If you could change something about your personailty, or gain something about it, what would it be?
I was just thinking that I never talk to people on the phone, I think I would have loved to call people up and talk about nothing for 20 minutes or soo, maybe even an hour. I think it's the one skill that has stopped me from having relationships with people. I can talk to my ma' for 30 minutes or soo every day, sometimes for even longer... but when it comes to friends and potential girlfriends, i find it quite hard. I donno why, online I can chat for england.

Do you chat on the phone to people for ages? You know, that cute stage where you're like "No, YOU Hang up" and all that? Do you just talk about every single detail you can think of? I've noticed all the people who I know who have good relationships have the gift of the gab.

Should I make a checklist of things to disguss or is that over thinking things?

Alt: What's your phone number ,)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 14:57, 266 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My phone calls are more
'fuck off', 'no, YOU fuck off' sadly.

I would love to not be such a feckless turd. I have no self-control and I am supposed to be a fucking role model. I am utterly ashamed of myself. And of Kroney.


Mainly of Kroney.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:01, Reply)

Kroney's an alright kid
We shouldn't judge him on what a dirty cunt he is behind closed doors
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:02, Reply)

Meh', it's human interaction, innit.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Shut up. You bullied me off the board, you cunt.

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Did anyone hear a noise just then?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:15, Reply)

I'll be honest, I hate talking on the 'phone.
It's the lack of face to face contact, I think, although I have no problem communicating on line. 90% of my correspondence at work was via email as (a) it's easier to check over what you're saying and make sure the message is clear, and (b) you have an instant record of what's been said rather than having to then go and write up a fucking file note to cover you in the event of client arse-wittery.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:02, Reply)

This^
Email FTW
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:03, Reply)

"It _clearly_ states in the email that we were due to try doing it while sitting on top of the washing machine. I'm sorry if you misinterprated washing machine as dishwasher, but I feel in this instance, the fault lays with you."

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:04, Reply)

I say my mind far too much
I wish I had more tact
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:02, Reply)

I don't say mine often enough.
You Mackem cunt.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:03, Reply)

Geordie bastard

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:13, Reply)

Smoggie fuckwit
Oh shit, soz, that's me.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:32, Reply)

I'm on the phone for usually at least half an hour a day
I'm always happy to speak on the phone, it keeps me entertained when I'm walking back from work.

I have people I phone for a reason, and can be off the phone in 30 seconds. Alternatively, I have other people whom I phone to talk bollocks, I find it quite relaxing.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:04, Reply)

I think mostly when I was a kid I spoke on the phone quite a lot.
Then when I was 14 I was talking to a girl on the phone who I really fancied every night but I found that I was the only one talking, all she would say is 'yeah' and 'uhuh' and stuff like that. I thought she was interested but wasn't at all. It was a crutial age really to learn that skill.

Oh woh', maybe that's it, I haven't thought about it like that in decades. I just need to force myself to try it for a little while until I'm alright at doing that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:08, Reply)

Plus on the phone they can't see your t shirts.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:13, Reply)

That toria furry bird fackin loves his comedy t-shirts
They're a useful foil to momentarily detract from how dull the bearer is
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Fucking hell, you're dull.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:25, Reply)

No, that's what I've said AA, if you weren't so dull you would have come up with something that wasn't "NOTHAT@SWOTUARE"
Dullard of the day
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)

QUICK, EVERYONE, LOOK OVER HERE!
RORY'S BEING WAKI AND CONTROVERSIAL AGAIN, ISN'T HE SWEET!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:38, Reply)

It's neither really waki or controversial to say that you're a dull prick, do keep up AA

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:52, Reply)

AND NOW HE'S GONE BACK TO THE FIRST TROLLING HE EVER DID ON HERE, HOW SWEET!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:55, Reply)

Wahhhhhhhhhhhh you're in a more tearful mood today AA than you usually are
Is the self diagnosed internet depression getting on top of you again?
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:00, Reply)

it's because he has to wake up in less than a month

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)

He's living on the edge
Perhaps another comedy t-shirt will cheer him up when he comes round.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

AND SUM BACON!!!!!!111!!1 Prepared by the finest 'chef' in all of Congleton.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I'm in a fantastic mood
I have an interview for a new job tomorrow, had a fantastic weekend, and all is going well for me.

