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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I have hoummous
it's quite nice if a little bland. I have pepped it up with some tabasco and some worcestershire sauce.

MMMMMMMM.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 12:39, 132 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
No croissants?

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 12:53, Reply)
with hoummous?
Not sure that would work.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 12:54, Reply)
I still can't find my office 2007 product key dagnabbit

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:09, Reply)
I have a hangover.
I pepper it up by drinking gin last night.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:23, Reply)
FOOOOOOOOOOOODD
AWESOMES!!!!!!!!!!


I'll have some food in a bit, washed down with something to drink as well knowing me. Once I have digested it I'll lay my slurry somewhere, in a toilet no doubt, but at an unknown location as I don't shit to a regular pattern. It'll be in London somewhere. I might see Darth as he's in London too, how exciting would that be. I'll keep you updated though.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:37, Reply)
cool story bro

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:39, Reply)
I reserve my best one's for b3ta
In some ways this makes me a respected published author, giving me the confidence to let my creativity flow. I'm hoping that one day, maybe just one day I'll be published in the esteemed 'Brooklyner'. How MEGA would that be.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:49, Reply)
I shit to a regular pattern.
Regular as clockwork in fact.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:42, Reply)
My shitting pattern PLAYS BY IT@S OWN RULEZZZ
I got a load of fabric CD's for a quid a throw in Oxfam today, what's B3ta done for Charidee today eh, EH
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:46, Reply)
nice work.
which ones?
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:05, Reply)
Umm dunno I threw them into the house before going back to work, about ten fabric and fabriclive one's numbered in the 40's (so recent I guess)
lol the last one I got was the Howie B one (Signed I might add) when it first came out.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:10, Reply)
the ones in the 40s are a couple of years old.
LIKE YOUR GROOMING & CATEGORY 5 NONCEOVISION VICTIMS.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:15, Reply)
I'm back from work
4 hours in which 3 out of 5 of the people who were meant to turn up to sign a form turned up.

Lunch now, then more doing the ugly jigsaw
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:43, Reply)
Is doing the ugly jigsaw a euphemism?

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:44, Reply)
nope
it would be more exciting if it was. I just have a jigsaw which is so hideous is hilarious
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:45, Reply)
Shame.
Tell me more about the puzzle.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:46, Reply)
two scawny kittens (one of them with a squinty eye)
on table with a doilie table cloth and some balls of wool against a wall covered in nasty tapestries.

Will post a picture when done. Seriously, it's ridiculous
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:49, Reply)
I hope you found it in a charity shop and didn't part with your hard earned.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:50, Reply)
poundstretcher
I'm thinking i might make a blog of terrible jigsaws, but I suspect only I will find it funny.

The others in the range on offer included a puppy and a kitten in a basket, an out of focus shot of a pub on a harbour and a terribly composed and underexposed one of a horse and cart on a bridge
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:52, Reply)
You should bring a jigsaw to the great bash Boyce.
I'm sure people will have fun working on it whilst Monty plays records that no one else will have heard of or are likely to enjoy.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:56, Reply)
hehe
don't think I'm coming to that. It's lots of pennies for one weekend and at a point where I will probably have lots of work to do
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:57, Reply)
You're not going to make it to the pier either are you?

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:58, Reply)
can't - I'll be at work in teh day

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 13:58, Reply)
Never mind Captain.
I can't imagine you'll miss anything exciting.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:00, Reply)
you sound like you've lost enthusiasm for it all

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:00, Reply)
When have I ever shown any enthusiasm for anything?

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:02, Reply)
you were originally pretty excited about the pier

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:04, Reply)
No. Trust me, I wasn't.
I'll still go though. And I'll make sure everyone ends the day as miserable as me!
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:06, Reply)
I'm sure it'll be a great day for all

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:09, Reply)
You have been to Weston before, yes...

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:11, Reply)
um...I think I went when I was a kid
then it was holidays so I'd only have noticed being on a beach and eating chips
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:17, Reply)
I just bought my daughter her first proper electric guitar


It actually plays quite well. In other news, I've got the shits.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:14, Reply)
That's pretty cool
you going to teach her some chords?
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:17, Reply)
I'm certainly going to try.
I also need to teach her how to hold a pen properly. She's left-handed like me so it's all about how not to drag your hand through what you've just written.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:20, Reply)
But you got her a right handed guitar

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:22, Reply)
easier to learn it that way with your strong hand on the strings
That's how Mark Knopfler plays.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:23, Reply)
Me too.
As a teenager obsessed with Jimi Hendrix and being left-handed, I was fucking gutted to discover that I naturally played right handed.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:24, Reply)
my cousin's left handed and used to
play a normal guitar upside down
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:23, Reply)
that always impressed me

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)
Monty! Hey! Hey Monty! Yeah! Yeah you! Monty! Hey!
Ask your good lady to check her e-mails would you?

