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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I've had a really productive morning* so I'm sacking off revision for the rest of the day. Got a problem with that?What's the stupidest injury you've ever had and did you cause it yourself? I stabbed myself through the foot with a garden fork once. That fucking stung.
ALT: If you could "borrow" any celebrity voice for a day who would it be? Mine would be Schwarznegger def.
*Sorry Monty
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:23, 107 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
I did like the Vipros book in the eye injuryThat was good.
Stupidest thing I've done is cutting something with a blunt knife and using my thumb to hold the object I was cutting against. Funnily enough, once you cut through the object the next thing is your thumb. Opened down to the bone and pissing blood for hours. I still have the scar over 20 years later
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:25,
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I want you all to scroll down this article and tell me when you start laughing
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2139148/Patricia-Krencil-Tanning-mom-took-daughter-5-sun-booth-lashes-critics.html?ICO=most_read_module
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:27, Reply)
Tan: Patricia Krentcil, 44, allegedly took her daughter tanning but says that it was a misunderstanding(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:33,
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I bet you everyone who sees this smiles.www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-17949808
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:36,
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Did they let her have him in the end?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:38,
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Lions - more retarded then they look.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:09,
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Second sentence:"There’s somebody out there for my whole life that doesn’t like me because they are jealous, fat and they’re ugly"
Then again when the lawyer had his say
"My client is 150 per cent innocent"
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:45,
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Stupidest was probably the time I sliced a piece off the side of my hand whilst washing upHere
Enjoy
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Peej, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:31,
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did you fry and eat the severed flesh?that would have been fucking nails.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:39, Reply)
Nah I found it in the sink a few hours laterIt would have been HORRID
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Peej, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:18,
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I've got a problem with your English.You've had a really productive what? Wank? Shit?
Alt: Kenneth Williams. Or Ronnie Corbett. Or Roger Moore.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:31,
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Sorry I was so full of smug when I was writing it I just skipped ahead.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:34, Reply)
Meatloaf, and I'd go busking.(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:33,
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Nah, go for it.I once twatted myself in the head with a stiletto heel, stupid idea.
Alt: Easy, I'd be Sean Connery.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:34,
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I have no point on one of my incisors.I broke it off when I was swinging on a rope tree in the grounds of Cheltenham college, aged about five.
There was one rope that was the mental, suicidal one which no-one dared swing on. For some cretinous reason I decided to risk it when there weren't even any witnesses - when I was at the highest point I was gripped with fear, and let go.
I walked in the door at home with blood pissing out of my face, and the tip of my tooth embedded in my lower lip.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:36,
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The years from age 7-14 were spent doing this kind of thingWith more pointy sticks and fires.
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:42,
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I also very nearly neutered myself on the gear lever of a Raleigh Chopper.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:43,
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I have no idea how I still have all my limbs(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:44,
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Aged about 7 or 8, some friends and I discovered a home made BMX ramp discarded in a field near my house.I decided to try to jump off it on my Raleigh Tomahawk*, only instead of flying off the end as I had expected, my front wheel dropped straight down to the ground and I landed hard on my head.
*A fucking cool bike, I'm sure you'll agree.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:42,
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best retard injurywhen much younger, trying to be a hero (as so often happens prior to these tales) i tried to run, and in a single magnificent bound, leap from the floor onto the stage in this old theatre we were using for some kind of choir-related activity.
i sprung, like a fucking hard-as-nails panther, into the air, my foot perfectly onthe edge of the 4 foot high stage, and smugly arose one-footed to a standing position.
IN THEORY.
in practice, i ran, jumped, put a foot against the stage edge, my leg failed to provide the proper support, and i flopped forward, somehow managing to KNEE MYSELF IN THE FUCKING EYE. i cried. other laughed. i looked like a twat.
ALT: gazza, so i could ru round with a fishing rod and some lager shouting 'MOATY! MOATY MATE!' all. fucking. day. long.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:45, Reply)
My mate Stu who used to work here had a "special move" of pulling the phone away from your headwhilst you were on it. You naturally pull back, at which point he left go
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:47,
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It annoyingly works ALL THE FUCKING TIMEand you are on the phone to someone and so cannot shout "CUNT!"
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:06,
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Genuinely sad to see him go:www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-17952383
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:45,
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He was no Yngwie Malmsteen, that's for sure.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:49,
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No he wasn'tI bet he never fell into a swimming pool whilst carrying out a telephone interview.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)
I wish they had published the transcript."Look, as you know I am a very exacting musician, I tell all the members of the band exactly what I want them to play and that way I AAAGH glurble burble wurble Glub glub AAGGGHH glub glub".
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:53, Reply)
Someone somewhere must have the recording.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:57,
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Hey look, it's angry people in local papers.www.thisiskent.co.uk/Farmer-kills-dog-big-wolf-save-flock/story-15736941-detail/story.html
www.telegraph.co.uk/family/pets/9173736/Farmer-shoots-800-family-dog-for-worrying-sheep.html
Two stories from opposing points of view about a farmer shooting either a vicious angry dog, or a beloved family pet.
