Oh Brighton, so full of crazies. It's a special place.
I'm spending my entire day off lugging boxes and bags between flats by means of bus and my own two legs. If there is anyone in London right now with a car they don't mind driving me around in, you can literally name your price.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:46, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

£166m, the exact amount I didn't win on Friday night
Why don't you hire a van for the day?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Because I've had to move my stuff a lot quicker than I thought
due to squatters breaking into the place a couple of days after we got the keys. And seeing as it's just me a van would be expensive and money I don't have.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Squatters should be drowned in the canal
vans aren't that expensive anyway £30 maybe?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Last time I got one it was £60 for a 15 minute journey, but there were five of us so that was fine. Or about as fine as that much of a rip-off can be.
I totally agree with squatters. These particular ones also opened up all my flat pack furniture and nicked about half of the screws. WHO DOES THAT?
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Squatting scum, that's who
They were probably using the screws to blind deaf children
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I don't really have a car, or know how to drive one, and I'm too busy. BUT, but. If I did, and was able to, I'd totally drive you about in the hope that one of your smelly socks fell out the bag so I could sniff them.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I think I appreciate the general sentiment of that.
SO GLAD to be leaving Bill-ville. I had no idea he lived practically on the same road as me and Lampers. Terrifying.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

You're shitting me, seriously?
Wait, you're actually Bill using her login aren't you?
Are-are you wearing her skin?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Do you not want me to sleep tonight?
He lives "2 minutes away from Morrisons". The Morrisons I can see from my house ...
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

I can see why you're moving while you still have use of your legs

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)

C'mon now, is it really so wrong to lick down the gym equpiment?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Or to go on dragons den to get them to create a see-through tredmill that is about 4ft off the ground?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

If the News of the World is allowed to get into someone's telephone voice mail records, is it really so wrong that I break into someone's house when I know they're shopping and steal the contents of the second-from-bottom draw on the bedside table.....
.... and replace it with identical brand new stuff.

... nobody looks at the use-by date on them anyway.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Can people shit whilst they are running?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

No one looks sexy when they're running. FACT.
But I would love to see the pitch.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

False; see Baywatch circa 1994
Donna D'Erico
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)

We have a bongle, I repeat we have a bongle

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

I can kill that.
Just google "Dream of the fisherman's wife".

That will kill this and any future bongles.

Oh, and it's a little NSFW.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

I'm guessing that's because they haven't been seen from the right angles.
You could see right up someone's long flowing skirt on one of those. Please don't steal my idea and become incredibly rich on the back of it.... I can not see a single flaw in this invention.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Awww, all he wanted to do was give you a big hug and sniff your hair while letting out a lingering sigh... I can relate to that.
One day you're going to wake up to something licking your neck, and you'll smile at first and then realise you don't have a dog or cat, in fact, you have no pets at all.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)

You are living proof that women are lying when they say they want a guy with a sense of humour.
If it were true, you'd be knee deep in clunge.

There's no justice.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Oh man !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I personally have no answer to that.
I don't understand women most of the time either.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I'm afriad you've missed the point here
Sense humor is great, but you can't make a cake with just one ingredient
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

You see, they say they want a sense of humour
but what they really want is a rich, good-looking man who treats them like shit, sense of humour optional.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Trufax

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Don't forget the schlong, they need a good sized schlong... the kind that looks like it belongs to a griffin with a cumtube attached.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)

i can confirm officially
that a rich, good-looking man with an awesome body and a sense of humour who is a sheer genius in the sack AND who treats you like gold dust is, in fact, a much better option.

unless he meets someone better on his holiday (he has been texting me a lot, so far so good, but still 5 days of bikini clad moosey-whores to go!), that is. in which case he is a cunt like the rest of them...!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:41, Reply)

He won't meet anyone better on his holiday ! Where is he going to find the time, what with him looking after his wife and kids who are with him?
But yeah', sure, the love has gone in the maridge and the devorce is just a formailty.... even though they're on holiday.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:43, Reply)

I imagine that would be the best possible option.
Imagine. No personal proof to back it up.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:46, Reply)

You women have it all wrong.
You're both good looking girls, probably about an 8 each. What you want to be doing is going for a good 6, that way it's him that is worrying about you sleeping around, but at 2 levels down, they won't say anything incase they mess it up. He's probably already phoned his Ma' to tell her that he's bagged a hottie, and doesn't want the old "I told you not to get excited" speech. If you play it right, you could have him wrapped around your little finger and I might have some good looking mates for the occasional fling too !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:49, Reply)

assuming this 8 is out of 10 (and not 100 or something)
i am close to tears here, gonz, i'm not gonna lie to you.

also curry is a week on wed now, will text TGB too? does that suit you? x
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)

it's the best option i've found so far by an impossible degree
and i've looked hard enough!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Let me just be certain about something.
Are you calling me a cunt, here?
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)

No, surely not.
Cunts are useful.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:59, Reply)

I'm extremely useful.
Don't get me wrong, my faults are legion. Uselessness, though, isn't one of them.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 13:01, Reply)

no more so than normal, darling

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Not unless you live in Uxbridge and
can get it all done in an hour, I'm afraid.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

he may be ugly but he's not stupid

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

It's just the first step in my unsavoury man act, Apers.
She's all grateful and trusting after we get her stuff in the car, then it's all "oh you've missed the turning", then "you're going the wrong way", then "why have you activated the central locking?"

Then increasing measures of panic before a dark wood, a shallow grave and only the cryptic pizza box and sock to tell the story.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Don't forget to tip the papers off to someone nearby who
has strange hair and therefore must be a murderer
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Say, someone with hair like a greasy brillo pad?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:31, Reply)