What a rubbish thread.
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2012126/Edna-Beck-sussex-receives-asbo-7-years-racist-abuse-neighbours.html

Much more like it. When someone suggests people should respect the elderly simply because they've managed not to fucking die yet, they should be reminded of this wonderful goose-stepping lady who threw her soiled underwear out the window. 'I'm not anti-social. I'm a normal woman and everyone can tell you that'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:40, 116 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Alright, Monty

( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Yeh mon.
How are you today?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Sweaty.
Also talking to somebody Welsh. There's nothing thicker than a dumb Welsh girl. Fact.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:48, Reply)

*cough*BobbyPires*cough*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:49, Reply)

This is going to be hard for you to swallow;
When I said "nothing", I meant it. I'd much rather instruct Bobby on proper grammar than answer the phone to a Welsh girl with a computer.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Why don't you answer the phone to her with a phone then?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:54, Reply)

lol whut?

( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:57, Reply)

No, with a knife!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:59, Reply)

Oh never mind.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Ugh
You got that "gayest post of the day" post on the popular page, you gonad.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Hahahaha
I'm going to click it every day and I implore all right-thinking B3tans to do the same.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Luckily for me there are no right-thinking B3tans.
Wrongers, the lot of 'em.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:10, Reply)

She seems like a regular 80 year old lady to be honest
They're all a bit batty aren't they.
( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:50, Reply)

You fancy her.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:54, Reply)

So?

( Peej, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 9:58, Reply)

So fucking hands off, alright?
If anyone's going to have sex with my grandmother it's me - GOT IT?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I work in a very hot office
so have invested in a Neck BuddyTM. You soak it for 30 minutes, towel off any excess moisture and then wear it round your neck - the gel inside soaks up loads of water and slow evaporation cools the blood as it flows in and out of your head. So far it seems to be working quite well.

The end result is I appear to be wearing a cravat, and it's awesome.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Thanks for that. No, really.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Oh dear, whilst you may be 'the ultimate in cool', everyone else is thinking 'what a fucking knob'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:09, Reply)

The rest of his office will be off sick for the rest of the week,
with RSI caused by doing the 'wanker' sign behind his back.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I believe that happens irrespective of whether he's wearing his AWESOMESSSSSSSSSS 'cravat' or not

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:13, Reply)

You're all just jealous

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Would you like to buy my TeaTowel(TM)(C)(R) ? It's like a normal teatowel, but instead of using it to mop up spills, you can use it to soak up water, then ring it out, then wear it around your neck to keep yourself cool !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Just 3 easy payments of $19.99 + $25 P&P. 30 Day No Money Back Gaurntee.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Ah but does it look like a cravat?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:31, Reply)

but your teatowel isn't full of SCIENCE crystals

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Neither's yours you epic mug.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

It's still fucking cold
and unlike Kroney I'm not sweaty.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)

How is it possible to goose-step whilst using a zimmer frame?
Also, if she hates the gays and Poles she really is living in the wrong place
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:22, Reply)

I just read this, it made me a bit angry
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2013316/Steve-Coogan-phone-hacking-scandal-sickening-case-hypocrisy.html
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:34, Reply)

‘Lie on them. Go on, lie on them’
I know two people who have worked with Coogan's brother - he hates his guts. Also, the 'woman lying on wads of £10 notes' story isn't quite right - according to his brother they were £5. Nice one, Alan.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:38, Reply)

Did you see his angry rants on Newsnight?
They were great.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I saw them.
I was a bit shocked actually. I've never seen the claws come out from a celebrity like that before. Not ever.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:46, Reply)

I thought it was great,
the justifications of that reporter were just brilliant.
Well you go on the red carpet so you deserve everything you get.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I thought they both came off as complete wankers really.
the actor was just all ragey and indignant to the point of silliness, and then the reporter was just a bit pathetic.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

I thought it was brilliant, and Coogan was excellent,
they did something illegal and for years they've just said "no one cares" to him and laughed in the face of all the celebrities that tried to get damages. Now they're closed down.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:57, Reply)

Nope
What was the date? I might YouTube them
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Check Noel's fb page, it's on there, you just have to scroll down a bit.

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Oh brilliant, thanks very much :-)

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I think it was Thursday
this is one of the best bits
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SkeSJLgzG8k
If you get a chance watch the whole lot on the iPlayer, Will Self is on good form at the end as well.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Appreciate it
In fact, I'm going to take back some of the things I've said about you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I did not - perhaps the internet will assist me this evening.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:51, Reply)

There was a beautiful Partridge moment when he said "and Hitler was nice to dogs."