Best this is, he punched a woman in the face. Top marks mr farmer.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:50, Reply)
Yeah, they flock round them Like, errr.... sheep
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:56,
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It's rare to find a sheep not packing, I'll be honest.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:10,
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They also carry flick knives(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:11,
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Comments are all in favour of the farmer."No sympathy for these obvious chavs"
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 12:59, Reply)
I'll bet Billy Ocean wouldn't have shot Surf.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:08,
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Hey hey, you youGET ORF MOI LAAARND!
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:10,
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Get into my tractor.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:18,
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I fucking love dogs, you all know I'm a dog lover in a big way...... but for them only to know about it 45 minutes later, rather than the 30 seconds it was off the lead, shows that the dog was loose. The farmer was spot on, I can't talk about him knocking that women out, but even though I read the telegraph one first, I thought the women were in the wrong there.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:14,
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I'm inclined to agreeI love dogs but you can't have a big fuck-off husky running about the countryside with no lead on.
Dozy witches.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:28, Reply)
I'm pretty sure if my dog, even if I had a grayhound, was off it's lead for 30 seconds, and then I heard a gunshot........ it wouldn't take me 45 minutes to find it.
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G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:31,
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That as well. They probably kicked the dog out of their back door to go for a shit in the field, it didn't come back when they called it, and the rest is a shit Kent newspaper story....
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:34, Reply)
Alhough, he's a lying fucker"lambing season" in mid April? my arse.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:18,
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possibly global warming? (
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:20,
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Or a particularly loanly winter?(
G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩€, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:20,
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has made it earlier, not later. I'm sure he's entitled to shoot the dog but the "lambing season" excuse isn't necessary.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:22,
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Bob Marley's favourite farming time of the year...(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:21,
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donuts wi'lamb in?(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:22,
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Season of mists and mellow toe cancer?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:23,
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Dees are a few of ma favouri tings(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:24,
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My local paper today has a storyabout a man complaining that he was fined in court for refusing to move his car for a fire truck attending a 999 call. The reason he thinks he was hard done by? 'I didn't see why I should have to get the wife out of bed to move it'.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:21,
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In Turin the owner of the pub we were in was dancing on the bar (with his trousers round his ankles, I'm not sure why) and he beckoned me up.I joined him (trousers firmly on) and proceeded to fall off about four seconds later. I blame the 18% lager we were drinking, that stuff was rocket fuel. Then when inside the ground Dickson Etuhu scored and whilst celebrating I fell and rolled down about eighty steps. Sprained my ankle really bad after them two.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:01, Reply)
Could be worsecould have been a cutlery fork. You'd be more embarrased about that.
Alt: I think I'd go for something like Mariella Frostrup and then spend the day "confusing" sweatys on webcams.
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the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:12,
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I think I've told this before,but I stabbed myself in the forehead with a pencil demonstrating to someone how I'd only just avoided stabbing myself in the forehead with a pencil.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:16,
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This is what being teetotal does to you, you see.(
the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:20,
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I've had a really productive morning so I'm sucking off your dad. Got a problem with that?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:19,
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...for a go on Billy Ocean?Let it go, man - the tour's over. Deal with it.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:21,
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Get out of my liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife!(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:22,
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He's more of a man than you'll ever be, son.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:24,
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He's on tour!!!!Call yourself a fan??????
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:25,
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That's what they WANT you to think, man!!!They can't handle the fact that a black man has SO MUCH POWER, and so many white chicks 'on his jock'.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:28,
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He's just pretending to be dead to stop Sportscow phoning him upin tears dozens of times a day, begging for his old job back.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:26,
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Nope, just me. There were about five of me at one point, though.That was some weekend...LOLOLOLOLOLOL
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:29,
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Hang onDoes this mean "The Ocean" is my Dad?
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:24,
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You wish.Who wouldn't wish that, though?
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:25,
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I fell over whilst absolutely hammered and broke my noseat the time I thought it was hilarious. Morning after, not so much.
Alt: For some bizarre reason, I've always found John Sergeant to have an extremely melodious and pleasing voice. I'd love to sound like him for a day, if only to confuse people.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:26, Reply)
i'v been to the pub and now i'm pissedyay
should i work this afternoon or go back as there is a beer festival.
stupidest injury? i headbutted a fishbowl and cut my nose
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zulu eh?, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:29,
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I damaged my 'Asian eye' LOLwww.bbc.co.uk/news/health-17942181
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:51,
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serves you right for shoving stuff up your cock end to facilitate the shitting out of other stuff(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 4 May 2012, 13:58,
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Well I know that now, don't I?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 14:03,
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Nick Cleggs response to his party being ejected from mainstream politicswww.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/nick-clegg/9245224/Nick-Clegg-really-sad-after-local-election-pounding.html
Immediately made me think of this:
nickclegglookingsad.tumblr.com/
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 14:00, Reply)
You know who I blame?Yeah, that's right. Nick Clegg and his CRONIES.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 14:15, Reply)
NO WAY MAN.Free the Ocean one.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 14:23,
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I think you should write a post about how the local elections are a victory for the leftand that condem are failing.
(, Fri 4 May 2012, 14:19, Reply)
I read that as 'write a poem'(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 4 May 2012, 14:23,
Reply)
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