CRAFT CORNER
I have recently discovered that I am not half bad (if you will pardon my immodesty) at millinery for children. I shall attach a pic in replies forthwith for you to judge for yourselves). What about you?

Are you a crafty type (I am leaving this open for LOLarious 'mis' interpretations, for those desperate to garner a reputation as an 'online comedian')? Or are you a ham-fisted cuntface? I am completely shit at DIY/painting & decorating but quite good at musical things and drawing. Make of that what you will.

Alt: why are you SO FUCKING ANNOYING?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:51, 105 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I'm absolutely hamfisted
Can't draw, play an instrument, anything that would class as artistic talent. However, I can build computer systems, fix many PC problems, and I'm a fast learner when it comes to problems I've not faced before.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:53, Reply)

and what makes you suitable for this job?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:55, Reply)

YM

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:55, Reply)

Unless the problem is the repeated purchase of awful t-shirts, it seems.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:58, Reply)

I've never bought any of the 'wacky' t-shirts
All have been bought for me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:59, Reply)

I'll bet when you got caught with jazz mags
you claimed to be 'looking after them for a friend' too.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Do you really think I'm stupid enough to get caught with them?
...On second thought, don't answer that.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:13, Reply)

'They're Neil Buchanan's, dad, honest'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:15, Reply)

"No, not the buckle again!"

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:16, Reply)

He's referring to your 'Liverpol' top from the market stall AA
What with you being such a stalwart 'fan' of the club
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:04, Reply)

Haha

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:12, Reply)

I am a crafting genius
having just modified some safety goggles for use at a Steampunk night later this week.

alt: because I don't stop talking, I think I'm funny and probably some other reason I haven't become aware of yet
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:54, Reply)

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:55, Reply)

would

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:57, Reply)

Have.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:57, Reply)

you dirty ol' bastard, she looks like she's into allsorts

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:58, Reply)

You have NO IDEA.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:59, Reply)

Have you ever heard of the 'Angry Pirate'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 16:59, Reply)

that's why she's encircling one eye
showing you where to aim
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:01, Reply)

wouldn't now.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:00, Reply)

Hahahaha, yeah', 12 years or soo, maybe 11 if she gets into smoking and they keep the age for fags right.
I guess I can wait as long as it's not the _next_ time for me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:02, Reply)

that's rather fab.
I approve.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:26, Reply)

i read that as
"al: why are you SO FUCKING ANNOYING?" then.

where is that waste of vegetable growing skin today, anyway?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:01, Reply)

He is ill, I think.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:07, Reply)

Hahahah
You sooo want to do that thing where someone sucks your finger and they do the same thing to your thinggy at the same time, to Al. You'd love that.

Happily married though, gutted.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:12, Reply)

you mean give him a blow job?
no thanks, think i'll pass!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:13, Reply)

+ then blame your trainee. For the second time today.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:18, Reply)

you're in so much trouble
well, as much trouble as you can be with someone you've met once who is a good few miles away.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:25, Reply)

I am incontinent with fear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:29, Reply)

so you should be
raaaaaawr.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:32, Reply)

with fear

lolzers.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:39, Reply)

this really shouldn't have made me laugh
but it did anyway
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:41, Reply)

Hah, you would love every minute of it, and it makes me feel grim if I say that about most people.
You know, one of those blowjobs where he sucks on your finger and whatever he does to your finger, you do to his willy.

Just think how submisive you'll get to be.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:23, Reply)

i am wondering why i have never heard of this thing
blowies, yes. finger-sucking, yes.

but this game? new one on me.

have you just made it up??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:25, Reply)

I'm pretty sure I haven't made it up myself, but nobody I've, erm, done that with, knew about it before I mentioned it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:27, Reply)

i haven't met a man yet
who would be able to concentrate on finger-sucking for more than the beginning bits of a blowjob. this is the flaw in the plan.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:31, Reply)

It's good to do it a few times to show them what bits you like and what you don't.
Anyway, I'm going home now, L8erz.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:35, Reply)

Not if you're doing it right, anyway.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:36, Reply)

Thus speaks the 'mothercunting world taht.'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:51, Reply)

I think it must be made up
it sounds completely and utterly grim though to borrow a phrase
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:44, Reply)

I know what each word you've said in the second paragraph mean, mostly, but I can't work out what you're trying to say.
Can you please tell me clearly, what the fuck it is you want from me, 'cus I don't have a clue.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:01, Reply)

ARE.YOU.ANY.GOOD.AT.CRAFT.TYPE.STUFF?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:10, Reply)

Oh, I'm alright, I guess, I donno, don't get a chance to do it that often.
I can perfectly joint a chicken though, if that helps.When I say perfectly, I mean french butcher in the centre of paris style perfect.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:13, Reply)

It'll help when Lusty and I come to dinner at yours*

*if we're having chicken
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:14, Reply)

Next week?
She asked me about this wed but I'm s00o0o0o0o0o stupidly barrasic that I've even had to dig out the credit cards, when I get paid on thurs I'll be alright again for a little while. Next week though, well up for it, donno what exactly to make yet, but I'll come up with something lush =)
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:22, Reply)

Sounds good to me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:27, Reply)

unless you mean you can do it in 20 seconds, drunk, with your eyes closed,
whilst smoking a gitane and inappropriately touching one of the young female counter staff, you might want to re-think your idea of perfectly.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:17, Reply)

Ha ha.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:35, Reply)

