feeling of physical longing within you?

That's what you're saying, right?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:11, Reply)

What he actually meant to write was "I've got a lazy lob on"

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:12, Reply)

There was a definite homosexual subtext about his post that I for one find disturbing.
He only likes surfing so he can check out the 'wetsuit bulges' down the beach.

Either that or 'surfing' is Wez Cun'ry talk for 'cruising'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:15, Reply)

no, west country talk for cruising is
"going to the livestock auction"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Give me a minute! I'm a slow typist.
Fucking hell.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Yeah Gonz, go for it.
If IRL she ticks half those boxes, you'll be on to a winner.

Do it. Do it. Do it.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Love is in the air.
I can feel it in my water.
( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Bit of an earthy reply.
Where's your fire?

You're (ele)mental love.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:48, Reply)

The fire is in my knickers hon.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:50, Reply)

You need some Yoghurt.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Will Yop do?

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Yep. Not strawberry though.
the little pips get everywhere.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:59, Reply)

*taps nose* natural yoghurt

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:51, Reply)

They should tax the poor and give the money to the rich for being so awsome and successful
Morning all!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Oh great.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:12, Reply)

The internet just got 17.3% worse.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:14, Reply)

haha!

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:15, Reply)

:(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:15, Reply)

You know I love you but it was funny.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:20, Reply)

To think I'm nothing but nice to you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:15, Reply)

HI MONTY!!!!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:14, Reply)

I take it you are not on a massive Swipey 30k a year then?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:15, Reply)

I'm sure she earned more than that?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Nah, she was one of the poorest people she knows
There is no way she could possibly have been earning more than 20K tops.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:18, Reply)

I bet she got tax credits like an ex-miner from Port Talbot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:20, Reply)

I heard she was so poor, she had a flat screen telly.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I heard she was so poor she drove a convertible mercedes

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Fucking hell, that people are reduced to that kind of living in the modern age is disgusting.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:25, Reply)

She couldn't even afford a roof for her car

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Not bad for an ex-estate agent.
I call bullshit.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:56, Reply)

It was closer to 30k a month, than a year, in actual fact.

( Kroney, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:37, Reply)

If a footballer earns £100k a week
After tax and NI etc he will take home around £37k...ouch
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:40, Reply)

ONLY £37K a week?
How do they cope? Actually I'll bet Mr Accountant get them a lot more than that
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:41, Reply)

There is no way that anyone earning 100K a week is actually paying over 60% of that back in tax and NI.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Sorry i should have added "technically"

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:45, Reply)

technically Monty Boyce hates me and it makes me cry into my pillow at night
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:47, Reply)

My secrect shame!
Why won't he accept me AL? All I want is for him to be proud of me?

Why Al? WHY?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:49, Reply)

I can't even spell correctly and he likes me.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Maybe it's your breasts, I'll endeavor to fatten up and grow some moobs

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:04, Reply)

I just had my first ever nose bleed.
Never had one before, I sneezed and it started gushing for a minute, wow, they're quite cool.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:18, Reply)

I remember having a bad nosebleed once
and was standing over the sink when my brother came and squirted me in the nose with a Super Soaker.

He was a right cunt sometimes.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Did you buy it at the '5 and Dime'?
Did you play it 'til your fingers bled?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:25, Reply)

I heard the only thing that looks good on Gonz, is you.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I think we have a secret Bryan Adams fan

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I think we have a secret lemonade drinker

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I think we have a shit, tedious wankstain called NakedApe.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I wonder what will happen if I post this
NakedApe Rory Lyon


*looks around expectantly*
(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:36, Reply)

You have to say his name three times

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:37, Reply)

While looking in the mirror.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:40, Reply)

and wanking.

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Al doesn't have a mirror big enough

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:42, Reply)

he has a carnival one

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:44, Reply)

On a still sunny day I can use the English Channel

(Bazongaloid, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Were you disappointed by the white undershirt
Susannah Reid had on this morning?
( Kroney, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Only after I came.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Blousie.
Have you been wasting people's time again?

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leicestershire-13713798
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:01, Reply)

You'll be laughing on the other side of your face when your next door neighbour is munching on your brainzzzz.

( girlinthehole, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:05, Reply)

'zzzzz' is right.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I don't care if the council has an emergency plan
because I have my own*



*I don't
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:14, Reply)

I'm guessing, here, but I think this oversight will be unlikely to cause you problems in your life.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:15, Reply)

My only concession to the possibility
will be to make sure I have a nice, high wall around my property, with parking inside it.
( Kroney, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Cut more-
Slash spending on public services (piss off the left), and totally abolish private company subsidies from the state (piss off the hard right).Then abolish all taxes on the poor and middle incomes (piss off the right), and cut it on the rich (piss off the left). Privatize everything (piss off left).Abolish Union Laws (piss off right).
(888777555, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 18:58, Reply)