In my hand is a fucking big machete so watch out. I am not in the mood for any cunts today.
Alt: What are you? 12 or something?

Fuckwit.

disclaimer: I am in a very very bad mood this morning. Politeness and civility do not exist on planet Battered today.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:53, 7 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Tell auntie Blouse all about it.

( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Annoying former colleagues. Annoying Orange mobile phone company. Annoying wife. Annoying neighbours. Annoying headhunter I have to meet this afternoon. Annoying cat puking on my carpet. Annoying central heating system that failed to come on this morning. Annoying bank manager. Annoying in-laws.

Need I go on?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:56, Reply)

please do

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:57, Reply)

At least Dale Farm lost in court.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:57, Reply)

YAY!!!!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Well at least you have your health.
*hopes battered isn't ill*
( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Thankfully my health is fine thanks.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Chill out mate, it might never happen/it's probably not that bad/it'll all work out

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:54, Reply)

FUCK OFF SHIT CUNT

nothing personal
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Answers to your problems in order:
Ak 47, letter bombs, 'stair fall', letterbox + piss, musket, pitbull terrier, hammer, Monty's patented credit score building scheme, pilers + brake lines.

I hope this helps
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:03, Reply)

These are helpful ta. Except pilers. What the hell are they? Some sort of homo?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:05, Reply)

dammit
*pliers*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:06, Reply)

It's OK old chap - you're amongst 'lades' here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:56, Reply)

dictionary.reference.com/browse/lades
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Ah OK that fits quite well, then.
You are indeed amongst 'burdens' here.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:03, Reply)

I thought he was referring to the verb:
"to take on a load"
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:07, Reply)

I thought it was going to mean benders

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Chillax the fuck up.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Not good fella, hope all work out

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:00, Reply)

o good god gracious
I hope kristine doesn't use this foul mood of yours too bully you off the board again!

LOL
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Oh good it's Bert.
I am just in the mood for you today. Bring it on shitface.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:03, Reply)

You're like a tyrannosaurus rex!
only without the massive jaws and teeth, the enormous towering size and the incredible predatory hunting ability

just flidarms

RAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:04, Reply)

This is the best thing that will appear on the board today.
I guarantee it.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:07, Reply)

It made me smile but I just didn't want to admit it.

( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:08, Reply)

why bar set so low?

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:09, Reply)

We're not really high achievers on off-topic.

( girlinthehole, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:10, Reply)

We are the extra chromosome of b3ta
*licks window*
*wanks on cat*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:11, Reply)

*throws cat at window*
*cries online*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:13, Reply)

*bum pics*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:14, Reply)

*fucks sister*
*drink drives home*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:15, Reply)

*buys expensive cardigan*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:16, Reply)

You've lost me now

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:17, Reply)

that numpty Barry spent £180 on a cardigan when he was broke

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Mr B.Eastenders does love his clothing

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:19, Reply)

Don't be so hard on yourself
I know you're a sock puppet, but even sock puppets can have funny moments.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:10, Reply)

HUGZ

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Excellent
For once I won't be the grumpiest cunt here.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:08, Reply)

I SAW A GRUMPY CUNT ONCE
at least, I think it was grumpy, its smile was sideways
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:12, Reply)

She was Chinese

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:13, Reply)

This is also not a bad posting
Keep it up
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 18 Oct 2011, 9:14, Reply)