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

ha ha, yep that was great.
And his constant attempts not to swear.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Hang about
The "hypocrisy" in this case is that Coogan's had two films produced by a film studio owned by the same parent company as owned NotW?

What?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:45, Reply)

It's the how dare you say something we've done is wrong when you've done something else that's wrong.
It's just stupid. Luckily the comments aren't that retarded for once.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:49, Reply)

The article smacks of "Steve Coogan's in the news, trying to be moral!"
"Let's point out what a bad person he is!"

Although to be fair shagging Courtney Love is a phenomenal lapse in judgement.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:52, Reply)

I've heard on the grapevine that she's pretty good.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)

There aren't enough brown bags in the world

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Nobody in their right mind would get in her Hole.

(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Any hole is a goal, kiddo.
I mean look at Nina Wadia.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)

I hate this "sex addiction" line.
What a load of pony. It's just an excuse for middle-aged, indiscreet sleazebags to try and get out of being branded an indiscreet sleazebag.

They should be fucking proud of it, for Christ's sake.

"Yes, I fucked a stripper. It's not illegal and I'm rich. If you were rich, you cunts would be doing it too. Have the decency to ask in future. *lights cigar with a fifty*"

A man like that would be my hero.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:16, Reply)

On the one hand, it's a massive game of "he said, she said".
On the other, Steve Coogan being genuinely angry is pretty fucking funny.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:30, Reply)

Alright mate.
That old lady sounds like a classy thing.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I agree completely.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:50, Reply)

I hope it wasn't that old dear we met on the bus...
if it was then I'd say that was a close call...
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 10:53, Reply)

She was lovely wasn't she?
I think she only said 'Heil Hitler' a couple of times so I'm pretty sure it wasn't her.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

lucky escape then :D

(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

More NEWS
this time from our American cousins.
www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/jul/10/life-lesson-michele-bachmann-slavery
(PsychoChomp, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Holy shit

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)

what constitutes a "normal woman" though?
i mean, i consider myself "normal", but some people might have the temerity to disagree with me...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Normality is hugely overrated.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:36, Reply)

You're not normal.
You're quirky. I liked it. And I think Swipe's lovely.
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:38, Reply)

If we were normal, we wouldn't be here.
We'd be somewhere like Mumsnet.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Fuck me if they're 'normal' heaven help us all.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:40, Reply)

'The Luggage' might be on mumsnet, but I struggle to think of anything normal about being a paedophile and swapping pictures of his so called children with unsuspecting young mothers

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:45, Reply)

'The Luggage' is his favourite method of transporting the bodies of the children he murders

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:55, Reply)

it's normal for him
it's all relative. like cock size/girth.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

I'm not sure I like this new, sensitive, diplomatic Rory
I miss the troll.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

I'll hold off on his next bucket of fish heads, that'll wind him right up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Mumsnet is not normal
Wormulous is on there for god's sake
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Oh Brighton, so full of crazies. It's a special place.
I'm spending my entire day off lugging boxes and bags between flats by means of bus and my own two legs. If there is anyone in London right now with a car they don't mind driving me around in, you can literally name your price.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

£166m, the exact amount I didn't win on Friday night
Why don't you hire a van for the day?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Because I've had to move my stuff a lot quicker than I thought
due to squatters breaking into the place a couple of days after we got the keys. And seeing as it's just me a van would be expensive and money I don't have.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Squatters should be drowned in the canal
vans aren't that expensive anyway £30 maybe?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Last time I got one it was £60 for a 15 minute journey, but there were five of us so that was fine. Or about as fine as that much of a rip-off can be.
I totally agree with squatters. These particular ones also opened up all my flat pack furniture and nicked about half of the screws. WHO DOES THAT?
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Squatting scum, that's who
They were probably using the screws to blind deaf children
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I don't really have a car, or know how to drive one, and I'm too busy. BUT, but. If I did, and was able to, I'd totally drive you about in the hope that one of your smelly socks fell out the bag so I could sniff them.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I think I appreciate the general sentiment of that.
SO GLAD to be leaving Bill-ville. I had no idea he lived practically on the same road as me and Lampers. Terrifying.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:01, Reply)

You're shitting me, seriously?
Wait, you're actually Bill using her login aren't you?
Are-are you wearing her skin?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

Do you not want me to sleep tonight?
He lives "2 minutes away from Morrisons". The Morrisons I can see from my house ...
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

I can see why you're moving while you still have use of your legs

( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)

C'mon now, is it really so wrong to lick down the gym equpiment?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Or to go on dragons den to get them to create a see-through tredmill that is about 4ft off the ground?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

If the News of the World is allowed to get into someone's telephone voice mail records, is it really so wrong that I break into someone's house when I know they're shopping and steal the contents of the second-from-bottom draw on the bedside table.....
.... and replace it with identical brand new stuff.