It seems that all you have is a keyboard to hide behind as you issue frankly pathetic insults to someone half a country away. As I say, dull.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Cool you can show off your tea making skillz to them, I'm sure they'll be bowled over
Is Manchester half a country away from Congleton? Your gcse geography skillz are poor AA.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:13, Reply)

Hmm, thought you'd mentioned you were in London these days.
Fair enough, I stand corrected. Ah well, we're as bad as each other, I don't live in Congleton anymore, haven't done in a while.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

I hate talking on the phone and use it purely for organisational purposes
Nothing annoys me more than some one wittering a stream of conciousness on the phone, or worse onto a voice mail.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:05, Reply)

There are people I have lengthy chats with on the phone
Sometimes I don't have much to talk about and it's a shorter call. I occasionally think I should take note of anything out of the ordinary in my week in case called upon to make small talk, but I never remember to.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:06, Reply)

Chill dude, you've got those boxes to chat about

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:07, Reply)

*guffaws*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:13, Reply)

I wish I was more bubbly and spontanious.
I worry that I'm too boring. I often talk bollox to someone I'm trying to impress and then want to kick myself afterwards for talking drivel.
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:06, Reply)

I should just let my breasts do the talking.

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:08, Reply)

'crinkly'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:09, Reply)

like an accordian

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:09, Reply)

A well used accordian.

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:10, Reply)

they still play a tune

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:11, Reply)

When played by a master.

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:11, Reply)

Unfortunately the tune is ' Theme From Steptoe & Son'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:14, Reply)

You dirty old man

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:15, Reply)

They aare bubbly enough

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:09, Reply)

*the attention bell*

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:30, Reply)

Hi Badger!
Doing the rounds?
( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:31, Reply)

In a display of extraordinary hypocrisy
I find other people incredibly tedious. As a result I resent talking to them on the phone (where I can't even amuse myself with thinking about how ugly they are) extremely.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:09, Reply)

I'm terrible at making small talk
unless I'm drunk, then I'm quite happy to blabber on about all sorts.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:10, Reply)

I've never been a fan of the telephone - I think it's a naturally unsociable streak which runs in the family
Which is a little ironic seeing as the only people I speak to regularly over the 'phone are my family.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:11, Reply)

I'd be more social.
As it is I hate speaking to anyone, anywhere, ever.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:11, Reply)

I think people talk too much
So many people talk shite just to fill a void. I'd honestly rather sit in silence with you than try to force a conversation.
I'm a riot at parties, me.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:14, Reply)

There's a select few people who I can talk to on the phone for ages.
Normally I'd keep the conversations brief, particularly with bloke friends, but I have a couple of friends now who I can just chat with about all sorts. Probably because we make each other laugh a lot.

I certainly wouldn't say I have the "gift of the gab". It's about being comfortable and being good friends with the person you are in the relationship with.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:16, Reply)

Ugh, you are such an unbearable hippie.

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:18, Reply)

I apologise if my happiness makes you think I'm a hippy

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Well OK, but I'm not sure an apology's going to cut it.
Unless I see some proper misery, you're goign to have to carry on hanging around your hemp-wearing colleagues.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:24, Reply)

I'm sorry you are such a colossal piss-ant
also: it's almost impossible to be a hippy and a civil engineer. The two are mutually exclusive.

You may be getting the terms stoner and hippy mixed up.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:26, Reply)

I am not. Why can't you build a nice honest coal fired powerplant
instead of all these girly flood defences you keep banging on about.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:27, Reply)

I've been working on flood risk assessments for nuclear plants
to make sure they are ok. That good enough?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Not really, no.

