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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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If you could have any real person's skill in the world, what would you take, and why?
You can only take one thing though, you still got all your regular skills, there is no penalty or anything.
I think I would be able to do magic like that Dynamo fella, loads of his stuff is amazing, I reckon I could pull whenever I wanted, and make a shitload of money by just walking into a pub and doing bets on people. Does it count a fraud if you do a magic trick on someone to get money?
GOOD MORNING EVERYONE, YOU'RE LOOKING SWELL, IT'S A THURSDAY TODAY, THAT MEANS ONLY TWO MORE WORKING DAYS 'TILL THE WEEKEND. GUESS WHAT THAT MEANS? I BE MONTY HAS POSTED A MORNING THREAD THAT THIS'LL STOMP.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:01,
134 replies,
latest was 15 years ago)
Doing magic is for people that were raised by their nans and are scared of dogs.
There are loads more things I could mention.
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Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:03,
Reply)
Dynamo is OK but I'm more of a Sub Zero fan. Or maybe Buzz Saw.
^ FILM!!!!
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:06,
Reply)
Is this a Mortal Kombat thing?
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:14,
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And Transformers.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:15,
Reply)
RUNNINGMAN!
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:16,
Reply)
WE HAVE A WINNER

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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:19,
Reply)
I really need to watch this again, I've not seen it in about 10 years.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:29,
Reply)
It's a masterpiece.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:36,
Reply)
It's fucking diabolical.
I loved it as a yoof but it's not aged well at all.
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:38,
Reply)
As are most of Arnie's films
Total Recall, Terminator (1 & 2), Commando, and I'll admit Kindergarten Cop is a guilty pleasure of mine.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
I could do with Bill Gates business skills
Everything would fall into place then.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:09,
Reply)
Lots of work though, I don't think his buisness is _that_ good, it's his team that have been in the past.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:15,
Reply)
Who cares what his skills actually are, he's mega rich.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:28,
Reply)
The singer from 'CombiChrist'. I just want to be him. He's so, like, INTENSE, yeah?
And he gets to have sex with poo ALL THE TIME.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:09,
Reply)
Going to be one of those days, is it Monty?
How are we?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:14,
Reply)
Dreadful, old bean. You?
Got your Kwik Save beans ready for lunch?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:15,
Reply)
Still got cottage pie for another few days
Then I've got peppered pork to make next week, which should last another few days.
I've got a phone call to make, which should sort me out, but I really want to delay it until I absolutely have to.
Aside from that, I'm not too shabby. Had quite a successful week with the ladies, so I'm in quite a good mood!
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:21,
Reply)
Good stuff.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:27,
Reply)
Or maybe Bob Dylan. He's good at singing. I like him.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:14,
Reply)
liar, he is shit.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:20,
Reply)
No way. He's in no way a whining old windbag given way too much credit for his dismal records.
I don't care WHAT you say.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:21,
Reply)
IHEARTBOBYOUJUSTDONTUNDERSTANDMYPAIN!
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:23,
Reply)
Anyone who says his harmonica 'playing' sounds like a fat man with a collapsed lung is WAY OFF COURSE.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:24,
Reply)
He has written a couple of cracking tunes
All Along The Watchtower is fucking spectacular when Hendrix plays it, and I quite like Times They Are A Changin' and Like A Rolling Stone.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:25,
Reply)
A couple?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:59,
Reply)
At a push.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:01,
Reply)
I'm not rising to challenge
you sitting back lazily in your easy chair taking pot shots at sacred cows. It's far too easy for you, they're not fast moving objects...
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:09,
Reply)
I will concede that he was considerably better at writing than performing.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:11,
Reply)
Of the ones I know, I like those 3
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:02,
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Oh
He's written a fair few others, you might like the odd one of them too.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:10,
Reply)
Don't you prefer to be Amy?
She got to do LOTS of drugs.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:22,
Reply)
I've never in my entire life in all my days heard a "combiChrist" song, but I know quite a few people on here who really like them.
Are they a heavy metal band like Meatloaf?
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:16,
Reply)
They're not quite as extreme as 'Loaf' but in the same 'ballpark'.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:20,
Reply)
I dig the 'loaf big time, does these CombinationChristian people shout? I don't like music where people shout.
The worst thing is that thing they do where they shout but are breathing in instead of breathing out and they say things like "WAR" with it.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:25,
Reply)
Oh they do all that stuff AND MORE.
They swear and everything. They're so coool.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:25,
Reply)
"HUH! YEAH!"
"WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?"
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:26,
Reply)
Bit of a weird one, but I'd like my sisters intelligence
She's irritatingly good at everything.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:14,
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Plus she's knobbing Neil Buchanan.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:15,
Reply)
Hahahahaha
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:21,
Reply)
Really? Out of everyone in the world?
