Good day, shitcunts.
Good weekend? No? Why not? Did you get ostracised by your 'friends' and picked on by strangers *again*? Did your WoW character suffer an irritating setback, perhaps? Maybe you crapped yourself in Sainsbury's. Why are you so shit?

WHY?

Alt: Morning, hardnuts. Good weekend? I'll bet. Picked on some losers, yeah? Arm-wrestled an angry bear and won, right? Nice one. Looking forward to the weekend ahead BIG TIME.

Alt alt: Stephen Fry was excellent last night, wasn't he? What a superb programme. Clearly not as good as 'Red Dwarf' or 'Dr Who', but at least he's trying, yeah? Hopefully there'll be some zombies in the next one.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:31, 205 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Morning, fuckstain.
Not too bad thanks, Friday was fairly nondescript, had a friend over for a drink.

Saturday was a bit different, football was on, so I had another friend over, who brought 4 bottles of lager. That lasted untl half time, at which point I went out and picked up some more. After the game finished, he left, and I finished my last remaining perry from the night before, before being told that unless we drank the homebrewed wine from the cellar, it was probably going to have to be poured away next weekend. I remember reaching pint 3, but after that things go blank. I've been informed that I refilled my glass at least once after that, but I have no idea how much of it I actually drank.

Yesterday, I had the worst hangover I've had in a very long time, with an extraordinarily bad headacher. This lasted until about 7pm, ugh. Finished the weekend with some chicken and bacon oatcakes, which wasn't too bad, I suppose.

That answers both the question and the alt.

Alt Alt: It didn't seem too bad, but I wasn't hugely paying attention at the time.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:45, Reply)

Homebrewed wine = bad news.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Very much so

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Morning wanker chops.
You're joking aren't you? I haven't got any friends and my leg tag means I am not allowed out to get picked on.

Alt: It was excellent. I beat up some kittens and shat on a puppy. Not long left on the shitfaced countdown.

Att alt: I enjoyed SF's program last night. Especially the footage showing young children acquiring language. And sucking my cock.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Stop being so fucking chirpy.
Re your alt: I now have a mental image involving Carol Vorderman and a glass table.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:54, Reply)

There you go Carol.
Get those peanuts down you.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:54, Reply)

'Three from the bottom please'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:57, Reply)

lol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Haha

( broadsword, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Fantastic weekend.
And I'm actually looking forward to the three hour train journey in a couple of hours because I'm knackered and I can sleep the entire time. Also going round a girl's house tonight who I've been texting all weekend, only problem is I have no idea what she looks like (except for the fact she's dead slim) or even what her name is.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Brave man.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:55, Reply)

I gave her my number on Thursday and she actually text me.
Problem is I was so drunk like I say I can't remember a thing about her. I think she's a brunette and my mate said she was fit, and he doesn't know that I can't remember what she looks like so he wouldn't have said it if she wasn't in an attempt to trick me. I reckon it's possible to go to hers and not have to use her name the entire time.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Ask her if she has a middle name and starting using that
When she kicks off, ask what she prefers to be called.

4. Profit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:01, Reply)

I call every girl I know by their surname.
They all say they hate it but they don't really/I like annoying people. But I'm stuck even for that.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Hi Miss!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Check the doormat/hall table for post*
/may have been in this predicament before


*this may not help, you may have to call her 'Miss P Jones'(or whatever) all night which might look odd.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Check her tattoos

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Nice skills.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:03, Reply)

Just call her TreacleTits
Women love compliments
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Always with the heavy succesful weekends !!!!!
Have you ever thought to yourself "I know, I had a good weekend last week, and the one before that... This weekend I'll try not doing much, I'm going to take it easy and read a book and roast a chicken instead" ?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:17, Reply)

I reckon more weekends than not I don't do much at all.
Especially up in Newcastle. For example this weekend just gone was the first time I had a 48 hour ish session for a good couple months or so.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:20, Reply)

A 48 hour sesh !
I don't know how you youngsters do it, back in my hayday, when I was still in the prime of my boogie'ing days, I'd still be at home in bed with a hot cup of hot chocolate and LBC on the radio by 1 in the morning at the latest.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

This is why you are not beating the fanny off with a stick.
And Bazz is on a train going to see some slag he chatted up at 3am.

