Off TopicAre you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.
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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Goooooood Morning everyone. * What a long week that was. I'm glad the weekend is almost here.How are you going to spend your weekend? Productively I hope, none of this laying about on the sofa, with the occaisonal wank and a can vimto.
No soccer anecdotes please.
Try and keep this thread interesting and not utter shit.
*Even Quentin.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:06,
157 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
I'm retiring now, I'll never beat this(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:20,
Reply)
Go out on a high.Always leave them wanting more.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:23,
Reply)
Good morningI fail to see how the mundane details of my weekend are going to keep this thread interesting and not utter shit, but here goes.
Tonight is record night - myself and three other discerning music fans will play records to one another. This will also include beer and curry.
Tomorrow I will take my son to a nerf gun party. I'm not entirely sure what this is, I think it might be something to do with Star Wars and is likely to involve lots of screaming kids shooting things at each other.
Sunday is unchartered territory.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:17,
Reply)
Nerf guns are fun.....but don't be tempted by the fancy battery-powered ones, they break down all the time. Mechanical semi-auto is the best.
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:20, Reply)
You misunderstand meA group of five and six year olds will be playing with toys. As one of the adults, I will not be getting involved.
Shouldn't you be leaving for school soon?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:22,
Reply)
I will be listening to CDs tonight if Amazon can get their finger out their arse and delver my Bob Marley CD.I have no paedo action planned for Saturday though, so you win on that one.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:20,
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Probably, I'll listen to it first and then make up my mind.Edit: Sorry, its Jimmy Hendrix. How ever will I live this down? Doh!
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:26,
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and Hendrix was a bender too.Excuse me while I kiss this guy? What a ghastly homo.
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:46, Reply)
I hear Co-op single malt is only 22 quid a bottle.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:26,
Reply)
indeedAnd it is very good too. But I have a limited edition Auchentoshan.
EDIT in fact the co op one is Dalmore 12 year old.
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:27, Reply)
Useful information for pikeys and povvos there from PD.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:30,
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what, save a tenner with no decrease in quality?What a povvo I am. When I bought my house I bought it at the lowest possible price. Does that make me a povvo too?
You dick.
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:34, Reply)
Not at all, there's an excellent italian restaurant in Ormskirk which is cheap, making it all the betterCheap stuff FTW.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:38,
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My general thought on this is you gat what you pay for.I suspect, that in a blnd tasting you would select the more expensive product.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:53,
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Nah, Lidl wines do consistently well at blind tests and are favoured over rivals that are ten times the priceit all depends
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:56,
Reply)
that 3.50 wine they do just won loads of awards in blind taste tests.(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:00, Reply)
*googles nearest Lidl*(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:19,
Reply)
nope.It is a repackaged Dalmore 12. Dalmore 12 is 33 quid or so a bottle. The quality is exactly the same. It's not like single malt is produced on the same scale as other white label goods. There are only a few distilleries which make that style of whisky.
No difference in quality whatsoever.
Edited for predictive text/touchscreen/spacky finger lols
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:58, Reply)
More of miser really.If you don't mind.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:11,
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Morning BartlesHow do you fancy England's chances against the Saffers? Would you persist with Bairstow in the number 6 slot? Which of the quicks should be the third seamer in England's attack? Can KP keep his nerve against a team always desperate to dismiss him cheaply? What is going on with Jonathan Trott's hairline?
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:33, Reply)
Morning DarthWhy aren't you in Manchester next week?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:38,
Reply)
Well the original plan was for us to spend some time training with the team whose account we're taking overHowever it has since been discovered that the work is piss-easy and the reason why said team have arsed up the account is because they're incompetent morons.
Morning mate
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:44, Reply)
Getting a little bit of hayfever, but aside from that all is wellYourself?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:48,
Reply)
Got one of those really annoying tickly throaty things whereby you cough for ages with fuck all end productWork is still menkle. Good times lie ahead though, thanks to your kind pre-gig warnings
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Hi Darth, ignoring the technicalitiesSouth Africa will stuff England.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:50,
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I think "stuff" is generousEngland at home are a hell of a good team. I'm going for a series draw, with more than likely at least one narrow escape for Strauss & co
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:53, Reply)
Good!Was trying out me new iPad thingy to see if it was compatible with posting. Turns out it is, and it's proper good!