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:30, Reply)

No
A proper non hippy would make sure the plants flooded and spilt their nuclear goodness all over the countryside.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:31, Reply)

I've done a shit job of it if that helps?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)

It's getting there
but I still want some actual fallout.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)

that's more of a longterm thing

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:34, Reply)

Always there with the excuses
no wonder your future wife is already cheating on you.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:35, Reply)

I only like phone conversations with people I'm really close to.
I will text til the cows come home, because that's more convenient and you can just drop it. How do you get rid of some chunnerer if they're actually talking on the phone?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:18, Reply)

Hang up?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:19, Reply)

*mumble something* *rub phone on jumper for ten seconds* *hang up*

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:20, Reply)

hang up

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:20, Reply)

Shout racist abuse.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Sometimes, even though someone is boring you to tears, the fact that you like them means you don;t want to upset them
If it was a really good mate, they wouldn't mind me going "Yeah alright I've run out of stuff to say now." or "Yeah you're repeating yourself now. T'rah." But an acquaintance, well I can think of one girl and I know the soft mare would cry or top herself if you did that to her.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:22, Reply)

Play the diarrhoea card.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:31, Reply)

I've got IBS as well so they'd totally believe that...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)

You can be 'poo pals' with Gonz



and Kroney
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:34, Reply)

And my mum.
And other prolific shitters.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Poor old Ian Duncan Smith gets the blame once again.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:36, Reply)

I think I may entitle my autobiography
'Irritable Vowel Syndrome'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:37, Reply)

*click*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:38, Reply)

I am charming and personable via all communication formats.
I make people feel at ease with my warm smile and completely fucking made-up affable manner, whilst inside I am planning ever more revolting methods of torture, and dreaming of trying them out on the witless cretin before me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:21, Reply)

yeah, you hide your rage really well

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:23, Reply)

Thanks!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:26, Reply)

i love the phone
as lots of my friends and family are up north. also texting, i text a LOT.

small talk - all my jobs have depended on being good at it, so i have had to become excellent. i think most people (in a small talk, not a personal capacity) will think you are an excellent conversationalist if you just talk about them. so not just "what do you do" but "and did you always want to do that" followed by "and is it what you expected" blah blah. then just pray they aren't very dull and that their breath does not honk...

haha, my pointless little qotw story just got talk trolled, must be a slow day for brayndedd, he seems to have started it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:23, Reply)

christ I hate small talk being directed at me
it's so false. see also: constantly using the name of the person you are talking to.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Worse still is abbreviating someone's name without permission.
I loathe this. I had a flatmate who did this constantly - sometimes upon meeting people for the first time - and doing it literally immediately after being introduced. It used to make me weep with rage.

'Scott, this is David'
'hi Dave'

He was from Birkenhead*.

*Scott, I mean- 'Dave' is someone I made up for illustrative purposes.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Yeah Mont, you tell 'em

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:34, Reply)

People do this to me all the time.
Even worse because the contraction of my name makes me sound like a fucking hairdresser.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:43, Reply)

I like how your sig mentions Jamaica, and then it says, Mon after it.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:44, Reply)

I like this as well.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:47, Reply)

God, of course B3ta's own ganja smoking Rastafarian surfer would pick up on this.
How is Jah, these days?
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:47, Reply)

he's all the better for you asking after him

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)

Most people are.

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)

Cool story, Kro.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Your story hardly made sense.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:24, Reply)

And three responses is ahrdly trolling.
You should post about your proposed "detox" regime and see what they say about that.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:26, Reply)

how did it not make sense?
i commented on the priest drinking the wine. i farted and blamed my grandma. what's not to understand, you retarded little spastic?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:51, Reply)

I would text people from the North, that way i wouldn't have to listen to their ghastly northern accents
linky please

it really doesn't make sense
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:24, Reply)

Well you're definitely off my list of guys I would let take me up the wrong un.

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:30, Reply)

i have nothing left to live for
*drives to KFC*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:32, Reply)

Can you get me a zinger meal please.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)

+ corn on the cob thingy

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:34, Reply)

i could happily eat one of those now
I just had a mini carrot cupcake from M&S that was very tasty, i recommend them
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:35, Reply)

What is the point of mini foods?

