Right Monty! Remember that beer I sent for you to try
Well I was at a charity event today and bought 31 raffle tickets cos the prize was a crate of the stuff and of course I fucking won it. I'm now putting a large dent in it and am nicely pissed.

So even though it is half nine on a Saturday night and you and anyone else with a fucking life are not around I feel compelled to ask to B3ta masses "Why the fuck do people believe in any God when the whole idea is so preposterous?" Oh and if he is so fucking great why did it take 1000000000000 years to invent film? Monty is really in to film.

Oh yeah and he took his fucking time getting to decent 60's and 70's rock too.

alt. if you were in the 1500's and some fucker tried to entertain you with a lute where would you tell him to stick it?

alt alt. My kids are fucking awesome. If you don't have kids feel free to have some moan about a. people that do have kids or b. why you never would have kids but I can assure you that nearly everyone who does have kids (even monty the most negative person you know) thinks they are fucking awesome. Today I had to go to this charity thing where a mate and his misses shaved there heads. My mother said "I think you should explain what is about to happen to Akira so she doesn't get scared" I said "Akira Andrew and Jenny are going to have all their hair cut off in a minute" Her response was "SHOW ME!" she dragged me to the front of the hall and whilst the guy from the local papers was taking pictures of them with hair she was hitting them with a balloon shouting "DO IT! DO IT!"

I fucking love my kids. What have you witnessed younguns doing that made you larf?

This thread will get less than 5 replies. Night night.
( Peej, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 21:50, 141 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I like things too.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 21:57, Reply)

Parenthood is ftw of all time. Awesome.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:20, Reply)

Parenthood, shit happens.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:21, Reply)

You've been a dad for five minutes you plum.
Shut the fuck up you sanctimonious ball bag.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:35, Reply)

It takes less than 5 seconds
Its like a smack in the face, It didn't happen with kid #2 because I already knew what was coming.
( Peej, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:41, Reply)

My bro has two little ones ! It's not easy

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:47, Reply)

I also have two little ones
It's very easy.
( Peej, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:58, Reply)

bollocks is it, it's a massive responsibility and sometimes quite irritating. Don't lie PJ.
Are you saying every second with your ball droppings is pure bliss? are you? are you? 'cause if you are you are a liar.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:01, Reply)

apologies for the aggressiveness of this post.
I understand you love your kids etc etc but don't say they aren't hard work sometimes.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:03, Reply)

Apologies? On the internet? What are you? A raging left footer?

( Peej, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:04, Reply)

Well I don't know you and don't want to be a cunt until you give me reason to be innit.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:07, Reply)

Nope it's not always bliss
But it's not exactly difficult. Especially when you love the little brats. I would say the only hard part at this stage is interrupted sleep and I'm more than used to it now.

However when they are 13 and older I am sure it will be very difficult.
( Peej, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:04, Reply)

boys or girls?
my bro has a 3 yr old and 1 yr old , both boys.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:06, Reply)

girls

( Peej, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 6:18, Reply)

*fives*
I've just found Kickboxer on channel 5, WOOT
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:56, Reply)

Not enough people these days wear a sleeveless denim jacket over a naked torso

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:57, Reply)

I've got MOTD on.
But I might doze off to Kickboxer.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:58, Reply)

I actually prefer Bloodsport, but beggers etc..

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 22:59, Reply)

A fan of the used jam-rag are you, eh?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:01, Reply)

urgh you horrible puppy

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:03, Reply)

Universal Soldier ftw

( Peej, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:05, Reply)

Hitman appears to be on Film4
Anyone know if it's worth watching?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:06, Reply)

skip it to be honest, really shit.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:07, Reply)

The ten seconds before the adbreak
looked pretty dire. And the first advert was for MaxPayne next Saturday
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:08, Reply)

film of game= shit 9 x out of 10

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:11, Reply)

Silent Hill was the exception for me
but then I didn't know Silent Hill very well
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:12, Reply)

Mario film was excellent

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:13, Reply)

With bob Hoskins?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:16, Reply)

You sorted the house out yet?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:14, Reply)

No not at all
I have the whole night. It'll be fine
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:25, Reply)

Woo!
Cavy will bring a zomibie party over to you.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:32, Reply)

Pfft they'd have short shrift here
unless zombies are excellent at tidying, doing the washing up and some hoovering
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:33, Reply)

Looking at the state of the windows outside British Home Stores
I'd say not.

