i love the phone
as lots of my friends and family are up north. also texting, i text a LOT.

small talk - all my jobs have depended on being good at it, so i have had to become excellent. i think most people (in a small talk, not a personal capacity) will think you are an excellent conversationalist if you just talk about them. so not just "what do you do" but "and did you always want to do that" followed by "and is it what you expected" blah blah. then just pray they aren't very dull and that their breath does not honk...

haha, my pointless little qotw story just got talk trolled, must be a slow day for brayndedd, he seems to have started it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:23, 3 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

christ I hate small talk being directed at me
it's so false. see also: constantly using the name of the person you are talking to.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Worse still is abbreviating someone's name without permission.
I loathe this. I had a flatmate who did this constantly - sometimes upon meeting people for the first time - and doing it literally immediately after being introduced. It used to make me weep with rage.

'Scott, this is David'
'hi Dave'

He was from Birkenhead*.

*Scott, I mean- 'Dave' is someone I made up for illustrative purposes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Yeah Mont, you tell 'em

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:34, Reply)

People do this to me all the time.
Even worse because the contraction of my name makes me sound like a fucking hairdresser.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:43, Reply)

I like how your sig mentions Jamaica, and then it says, Mon after it.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:44, Reply)

I like this as well.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:47, Reply)

God, of course B3ta's own ganja smoking Rastafarian surfer would pick up on this.
How is Jah, these days?
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:47, Reply)

he's all the better for you asking after him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Most people are.

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Cool story, Kro.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Your story hardly made sense.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:24, Reply)

And three responses is ahrdly trolling.
You should post about your proposed "detox" regime and see what they say about that.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:26, Reply)

how did it not make sense?
i commented on the priest drinking the wine. i farted and blamed my grandma. what's not to understand, you retarded little spastic?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:51, Reply)

I would text people from the North, that way i wouldn't have to listen to their ghastly northern accents
linky please

it really doesn't make sense
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Well you're definitely off my list of guys I would let take me up the wrong un.

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:30, Reply)

i have nothing left to live for
*drives to KFC*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Can you get me a zinger meal please.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)

+ corn on the cob thingy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:34, Reply)

i could happily eat one of those now
I just had a mini carrot cupcake from M&S that was very tasty, i recommend them
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:35, Reply)

What is the point of mini foods?

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:36, Reply)

It makes you think you're a giant.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Also, if you're swipey
you can delude yourself that it's somehow "healthier" for you to eat two of them because Beyonce said it was good and you read it on the internet.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:37, Reply)

you need to get your wife to teach you how to read
please find the bit in my original post where i said i was doing it. i think you'll find i asked if any of you lot had done it.

still, don't let something like what i actually typed get in the way of a cheap dig, eh, al?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:54, Reply)

"so i was going to do the master-cleanse, ie just lemon juice, for the next 5 days. but have just got halfway through the instructions and seen the following horror: WARNING. DO NOT BE FOOLED. DO NOT FART. YOU WILL SOIL YOURSELF. what kind of inhuman madness is this? i will not be partaking."

So you were going to do it, but only when you noticed you might shit yourself did you think it might be unwise. The general concept of taking laxatives didn't put you off.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Oh by the way, that sound? Yeah, that's the sound of me pointing out where you said you were going to do it.
That's alright, you can apologise to me later.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:04, Reply)

i could point out that i clearly say here that i had no intention of doing it once i looked into it and saw what was involved
but really.... shush now, al. everyone here is bored of our arguing. and this isn't even a GOOD argument. it's just you being tedious and picking on something minor simply because i said it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:09, Reply)

it's more like you refusing to admit that Al is right I'm afraid

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

*says nothing, but grins beatifically*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:13, Reply)

think whatever makes you happy
i can't be arsed to justify something so fucking insignificant!

it is mildly amusing that al is so keen to show off his pseudo scientific knowledge and how he has to know best about everything that he counselled against it rather than take the more comedic route. god knows if i thought there was any prospect of making him shit himself, i'd have done anything in my power to facilitate it, by encouraging him, offering to treat him to the ingredients, finding research that recommended it just before a half-marathon...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)

if it doesn't affect you
then why do you even bother replying to what he says?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Shush now Vipros, shush now.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)

just thought i'd point out
that he missed the opportunity to convince me to shit myself in a public library. i am pretty sure this is something he would have enjoyed taking credit for.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)

I meant in general

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)

oh
boredom, i guess. it's a break from advising on remedies for breach of covenant or chasing tenants for unpaid rent or urgent court injunctions etc etc.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Zzzzz

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:35, Reply)

yes
even al sniping and my sniping at al counts as light relief.

although i DID make £500k for my charidee client to spend on holidays for sick kiddies last week. that felt good.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:39, Reply)

I hate kids
particularly sick ones
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:43, Reply)

I ate some choc mint crumble
and once again, I feel sick.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Are you trying to put on weight or something?
You've been nomming all day
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:37, Reply)

I know.
I'm pretending it's adding energy for my half marathon, but in reality it's because I walked past the sweetshop on my way back from the post office.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Ahh cheers!
You have reminded to post my ebay stuff!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:39, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)