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:36, Reply)

It makes you think you're a giant.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Also, if you're swipey
you can delude yourself that it's somehow "healthier" for you to eat two of them because Beyonce said it was good and you read it on the internet.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:37, Reply)

you need to get your wife to teach you how to read
please find the bit in my original post where i said i was doing it. i think you'll find i asked if any of you lot had done it.

still, don't let something like what i actually typed get in the way of a cheap dig, eh, al?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:54, Reply)

"so i was going to do the master-cleanse, ie just lemon juice, for the next 5 days. but have just got halfway through the instructions and seen the following horror: WARNING. DO NOT BE FOOLED. DO NOT FART. YOU WILL SOIL YOURSELF. what kind of inhuman madness is this? i will not be partaking."

So you were going to do it, but only when you noticed you might shit yourself did you think it might be unwise. The general concept of taking laxatives didn't put you off.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Oh by the way, that sound? Yeah, that's the sound of me pointing out where you said you were going to do it.
That's alright, you can apologise to me later.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:04, Reply)

i could point out that i clearly say here that i had no intention of doing it once i looked into it and saw what was involved
but really.... shush now, al. everyone here is bored of our arguing. and this isn't even a GOOD argument. it's just you being tedious and picking on something minor simply because i said it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:09, Reply)

it's more like you refusing to admit that Al is right I'm afraid

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

*says nothing, but grins beatifically*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:13, Reply)

think whatever makes you happy
i can't be arsed to justify something so fucking insignificant!

it is mildly amusing that al is so keen to show off his pseudo scientific knowledge and how he has to know best about everything that he counselled against it rather than take the more comedic route. god knows if i thought there was any prospect of making him shit himself, i'd have done anything in my power to facilitate it, by encouraging him, offering to treat him to the ingredients, finding research that recommended it just before a half-marathon...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)

if it doesn't affect you
then why do you even bother replying to what he says?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Shush now Vipros, shush now.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)

just thought i'd point out
that he missed the opportunity to convince me to shit myself in a public library. i am pretty sure this is something he would have enjoyed taking credit for.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)

I meant in general

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)

oh
boredom, i guess. it's a break from advising on remedies for breach of covenant or chasing tenants for unpaid rent or urgent court injunctions etc etc.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Zzzzz

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:35, Reply)

yes
even al sniping and my sniping at al counts as light relief.

although i DID make £500k for my charidee client to spend on holidays for sick kiddies last week. that felt good.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:39, Reply)

I hate kids
particularly sick ones
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:43, Reply)

I ate some choc mint crumble
and once again, I feel sick.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Are you trying to put on weight or something?
You've been nomming all day
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:37, Reply)

I know.
I'm pretending it's adding energy for my half marathon, but in reality it's because I walked past the sweetshop on my way back from the post office.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Ahh cheers!
You have reminded to post my ebay stuff!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:39, Reply)

hahaha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Alright, I'm gonna call up a girl I like tonight and tell her about my day and weekend.
Also, I dont' care how autistic this makes me, this filled me with joy: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggcmUjEo8z0
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:37, Reply)

Go for it!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Well if you have her phone number that's a good start.

( girlinthehole, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:41, Reply)

She's working tonight mate, soz.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:42, Reply)

your mum is always working
if she knows what's good for her.

*readies pimp hand for administering slaps*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:45, Reply)

What's a pimp hand?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:50, Reply)

He made it up.
It's meaningless gibberish and best ignored.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Not really.
It's like 'my pimp hand is strong'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:52, Reply)

it's the hand used for pimping, duh
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pimp+hand&defid=1114589
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:54, Reply)

I love the idea that "my ho's ain't representin'"

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I hate the idea that my ho's ain't represtin'
which is why I need to bust out da pimp slaps yo
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:06, Reply)

Oh you silly saussage, she's all yours, she's like 3 girls-i-was-infatuated-with old now...
... unless it's a guarnteed thing, you know, a bit on the side, then you're safe enough, I won't take her away from you
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:51, Reply)

Anybody in the London area want to try out for a tech support job?

