Alright
Met my new partner for this Strictly thing we're doing last night and she's MENTAL. Very enthusiastic. I give it two weeks tops before I'm reaching for the sedatives. Tell us your stories of dealing with hyperactive ADHD sufferers and those who proclaim "I'm mad, me".

Alt: Shameless beakering, apologies; what's romantic in that there London? Going down tomorrow for a couple of nights with the missus to celebrate our big One-Zero (binarylols) and am lacking in ideas for ways to pass the time in a suitably hearts & flowers way.

AltAlt: have we discussed breasts lately?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 10:58, 101 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

I didn't understand any of that but I do like breasts.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Alt: I understand Old Compton Street is the place for 'your lot'
Alt alt: protest-too-much-lolz
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Helpful as ever, thank you
That said I did find a nice-looking vegetarian restaurant to take her to which happens to be in Soho
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)

It's not the one just off Soho Square is it?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:04, Reply)

That sounds about right
My geography of London is... shoddy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:06, Reply)

The river walk from Lon Bridge down the Southbank is nice.
There is the Globe, Tate Modern and Southbank/Festival Hall to see. Drinks in the Oxo Tower.

She'll be frothing at the leg.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:11, Reply)

*makes notes*
"Walk... refreshing cup of Oxo... leg froth"

Cheers mate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:13, Reply)

The gay one has a point

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Soz.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:01, Reply)

Are you though, Doctor? ARE YOU?!

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:02, Reply)

Nope.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:17, Reply)

I put it to you that thou art a cad and a bounder
I would challenge you to a duel but I lost one of my gloves yesterday.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:23, Reply)

Did the string come loose on your Noddy mittens?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Fuck off
Noddy is so last year.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:36, Reply)

It's not your fault that you wear tatty hand-me-downs.
It's your parents' fault for being plebs.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:04, Reply)

It's true!
I didn't even like Marc Ford's 2009 collection!
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:09, Reply)

She sounds irritating.
It could only be worse if she was short.

Alt: Do you mean restaurants or things to do in dat London?

Alt alt: Not enough. Did you see Beyonce's tits on the front of the Metro today?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:04, Reply)

If she was short she'd be lighter and the lifts would be easier
Things to do. Restaurants are covered.

AltAlt: I think there may be a clue as to my chances of having seen the London-based Metro in the original question
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:07, Reply)

Metro is all over the country, Cornholio.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:09, Reply)

Not here it ain't
I think you may have underestimated the remoteness of Norfolk. Oooh-arrr, pitchforks
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:10, Reply)

Get a rope.
I imagine Norfolk like 1960's Mississippi. Blokes in pointy white hats etc.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:13, Reply)

Not old enough to remember
Sorry Grandpa
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:15, Reply)

Cheek.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:16, Reply)

You old chaps has accumulated wealth, right?
Want to buy a football club?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Of course, your bloke died at the weekend.
I really couldn't afford it. Ask Monty, he's always got spare cash lying around.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:20, Reply)

Only if he can provide undetectable performance-enhancing drugs
If anyone would know where to find such things...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:24, Reply)

Alt alt: I fucking did.
CORRRRRRR
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:09, Reply)

I had to knock one out ON the DLR.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:09, Reply)

I help up the Northern Line for three hours whilst they hosed down the northbound platform at Old St.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Will they be for her, or for you though?
Anyone describing themselves as 'well random' around me tends to either suffer a rebuke (if I know them), or I'll simply walk away from them, and forget they exist.

Alt: Not a fucking clue. Then again, considering she appears to be a fan of creaking old wrecks like you, take her to the Natural History Museum.

Alt Alt: You are Jeff Murdock AICMFP
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:07, Reply)

My new partner is actually made of breasts
Science museum is more likely to interest her, god help me
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:08, Reply)

I went to the Science Museum on Sunday for the first time.
I managed to spend most of the time in the History of Medicine section cooing at ancient things. Too few dead things for my liking.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Try the Hunterian Museum
Plenty of dead stuff in there.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:24, Reply)

I bookmarked that when I was looking for things to do!
I want to go to the Horniman and the Grant Museum of Zoology as well. Both for stuffed-animal related reasons.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:26, Reply)

Great place,
deformed babies in jars: nom
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:28, Reply)

and a bishop's rectum

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:17, Reply)

Ever been here? Amazing:
www.thegarret.org.uk/
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:26, Reply)

That looks amazing

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:28, Reply)

It really is, and you'd never know it was there.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:30, Reply)

No! I might plan a trip up around there- I also want to visit Cross Bones, I think it was
CQ mentioned it a while ago. As well as dead things I like graveyards.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:30, Reply)

Alt: Easy,
Green Park, Buck House, St James Park. Horse Guards Parade, Whitehall, Parliament Square, Westminster bridge. South bank to Waterloo bridge, over that and back to trafalgar square. Lunch in the Chandos, over the road to National portrait gallery. Have a look round. Up charing cross road.

A fair walk, lots to see and do.

Back to hotel for a shag.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:12, Reply)

Perfick, thank you
Breasts?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:14, Reply)

Two please.

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:14, Reply)

I'd definitely take her up charing cross.
X marks the spot.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:14, Reply)

London Eye.
Women like that.

Wrap up warm and walk from St Pauls, across to the Tate Modern then down the riverside to The Eye (apart from the bit where there's still an annoying diversion because of the works at Blackfriars so you have to go down the manky back streets), try and time it with sunset, because it looks stunning round here at that time of day when it'ts not cloudy, and then it's only a short walk back into Soho for dinner.


