Video chat sympathy thread
Only saw my Mum and sister on Saturday, consequently we've run out of things to say to each other after 5 minutes. HELP. Talk about anything. I don't care. I'm probably stuck in this conversational limbo for the best part of an hour.

Alt: stuff to talk about to my parents, other than "I'M GAY LOLOLOLOL" please.

AltAlt: Alright?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:42, 86 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

harsh
at least on the phone you can pull faces when there is nothing to speak off. My mum just speaks to herself, mostly, I called to say I'd moved into my new house, which she replied "oh aye, that is good..anyway, this afternoon I went to see [someone I don't know] and she said...."

Talk about soap operas and crime programs
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:45, Reply)

This is exactly the problem
She tells me off for looking distracted or bored. And I can't stop myself yawning.

I know nothing of these TV programmes. I'll try Dancing on Ice.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:48, Reply)

to be honest
i think they are all the same, take a wild stab, or look them up on a website for inspiration
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:49, Reply)

Yeah, but,
Dancing on Ice might bore them off the call
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:51, Reply)

As I was casting a scathing eye over the 'celebrity' mags at the supermarket today
I saw a picture of Corey Feldman (always my favourite of the two Coreys) and by god, does that boy have a body!
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:55, Reply)

He was friends with Michael Jackson, you know
Which makes him better than any of us.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:01, Reply)

Tell them
You are going to come to Bristol to get drunk with a bunch of strangers. If that doesn't work, start talking about forest, you'll be off the call in 5 mins.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:47, Reply)

I'm coming to Bristol to get drunk with strangers!
And I'm very much looking forward to it.

Evening, Boyband. How's you?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:49, Reply)

how long is it til the bash, now?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:50, Reply)

Three months
ish
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:54, Reply)

The only thing annoying me
Today, is you calling me 'Boyband' aside from that, I'm in the pub reviewing a presentation.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:12, Reply)

But you've got cute boyish looks!

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:13, Reply)

Forest used to be my get-out clause
Now we're all too depressed to talk about them. My Dad and sister are season ticket holders. How they've not topped themselves is beyond me.

If I told them about Bristol, they wouldn't be surprised; but I would a lecture about being careful. Which actually might be preferable to the protracted silences.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:50, Reply)

do it
then tell us what they say then we can reply and you can tell them our replies. It'll be fun*

*not fun
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:52, Reply)

Err... no
Sorry. Tell me your replies to their replies anyway.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:01, Reply)

Have you told them all about your bowel movements today?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:48, Reply)

You've learnt to spell it now then
Linguist my arse. And no, not yet, I will now, thank you.

They are unimpressed.

impressed surprised
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:52, Reply)

Did I spell it wrong yesterday?
In other news, did you get my text today?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:53, Reply)

I did not
My phone's being a twat. What did it say?

Yesterday you said "bowl movements". My reply was obviously incredibly funny.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:55, Reply)

I didn't see your witty response yesterday.
Good thing really, or I may have died laughing.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:56, Reply)

There's no element of doubt about it
As regards texts, most people advise that theirs aren't getting through, and I'm certainly not receiving any. FB is the safest method of contacting me; my phone is fine with that!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:00, Reply)

no, they are just making excuses
and don't want to talk to you
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:03, Reply)

We're sick of hearing about his dishes.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:04, Reply)

by which I mean bowls.
It was funny.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:10, Reply)

I got it
No it wasn't
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:11, Reply)

Which makes them smarter than you ;-)

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:04, Reply)

it's not by choice

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:06, Reply)

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU to talk to me

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:07, Reply)

*sends fb message*
*projectile vomits*
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:09, Reply)

Using Skype or similar? Make/answer the call with voice only and tell them your camera is on the blink.
If that doesn't work start ranting about the ways (no matter how trivial) they upset you when you were growing up - call over
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:52, Reply)

this
or claim you are dead
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:56, Reply)

Good evening Mr Battered.
How are you today? Getting all your preparations done for Wednesday?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:57, Reply)

Wotcha
Preparations are 60% there. Been on a first aid course today and have to do a 200 mile return drive tomorrow for a funeral, but will be back early afternoon and will spend the rest of the day preparing further. Got a call scheduled with the headhunter at 2pm which should help prep me.

How are you?
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:10, Reply)

I've got an interview on Thursday
for which I need to do a bunch of preparation. I couldn't switch off from thinking about it last night, and got about ten minutes' sleep in between worrying and headbuzzing.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:15, Reply)

Always a toughie.
I will be like that tonight about the funeral I am going to tomorrow as my father may be there.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:22, Reply)

I'm guessing he's not going to be the one in the box

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:24, Reply)

If only...

