I've just come back to work after ten days' holiday.
Ten minutes in and already had a row with someone who's rapidly proving themselves to be the office jobsworth. Good start.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:55, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Fucking smack them, K.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

He's on the apps side of the fence. Tried to put an apps call through to him at 25 past
and he wouldn't take it because he hadn't started yet. Well neither had I and here I was working. His words were "that's your problem".

I'm really starting to dislike that guy. We're all really short-staffed and everybody apart from him is making an effort to cover each other.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Remote restart his PC every 8 mins

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

When he goes to lunch, I'm going to disable his local DHCP client.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I totally know what this means.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

It means his PC won't be able to acquire an automatic DHCP lease from the server
and he wont be able to browse donkey porn. Hope this helps
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:06, Reply)

It won't
Man's a fool.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

And because he's apps, he won't have the faintest idea what to do about it.
They support maybe two or three web apps, we support absolutely everything else and they treat us like their receptionist.

They're supposed to be getting their own external number soon. I can't fucking wait.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Create a custom GPO for his account and/or PC and change his login message each day

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Or not give him access to anything at all.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I spent a happy week modifying someone's backdrop a small amout each day
He only noticed when the pic of him standing next to his Cessna sprouted the Eiffel Tower in the background
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:13, Reply)

This is wonderfully passive-aggressive.
I'd do it myself only we have a company-wide background. I might localise his, though, and start adding tiny cocks.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I remember someone posting a story liek this on QOTW
it was a picture of the guys house, and they were making his trees grow taller, and moving his ivy and adding extra windows.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

It is excellent fun
I added a flying saucer, changed the ID markings on the plane to spell BUM, added the head of Elvis into the cockpit window, landed a Concorde in the background and was found out by the Eiffel Tower
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

This makes me wish we did't have ours set by policy.
It would amuse me very much.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Domain Admins FTW
I set my old bosses login box to say

"Do not login unless you are a fool". It stayed like that for 2 years before he noticed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I'm not sure how
opening an general post office for his local police constable or how having a different personal message awaiting him each day as he goes to the shitter will help, but if you think that's the answer then who am I to comment?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

NIcely done

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I was worried it might be a trifle convoluted.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Stab him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I don't understand the nerd revenges being suggested above
So do this.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I'm on his side, if everyone works more than they're paid to
the managment won't accept there's a problem and hire more drones.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

He's not doing it out of a sense of greater bigger-picture altruism
he's doing it because he's a jobsworthy cunt.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I can appreciate the mind set that says
"I'm not being paid to work so I won't"
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I thought you communists were supposed to work for the greater good?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

NOT WITHIN A CORRUPT SYSTEM MAN!!!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

It doesn't make sense.
Maybe he's not really one. Maybe it's all just a pose.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

It's a very clever one.
I hear girls online love a communist.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

They do?
*feels a resurgence of communist principals*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)

No wait...
There are no girls on the internet.
And they all hate communists.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

OK then, all good.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

See change of username and sig.
Also, much as it pains me to say it, Chompy has a point.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

You are slowly disappearing Quix
By the end of the week you will just be Q, with no sig.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Q has it's apeal.
Not least for the Star Trek Reference.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

*doesn't get it*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

'Q' was a character in Star Trek the Next Generation.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

There was a star trek character called Q
He was basically a bored and petulant god with a warped sence of humour.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBTRp80Q64U&feature=related
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I'll accept your explanation without watching the clip from Star Trek, I think.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Fair does.
In my defence it's from ages ago when I used to watch that stuff.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

That's because you are a communist.
People don't get promotions and pay rises if they act like this.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Firstly I'm not.
Secondly, if I was it would have very little to do with no wanting to do work when not paid to, thirdly even though I tit around on here all day I've had a rather substantial pay-rise in the last 6 months and fourthly, I suspect your point generally holds true.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Yeah but there's doing it for management or being asked by them.
And there's being a spanner to one of your colleagues.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Don't stand for that shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I win in the end though, Monty
He's a good few years younger than me and he's going bald and I'm not.

HAH
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Sweet justice.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I didn't know you worked with Al.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I was gonna say something a lot like this.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Alright al?
Didn't overdose on deep fried Mars Bars at the weekend, I see.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)