Some woman I friended on FB to play a FB game is breaking the rules
I don't show you any of my personal shit and you don't show me yours is the rule for that sort of friend.

But no, she's having some sort of multiple status meltdown about how her life is worthless and her child killed himself and her family hate her and the state has screwed her over. And she's up at 3am rearranging a meaningless digital world while her own is shit.

Awkward.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:47, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Seriz Bizness, online
I suggest you bombard her with cock gazzes. What can go wrong?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)

bumhole pics are the way
sounds like she's a prime candidate to pay his mortgage.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:49, Reply)

de-friend -> move on
done
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:49, Reply)

BUT WHAT ABOUT THE GAME APE!
YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE GAME!
( Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Have I just lost 'the game'?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I was pretending that bit wasn't in the OP
on the grounds that I didn't want to harsly judge TLiC who otherwise seems to be a fairly upstanding sort.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:52, Reply)

It's awkward because I know nothing about this woman
and here she is pouring her heart out online at 4am. It's one of those "should I say something? Hugz4u xx? MTFU?" situations.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Copy what she's been saying here
so we can make an informed decision for you
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)

That seems reasonable
[name] I hate my life. I get $674.00 a month (PSSSSSSST! That is Less than half of the LOWEST USA National poverty level) I pay $425.00 per month for 490 sq ft. of shabby, PLUS all utilities. I have always been too young, too old, too short, too tall, too skinn, too fat, too white, too dark, too stupid, too not so smart, I always fall through the cracks. I wanted to get a car, get a better place to live, to not be told how useless life.
20 minutes ago near [...] · Like · Comment

[name] That even now I could have been worth something more than this. I hate my life, so I tried to change it, How silly of me, I was born alienated in this family, this life, what purpose is it to spend a lifetime to prove you were never worth it from the start. I tried to bring my kids up to believe they were not useless, that they could do anything! I failed [boysname] killed himself.
26 minutes ago near [...] · Like · Comment

[name] I was a failure in life, I failed as wife, a mother, as a daughter, as a sister. What is emptiness, a void, a failed life. I was stupid enough to think that life could be changed, even after 60 years. I tried to convince myself and everyone else that my life was worth more
30 minutes ago near [...] · Like · Comment

WhoMadeYourPants ? Goooood MORNING people!How are you all today ? Did you enjoy your last bank holiday until Boxing Day ?
31 minutes ago · Like · Comment

[name] It is 3:23 am and I am up rearranging a mindless, make believe fantasy world, While mine crumbles! I have never had anything that I did not get onl my own, I have asked for help from my family 3 times in my life and each time, it did not happen. If I eve got anything I did it myself. I just can not do it anymore, So here it is and I will set here until no more.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)

I include the WhoMadeYourPants post
for the sheer incongruity.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:07, Reply)

O_O
She should probably kill herself, it's the only way
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

She's 60?
she seriously needs to man the fuck up then.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

I know
I'm just hoping that when her actual friends wake up in a few hours she gets a bunch of "there, there"s. All I want is someone who'll click to help me build something or whatever.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Again, I'm going to pretend I didn't see the second sentence there
it's for your own good, chap.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I suspect it's not a real person but a con-artist.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Tell her to pack in the shameless beakering and MTFU

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Her profile picture is a pug in a sunflower costume
I should suggest Gonz as a friend.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Don't be online at 4am
simple.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)

It's never a good idea

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Simple solution: stop using 'FB', it's for cunts anyway.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:50, Reply)

you say this a lot
and yet you aren't on it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:52, Reply)

zing

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:53, Reply)

BOOM!
Score one to Vipros.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:53, Reply)

That's very hurtful.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

the truth often is

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I imagine less so than having massive red welts on your face
which are immortalised at the occasion when you will have more photos taken of yourself than at pretty much any other time during your life.
( Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:56, Reply)

still not going to be any worse than photos of your fat, shining balding head though, eh?
edit: is this a new form of edgy humour or are you genuinely becoming an actual arsehole?

I don't just mean what you said here, because it doesn't bother me, what happens happens, but you have been getting more and more personal with things with a lot of people.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

That's because Al is on a diet and he gets mean if he can't have his 15 breakfast donuts

( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:04, Reply)

that might explain it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

And he's getting defriended left, right and centre.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:04, Reply)

indeed

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

cause and effect, or effect and cause though?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

It's an ever-decreasing spiral of despair from which there is no escape.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:09, Reply)

i enjoyed your description of the boat rave
it was alarmingly close to my own views on it. and you KNOW i'm going to repeat it the next time i'm at his and he is playing with his decks. THEN i will blame you for the inevitable argument. blame you HARD.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I can live with that.
Especially if it takes another "DeeJay" out of commission.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

it makes me feel really old to think THIS IS NOT MUSIC, THIS IS JUST BANGING NOISE
but then i remember i would have thought that at 13 and 23 as well as 33, and that i'll certainly think it at 43 and 53, so.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

roooooota, so what do your spidey senses tell you about don draper?
i think he has a faint whiff of the opera about him, myself...??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Yeah I agree,
I was thinking it the other night, and thinking it best not to bother people with it, seeing as he is everywhere and has about four usernames already.
Then CHCB aired the same suspicion and her mama din't raise no fool.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

I'd not seen him around
and assumed it was NakedApe because it has ape in it....

what's the dealio?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Word is he is not the man to go to if you have injured your hand.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

if it writes like an edmund
and sounds like an edmund
and reads like an edmund
and types like an edmund
and postulates like an edmund
and relates stories like an edmund
and gives advice on things like mortgages like an edmund....

it most likely IS an edmund...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

what the fuck's an Edmund?

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/performance/post1326583
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

This, I fear, leaves me none the wiser.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

oh come ON, you know who edmund is!!!
the mentalist who keeps coming back, dispensing medical advice despite not being a doctor, asking all the girls out, wanting to take roota to the opera and to fly me to hong kong (and i thought i was so special, little did i know i was one of 200) despite never having met any of us... then it got all over the papers that he was a real life bigamist who went to prison after pretending to be a doctor and somehow getting a stint as an army doctor and operating on some poor sod's hand despite NOT BEING A DOCTOR and fucking it up.... dude! where have you been?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

It would appear
I've been elsewhere. How interesting. Sorry, I meant, "how mental"
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:39, Reply)

It's like a Humphrey but more bigamisty and cock-gazzy

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

things like the post above
and the mortgage "advice" swung it for me. opera tickets and cock-gazzes for 137 coming right up...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

it certainly looks like his writing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Ah, a cockgazzer.
Best of all the creepy shut-ins.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

A full-on IRL fantasist
who actually did time for impersonating a doctor.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

It's what happens when a short, tubby man loses his hair.
He becomes desperate and increasingly embittered with each depressing morning: seeing more head hair than stubble in the sink after his morning shave.

Weeping with frustration, his only fleeting pleasure is to point his stubby finger at the misfortune of others, gaining a respite from self-loathing that lasts merely moments, before crashing back to shiny-pated earth with a disheartening bump.

It's quite funny, really.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

he's just using us all to escape the tediousness of his humdrum existence
this morning it was your turn, that's all.

you'll be fine for the wedding. if all else fails, dig out those make-up tips i emailed you for presents to buy for mrs v...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I'm not concerned about the wedding
if I look blotchy or whatever then so be it.

I've still got a glorious head of hair and a magnificent beard
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

you've certainly frightened al away anyway
he has gone off to lick his wounds your spots
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

He's going to have to take a long hard look at himself in the mirror
well, two mirrors.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

a concave mirror

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Darth has a magnificent beard
she's very convincing, I'm told.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

Very good

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 30 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)