Seemples.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I know this sounds daft.
But only two years ago I could go Thursday to Monday night/Tuesday morning without much trouble. Granted by the Monday night I'd be hallucinating like mad due to lack of sleep (saw giant dragons fly past me in a smoking area once, never been so scared in my life) but I could still do it. Now I cannot think of anything I'd rather do less, I feel ill at the idea of it.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

I like to get high as much as the next man - possibly a little more so,
but by lunchtime the next day I need sleep.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:35, Reply)

I could do two days and two nights non stop a piece of piss.
But I don't like to, unless the second night you get involved with horse drugs because that gets you bamboozled. If you just keep doing bugle all it does is keep you awake. This weekend worked itself out perfectly. Out Saturday night, then a house party til lunchtime, followed by a few beers/lines round London Fields. Popped home, chilled out for a bit and then went back out about 8pm. Was an ideally paced sequence of events.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

You leave Anne Frank alone.
She's suffered enough.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Check her diary

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:03, Reply)

This is a great start to the week.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:04, Reply)

You forgot this (!)

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Morning
Fair to middling here - I was neither picked on by bullies nor did I kick sand in the faces of any weaklings.
On Saturday my son in the hands of others as he had birthday parties etc. to attend, so I managed a sneaky lunchtime pint and a kip on the sofa.
Sunday was partially spent baking some cakes for the ungrateful shitehawks I work with.
Alt alt: I only saw the last 10 minutes, but it looked good.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:56, Reply)

Mornin'
Was out on Friday for many Amstels with Mrs Cow at an engagement do. This was quite fun.

Saturday was a bit meh - Mrs Cow too hungover to do anything of any great meaning, leaving me to laugh at her all day, despite her protestations of it being "flu".

I fought a small dog on Saturday and Sunday - does this count?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 8:57, Reply)

It does, yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:01, Reply)

I thought it might

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:02, Reply)

How small?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:04, Reply)

King Charles Spaniel small
but a big one, honest
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Good enough.
What was the fight about?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:06, Reply)

I called him big ears and he bit me

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:07, Reply)

You were well within your rights.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:08, Reply)

I thought so
In a strong wind he could take off with those ears
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I didn't pick on any losers apart from you.
On Saturday I did call Tony Blair's right hand man a flash bastard then drink all of his booze. I'm well tough me.
( wanderlust, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Come back when you've chinned Balls.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:05, Reply)

*stifles joke about Darth being expert at Balls on chin*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:06, Reply)

*suspects Sporto of being rather slow on the uptake*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:10, Reply)

I didn't want to make the joke about lusty
FFS, I WAS BEING NICE HERE! !11!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:13, Reply)

*bullies*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:14, Reply)

*spazzes out in playground, fists whirling*
*accidently punches teacher*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Hahahaha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Who is TB's right hand man then?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:06, Reply)

The only recognisable one I can think of was Alistair Campbell

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:08, Reply)

My mate 'K-Dog'
A member of my old work. He's a good guy and I hadn't seen him for a while, so spent Saturday afternoon in his swanky flat in St Katherine's dock drinking champagne.
( wanderlust, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)

Just so you know, I was doing _nothing_ on saturday night, and would have come with you, if I, you know, erm, er, had an invite.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Your invitation must have been lost in the post.
Next time yeah?
( wanderlust, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)

The postman is always stealing my invites to glamorous doos =(

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:35, Reply)

He was a special advisor not a front line politician.
He looks like Peter Hook, but is much less of a cunt.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:09, Reply)

I didn't know Joey Deacon knew anything about politics

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Your second sentence is completely redundant.
Seeing as *everyone on the planet* is much less of a cunt than Peter Hook.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

^ FACT

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:37, Reply)

^ classic QOTW lies

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Needs MOAR Accord

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Morning titnose
It was a shit weekend. Nothing of note happened. Such is living in Wakefield.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Did you pretend your hand was a womans foo-foo
and imagined what it would be like if a real person wanted to touch you down there?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Good if a little gay weekend; had my daughter all to myself on Saturday and we
went and sat in the park and read the papers and drank coffee, then we went home and watched the rugby together, then we had a little nap cos it was all too exciting!