I can make origami crows.
I saw lots of crows and corvids this weekend. Some of them were stuffed.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:12, Reply)

What the fuck is millinery for children?
I am not crafty, because crafting is for old women who watch QVC
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:25, Reply)

Hats for children, you pitiful dunce.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:28, Reply)

CAn you knit me a "baseball cap" with "NY" on the front please?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:30, Reply)

I could buy you one while i'm in New York this weekend.
But I won't.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:30, Reply)

there you are!
it's like candyman, only with vegetables!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:31, Reply)

Yeah. You mention my name and thirty minutes later, I appear.
It's fucking uncanny.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:33, Reply)

canny lucky
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:40, Reply)

Look who's not ill anymore!
My sister is going there, mayeb I'll get her to buy me an I-phone
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:32, Reply)

I could buy you an iphone if you like.
You need to send me the money first, and some commission. I reckon my time spent buying it is worth about £50. Sound fair?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:34, Reply)

I'm rather ace at crafts.
My speciality is scrapbooks, which are sort of like collages. I do them for all the relatives for big birthdays and stuff, and they're usually well received.

I'm going to be making most of my xmas presents this year, so if anyone has any crafty ideas of things to make, let me know.

Points will be deducted for any ideas that involve bodily fluids.

Alt: I'm not fucking annoying. It's teh rest of the bastard mothercunting world taht's annoying. And they can all cunt off.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:29, Reply)

you cheap bastard
'oh yey, great, thanks b3th, you made me a macaroni picture...of, of course I'll put it on the fridge'
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:31, Reply)

screw you, bitch!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:35, Reply)

You're a 'mothercunting world taht'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:37, Reply)

Isn't she just.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:38, Reply)

*cries*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:45, Reply)

I'm fucking brilliant at DIY the second time I attempt something
the first time is normally a bit of a mess, and usually results in a big fight with the Mrs.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:32, Reply)

i have put silicone around the end of the bath 7 FUCKING TIMES
but it keeps peeling off, I am really at the end of my teher with it
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:34, Reply)

Are you preparing it properly?
It needs to be totally dry and free of dust and dirt.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:35, Reply)

and he needs to use actual silicone sealant
rather than just loading an applicator gun with spunk.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:38, Reply)

That's a lot of spunk.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:39, Reply)

hasn't Mrs Ape recently had a baby?
it's not like he's going to be allowed to put it anywhere else.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:40, Reply)

There's always teh oven glove...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:46, Reply)

why the fuck would you use an oven glove?
you have to put your hands in it afterwards. That's just odd.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:48, Reply)

I have resealed my bath three times in ten years.
It doesn't peel off, but goes black and mouldy in one corner. I believe this is because the bath is not completely leve.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:40, Reply)

You're not completely "leve" either.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:44, Reply)

His problems began when he started parking his Chevy on the corner of the bath
/badlyspelledmusicgag
( Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:45, Reply)

It's the whisky and rye that really scuppers it.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:47, Reply)

And Monty has quite the collection of "good old boys"

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:48, Reply)

and all of that on the day that he dies

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:51, Reply)

That is extremely poor.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:49, Reply)

Sorry, the internet has judged you and found you lacking.

( Kroney, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:55, Reply)

*Bangs Gavel again*

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:59, Reply)

'Leve' the internet.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:46, Reply)

I'm afraid Kroney's response is far funnier than yours.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:47, Reply)

Fucking hell, really?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:49, Reply)

Yes. *Bangs Gavel* NEXT!

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:50, Reply)

Oh lol, I put all my medical stuff on a shared calendar for a few people at work so they can plan stuff around it.
This morning my auto-correct put in "Nude injection" instead of "Nurse injection".

=S
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:41, Reply)

sexeh!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:46, Reply)

I am hamfisted
I can't sew a button on, let alone do anything needing more dexterity
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:45, Reply)

You're hamtouching.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:46, Reply)

Not that either

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 17:51, Reply)

I would class myself competent as a DIYer and a organic chemist

but I remain annoyingly bad at anything musical
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 18:28, Reply)

seeing as Boyce is ignoring me because I mention zombies in my sig.
I am going to do the following:

Accuse him of quendery
Make the allegation that the 'Boyce' in his name refers to his penchant for 'boys'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 18:35, Reply)

What does he have against zombies?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 18:41, Reply)

Evening PD

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 18:44, Reply)

Oh I nearly forgot to point out
I saw my first non-commercial christmas decorations up and lit yesterday. Do I win?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 18:49, Reply)

I'm surprised that they ever take their Christmas decorations down round your way

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 18:58, Reply)

there are some places
in some parts of swansea that don't
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 18:59, Reply)

There's little to do in Wales apart from staring sullenly at the tatty christmas decorations from poundworld or fingering your reluctant sister

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 19:02, Reply)

didn't realise you lived round here

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 19:03, Reply)

I've seen that documentary 'Cavey come home'

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 19:04, Reply)

when I was a bairn they stayed up until March.
Poor, working class and Scottish. What do you expect?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 19:02, Reply)

Needs more diazepam

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 19:03, Reply)

troo.
Goat any jellies ken?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 19:05, Reply)

Here's one I made earlier
www.b3ta.com/links/397621
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 19:19, Reply)

I can be quite creative when I have the time and the mood takes me
I've done some halfway decent paintings, drawings, made clothes etc. And I'm not bad at creating interesting food and can play several instruments.

Alt: because I'm a sanctimonious cunt, apparently.
(berk, Mon 24 Oct 2011, 19:33, Reply)