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:17,
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His sister is Carol Vorderman. She's like, well brainy innit.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:20,
Reply)
Cracking tits too
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:21,
Reply)
She really should moisturise them.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:21,
Reply)
*spunks*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:22,
Reply)
In terms of a 'real world' skill, it'd be bloody handy.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:22,
Reply)
Lionel Messi
obviously
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:17,
Reply)
Who?
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:17,
Reply)
kicks a ball mate.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:19,
Reply)
Oh alright then.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:25,
Reply)
I wouldn't want to be that good.
I'd love to be class but he can't do anything normal. A decent Premiership footballer can still go about his day reasonably enough. I've seen Brede Hangeland and Clapham Junction a couple times and he hardly gets noticed.
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Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:19,
Reply)
Yor speling
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:20,
Reply)
Chancer or whatever his name was.
/ac
... had to work for it.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:25,
Reply)
I'd like to have the ability of one of my bosses
who can convince you to do anything he wants, making you believe that that is in fact what you want to do, and that it's the best for you and everybody to do so. He's always winning us projects and bringing a lot of clients to the company...
GOOD MORNING, GONZY, HOW ARE YOU TODAY? I'M SO GLAD I DON'T HAVE TO COME TO THE OFFICE TOMORROW BUT I'LL WORK FROM HOME. THIS OFFICE CHAIR IS KILLING MY BACK AND BOTTOM.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:21,
Reply)
You have the chair the wrong way up
That is for teh gheys
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:22,
Reply)
I'm not Darth
It's just very hard and there's something wrong with the back of it. I'm thinking about bringing my own. I can't stay sat for more than 20 min at a time.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:23,
Reply)
Oh man, I hate manipulative people.
The worst thing is when you're really angry and pissed off with someone over something that's resonably important, say, 6/10 of importance, and then they go ahead and do something really nice but irelivent so you can't be mad at them anymore.... I'm _soo_ good at doing that.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:26,
Reply)
I'm doing really good thanks, people at work were all like, this morning, Y U NO WRK TEST-SITE? And I'm all like OH MAN, I FORGOT TO isset() A VAR, fixed it in less than a min, BO-YA
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:28,
Reply)
You're a star!
I bet people at work bends in front of you (in a respetuous way, rather than in a Darth way)
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:29,
Reply)
Are you?
Maybe you can tell me what to do for my sister who's really upset for me over nothing (she even told me to fuck off and go to hell!)
I'd like to be able to read people's eyes and know what to say at each moment so that they're always happy with me.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:28,
Reply)
I'm thinking as well
about bringing a cushion to help me, but I don't want people to think that I've got piles.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:27,
Reply)
Once that baby is out, piles will be the least of your worries.
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girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:29,
Reply)
But I have none!
That's why I don't want them to think I've got them. It's just that the chair is so unconfortable.
Yeah, it seems that after you give birth you bleed quite a lot for a few weeks, you can't sit for the pain in your vagina, you are in pain in your uterus every time you breastfeed and, of course, you can't sleep much. Probably right that I won't worry about piles.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:31,
Reply)
*bokes*
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:32,
Reply)
Welcome to the real world
Now you go and say thank you to your mother.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:34,
Reply)
Psst!
His mum is dead.
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girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:35,
Reply)
Guess I'll need to say it a bit louder then.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:37,
Reply)
Sorry about that
I feel awful now. Can I just delete my post?
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:37,
Reply)
Don't me silly.
AA doesn't mind.
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girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
He's a good boy
that doesn't stop me feeling like a twat.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:40,
Reply)
Don't worry about it!
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:40,
Reply)
I would like to have Donald Trump's self assurance.
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girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:23,
Reply)
We wouldn't like you so much then.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:24,
Reply)
Probably not but then I wouldn't care : )
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girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:25,
Reply)
Until you're sick
and you realize there's nobody there to be with you and look after you. Then you'd wonder why you have no friends and why you've been such an idiot, and you'd regret your whole life.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:26,
Reply)
*sobs*
Ok I've changed my mind.
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girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:27,
Reply)
There, there
that's our girl.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:31,
Reply)
You just want his hair.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:26,
Reply)
Me um scalpum!
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girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:27,
Reply)
Little Plum Day was yesterday. Do keep up.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:29,
Reply)
I'd like your reserved nature when it comes to talking about women, you never mention it
your tact and conservative manner are inspiring.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:25,
Reply)
mini thread jack
gifts for christening? what is exp;ected? what is good? no no's?
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:30,
Reply)
Tattoo vouchers.
Sorry fella, despite having been to a few, I haven't the foggiest.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:32,
Reply)
Hand crafted silver pentagram.
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girlinthehole, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:32,
Reply)
I like your style
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
The baby will probably have everything he/she needs
so just a token present, like maybe a jumper for 6-12 months or something like that. And a spa day (or eve, or session, depending on your budget) for the parents. I know they'll appreciate something thinking about them rather than only the baby.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:33,
Reply)
nah, it's meant to be silver or something. Fuck it, I'm off to poncy shops.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:37,
Reply)
Who invented that rule?