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:24, Reply)

Well, at least on Wednesday night you can get properly hammered
whatever the result.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:26, Reply)

MOST DEFINITELY. I like your thinking.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:27, Reply)

I'll definitely be starting early on Thursday night
whatever the outcome.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:29, Reply)

What's the role mate?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:15, Reply)

Getting a bit superstitious about jobs at the moment so will keep the details to myself for now.
Silly I know.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:20, Reply)

No problem
Send us a text after the event.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:23, Reply)

Certainly will.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:24, Reply)

If I do that they'll rearrange it for another date
The being able to see me is the whole point. Am currently being told I don't need to lose weight, which is very nicely but totally inaccurate and therefore doesn't help at all.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 18:58, Reply)

You don't have to rush to 'fix' the camera though

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:10, Reply)

IT'S OVER
Never have you heard the words "Well it's hardly surprising, we only saw each other on Saturday" used in such a variety of ways.

As you were.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:12, Reply)

well done
for surviving
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:15, Reply)

Now I face an even harder challenge;
making something interesting for tea with what's in our fridge.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:16, Reply)

Is it salad and tofu?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:17, Reply)

Alt: how much of a tit Michael Gove is.
Alt alt. tidy
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:13, Reply)

Are you there Jeff?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:18, Reply)

Are you holding a seance?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:18, Reply)

Hahaha properlolz

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:21, Reply)

he only answers to Boyband, now

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:19, Reply)

I think 'natter' would be a good nickname for him.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:25, Reply)

Natter is the name
Of my Boyband, we rap for the over 60s.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:29, Reply)

ha ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:32, Reply)

I'm good, lar.
How the devil are you? Also, would you be so kind as to ask your future sister in law to be less of a bully.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:21, Reply)

I'll learn 'er.
I really need to know who sang this song from the 80s and I have very little to go on :(
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:22, Reply)

What can you tell me about the song
I'm in the pub on me phone, but I'll have a stab!
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:25, Reply)

Voice a bit like Julianne Regan music a bit like The Lotus Eaters.
80s pop, I seem to think it was a band with a female singer rather than a woman's name. One-hit I think.
Lyrics something like 'evidence', 'hereafter', 'long after'. A bit like 'First Picture of You' but with a woman singing. Not unlike Maggie Reilly either.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:30, Reply)

Sorry Roots
No pop, no style.

I'll have to have a proper Google for that. Have you tried everyhit.com?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:32, Reply)

No but I will now... Ta!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:33, Reply)

Lerrus
Know how you get on.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:48, Reply)

I'll carry on later, working now.
Will just look up every song I am not familiar with for the entire decade!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:59, Reply)

Keith Harris and Orville?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:25, Reply)

How am I a bully?
I said you were cute!

God, what a fucking bitch.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 23 Jan 2012, 19:25, Reply)

I have a headache
pity me
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:02, Reply)

I pity da fool!

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:08, Reply)

now pity ME

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:13, Reply)

I did.

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:23, Reply)

OK, so me
and the fool
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:26, Reply)

boohoo
I just had 4 course of fine dining and 2 glasses of wine for under £18.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:08, Reply)

gutted

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:12, Reply)

How good can it be at that price?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:15, Reply)

Lighty
Lives in the Midlands.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:22, Reply)

You can eat haute cuisine
every night for a week on that much in Wales.

When I say haute cuisine, I mean cheese on toast
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:27, Reply)

Very good
it was served by children, though.

I kept expecting their voices to break. "Would sir care for some bre-EA-ead?"
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:27, Reply)

What was the menu?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:30, Reply)

Ooh, I can't remember exactly
there was an amuse bouche of pea and shrimp risotto deep-fried in breadcrumbs,

Starter was prosciutto wrapped chicken with leeks and asparagus and mushrooms with some sort of candied vegetable in the corners

Main was lamb shoulder with veg and dauphinoise potatoes

dessert was strawberry panacotta.

Stuffed now.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:34, Reply)

Do they deliver to north London?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:44, Reply)

I'm sure there's a university with a culinary arts program
or a college. Worth checking out.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:53, Reply)

the colleges almost certainly do

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 20:56, Reply)

I shall be going again
Also

superpunch.blogspot.com/2012/01/not-tonight-darling-im-knitting.html
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 21:19, Reply)

hahahah
whereas crocheters are hookers

(that is an hilarious pun)
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 23 Jan 2012, 21:31, Reply)