I'm sorry
I don't know any girls good enough for Gonz.

3 top tips for getting freaky? Do you really need them?

Tea, black, no sugar; but very weak (just put the bag in the hot water and take it out inmediately)
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:52, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Weird tea is weird

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:53, Reply)

Not really, I'm taking an offline girl for dinner tonight.
I imagine she will laugh in my face if I suggest getting freaky though.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:54, Reply)

act disinterested all night
it seems to work on tv
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:56, Reply)

I'm meeting her at a Slug and lettuce and I've already printed off a 50% off voucher
how's that for disinterested?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)

smooth

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)

only use the voucher for your half of the bill

(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Yep, I should do that, and order for her, "I'll have the ribs, I think she should have the salad"

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)

Tell her she is surprisingly light on her feet for a big girl.

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:00, Reply)

Tell her she doesn't sweat much for a fat bird

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)

All great tips, I'm writing them obviously on the back of my hand.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:01, Reply)

Ask her if she's a single mum
and then ask her if she'd like to be
(Quinton had to abandon other account as i broke it, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Ha ha,
another for the list.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Holy fuck...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)

Do not pay with a voucher, please
whiteninjacomics.com/comics/1229.shtml
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:03, Reply)

Fuck no, vouchers are cool!

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:12, Reply)

I don't know if she'll think the same

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)

This is giving me flashbacks to one of my sister's old boyfriends
Never met the feller, but apparently, despite being from Chester (i.e., not struggling for money) all their dates ended up being planned around whatever he had vouchers for. At least, nearly every date ended with him grandly offering to pay the bill and then rifling through his wallet for another "50% off" coupon or similar.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Oh yeah, one of your "sisters" "old boyfriends" yeah. Of course.
So how is Lampers?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:25, Reply)

Cheeky sod...
Yeah, she's alright thanks. Her summer job's keeping her occupied in the daytime which is why you won't have seen much of her recently. Still, that all comes to a (rather frantic) finale next week, so she'll probably be back in the cozy world of t'interweb once she's slept it off.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:29, Reply)

Are you demonstrating your prowess as an internet hardnut on the 1st October and coming for a 4pm Tayyabs?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)

I didn't know about the Tayyabs thing
is it open to everyone, or only you two?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:33, Reply)

It's only for men.
And hardnuts at that.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:36, Reply)

Oh well
Just as good. Last time I had curry I spent the night vomiting, so it's probably not a good idea. But I might go, just to annoy you.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:38, Reply)

I'm sure that woulnd't be a problem
but you should bring your rumbling chain. Or at least a blade.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:39, Reply)

I didn't realise I was invited
I would like to (see below). If I am able, I probably will, just to demonstrate my prowess as the hardest teapot in East London.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:41, Reply)

You didn't think Monty would organise a Tayyabs without inviting his "beard" did you?

(Bazongaloid, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:47, Reply)

Ha! Good point....

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:54, Reply)

Say hello to her!
Are you two coming to the bash in October?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:32, Reply)

Hopefully very probably almost certainly.
Or, in English: Lampers almost certainly will be. I hope very much to be able to join you all, though it will depend on my progress over the next two-and-a-half weeks. I'm rather hoping to have submitted my thesis the day before. If I manage that, then yes, I will be there.
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:40, Reply)

Well, what are you doing in here, then
Go back to work!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Where are you going for dinner?
What time is the table booked for?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:57, Reply)

6:30 See above, people from the internet should come along it'll be hilarious.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:58, Reply)

I didn't know that they ran an early bird special for retards

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 15:59, Reply)

ZING

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:00, Reply)

An offline girl?
Do online girl exist?

From where do you know her?

Have a good shower, don't use perfume (only a bit if you must), get your hairs to look nice.

Be nice during the dinner. Try to make her laugh, but not too hard. Offer to pay, and if she insists in paying half you tell her that she can pay the next dinner you have together (if she doesn't insist... well, sorry...)

If she doesn't work tomorrow, go for a few drinks with her; ask her if she wants to go dancing. If she works tomorrow, offer to take her out for drinks/dancing on friday (or before her day off)

You might not get freaky today, but maybe there'll be a bigger possibility of you getting it on friday.

Oh, yes, and wank before meeting her.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:02, Reply)

Be nice during the dinner. Try to make her laugh, but not too hard. Offer to pay, and if she insists in paying half you tell her that she can pay the next dinner you have together (if she doesn't insist... well, sorry...)

If she doesn't work tomorrow, go for a few drinks with her; ask her if she wants to go dancing. If she works tomorrow, offer to take her out for drinks/dancing on friday (or before her day off)

You might not get freaky today, but maybe there'll be a bigger possibility of you getting it on friday.

Drug her drink and smash her back doors in behind 'Oceana'
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:05, Reply)

Do you know milton keynes or did you actually google a map to find out?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:06, Reply)

I took a leap of the imagination
that the city centre of somewhere like MK would have a 'Slug and Lettuce' and 'Oceana' close together...fucking depressing
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:09, Reply)

About 100 meters away.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

This is why could never live somewhere like MK or Reading or The North

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:13, Reply)

I'm going straight from work so no showers or wanks, but I look good.
I've known her for ages though, there's no need for me to try to impress her.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:06, Reply)

You can still wank in the toilet
you don't want to go out there with your gun loaded, man.

And no vouchers. Well... how much do you like her?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:07, Reply)

She's just a friend, a very hot friend but just a friend.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:10, Reply)

Is she menopausal?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:11, Reply)

I don't get this, is this a hot flushes thing?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:12, Reply)

Probably
Be on the lookout for abnormally long thighs and anal musk, as well...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Nah she's like half chinese so a short arse.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:15, Reply)

Abnormally short thighs could lead to similar difficulties
And if we're going to trawl through old memes like this, you should probably check she's not your half-sister as well...
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

So
You're not really expecting to get freaky at all?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:14, Reply)

Nope, if I do I wouldn't object but I'm just meeting for a catch up.

(PsychoChomp, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:16, Reply)

I see
Maybe you should try. I think drinks and dancing are the safest option to get close without showing too much of your game.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:21, Reply)

Just don't dance too close if you've got a raging lob-on

(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:23, Reply)

A guy I met on a pub some time ago
was dancing with me, very close, and said the sweetest words ever:

"Abe, you make it be like a big black pudding" (kind of literal translation there, I hope it makes sense)

I inmediately stopped dancing with him and went to meet my girlfriends, who are probably still laughing at him.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:31, Reply)

Jesus tittyfucking H Christ.
So, basically, "You've made it full of blood, albeit still rather squidgy, and with a rather strong flavour than not many people like..."
(LongJohnBaldry, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 16:34, Reply)

And black
very black. He wasn't black. I didn't want to see it.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 14 Sep 2011, 17:10, Reply)