The security bloke had the hump about the amount of fake blood on the windows.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:41, Reply)

Then they'll have to stay away
how can one person who hasn't cooked at all, have this much washing up is what I want to know.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:43, Reply)

I liked it too
Took some nice ideas from the game
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:15, Reply)

Awful, saw it last week

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:12, Reply)

This damned dirty ape speaks the truth

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:14, Reply)

Haha pussy

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:26, Reply)

You caused that.
Don't do it again Bob.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:27, Reply)

Cause and effect jeff
He made me do it, and there's plenty more where that came from
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:28, Reply)

If you're taking the Internet that seriously, then you need to have a word with yourself.
I call all manner of people all manner of things on here.

I wouldn't dream of questioning berk/b3th/swipe about their relationships in real life, but online, it's a bit of banter.

Just remember that some of the stuff you say, especially about someones kids, is taking it a bit far.

*rant over*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:31, Reply)

All valid points but there is also a point where playing nicely doesn't work and you have to take an edge.
No I don't take it that seriously but his relentless piss taking was beginning to grate. Now he knows that if continues to be a dick for no reason I will take it a lot further than he will be comfortable with.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:33, Reply)

We'll leave it there Bob.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:42, Reply)

alright Dad, I still love you though.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:43, Reply)

I'm glad we talked.
*sobs*
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:49, Reply)

*flicks v's when backs turned*

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:51, Reply)

*Docks pocket money*

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:52, Reply)

*steals from mums (b3th's) purse*

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:54, Reply)

You're such an unbelievable bellend.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:12, Reply)

yet again, as it's you I feel comforted.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 1:52, Reply)

What's going on in here then?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:36, Reply)

shenanigans

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:37, Reply)

I disapprove of shenanigans. There have been too many shenanigans this week.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:40, Reply)

B3th. Have they dusted the bar yet?
I left comments.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:42, Reply)

I don't know, Jeff. I'm not brave enough to go there on my own.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:45, Reply)

B3th, if times allows, I'll finish your C.V next week.
Promise.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:48, Reply)

That would be cool.
I haven't seen any more possibilities yet, but I'm still looking.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:50, Reply)

I promise I'll help
I just need my work to get a bit less intense!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:51, Reply)

Take your time. I don't want to stress you out.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:54, Reply)

You two are cute

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:57, Reply)

We certainly are. Well, I'm cute. Jeff is more ruggedly handsome.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:59, Reply)

i would

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:01, Reply)

I have.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:03, Reply)

And I never felt it!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:03, Reply)

I meant me, silly.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:04, Reply)

He's your dad you sick fuck ;)

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:03, Reply)

if it's ok for bert

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:06, Reply)

Fuck it, I like a bit of anarchy every now and again. I am in a devil may care mood and feel like starting fires.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:43, Reply)

Hitman is really bizarrely
exactly the same as the game stylistically
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:45, Reply)

yeah he is bald and moves like a mannequin

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:46, Reply)

Exactly!
He's actually gliding down corridors
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:47, Reply)

it's a shame they don't let the game writers write thefilms they would do a much better job
They've made him a bit of a pussy in this.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:48, Reply)

Stopped watching now

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:51, Reply)

yeah tidy up you stop out

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:54, Reply)

I have HOURS left
this is more than enough time /desperate. I'm watching South Park instead
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:55, Reply)

actually that's fine, it's a brilliant show.

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:57, Reply)

It was that or Constantine

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:57, Reply)

not a bad film
6.5/10
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:58, Reply)

Amberl.
Get on with the housework.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:57, Reply)

I have no motivation
not even the threat of being lynched
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:00, Reply)

Would the threat of the tickling stick help?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:01, Reply)

Tickling me is dangerous
I'll fight to the death. The problem is I keep rationalising how long it'll take me.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:02, Reply)

It'll take you longer than you realise.
Get it done.