Alt: I've never shoed a horse, but I did once tell a donkey to fuck off.


Alt alt: recorded it via the magic of I-Player
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:21, Reply)

I PUT IT TO YOU
that your daughter did not AT ANY TIME read the papers and that you are a fucking LIAR.

Also, if you fed her coffee that is tantamount to CHILD ABUSE.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:24, Reply)

More so than Ultimate Fighting
for 8 year olds.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:26, Reply)

I think ultimate child fighters
would do better after about a gallon of coffee.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

And some PCP.
They'd tear each other's hearts out!!!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I saw loads of flats and I'm going to put in an offer and the one that I really really want has budget to have a new kitchen put in...
.... so I can be all like, when showing Lusty around, "Lusty, my darling, my love. This is my new kitchen, what do you think of it? Would you like to sit on top of the washing machine and I'll switch the spin-cycle on while I get my spin-cycle on?"

Your days are numbered, Monty... I might not be able to compete with your long flowing locks or your height, but a man with a new kitchen would be hard to beat.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:27, Reply)

AND, and, and.... I'll have a spare room, I'm going to use it as a laundry room and an office and a dinning room maybe too.
I might put in a sex swing.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:28, Reply)

A clothes horse would be better.
And maybe an ironing board.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:29, Reply)

And a multi-gym.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:30, Reply)

A bath?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)

'Member baths?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Sunday night. After Bullseye.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

The current ocupires have hanged an iroining board on the inside of the hallways cupboard, and as they open the cupboard, the board can flap down.
I plan to emulate their great success when it comes to laundry.

I reckon I could put in there a desk and office chair*, and I might put the clothes-drying-machine in there too, along with a clothes horse. Or maybe put the clothes-washer AND clothes-dryer in there, I won't be using it too much (the room), so would be good, and I can shut the door so the noise doesn't bother me. I'll have to see about plumming though.

Then with that, I can put some dinning tablet/chairs in the livingroom, so if I have people over for dinner but they're borring as fuck, I can put the telly on at the same time.

* Which is no good for sex, because it has arms, thus making it impractical for any position except reverse cowgirl, and even then, it's not that great as the arms are quite large so the person on top can't spread their legs enough in order to fascilitate a penis. It's leather, or faux-leather, so is wipe clean though, so I guess I could have a blowjob on it.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:40, Reply)

It'd be fine for reverse cowgirl then
the arms would only be a problem for regular cowgirl.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I was thinking this.
But as I'm not mercilessly cruel I decided not to mock Gonz's lack of knowledge of the cowgirl sub-section of the positions handbook.

How was the stag? did you avoid being tainted by Carlisle skank?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

It was good
our team won the mini highland games with a sterling tug'o'war performance. I wasn't feeling too crash hot and ended up leaving the club at about 1.30am, and I discovered that Edinburgh is woefully lacking in late night takeaway food emporiums.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

The very centre is, aye.
Rose Street and Broughton Street and South Bridge would be your solutions there. I realise, however, that on a monday morning this information is approximately as much use as a chocolate fireguard.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

+ Fountainbridge

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

What's the one where they're facing you?
I thought cowgirl was facing you and reverse was facing away.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

yep, that's it.
So arms on a chair aren't a problem for reverse.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Yeah', you're right, thats what I meant, just got my words muddled.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Ohhh I dunno Gonz,
the cutlery drawer in the kitchen is now fixed, making it look almost new. It's going to be a tough call.
( wanderlust, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:31, Reply)

*preens*

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Hahahaha.
Did YOU fix the drawer Lusty?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Ummmm well My Dad supervised.

( wanderlust, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:34, Reply)

He is such a loser!
I would consider Gonz's offer very carefully.

