You know you watch too much sci-fi when you hear someone say "Starbucks"
and your brain goes straight to Battlestar Galactica, ignoring the preposterously ubiquitous purveyors of overpriced coffee-based beverages (and overpriced wheat-based foodstuffs).

Bit of advice from those of you with massive brains, please. These shits are unrelenting. All I ate last night was chunky vegetable soup and I was to and fro from the can throughout the early hours. Given that I can't get a doctor's appointment until next week, is my only option to starve myself, and therefore the virus?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:49, 5 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

You know you watch too much sci-fi
when you watch any sci-fi at all.

Rory put it best: 'EastEnders in space'.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:50, Reply)

Do mine eyes deceive me?
Monty Boyce, WRONG on the internet? Why, surely this must be a herald of the forthcoming apocalypse!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:53, Reply)

He's not wrong about BSG.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:55, Reply)

Roald Dahl's disappointing etc etc

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:55, Reply)

'Granddaughter'?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:56, Reply)

I'd disappoint her until her fillings rattled.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:57, Reply)

Do you think Cullum has to stand on a stepladder for his conjugal rights?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:00, Reply)

If I ever see Cullum on a step ladder
I hope he's trying to kick it out from under himself with a noose around his neck.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:05, Reply)

Probably just a platform of his own smugness.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:06, Reply)

They were saying on a radio station how much they hate her.
And all I could think of was how I'd like to sit her up on top of the washing machine and put the spin cycle on.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:06, Reply)

He really, really is
Morning
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Morning.
I have to say, I am tempted to admit that it's me that's wrong about BSG. People who's opinions I respect hugely* are in love with the show, but I just don't get it. So it's probably me.

*i.e. Not B3tans.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:01, Reply)

I've come to the conclusion that it's either something you get or you don't
Opinion seems to be firmly divided between the horribly devoted fanboys, and those with no time for it whatsoever. I maintain it's not just a sci-fi show, but the trappings of space travel and big scary robots will deter many.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:04, Reply)

I don't have a problem with the robots and space stuff.
I honestly think that it's just that I find Starbuck so deeply unlikeable as an actress and character that I can't get beyond that.

Also, the line 'No more Mr Nice Gaius' put me off the writing forever.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:08, Reply)

I tuned out when Face out of the A-Team stopped being in it.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:14, Reply)

HAHAHA of fuck me, that's some poor writing right there.
I like how they thoroughly get the Greek theme wrong as well. Where's the moussaka for fucks sake.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:15, Reply)

And lo, did Zeus proclaim to Apollo "less garlic in the hummous lad"

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:17, Reply)

No doubt they'll need bailed out by the Cylons.
"All base ships are in attack position."

"Whoah there, hold on lads. Have you seen their debt ratios? No need to waste any ships here, phone Goldmans."
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Hahaha
Early POTD
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Fair play, you've at least given it a punt
It is bloody difficult to get on with a show when you hate one of the major players. The missus insisted on getting me into Babylon 5 and it's much better than I was expecting, but includes the single worst character in the history of all television.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Barbara Windsor?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Would you smash it?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Wig on or off?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:22, Reply)

It'd have to be off. Wouldn't it?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Michael Garibaldi

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Gerraatmypab!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Wesley Crusher?

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Tron?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Yep. Minimum of 24 hours. Drink plenty of water to help flush it out.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Yeah, I was afraid of that
I'm not good with not eating, as my proud, manly waistline will attest.

Good night?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Are you going to bed already?
Night night DF.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:55, Reply)

READ ME A STORY

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:57, Reply)

My brother gave me a 78rpm record of 'The Little Black Sambo' a while back*.
I could put that on for you?

*he really did
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Where the fuck did he find that?
And do I want to know?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:07, Reply)

No idea.
He has his sources. He's like a racist Levi Roots.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:08, Reply)

Very good
How's the Boycette, by the way?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:14, Reply)

Is she one of Monty's backing singers?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:17, Reply)

Eventually
They'll be on Britain's Got Talent in a few years.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Fucking superb, thank you.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Excellent news
Just think, you'll get to show her STAR WARS in a couple of years. Am currently undergoing the joy of watching my nephew fall in love with it
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:24, Reply)

A very good evening thank you.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:15, Reply)

It was fucking excellent.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Indeed. Did you make it in to Chariots before it closed?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:27, Reply)

He was so drunk as to try and shag Martin Offiah?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:28, Reply)

Gay sauna.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Ha ha.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I'm in there now.


