yay internet dramz!
this is way better than when I said DF's girlfriend looks like an old tube sock

tell me of lies on the internets

I'm not saying it's true but I heard BGB has 8 nipples like a cat
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:23, 118 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

No, I have 8 cats that look like nipples.

( girlinthehole, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:25, Reply)

those are probably the ugliest cats in the world

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I heard that popular forum user PsychoChomp is: charming, witty and well hung.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:26, Reply)

She wants lies, damn you.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:27, Reply)

I heard he has rape eyes

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:27, Reply)

Eyes, so "come to bed" they practically force you.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:28, Reply)

lololololol

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:30, Reply)

I'm sorry, Psychochomp, but you're putting words in your mouth there
*pushes glasses up nose, uses Chompy's username in a patronising fashion, then bashes fist on desk like Tom Cruise when he's acting angry, with a bit of thumb sticking out*
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:33, Reply)

*Throws table over slaps self in head like Nick Cage in pretty much every film*

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:36, Reply)

His dentures are SHIT
They're worse than William Roache's. He can barely talk.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:50, Reply)

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:43, Reply)

fair enough Cagey

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:46, Reply)

i heard that your all very good looking successful and popular IRL

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

I heard quentin won the spelling bee three years in a row

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:34, Reply)

holding out for the 2012 Spell-ympics here
gonna win gold for Britain boys, gonna win gold
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:36, Reply)

What the fuck has been going in here?
I leave you kids alone for half a morning and you can't just get along? I can't keep an eye on you 24 hours a day you know.

I'm working from home. ironically it's kept me with less time to spend on B3ta than normal. I'm busy deciding which DVD to have on in the background.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:35, Reply)

wait, which part of this is lies?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:36, Reply)

The bit about 'background'.
I'll be giving it my full attention.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

you just said you don't have a dvd player
you ninja cunt
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:41, Reply)

I know, sorry.
I thought this was funnier.

At extreme definitions of 'funny', admittedly.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:42, Reply)

i thought it was hilarious

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:53, Reply)

I've done ripped my trousers in the crotch :(

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:36, Reply)

HULK PENIS

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:39, Reply)

it's angry at you!

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:40, Reply)

so angry its spitting!

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:41, Reply)

So do you think she should be sacked
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-16423278
I don't.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:41, Reply)

that is my favorite game, to be fair

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:42, Reply)

No more than I think Rick Santorum should be shot.
So, yes, sack her.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Dan Savage's campaign against Santorum was superb.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:50, Reply)

I spotted that when I searched for Santorum this morning, absolutely cracked me up

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:53, Reply)

It's been going on for years.
I love the fact that it gets a higher ranking on Google than his own site.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:54, Reply)

Aye, absolutely fantastic

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:00, Reply)

I don't think she should be sacked
but she needs to learn what 'taken out if context' means.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:46, Reply)

Nah, she's funny, I say we keep her.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:08, Reply)

I love her. She's let me down.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:56, Reply)

Is it true that DF's girlfriend said to him on valantines day "Ok, just this once, you can use my shitter like it's a cunt" ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:42, Reply)

only after he made her put on a cardi so she looked older

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:45, Reply)

You mean 16?
BO-YAH, UNFOUNDED ALLIGATION RIGHT THERE.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Here's a rich vein of bullshit
b3ta.com/search/posts/84648/oldest
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:43, Reply)

who is that

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:45, Reply)

Roger

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:46, Reply)

kitten thrower?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:47, Reply)

Yep

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:51, Reply)

what is it with this place?
if it were heroin we'd all be dead by now
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:53, Reply)

True

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:54, Reply)

what the fuck is that?
and why were you reading it?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:47, Reply)

She's reappeared, and I thought where else is best to go for internet lies?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:51, Reply)

Reappeared? Where?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:51, Reply)

On QOTW
As shown in that link, her name is now 'nolongernuts'.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:53, Reply)

Ah. Yes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

can we bully her
?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

Not even worth it.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:00, Reply)

im going to bed
youve ruined my ot experience for the morning
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Sorry K!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:03, Reply)

I can't sleep :(((((((((((

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Oh, it's the one who was going by the name 'nolongernuts' yesterday?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:54, Reply)

God I'm slow sometimes,
It says that right there in your link...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:55, Reply)

have you chosen your dvd?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

I have
I am going to watch something called Mystery Team because I actually vaguely know a couple of the people in it but I've never bothered to watch it.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:01, Reply)

What's wrong with daytime TV? You're missing out on all the AMAZING adverts for PPI claims, ambulance chasing, cash for gold and payday loans with an APR of 4000%

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:05, Reply)

At the moment it has that Dominic Littlewood twat on it, so I am in danger of breaking my TV with my foot if I don't turn it off soon.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:07, Reply)

If you have Sky have a look at channels 580 onwards. Brilliant.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:09, Reply)

We could sue her for her misleading username

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:52, Reply)

i'm reporting it to the boys in blue, don't you worry

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:57, Reply)

I heard Roota liked fun

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:06, Reply)

oh you bitch

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:17, Reply)

Nah, she totally loves being called a massive prude.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:31, Reply)

Only the kind that involves a hand and a bottom.

( girlinthehole, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:19, Reply)

And massive drugs, that goes with out saying.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:31, Reply)

Shurrup ya meff.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:40, Reply)

*points*
PRUUUUUuuuuuuude!
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:48, Reply)

Aye. Totally prudish.
I'm even wearing a cardie right now.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:52, Reply)

Nowt wrong with Cardies

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:03, Reply)

Oh dear OT, oh dear. I thought you lot were different.
You lot are making me do a sad.