Once the new kitchen is in obv.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Lusty's dad is NOT a loser, OK?
You take that back.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:43, Reply)

I know he's not.
You're the CACK HANDED LOSER!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:45, Reply)

When I was a boy
we had maintenance staff who did all that kind of thing for us. IT'S NOT MY FAULT I NEVER LEARNT HOW!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
Oh dearie me.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:53, Reply)

He screwed your drawers?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Actually her dad did.
ERRRRRR!!!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

OMG! BertLoLZ!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:39, Reply)

A cutlery draw is nothing compared to a whole kitchen, a whole kitchen includes a cutlery draw but a cultery draw doesn't include a whole kitchen.
Reily and Lady Muck would be jellous, of my set up.

And Ma' said for a welcoming pressent she'll get me some decent knifes and one of those metal magnet things os I can hang them on the way. I mean, a welcome pressent aside a considrable amount of the deposit for the mortgage.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Friday - Got Pissed on Scrumpy Jack
Saturday - Got pissed on Theakston Old Peculier
Sunday - Got pissed on Shōchū

Not a bad weekend really.
( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:36, Reply)

What's Sh0chU?

(McChinaman banned, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Here
Shōchū
( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:41, Reply)

I tried putting it in the subject box and got the same garbled nonsense :-)

(McChinaman banned, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)

They sell that stuff in the 7-11s here, never bought it though.

(McChinaman banned, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:43, Reply)

about twenty quid a week.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:42, Reply)

I had a decent weekend
Stayed in Friday, then Saturday morning went to nearby Tianjin, where I was meeting a guy about being chief editor of a magazine. It sadly turns out that having an interesting fun job pays much less than a boring one helping companies sell stuff. Who would've thought it? Then I met some old friends, drank a satisfactory amount of beer and watched France vs New Zealand in the pub.
(McChinaman banned, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:38, Reply)

I mercilessly bullied the opposition goalkeeper by scoring past him.
I then totally dominated 22 ladies for 70 minutes using only a whistle and a pencil.

Then I drank some booze. The end. Needs more bommyknocker.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Fuck off.
hungover
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

YOU fuck off.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:47, Reply)

Good morning you rancid pigs clit,

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

I drank too much, had a mediocre curry and wielded a chainsaw
Not in a Leatherface way, more a 'logs for the fire' way. I had the first two episodes of 'The Fades' recorded and nearly made it to the end of the first one before deciding it was 'fucking shit'.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:49, Reply)

I tried to make tandorri style chicken wings,
It was good, but according to the internet I should marinade them for 2 days not 6 hours. So the goo from the pan was nicer than the wings.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I must do this some time
*makes note to make tandoori chicken*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Chicken wings are dirt cheap as well, they're a poultry sum.
I didn't start that thinking I'd end it with a pun, it just came to me
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Cock, dont make me egg you on
/poultry
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I've planned my 3 week holiday to Malaysia and maybe some other places near there.
Well found flights and dates. It should be gooood.

/also washed socks and shirts.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:49, Reply)

we should have a b3ta american-style year book
you could be voted: most likely to come home with a green-card seeking wife
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:52, Reply)

That should be a topic.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

yes
that would make a good question. feel free to start it when this one dies on its arse, as it inevitably will in the not too distant future.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Most likely to come come with vacuum packed body parts

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

i am liking the typo too much to correct you

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

haha!
So am I!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

card seeking wife pus filled, AIDS-ridden member.

Or something like that.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:38, Reply)

I've not had a three-week holiday since I graduated.
I am rather envious.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

You haven't had a three day holiday.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:57, Reply)

This may be as you spend all your money

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:58, Reply)

It's a wedding for 5 days of it.
And I'll have to be doing some work with that, after that it's me wandering around a muslim country trying to find booze.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:58, Reply)

Not a bad weekend, lots of healthy outdoor pursuits with The Boy.
I also look forward to the impending weekend in all it's b3tan glory.