How is everyone?
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:40, Reply)
Morning raks.Nice choice of board sig.
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Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:49,
Reply)
thanks DGI had a giggle to myself about it last night whilst cooking sausages. Sadly I didn't have a marker pen handy.
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:15, Reply)
I'm reading it as you might forget your password, but never my cock.Thanks!
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:22,
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can you STILL not remember your password?(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:44,
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You can understand why he changed his surname to WestEdit: I SAW THAT BOYCE
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:45, Reply)
posting from phone. It's rubbish.(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:49,
Reply)
Get back in the 19th Century where you belong manThis modern withcraft will be the death of thee
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Morning BartersNight in with the housemates and the other half tonight, likely involving alcohol and several films she's not seen before.
Tomorrow, aside from picking up a joint for sunday, I've no real plans.
Sunday, meet the missus' family, spend the day with them, probably phone my Dad at some point, pretend I give a shit about the hallmark holiday.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:37,
Reply)
You're going to see how the other half lives?And then get stoned on Sunday?
I@VE DELIBERATELY MISUNDERSTOOD WHAT YOU SAID FOR COMIC EFFECT!!!
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:40,
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LOL!!!!Btw, had a quick tip for the horses today, if you're interested?
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:44,
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Thanks, but I have absolutely no interest in any form of gambling.My tip is: don't gamble.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:48,
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Fair enough!My winnings still eclipse my losses, so I don't really mind too much. Also, I refuse to bet more than £5 at a time, meaning that even if I lose, I don't mind too much.
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:49,
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Oh come on, its been a tradition for over 100 years, that longer than Kwanzaa's been going on.If my wife and kids forget Fathers day again I'll be right pissed off. I work my ass off for the three of them and if I get to put my feet up with a beer for just one day I'll be happy.
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Peej, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:46,
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G'day AA.I don't think you should publish on the internet your drug purchasing plans.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:03,
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Joint of Beef, my good man(Would it be a joint?)
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Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:05,
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I no rite!I hope it's top rib, with the bone in. Best of all the beefs
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:10,
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I think we'll just see what they've got there, as it varies quite a lot every week(
Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:10,
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Its comin 'ome its comin 'ome its coming footballs comin 'omeVINDALOOOOO VINDALOOOOOO NAH NAH!
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Peej, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:43,
Reply)
I've got a theory that you're invisible to everyone on the internet except me(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:58, Reply)
Who are you talking to Darth?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:02,
Reply)
the weekend starts NOWI've taken the day off on a whim and have just bought a bottle of rum. Yo ho ho you cunts.
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Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:47,
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I wish I had. My guts are trying to leave my body right now.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:52,
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Yes.(
Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:27,
Reply)
Lucky sod.I hope your liver falls out.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:56,
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I'll bet you've got a bottleOf Mount Gay rum. Because there is nothing you like doing more than mounting gays.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:57,
Reply)
Good morning all, and what a lovely morning it is!Arrived back from sausageland last night to be greeted by a pile of leaflets and circulars on the doormat - I'd been away two whole days! I binned it all unopened, makes me wonder at how the advertising industry justifies using this method- but I digress.
This weekend will be taken up with a visit to Royal Leamington Spa on saturday, followed by a slap-up steak dinner and a selection of wines. Sunday will be housework, doing my washing followed by 'Twang club on tour' then a roast dinner.
Rock and/or roll.
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:50, Reply)
Twang club on tour sounds like having a wank in your neighbour's garden shed.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:07,
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They all get together and show each other their cocks.It's not gay or owt.*
*It is.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:10,
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you'll never get invited into the inner sanctum of twang club at this rateOH COVENTRY !!!
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Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:18,
Reply)
How come you've got bases in London, Manchester and Dublin*, but not Coventry?Surely it's the next city on your list?