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:54, Reply)

Not really, fuck off.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:54, Reply)

We already have enough miserable cunts working here, between me and a colleague

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)

there are no words for how shit i would be at that
i broke the top off my ipod and now i can't lock it because it chips my manicure. that is about the level of technical ability that we are talking about here.

you should come and work at my firm. some of the girls are hot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)

You've been saying that for years.
I have yet to see any notice of upcoming vacancies.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)

if you would seriously consider central london
i will keep an eye on the sits vac for you, both at my law firm and with my friends?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

I would.
I'm bored stiff here.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

ok will ask
i am at home all week doing my thesis, but next week onwards will check.

i am guessing our guys are on about 45k upwards, but will check this too.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:13, Reply)

does it pay Big Money?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Probably not.
It's a Helpdesk job, so circa 20, I'd have thought.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:03, Reply)

That'll be a 'no' then.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:04, Reply)

Yes.

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

no, "no".

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Yes

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:08, Reply)

no

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:09, Reply)

20k? that's not even a living wage

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Clarification:
Uxbridge.

I was on around that when I started and lived and commuted from Guildford without any problems.
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:08, Reply)

you'd need to pay me more, not less to work in Uxbridge

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

why does my new(ish) laptop keep making horrible noises?
shall i turn it on and off again??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

The one that's, what, about six months old?
What do you do to them?
( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:12, Reply)

*places mental bet that it's a Mac (or possibly a vaio)*

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)

haha it is a vaio
(it was the only pink one in john lewis)

i only ever use it for Word and here.

it's stopped now though.

i do sit with it on a cushion on my lap, although right now it's on my glass dining table. could it be overheating??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Almost certainly
The vents are there for a reason.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)

interesting
ok i will stop the cushion smothering. but right now he is sitting on a cool glass surface, so he should really stop panting and moaning.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:23, Reply)

it may have got too late
might also be that the fan has just got some crap in it.

does the noise coincide with a flashy light anywhere?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)

erm
i didn't notice but next time it whinges, i will look.

kroney just texted to say check the fans too. might well be dust in them. thanks boys.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:28, Reply)

don't use the vacuum cleaner on it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:34, Reply)

i have a dyson
it's more yellow than pink, so i won't be risking the clash.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Is there an actual reason for this?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:39, Reply)

I'm guessing the suction would be too strong
plus with laptops you need something smaller and more focused I think
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:41, Reply)

I think there is
but I can't for the life of me think what it is.

edit: having refreshed my memory, the consensus is that it generates static which can fuck things up inside.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:43, Reply)

a fair chance.
depending on what you sit it on the vents could be full of fluff and dust, meaning it won't cool off even on a table. You have pot's of cash take it to the shop and get it fixed, it's probably nothing irreparable, yet, just don't leave it.

Edit: Vaios are Macs for people who want windows, overpriced but pretty.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:23, Reply)

i just wanted a pink one to match my fridge
it makes me smile in my otherwise tasteful shrine to stripped wood, white walls, glass and chocolate brown suede!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)

It was never going to be a bottom-of-the-range Acer, was it?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)

Well, no.
But I was betting on style over substance, and I was right.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Probably needs a good wash.
Like new clothes sometimes do. Then it'll be fine, but remember to put it on a cool wash or it'll get creased.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:13, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:15, Reply)

I would have gone with the idea of "Degaussing" it using a microwave
But I feared Ms. Swipe might try it.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)

if you were to commute from somewhere Oop North maybe, but then the commute would cost too much.
A mate of mine used to manage it by living in Cambridgeshire, although he is now massively in debt.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:08, Reply)

An entry on QOTW has just pointed out to me that there is a role in the church called a Deacon
and also an Arch-Deacon. This has amused me.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I hadn't thought of this before
but now, everytime they interview one of these on the radio I shall snigger.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:08, Reply)