Either that, or take her up the OXO Tower...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:14, Reply)

I should get points for braving the Eye what with my crippling vertigo so that might work out well
Fuck off am I going to the Tate Modern again this decade though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:17, Reply)

Don't go in the bloody thing! Just walk past it.
I see that this is basically what stunned suggested too.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:18, Reply)

Spent six hours in the Tate in September so she could see everything
SIX FUCKING HOURS. And they say starving Ethiopians have it tough.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:21, Reply)

Ha.
I like it in short bursts and I always go and check out the Turbine Hall exhibition every time it changes, but yeah 6 hours would be about 5 too many.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:26, Reply)

+59 minutes

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:30, Reply)

You can book the Eye.
Saves on q'ing. Makes you look organised and smooth.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:19, Reply)

Didn't know that
Thanks, old boy
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:21, Reply)

It's shit and boring
especially if it's not a clear day.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:21, Reply)

It's alright for tourists.
Real Londoners wouldn't.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:23, Reply)

And what is Darth if not a tourist?
His missus will love it.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Exactly my point.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:34, Reply)

Ah, sorry.
I read it as you agreeing with Chompy.

That said, I like it. Admitedly I have only ever been on it when I've taken a tourist, which kinda proves your point.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:35, Reply)

Come to mine and I'll do you agg and chip and light a candle.
I quite like the South Bank, tower bridge area, but it's fucking cold at this time of year.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:18, Reply)

OK
But hide the toys I bought you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:22, Reply)

Serious answer:
If you are walking along the south bank this place: www.pizzerialalanterna.co.uk/ is really rather nice, good food, nice atmosphere and reasonable priced
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Thank you very much old boy
How are you keeping?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:27, Reply)

Not bad.
still up in the air if I'll have a job in a month but I have actually had some sleep and life is looking good otherwise. yourself?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:52, Reply)

Ooh, that sucks. Sorry to hear that mate.
We're hiring if you fancying relocating to a city without buses.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:58, Reply)

Sadly can't The Boy is in London, so I'm here for a good few years yet.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:07, Reply)

Take her for a drink at Wilton's Music Hall.
It is amazing and you're only a 5 minute walk from Tower Bridge which looks all pretty at night time.
( wanderlust, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:24, Reply)

I shall look this up
Thank you kindly
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:28, Reply)

It's the world's oldest surving music hall.
If your lady is into theatre stuff then she'll love it.
( wanderlust, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:31, Reply)

She's been with me for nigh-on a decade
Theatres are compulsory
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:33, Reply)

To echo what everyone is saying, a walk along the South Bank is very enjoyable.
Would recommend a trip to Borough Market, even just to have a look round. The walk up from St James (pelicans) through Green Park (trees) and up to Hyde Park (more waterfowl) is nice and not too taxing.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:25, Reply)

Top recommendation.
As is the river walk from Hammersmith to Richmond.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:26, Reply)

You're only allowed to do that if you pub crawl it
bonus points for the Fullers brewery or taking your bike into the Dove from the river side and then riding it out through the pub.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:17, Reply)

and yopur a cunt an all

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:20, Reply)

indisputably.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:30, Reply)

That sounds lovely and right up her street
Thank you
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:29, Reply)

Wait, you have two days?
Another good walk is from Kings Cross along Regent's Canal into Little Venice, stop in Camden for a snack and take a detour to the top of Primrose Hill.

Edit: Actually, scratch the Camden bit unless you are going to be there really early, otherwise it will be teeming with cunts.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:28, Reply)

That's a nice bimble on a Sunday.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:38, Reply)

This all sounds good actually
Appreciate the tip about the teeming cunts. Worst kind of cunts.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:39, Reply)

I don't know anybody who is in the least bit wacky
alt you should take her up the mud flats!

altalt i like some breasts, not all breasts but most are ok
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 11:59, Reply)

this whole discussion is shit
I'M LEAVING FOREVER
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:20, Reply)

Fo sho?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:22, Reply)

nah, problably not

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:25, Reply)

Oh you.
You're like that Anna off Big Brother.
You'll be asking can you watch East is East next.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:26, Reply)

shit film

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:27, Reply)

Only seen a bit of it

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:30, Reply)

me too, i stand by my statement and i'll stab anyone who argues

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:31, Reply)

My fleecy is stab proof

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:39, Reply)

Oh noes!

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:23, Reply)

your the main reason i'm off now

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:27, Reply)

But I luvs yooooo!

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:35, Reply)

thats why we can never be together :(
don't tell my heart, my achey breaky heart
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:36, Reply)

Oh I have an effing hangover.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:22, Reply)

So do I,
and it's too cold to go get a bacon sandwich :(
(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:28, Reply)

i've had a really stressy morning at work so i might have a bacon samdwich too
WE CAN BE BUDZ
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:28, Reply)

Why don't you get one of your underlings to get you one?

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:38, Reply)

cos then i'd have to buy for everyone
fuck em tho
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:38, Reply)

You really should get a bacon sandwich.
The landlady sent me a text saying it's homemade tomato soup in my pub today so I'm going for a vat of that at lunchtime.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:30, Reply)

Oh man, homemade soup would be right good about now...

(PsychoChomp, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:37, Reply)

I'll send some down on the train

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:45, Reply)

You should take her
up the Marmite Motorway.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:23, Reply)

i jsut realised that the isle of mann (or is it the isle of wight off Portsmouth?)
looks a bit like the UK has done a little land poo

lol
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:36, Reply)

I saw someone take out the Isle of Wight with a speedboat.
It was only Fred the Weatherman's isle of Wight in the Richard and Judy map in the Albert Dock but it was still quite distressing.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 8 Feb 2012, 12:38, Reply)