Ta.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:22, Reply)
I will but the poor sod's just gone to work.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:25, Reply)
My mate's left handed.
Watching him write is very weird, he practically has the A4 piece of paper in landscape position and writes vertically from top to bottom.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:23, Reply)
It's a pain in the arse but I'm proud to be left-handed nevertheless.
My surname is a term for left-handedness in the Borders and our clan has 3 in 10 left-handers, as opposed to the normal 1 in 10. Our castle had the spiral staircases going the opposite way from normal for this reason. I'm the only proper one in my family - I'm really pleased that my daughter is too.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:29, Reply)
I choose to read 'proper one in my family'
As 'proper Benny in my family'

Therefore, you've called your daughter a Benny.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:33, Reply)
I choose to read every single thing you post, ever, as
'I am an African Bum Cleaner'
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:35, Reply)
And you'd be right.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Speaking of surnames and their meanings.
Me and my mates were absolutely delighted to find out that Kennedy, the surname of our mate who's the butt of all our jokes, means 'ugly head'. So if you know anyone with the surname Kennedy, this piece of information should come in handy.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:34, Reply)
No Kennedy had a more ugly head than that spastic JFK after someone shot him in the face.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:35, Reply)
This is true.
I just googled Kennedy meaning, I love the description on one site. "Definition: Ugly head; one who had an ugly head", as if ugly head on it's own wasn't adequate enough.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I have known that for years
much to the dismay of a girl I have known for a long time who has recently rejoined my extended group of friends whose name is Catherine Uglyhead
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)
Your surname is Monghand?
I shouldn't, I'm left-handed like the rest of off-topic. Only freaks and spastics are right-handed OT regulars.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:15, Reply)
I put together a plate of nachos with gwackamoli, sour cream'n'chives and salsa.
I'm looking at a flat later on today, and I think I've just found an ace one in new barnet that I might possibly be interested in.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:23, Reply)
I just ate a black pudding scotch egg from the farmers' market.
De-fucking-licious.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:34, Reply)
Mm houmous
I have chicken noodle soup and the sinking realisation that I said I'd meet someone at 2, then forgot.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:33, Reply)
You've got chicken noodle soup. They'll understand.
I'm putting off going shopping.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:34, Reply)
Shopping for what?
And chicken-noodle soup is pretty dire. Stuck a lot of pepper and chilli in
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:37, Reply)
I need to buy quite a few things.
But I can't be arsed. I need to buy a new suit carrier as mine is all tatty, but they are quite expensive for what they are. And I might get some shoes. But I know that if I go shopping in the wrong frame of mind, I'll end up coming back with another pair of trainers I don't need.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:40, Reply)
Buy the suit carrier online
bound to be cheaper.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I might do, but I want to examine it before I buy it.
The one I've got at the moment is a perfect size, aside from the fact it is falling to bits. I'm looking for a bag that'll allow me to carry a couple of suits, a couple of shirts and a pair of shoes, along with a little bit of space for toiletries.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:48, Reply)
I got bored looking at suit carrier online.
I'm now trying to resist the temptation to buy a pair of Reebok workout trainers.

size.co.uk/footwear/search/size+exclusive#back
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Naah get these
www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B003BEEQM0/
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)
I'd imagine they'd be really comfortable.
Even if they did make you look like a twat.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)
I've got a pair I wear to the gym
They're really good.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:03, Reply)
I was going to go into town, I need jeans.
Think I may have left it a bit late.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:51, Reply)
The shops are open tomorrow.
Go then.

I'm feeling too hungover to go out this evening, so I'll likely go shopping tomorrow. I might run a bath now. A nice soak might be just the ticket. I want some sweets. Sweets would help.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:52, Reply)
I don't like going into town on Sundays it's depressing.
I might go in an hour, most places round central don't close til about eight anyway.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 14:58, Reply)
I've got steak.
Therefore I WIN.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:17, Reply)
Woo!
Scotland 1-0 up at halftime against the Czechs.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Get fucking in!
And I'm missing it....
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:49, Reply)
Why aren't you watching it? I'll bet it's because you've gone to the pier.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:49, Reply)
online for free
www.vipbox.tv/watch/4104/1/scotland-v-czech-republic.html
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)
But I'm watching Robin and teh seven Hoods on BBC2!
You can't beat a bit of Rat Pack musical fun.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:00, Reply)
Bristol Rovers are two nil down at half time as well!

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)
This is good news.
I am now watching the football - thanks for the link, LiC.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:04, Reply)
happy to share

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)
I used to struggle thinking of anything more pointless than watching England games.
But, alas, I struggle no more.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:10, Reply)
Are you going shopping Baz?

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:12, Reply)
I might do.
Or I might just buy this instead: labelleechoppe.fr/boutique/lang-en/17-mariniere.html
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)
You are Audrey Hepburn AICMFP

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)
If you get that top
Make sure you get the hat as well.