As the son of a clergyman
I spent a large proportion of my teenage years lolling furiously about this.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

There was a firm of Australian lawyers called Deacons.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:15, Reply)

According to Poppet
the bus company in her area is called 'The Benders'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)

THere is a very large catering supplies company
who make plastic knives and forks and napkins, and they are called "Benders" this made my shit job in a pub for three months more bearable
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)

there is a coach company in germany called 'Fucker'
'that's all ride the Fucker bus'
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:23, Reply)

Sorry to be a food dullard
but has anyone here ever cooked a penang curry before? Tips?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:06, Reply)

If it's a curry I probably wouldn't put my tip in it.
So it's a 'no' from me.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:09, Reply)

I've never heard it called a 'penang' either

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Keep it dry.
Go heavy on the galangal and lemongrass.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:10, Reply)

good advice for any situation

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

this reminds me of labs' awful comment
"no squealing piggy, i'm going in dry"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:12, Reply)

if you stumble on massacre on a 'Sunshine Bus'?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Even for
'what should I stick down my japseye?'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:15, Reply)

That's what Vippers always uses.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

well you wouldn't want to use normal ginger or actual lemon juice would you?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

maybe this is a good use for the master cleanse
that's lemon juice and cayenne pepper?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)

Thank you.
I've read that I should have bought coconut cream rather than milk so I've bollocksed it up before I've even begun.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:12, Reply)

I think you'll be able to sepreate the milk from the cream
but then you might need another tin
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Can't use the milk, old fruit.
Too much liquid.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Could you not just reduce it down first?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Could he not reduce it down to thicken it?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Fucking hell
my brain is in sync with a northerner.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

Are you not one then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)

With 10 thousand spoons

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:18, Reply)

KILOSPOON.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

NO, A KNIFE !!11!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:20, Reply)

The creamed cocnut is more like dessicated in texture, so no.
You'd only reduce it to a sickeningly sweet gloop more like evap milk.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Hmmm, yummy yummy, cocnut
availible in all good Norwich public toilets
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Hahah
I love it when you mock other people's typos.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:26, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:27, Reply)

teraspoons

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Technically.
But technically I'm also obese.

Actually I'm not, I just checked, I'm just overweight. But even if I lost over a stone I would still be overweight.

How depressing. Might have to sign up to some more half marathons.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

I mean seriously
Are you an actual northern chap or not?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Yes, I was born in Newcastle General to a lday born and bred in gateshead and a chap born and bred in Jarrow
But at the age of one I moved to Brighton and became a raving woopsie.

EDIT - actually my dad wasn't born and bred in jarrow, but he grew up there, his dad was a publican in a few different places when he left the navy.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:27, Reply)

I see
I always wondered
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Really?
Well there you go. I still love wandering round the Bigg Market and looking at the state people get into.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Friday night entertainment innit?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)

ha
you fat fuck
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:20, Reply)

please do
then you can talk about them and the training you are doing some more, whilst calling other people self-obsessed and dull. it'll make for marvellous banter.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Shush now swipey
getting boring now.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:27, Reply)

never stopped you before, has it?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:33, Reply)

I'm ignoring BMI
it's a rubbish measurement

/might just not like the answer
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:23, Reply)

I did that until it told me I was in the normal weight range

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)

BMI is crap
It makes my BMI higher than Mrs Cows and that is shite
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)

That's because you're a lolfatty

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:26, Reply)

This may be true, but Mrs Cow is bigger than me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:28, Reply)

Well, I'm sure she has nice places to put it that you don't
Edit: POIDH
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Ahhh
The Boob Minge Index
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Best of all the indices.
Bugger, your missus hides her piccies on FB so I cannot perv without friending her first. *sadface*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:34, Reply)

haha!
Surely she is on some of mine?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:39, Reply)

I know it's a stupid measurement
But it amuses me that on saturday night a friend told me his doctor had put him on the obesity register!
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:26, Reply)

is that like the nonce register?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:26, Reply)