As for TRUFAX, I hear Kri*tine can eat a whole truckle of ch**se in one sitting.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Nope, we're just as dull and needy as the rest of the internet at times
How's the wind up there?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:33, Reply)

Not too bad today.
How's your wind?
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:40, Reply)

Not too bad thanks
Guy who picks me up for work nearly got taken out by a falling sign though, I don't envy his drive in at all, takes him over the 'most dangerous road in Britain'
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:42, Reply)

404 is the worst road.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:51, Reply)

Oops, sorted

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:54, Reply)

Nice to know scots can't drive.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:57, Reply)

it would have been quicker to ask for TRUTH ON THE INTERNET
i did laugh yesterday at the worst advice you've ever seen in your life, ever. it was an article saying that you shouldn't feel bad if you're still thinking about your ex. this doesn't mean you are still upset if it's recent or a crazy psycho hose beast if it's been years, oh no. it means that your ex is thinking about you and is sending out vibes and therefore you should contact them. WTF. then i saw the article was written by a "psychic". er...

the internet is a great thing, but some people need an "off" button.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:36, Reply)

Oh dear.
Not often I'll say this, but I agree with you, that was one truly horrendous piece of advice.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:38, Reply)

Wow, that totally means Phil from The Hangover is thinking about me right now

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:40, Reply)

You'll have to wrestle Swipey for him
I have a feeling you'd maybe win that one...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:44, Reply)

haha that was EXACTLY what i said
i said "so bradley cooper is thinking of me right now then?"

i did not realise i had competition for him, however...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:45, Reply)

Tell you what, you have him. I don't like hot places so I couldn't be arsed moving to LA to live with the fucker.
I already have one with the big nose/big teeth combo that endeared Bradley to me in the first place and I suppose he'll have to do.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:50, Reply)

This doesn't mean that by default I also fancy Shergar or Ruud van Nistelroy.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Have you ever noticed that Shergar and Van Nistelrooy have never been seen in the same place at the same time?
Think about it...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:02, Reply)

It's because at any given time, at least one of them is in Roota's bed.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:03, Reply)

Knuckle/hoof deep

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:04, Reply)

Phwoar

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:21, Reply)

mmmm
van nistelrooy
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:04, Reply)

o.O

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:04, Reply)

Wow, you've got it worse than me...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:22, Reply)

chuck hughes must think of me all the time then
sigh
why can't he just move here already?
canada is so shit
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:57, Reply)

I once wished that Ioan Gruffudd would film a costume drama near my house and within a few weeks he was only bloody outside on a horsedrawn omnibus

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:58, Reply)

are these more internet lies?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:03, Reply)

No. I made the wish on Sep 11 2011, incidentally.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:20, Reply)

His accent in Titanic is absolutely ridiculous

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:05, Reply)

"Helooow, is therrr anybody owt thaaayr!"
That is actually his accent though.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:21, Reply)

Sally Morgan's response to the question
'I keep seeing the time 11:11, what does it mean, is it something to do with angels' was along the lines of 'I don't specialise in angels, I believe it is more likely that it represents a date significant to someone dear to you that you have lost'.

Not 'It means you keep looking at the clock a lot and 11:11 is a time that sticks out more than, say, 11:23, you credulous fucktard' as it should have been.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 11:59, Reply)

ffs
how can people who are so stupid actually remember to breathe??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:04, Reply)

You tell us, you've represented half of them.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:05, Reply)

i wish
i do property law in the city, dude. my clients are almost exclusively very clued-up fund managers, investors, developers, major charities...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:11, Reply)

Speaking of worst advice, by the way,
my favourite ever was the woman who wrote to Dr Mirriam in The Mirror saying 'I can't afford to feed my children, I am thinking of becoming a prostitute, should I?' and got told 'Yes'.

Dr Mirriam doesn't write the problem page in The Mirror anymore. Colleen Nolan does. Imagine being considered less able to solid advice than Colleen Nolan...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:07, Reply)

I hope this is true

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:22, Reply)

I swear, it is. I'll try find a reference to it.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Oh god this is brilliant
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2082527/Diane-Abbott-racist-tweets-MP-faces-calls-resign-divide-rule-comment.html
read the self rightious comments.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:14, Reply)

Politician in foot in mouth shocker!

( girlinthehole, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:26, Reply)

IF SHE SAID BLACK SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN SHOT BY THE POLICE BY NOW!

(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:30, Reply)

I am fuming with the stupid mare though.
I bet they take her and Michael off the sofa on This Week now as well :(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:30, Reply)

Andrew Neil will rub her face right in it!
I might watch it tonight now.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:31, Reply)

I hope she's on.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:32, Reply)

Oh man, it's not on at the moment.
Because parliment is closed. :'(
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:33, Reply)

That is so shit

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:44, Reply)

hahahahahaha
I'm white and I consider this a race hate crime against me, I do hope the police are investigating.
- S Hammer, England, Great Britain, 5/1/2012 11:49
(PsychoChomp, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:35, Reply)

Shit Hammer's fuming

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:44, Reply)

Worst rated comment...
Boring. The woman does good work. Leave her be.

- Black, & White unite, Rating -867
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 12:56, Reply)