... nobody looks at the use-by date on them anyway.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Can people shit whilst they are running?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

No one looks sexy when they're running. FACT.
But I would love to see the pitch.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

False; see Baywatch circa 1994
Donna D'Erico
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)

We have a bongle, I repeat we have a bongle

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

I can kill that.
Just google "Dream of the fisherman's wife".

That will kill this and any future bongles.

Oh, and it's a little NSFW.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

I'm guessing that's because they haven't been seen from the right angles.
You could see right up someone's long flowing skirt on one of those. Please don't steal my idea and become incredibly rich on the back of it.... I can not see a single flaw in this invention.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)

Awww, all he wanted to do was give you a big hug and sniff your hair while letting out a lingering sigh... I can relate to that.
One day you're going to wake up to something licking your neck, and you'll smile at first and then realise you don't have a dog or cat, in fact, you have no pets at all.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)

You are living proof that women are lying when they say they want a guy with a sense of humour.
If it were true, you'd be knee deep in clunge.

There's no justice.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Oh man !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I personally have no answer to that.
I don't understand women most of the time either.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I'm afriad you've missed the point here
Sense humor is great, but you can't make a cake with just one ingredient
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

You see, they say they want a sense of humour
but what they really want is a rich, good-looking man who treats them like shit, sense of humour optional.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Trufax

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Don't forget the schlong, they need a good sized schlong... the kind that looks like it belongs to a griffin with a cumtube attached.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)

i can confirm officially
that a rich, good-looking man with an awesome body and a sense of humour who is a sheer genius in the sack AND who treats you like gold dust is, in fact, a much better option.

unless he meets someone better on his holiday (he has been texting me a lot, so far so good, but still 5 days of bikini clad moosey-whores to go!), that is. in which case he is a cunt like the rest of them...!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:41, Reply)

He won't meet anyone better on his holiday ! Where is he going to find the time, what with him looking after his wife and kids who are with him?
But yeah', sure, the love has gone in the maridge and the devorce is just a formailty.... even though they're on holiday.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:43, Reply)

I imagine that would be the best possible option.
Imagine. No personal proof to back it up.
(Charmander, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:46, Reply)

You women have it all wrong.
You're both good looking girls, probably about an 8 each. What you want to be doing is going for a good 6, that way it's him that is worrying about you sleeping around, but at 2 levels down, they won't say anything incase they mess it up. He's probably already phoned his Ma' to tell her that he's bagged a hottie, and doesn't want the old "I told you not to get excited" speech. If you play it right, you could have him wrapped around your little finger and I might have some good looking mates for the occasional fling too !
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:49, Reply)

assuming this 8 is out of 10 (and not 100 or something)
i am close to tears here, gonz, i'm not gonna lie to you.

also curry is a week on wed now, will text TGB too? does that suit you? x
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)

it's the best option i've found so far by an impossible degree
and i've looked hard enough!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Let me just be certain about something.
Are you calling me a cunt, here?
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)

No, surely not.
Cunts are useful.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:59, Reply)

I'm extremely useful.
Don't get me wrong, my faults are legion. Uselessness, though, isn't one of them.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 13:01, Reply)

no more so than normal, darling

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)

Not unless you live in Uxbridge and
can get it all done in an hour, I'm afraid.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

he may be ugly but he's not stupid

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

It's just the first step in my unsavoury man act, Apers.
She's all grateful and trusting after we get her stuff in the car, then it's all "oh you've missed the turning", then "you're going the wrong way", then "why have you activated the central locking?"

Then increasing measures of panic before a dark wood, a shallow grave and only the cryptic pizza box and sock to tell the story.
( Kroney, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)

Don't forget to tip the papers off to someone nearby who
has strange hair and therefore must be a murderer
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Say, someone with hair like a greasy brillo pad?

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:31, Reply)

What a fascist old cow.
Someone get the UAF-SWP- Joss stick crowd round her house!
(888777555, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Yeah 'cause you've never soiled yourself... And I can imagine you are the lynch pin that keeps your community together...
Good day mr Boyce.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 11 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)