Sent from my iPad
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Normally. Although it's odd that you can actually eat.
Rice and steamed chicken, works for me.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:53, Reply)

You're so Jamaican.
Got any 'Reggae Reggae Sauce'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Christ, that stuff is shit.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:00, Reply)

Putting the 'gay' into 'reggae'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:04, Reply)

Yeah, mon.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:06, Reply)

That's so authentic.
Didn't you used to be on 'Desmond's'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:08, Reply)

I am Desmond Dekker. Or Norman Beaton.
I had a drink with Norman Beaton once. True Story.

And Clive Dunn.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:11, Reply)

Was that during that lock-in you had with Jackie Chan that you were on about?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:14, Reply)

The very same.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Is this some kind of "some of my best friends are black*" claim?
You're not fooling me, you massive racist.

*or white actors whose career consist of playing old men.
EDITED FOR CLARITY
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:15, Reply)

Isn't Clive Dunn white?
Norman Beaton was an old man when we had the lock in. Very ill too.

He was on 2 litres of vodka a day.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:16, Reply)

Yes. This should be clearer now
2 litres of vodka a day would make anyone ill, regardless of age.
Apart from Monty, of course, who I think claims to be ageless...
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I wouldn't worry too much.
Stunned poster is making the whole thing up.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Lies? On the internet?
Well I, for one, am shocked and stunned. Oh wait... he already advised me to prepare for that with his username.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:23, Reply)

It's TRUE!!
Norman Beaton at the wrap party for the second to last series of Desmond's and Clive Dunn in the bar at the Masonic Hospital in Hammersmith.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Yes dear.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:31, Reply)

To be fair to Clive Dunne
he actually IS an old man...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:23, Reply)

He was as old as the hills when I saw him.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Now he is, but he has been playing old men throughout his career.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:28, Reply)

He's 91
He's been an old man for most of out lives.

Ok, not 'our' lives becaus we're old.

You win.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:33, Reply)

He was 53 when I was born.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:34, Reply)

68 for me

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I was considering risking a fruit smoothie at lunch
I'm supposed to be playing football tonight, can't see that happening on no food
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:54, Reply)

Yeah', the last thing you wanna do is be running up and down a field.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:01, Reply)

+ shouting 'Chase me! Chase me!'

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Speaking as a doctor,
I can happily advise of a guaranteed cure. Drink two litres of Domestos to kill the bacteria, then stick your face in an angle-grinder until gristly shards of bone and cartilage spray all over the room. You'll be right as rain.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:53, Reply)

This sort of doctoral advice is exactly why the NHS is going down the tubes
You're what's wrong with this country, Monty. Well, you and Derbyshire
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:58, Reply)

It's what happens when your RIGHT to a free education is removed.
No ifs, no buts, no paying tax for us.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:18, Reply)

Oh let's not start that again
Not because it's not valid, it's just SO yesterday
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:20, Reply)

Hahahahaha!
OK, don't get ratty. Are you being sourfaced today because you haven't had your free university education? etc,etc.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:22, Reply)

See my original post for explanation of arseyness
for which I apologise, both now and in advance. It's going to be a long day.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:25, Reply)

It's clearly an evil spirit.
There must be a witch operating in your area. Find her then turn her over to the local witch-finder general.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:58, Reply)

I live in Norfolk
They haven't got as far as fearing and persecuting witches here. I'm pretty sure Delia Smith is one.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 8:59, Reply)

It's probably her. I saw her boil an egg once. WITCHCRAFT!!!!

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Filthy bitch probably ate it afterwards too

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:06, Reply)

Swallowed it right down.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:08, Reply)

With a spoon no less.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:09, Reply)

*lights torch, grabs pitchfork*
I'd put on your running shoes sunshine
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:15, Reply)

I bet that happens a lot round Norfolk.
he's marrying someone outside his family!!!
Lynchmob ASSEMBLE!
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:17, Reply)

That's where Stan Lee got the idea for the Avengers

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 10 Nov 2011, 9:19, Reply)