For added geek point I shall point out the the excellent Steven Fry appeared in the equally excellent Dr Who (radio series) once Playing a time lord called The Minister, who gets sick of the policy of not interfering directly, unleashes his awesome superpowers and goes a bit menkle (as all you people seem to be calling it these days), it's quite touching really.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Touching cloth, maybe.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

You have no appreciation of art Montgomery
The funnest part of my weekend was actually explaining to my son where I was going this coming nweekend. I told him it was the Birthday party of of a friend* called Monty. He asked if it was Monty Python, and I said "No, Monty Boyce", at this point he enquired if you drove a Rolls Royce, I stifled a snigger and explained that you did not. He says you should get one then.

*Trying to explain to an 8 year-old why I would go to the birthday on a neo-Nazi knobber off the internet would have involved more explanation than I cared to engage in.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

hello monty and co
i had a lovely weekend with the family, although kids are NOISY. and HARD WORK. and TIRING. and when they are excited over a birthday and the presents that you have bought for them, they SCREAM. i was almost glad to get back to work for some peace and quiet yesterday evening.

also my father was persuaded that he really did want to buy me an ipad for an early birthday present, so that has kept me entertained ever since...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:51, Reply)

If they scream, give them the hose.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:53, Reply)

From my experience
they only start screaming when I 'give them the hose'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

so wrong it's almost right

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

screaming laughing
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I failed to do almost everything I intended to do
which is beginning to cause just a tiny bit of concern, work-wise, but I did make some really nice food. Oh and I worked out that, after bills etc, I will have approximately £150 to last me the month, next month. After the bash this will probably be about £50. Joys.
(berk, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I've just come back to work after ten days' holiday.
Ten minutes in and already had a row with someone who's rapidly proving themselves to be the office jobsworth. Good start.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Fucking smack them, K.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

He's on the apps side of the fence. Tried to put an apps call through to him at 25 past
and he wouldn't take it because he hadn't started yet. Well neither had I and here I was working. His words were "that's your problem".

I'm really starting to dislike that guy. We're all really short-staffed and everybody apart from him is making an effort to cover each other.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Remote restart his PC every 8 mins

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

When he goes to lunch, I'm going to disable his local DHCP client.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I totally know what this means.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

It means his PC won't be able to acquire an automatic DHCP lease from the server
and he wont be able to browse donkey porn. Hope this helps
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:06, Reply)

It won't
Man's a fool.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

And because he's apps, he won't have the faintest idea what to do about it.
They support maybe two or three web apps, we support absolutely everything else and they treat us like their receptionist.

They're supposed to be getting their own external number soon. I can't fucking wait.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Create a custom GPO for his account and/or PC and change his login message each day

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

Or not give him access to anything at all.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

I spent a happy week modifying someone's backdrop a small amout each day
He only noticed when the pic of him standing next to his Cessna sprouted the Eiffel Tower in the background
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:13, Reply)

This is wonderfully passive-aggressive.
I'd do it myself only we have a company-wide background. I might localise his, though, and start adding tiny cocks.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I remember someone posting a story liek this on QOTW
it was a picture of the guys house, and they were making his trees grow taller, and moving his ivy and adding extra windows.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

It is excellent fun
I added a flying saucer, changed the ID markings on the plane to spell BUM, added the head of Elvis into the cockpit window, landed a Concorde in the background and was found out by the Eiffel Tower
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

This makes me wish we did't have ours set by policy.
It would amuse me very much.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Domain Admins FTW
I set my old bosses login box to say

"Do not login unless you are a fool". It stayed like that for 2 years before he noticed
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

I'm not sure how
opening an general post office for his local police constable or how having a different personal message awaiting him each day as he goes to the shitter will help, but if you think that's the answer then who am I to comment?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

NIcely done

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

I was worried it might be a trifle convoluted.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

Stab him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:01, Reply)

I don't understand the nerd revenges being suggested above
So do this.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I'm on his side, if everyone works more than they're paid to
the managment won't accept there's a problem and hire more drones.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

He's not doing it out of a sense of greater bigger-picture altruism
he's doing it because he's a jobsworthy cunt.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I can appreciate the mind set that says
"I'm not being paid to work so I won't"
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:05, Reply)