I rather have something useful than silver.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
Fuck 'em.
Chancing begging-bowl cunts. If they can't afford to buy trinkets for their little angel then they should have got a fucking cat instead.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:41,
Reply)
it is my nephew
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:43,
Reply)
What's that got to do with the parents being cheapskate beggar scum?
Got to be silver? They're signing the poor little cunt up to a religion started by the chief hippy of bronze age fucking austerity and now they're whimpering for silver gewgaws? Fucking hell. They should sterilise that sort of cunt before they learn what to do with their rancid pikey genitals.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:47,
Reply)
Last two I've been to I bought them Tin Tin books
because they're cool.
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PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:33,
Reply)
A bit not for babies, though
And I never liked Tin Tin, I'm more of an Asterix girl.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:36,
Reply)
Yeah but stuff for babies is stupid.
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PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:37,
Reply)
I agree
But Tin Tin is stupid too.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
tintin is cool as fuck
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:44,
Reply)
No, it's not
it was boring and the stories didn't make any sense. They tried to be real, but they were just too silly.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:45,
Reply)
There's one that is EXCELLENT:
entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/books/children/article2062157.eceTintin in the Congo:
'He is made chief of an African village because he is a “good white man”. “This book contains imagery and words of hideous racial prejudice, where the ‘savage natives’ look like monkeys and talk like imbeciles,”
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:54,
Reply)
Racism for kids
I recently introduced the Bonzos to my 5 year old. He wanted to hear Look Out There's a Monster Coming, so I looked up a video on my phone and discovered this gem from Do Not Adjust Your Set, featuring the band blacked up to perform the calypso classic
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HeEFxgktVg
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:17,
Reply)
... if you're a dull, racist paedophile.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 10:11,
Reply)
Asterix and Tintin were both excellent.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:40,
Reply)
Nah
Asterix is just so much better.
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Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:45,
Reply)
Is "cool" another word for "shit" these days?
They're Rupert the Bear stories for paedophiles and racists.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:37,
Reply)
Rupert the Bear was a cunt.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
Prezackerly.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:40,
Reply)
Rupert the bear wears shit hipster trousers, Tin Tin shoots stuff, drives shit over cliffs and shit.
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PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
Isn't he Belgian? aka a nonce?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:40,
Reply)
The author was, not sure about the character though.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:41,
Reply)
He was a dirty nonce.
Don't get me started on the Thompson Twins.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:43,
Reply)
The singers?
Or do you mean Thomson and Thompson?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:44,
Reply)
The singers were named after them.
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Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:46,
Reply)
They could at least have got the name right.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:47,
Reply)
If you're playing pedantiprick, it's actually Thomson and Thompson.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:48,
Reply)
Editing coward.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:50,
Reply)
Aside from the first 30 seconds after I posted it, I haven't edited that post at all.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:51,
Reply)
Fast-fingered editing coward.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:52,
Reply)
Either way, it was like that before you started writing your post.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:52,
Reply)
Fast-fingered time traveling editing coward.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:53,
Reply)
Shit, you got me!
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:54,
Reply)
Yeah they clearly weren't REAL TIN TIN FANS.
What fucking wankers, eh readers?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:49,
Reply)
Complete bastards.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:49,
Reply)
I considered actually buying this a while back
But it was cheaper then
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:38,
Reply)
Yeah that's what I got, well the first book of the collection, not the whole lot.
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PsychoChomp, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:41,
Reply)
Not surprised, fucking expensive
Worth it though, I suppose.
A few years back I bought my Stepmum the entire Calvin & Hobbes collection, she was absolutely over the moon with it. She should have been, it cost a fucking bomb.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:43,
Reply)
Really?
A few years back I bought your Stepmum a 'designer vagina' because I'd ruined her natural one.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:50,
Reply)
Never climbed up it, learned from my mistake after the last one died.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:50,
Reply)
A copy of Russell's "Sceptical Essays", Dawkin's "Ancestor's Tale", and Hitchen's "The Missionary Position".
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:37,
Reply)
A faceful of spunk. This is my answer to all of your questions.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:38,
Reply)
You don't want to step on the vicar's toes though.
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Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
What shall I give Montys little girl as a treat?
1-0 bitch
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:39,
Reply)
Your own still-beating heart on a silver salver.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:41,
Reply)
ha, love you too, I'm off for a pooh, ttfn,
(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:43,
Reply)
A memorial Amy Winehouse
My first Crack Pipe,
is de rigueur with the cool Camden crowd
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Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:50,
Reply)
Get them Powell's 'Rivers of Blood' speech embroidered onto a tea towel.
And a faceful of spunk.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jul 2011, 9:52,
Reply)
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