*Dad lesson lover*

I'm going back to bed.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:04, Reply)

Sleep well
*decides to tidy up the only warm room*

Should've put the central heating on
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:07, Reply)

Well, fucking stop it.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:46, Reply)

shan't

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:48, Reply)

There is nothing more preposterous than our own existence so whatever god anyone believes in..
..already exists under a multi-coloured blanket of ridiculousness that renders it worth nothing more than a passing 'pfft'.

Alt: In the anus of one who would appreciate such things

Alt alt: Any stories of my children being amazing and funny (events as regular as my breathing) fall into the category of 'you had to be there' or 'you have to not despise children
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:47, Reply)

Speaking as someone who is childless
I don't hate children. In fact, I'm really good with kids - people keep telling me about it. I just don't like badly behaved children, and I know the perfect child does not exist. Based on the assumption that I wouldn't produce the first perfect sprog in the history of the world, I'm probably better off not bothering. Also, I'm old now.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sat 29 Oct 2011, 23:53, Reply)

night night you sexy bitches

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:03, Reply)

Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Night.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Sun 30 Oct 2011, 0:05, Reply)

i'm back from being a zombie
and i didn't get arrested - yay

although now i have lost my voice from all the groaning (zombie groaning, not like anyhthing rude or owt)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 1:21, Reply)

was it fun? my mate said fireworks were thrown?

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 1:37, Reply)

yeah theres an argument on the fb group
some twat threw a firework into a crowd. About 5 people got arrested, too, but none of them me

was fun
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 1:38, Reply)

ill find out who it was: naughty cunt

( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 1:43, Reply)

I have drunk a glass of wine left over from earlier
and then opened another and drunk that.

Now I am contemplating opening another bottle (I've got fucking loads).

Talk me out of it.

Also compliment me for not typing like a drunk spastic.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 1:28, Reply)

Why would we talk you out of it?

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 1:53, Reply)

For my own good
As it happens, I had a pint of water instead. No hangover for me!

*crosses fingers*
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 1:44, Reply)

I donno what I believe but I think I believe in some sort of god, it's not proposperious.
I've made forums and websites that comunities have grown up in. I didn't create the content, I didn't create every post, I just created the facility for poeple to post messages. Let's say God created the planet, let's say he set up things, and things grew organicly. The 60s and 70s happened when they did because we were at the right point of evolution and development for that to happen, we were at the right level of understanding to create the invenetions that happened in that timezone. Incidently, it'll be fucking cool to have technology today of the year 2090s, but time will have to be patient, for us to reach that point we have to go throug hte 2080s and 2070s (etc) and have those developments... you can skip forward on an infinate-page-size book, but you won't understand all the characters.... The Matrix 3 would make no sense without the first two.

Maybe God did exist and is no longer about, maybe he died, maybe he stopped caring ? Maybe he's buggered off creating other realities? Rob and Cal don't check in on this place all the time.

There is room for a belief in God _and_ science.

How comes _every_ single culture, throughout history, cultures that have and no connection to each other what so ever, no possible way to link to each other, Myans and Mongolians, Azteks and Aborigionaies, how comes every single one of them reference some kind of god? How did they all get the same idea, draw the same conclusion, and yet no possible way of linking them?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 10:40, Reply)

I generally put it down to a fear of death.

( Peej, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 10:57, Reply)

And ignorance of science.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 11:03, Reply)

No, not at all. Plenty of scientests who are respected as what we currently regard as 'fact' believe in some part of religion.
Science, "the persuite for absolute truth", does not neglate the existanse of god.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 11:07, Reply)

Yeah', that's part of it, or maybe not fear of death, but fear of the thought that your loved one's are going to end up decomposed coprses who are literally bug food...
...that the person who wiped your bum as you grew up and molded you into the person you are today, will end up like that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 11:04, Reply)

You mean mister smith the geography teacher?

( Peej, Sun 30 Oct 2011, 14:56, Reply)