The only things of any use to a newcomer would be explanations for all the memes and in-jokes
Par example:

"Who is this Bert person everyone keeps telling to fuck off?"
"Why is everyone so obsessed with autism?"
"What purpose does that Quentin cunt serve? Is it OK to call him a cunt? I've only been here five minutes and he seems like a cunt"
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:25, 2 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I quite like figuring it all out when I poked my nose on here originally

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:27, Reply)

BOAT LOL

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:28, Reply)

Apart from BOAT

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:29, Reply)

BOAT LOL
I wish Al was here to re-live BOAT.
( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:48, Reply)

indeed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:48, Reply)

If a newcomer stumbles in here without lurking for a while to work out what's going on
they deserve everything they get for being stupid.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:29, Reply)

Oh this^
I lurked for many a month
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:29, Reply)

I was watching several posters for years before I dipped my toe in one evening

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:30, Reply)

Is this a rape thing?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:31, Reply)

I wonder how many people lurk around here?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:32, Reply)

I think anyone lurking here should reply below

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:33, Reply)

That seems to have worked well, I feel

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:36, Reply)

They've probably got me on ignore already.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:36, Reply)

*checks*
I only have one person on ignore
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:38, Reply)

GOSSIP
Who?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:44, Reply)

mortal wombat yeah
apparently. I think he was posting massive pics on here
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:45, Reply)

I think that account got banned or something.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:46, Reply)

meh
I'll leave it ignored
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:47, Reply)

Oh that's fair enough
I've only ever had one person on ignore, then I decided it was daft; unlike MW, it was someone who was contributing a lot so I was missing stuff
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:51, Reply)

We get on a bit better now though eh?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:56, Reply)

HAHAHA DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE
I totally PRETENDED I still had you on ignore when I never have HAHAHA
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 16:08, Reply)

I waded straight in like a FOOL
and got the full treatment. I would therefore agree with your assesment.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:31, Reply)

I was going to question whether there was such a thing as a newcomer
as lurking is the usual method of (not)joining in, but you have challenged this viewpoint.
I, on the other hand, lurked for far longer than was really healthy...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:33, Reply)

I think lurking is a bit weird.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:33, Reply)

Why?
Think of it as research
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:35, Reply)

It's like listening in to conversations.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:36, Reply)

Maybe
Or like sitting in the corner with friends and not joining in to their conversation
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:36, Reply)

But your friends can't see you.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:37, Reply)

I'm blind OK?
Don't fucking rub it in
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:38, Reply)

Being blind doesn't make you invisible.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Who said that?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:39, Reply)

Hahahahahahahaha!
*clicks*
( girlinthehole, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:46, Reply)

I find the idea of all the shite on here being read out to you in a Hawking voice by your blind-man's computer
Absolutely hilarious
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:40, Reply)

haha!
As do I
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:41, Reply)

Is this not what normal people do then?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:37, Reply)

lurking on here is weird
I used to lurk and read board and QOTW, but that makes more sense i think...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Depends on how long you do it for
Oh...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:35, Reply)

Erm, I'm with Chompy on this one, actually
Someone who lurks for months on end can wade into conversations armed with knowledge about the participants - "So, Monty, you're skint because you take MASSIVE DRUGS, and I understand you, Mr DogFucker, make bad jokes!" - and they know nowt about that person. If that happened IRL you'd be well freaked out
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:40, Reply)

To be honest I've been here since the beginning
and I still have no fucking idea what's going on.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:35, Reply)

It reads like a drunken night out, most of the time

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 1 Nov 2011, 15:44, Reply)