I thought you communists were supposed to work for the greater good?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

NOT WITHIN A CORRUPT SYSTEM MAN!!!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

It doesn't make sense.
Maybe he's not really one. Maybe it's all just a pose.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

It's a very clever one.
I hear girls online love a communist.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

They do?
*feels a resurgence of communist principals*
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:12, Reply)

No wait...
There are no girls on the internet.
And they all hate communists.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

OK then, all good.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

See change of username and sig.
Also, much as it pains me to say it, Chompy has a point.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

You are slowly disappearing Quix
By the end of the week you will just be Q, with no sig.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Q has it's apeal.
Not least for the Star Trek Reference.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

*doesn't get it*

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:16, Reply)

'Q' was a character in Star Trek the Next Generation.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

There was a star trek character called Q
He was basically a bored and petulant god with a warped sence of humour.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBTRp80Q64U&feature=related
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

I'll accept your explanation without watching the clip from Star Trek, I think.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Fair does.
In my defence it's from ages ago when I used to watch that stuff.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:29, Reply)

That's because you are a communist.
People don't get promotions and pay rises if they act like this.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Firstly I'm not.
Secondly, if I was it would have very little to do with no wanting to do work when not paid to, thirdly even though I tit around on here all day I've had a rather substantial pay-rise in the last 6 months and fourthly, I suspect your point generally holds true.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Yeah but there's doing it for management or being asked by them.
And there's being a spanner to one of your colleagues.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Don't stand for that shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I win in the end though, Monty
He's a good few years younger than me and he's going bald and I'm not.

HAH
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Sweet justice.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:02, Reply)

I didn't know you worked with Al.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

I was gonna say something a lot like this.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:11, Reply)

Alright al?
Didn't overdose on deep fried Mars Bars at the weekend, I see.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I forgot
I took the kids to our neighbours four year old daughter's birthday party at a pirate themed indoor play area. It was great I waiting until they were all distracted by all the toys and stole all their chips. I even stole half a fish finger off my daughter, and you know what, I reckon even if I had gotten caught I could of kicked the shit out of them. 10 3-4 year old girls against me with a hangover and gobfull of chips. No contest.
( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:56, Reply)

Hard man on the internet
Kid's parties = good chance to eat loads of flumps/haribo/cake
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Cruise for a piece of ass.
Alt: I can't believe no one has mentioned PREDATOR which was on last night. Followed by NEW JACK CITY.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I missed both of these
Shit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Maybe it's because 'FILM' is 'BENT'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:04, Reply)

Hello Monty.
Someone over on /talk stole your username on Friday night. It was hilarious*


*May not have actually been hilarious
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Hahahahah. Ha. Ha.


Ha.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:09, Reply)

They also pretended to be Gonz for a bit.
Tsk. I mean, who on earth would pretend to be someone else for the shit and giggles, eh?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:15, Reply)

Who indeed.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Me.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Ah yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I didn't do it for long though.
Being you was horrid.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

To be fair, even Monty thinks that being him is horrid.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

I tried looking at /talk on Friday night.
I wasn't impressed.
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Sometimes there's a good flow of wit.
Sometimes there is not.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:20, Reply)

More often than not, not.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:23, Reply)

Last time I was at one of them I had a hideous hangover
You have my sympathy.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Smashing weekend, thanks.
Picked Blousie up from the station on Saturday afternoon, went for a curry and then some ale that evening. Took the dog to the beach yesterday and laughed like a mong at her surfing the waves, then off to see a cracking local band in the afternoon, before joining the in-laws for an Italian.

Alt alt: Was it? I didn't see it on account of being too busy having a social life, see?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Excellent weekend
Made some golpeadores for my favoutite guitar (a bit like scratchplates but clear and bigger) restrung 3 guitars and had a smashing steak dinner at the G/F's place on saturday. Jamming with some mates on sunday lunchtime then a two-hour walk around the local countryside with the G/F (and Lottie the mental Jack Russell). All good!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:40, Reply)

Very nice indeed.
Nice of you to drop in, by the way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)