That's what I wondered.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:27, Reply)

Quite simple: nonces have to declare their status before they can move somewhere near a school
And the clinically obese have to declare their status before they're allowed to board a boat or 'plane.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:32, Reply)

I didn't know there was a register

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:28, Reply)

My advice is not to go to your doctor until you've lost ome more weight.
How is the diet going?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)

It's been almost a month
lost nothing despite the 600 a day. I'm really hoping to see some change in a month though- when I next go back to the doctor. Though no scales give me the same reading
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:32, Reply)

You should use one set of scales only
and only weight yourself once a week or something.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:33, Reply)

at the same time of day as well

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:34, Reply)

I don't weigh in generally
and not just because my dad doesn't possess any such thing as scales, whereas if I was in Ireland I'd have a choice of three haha
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:35, Reply)

Weigh yourself in the morning
As the sunlight will make your body fat able to capture and absorb neutrinos. Although these have negligible weight, billions pass through your body every second, and so if you think about how many might be captured over the course of a day, well, you're probably looking at gaining an extra 40kg just through exposure to natural light...
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:36, Reply)

This almost sounds like it could be true
you should sell this information to Swipe. She will seal herself in a darkened room to avoid the effect of neutrino weight gain.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:38, Reply)

Tell her that is why Beyonce is Black.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:38, Reply)

this is so tedious that it makes me want to start a new thread about politics
just to get you to change the record.

oh i know. i have a friend who made the WORST romantic decision at the weekend. i will post her dilemma and you lot can give your advice. let's see who could make her kill herself the most quickly. you'll be good at that; your wife can't be long for this world, after all.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:45, Reply)

Whilst I'm not in the habit of baiting 'swipe
I would be tempted to write into one of the more disreputable glossy weeklies with such advice and see how quickly the "neutrino diet" catches on.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:47, Reply)

According the BMI, I'm overweight
By something silly like half a stone as well. And I have been warned about its veracity.

/also doesn't like the answer
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)

don't shake it before opening
scoop out the thick bits
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

So basically
treat it as if it was your mum's clunge?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:18, Reply)

I'm now not hungry any more

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

precisely

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

I like this a lot.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

Thirteen oysters /ac

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)

Could he not get his frined 'Yeti'
to spunk in it with his massive 'Yeti Balls' thus thickening and seasoning at the same time?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:17, Reply)

I could but the stench would render it inedible.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:19, Reply)

However the taste would be just fine?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)

You tell me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)

hardly seems worth making an entire curry for

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)

I've just remembered I made some thai green curry sauce and froze it
This makes me happy
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:18, Reply)

Are you going to fuck yourself with the resulting 'curry-sicle' for a spicy treat?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:20, Reply)

Aahhh, the Kroneypop?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)

That's the one, with added Eastern promise

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:24, Reply)

The Qu'RoneyPop?

( Kroney, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:28, Reply)

INFIDEL!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Actually, yeah', kindda, maybe.
I buy penang curry paste from Marks'n'Sparks and turn it into a noodle/prawn/veg soup, adding my own chili/garlic/coryanda by adding a load of coconut milk, finish off with loads and loads of chashewnuts

I donno if it's the real thing or not, never had it in a resturant, never even seen it on telly, I picked the paste up at random... but it's really nice.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:30, Reply)

Crushed unsalted peanuts as a garnish I will be going for.


Sorry I appear to have turned into Yoda.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:38, Reply)

I find it best to buy roasted salted ones
and rinse them of salt. tastier that way
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:47, Reply)

could you not just buy the raw ones
and roast them yourself? or would they not taste nice?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:50, Reply)

you could
but that takes longer
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:51, Reply)

your way=no skins.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:53, Reply)

No, I hate talking on the phone
the complete lack of body cues makes me feel awkward.

I think making a checklist is over thinking it. If you have to do that, then there's probably not much to talk about.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 5 Sep 2011, 16:22, Reply)