(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Hello Sailor!
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)
I could kit out a navy with the amount of breton stripe tops I have.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:18, Reply)
I mock, but I'm actually wearing a navy and white striped top today.
Then again, I'm a girl, so it doesn't make me look like a big fat gayer.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:20, Reply)
I look dandy in mine.
I think I will buy it, I need to buy something and if it's not that it'll be the Oliberté Narivo's which cost £120. They're absolutely amazing though.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)
Why not bid on that yellow radioactive jap coat?

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:23, Reply)
I'm wearing a t-shirt
that says, "Stop Midget on Midget Crime" with silhouettes of two midgets facing off with a gun and a knife.

I think it's a Versace.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:27, Reply)
I hope not for your sake.
Versace was so last year, darling.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:33, Reply)
I'm actually mostly a Jon Rocha man
given that he's old, fat and has long hair, I feel like he gets me.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:43, Reply)
I had you down as more of a John McCririck man.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:45, Reply)
That is a bitter, bitter blow for Scotland.
But not for me.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:35, Reply)
bugger

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:35, Reply)
And the Jocks are happy again.
I wonder if they'll celebrate with a drink....
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:39, Reply)
Oh, that's a good idea....

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:40, Reply)
Get on the Bucky.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:41, Reply)
They might as well be disappointed now.
They're never going to do fuck all in the world of football except fail. So why not get the failing out the way as soon as possible. Note I also include England in this.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:36, Reply)
and we're back in the game!

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:39, Reply)
I did yell
and my only connection is Jimmy Morrison playing for West Brom.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:42, Reply)
ooh the diving czech wanker

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:46, Reply)
You fuckin tell im

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:46, Reply)
Pen!!!

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:45, Reply)
Hahahahaa.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:47, Reply)
My reaction was much the same.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:48, Reply)
That was the funniest last five minutes of football I've ever seen.
So glad I turned it on.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)
hahahaha
I thought the ref had a good game!
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:52, Reply)
It was Scotland in microcosm

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:53, Reply)
*cries*

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:55, Reply)
I think my brother's more pissed off than any Scottish person is to be fair.
He just showed me his daft seven team accumulator, Walsall let him down losing 1-0 at home to Brentford. Would have won three hundred quid.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:56, Reply)
I challenge any one of you to find a more hilariously ugly jigsaw puzzle than this
Up2.it/ali/ugly+puzzle.jpg
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:57, Reply)
But it's kittums
and big woolly dildos
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:59, Reply)
I'm not sure quite how someone fucked up
on taking a picture of pretty kittums, but surely they have. Look at the eye of the dude on the left. Pure evil
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:02, Reply)
I can't do you a jigsaw puzzle.
But I can show you the most hilariously horrific porno idea: tinyurl.com/4xbtcrw (nothing rude, just the front cover of the DVD)
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 16:59, Reply)
is that real?!
People are wrong
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:02, Reply)
Yeah defo real.
It's got an IMDB page and the like.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:04, Reply)
Ask Monty if it's any good. He's really into 'film'.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:05, Reply)
:(

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:05, Reply)
That looks like 500 pieces of shite Captain.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:02, Reply)
surely it is
I totally lolled the whole time I was doing it. It made me appreciate its 'charm'
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:04, Reply)
would you like me to find you another puzzle to do?

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:05, Reply)
only if you can find one more hilariously ugly

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:06, Reply)
This looks shite.
www.alljigsawpuzzles.co.uk/jigsaws/2-Cats-and-Dogs-jigsaw-puzzles/5658-Among-the-Peonies/
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:08, Reply)
fair play
the thing this one was missing was bad photoshopping
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:11, Reply)
You should have come to see me
I've got loads and loads of jigsaws I haven't done yet. Including, not two feet away from me, the world's smallest 1000 piece jigsaw, featuring a picture of Neuschwanstein Castle.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:06, Reply)
how small is it?
the pieces must be a planck length across (if it's like I imagine).
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:12, Reply)
It measures 420mm x 290mm
That's about a sheet of A3, isn't it?
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:14, Reply)
yeah I think so
that's not that small. What a disappointment
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:15, Reply)
You should expect nothing less from b3th.
She spends most of her time on OT telling lies to people.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:16, Reply)
Shut it Rastas.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:20, Reply)
Is you doubtin' me is a black dude wit dreads, mon!

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:21, Reply)
sho' nuff.

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:28, Reply)
*sucks teeth*

(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:35, Reply)
'Carry On Loving' is about to start on BBC2
All of you who use 'online dating services' should watch it. As you'll get to see what Match.com could have been.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 17:21, Reply)
AWWWWWW
No more talk of food. I need to stop eating loads and get skinny.
(, Sat 3 Sep 2011, 19:51, Reply)

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