*Have I got those right?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:27,
Reply)
So! There's something wrong with wanking in your neighbour's garden shed?Just askin' like. Nover actually done it. Not me, no siree.
On a serious note, twang club is a great get-together for people who like playing guitar. We swap (cue strikethroughs) techniques, tips (fnaarrr), we practice together and, above all, we have some beers and laughs.
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:30, Reply)
It sounds jolly good fun.I'm just jealous.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:33,
Reply)
Wanking in your neighbour's garden shed IS fun!No. Wait, errm what I meant was...
Bugger.
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Some good, some badSaturday is kids school summer fair, so an afternoon of wearing a fixed smile while watching them buy more crap they don't need, but thinking of Sunday which will mainly consist of drinking beer in my mate's back garden. Thus the universal balance will be restored.
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 8:51, Reply)
Now now Q, I haven't bullied you at all.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:07,
Reply)
"*even quinten"which means i'm somehow lesser than everyone else :(((
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:08, Reply)
I don't think you understood the nuance of my writing.I wanted to bury the hatchet.
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Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:13,
Reply)
i feel like you're deliberately trying to upset mei don't know why, i hoped we were friends and i don't think i've ever said a bad word about bartleby
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:14, Reply)
Don't be upset Q, its only a laugh.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:22,
Reply)
i've tasted the bitter pill of my own medicinei'm going to delete my facebook account, move back in with mum and kill myself
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:26, Reply)
You wanted to bury a hatchet in his skull?Stop bullying the poor lad.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:14,
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i dunno what i did to bartleby to make him want to bury axesis he upset that he wasn't included in my song?
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:16, Reply)
I like that I'm included in every post you make at the moment(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:18,
Reply)
i forgot about thatwould you like me to change it to somehting nicer? i got no beef with the blue
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:19, Reply)
Nah, it's honest and from the heart.(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:21,
Reply)
cool, i hope it hasn't upset you or anyone elseand that it stops being true soon, no offence intended
(, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:22, Reply)
Morning all.I've taken the day off on a whim and bought a bottle of Rum. Yo ho ho oh no that's Monty. I'm just going to hang around here and wait for him to start drunk posting instead.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:07,
Reply)
I hope he gets more and more abusive as he progresses through the bottleBut I suspect no one will notice.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:09,
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It'll be top up time around twelve(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:10,
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He'll have that awkward moment of having to go back to the shop around 2PM, obviously drunk, but not drunk enough to be confident there's enough alcohol left in the house to get him through to bed time.
I mean, I hear that's what happens to people, at least...um...ooh, look, birdies...
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:12,
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Scarpe as you well know, our intrepid morning drinker only needs to go to a different off licence to avoid this embarrassing social faux pas(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:16,
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Isn't there a level of belief that no one really notices that you've been drinking all morning?(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:19,
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I'm veering on the side of belief that the bloke down his local Hackney offey couldn't give a fuck if he rolls in plastered every day at ten in the morning as long as he's got the sponds for his further libations(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:24,
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Yeah.It's believed by people who have been drinking all morning.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:28,
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Going to a different offy is one of those "warning signs", isn't it?Or so I hear. Not that I've read up about it or anything. *takes a nip from hipflask at desk*
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
Nah the warning sign is when your favourite hiding place for booze in the toilet cistern at work is found out(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:28,
Reply)
Going to a 30th tomorrow, biking on Sunday. If weekends were currency how much would they be worth? (
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:16,
Reply)
If you deleted the first word of your sig it would be more accurate(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:23,
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Sweet, do I win a prize?(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:28,
Reply)
I "tested" the laundry service in my building this weekread: I'm too lazy to do my own ironing.
You put it in a locker, they pick it up and drop it back to the same locker.
My stuff was fine and I hung it up quite happily, it was only when I came to get a shirt this morning I realised I also had 3 pairs of someone else's trousers.
I sent them an email and stuck the trousers back in the locker. Doesn't really fill me with confidence about their service, though.
This weekend I will be lying on the sofa, occasionally wanking and drinking Tango.
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The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:18,
Reply)
You leave me alone!Oh wait...
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:20,
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Tonight I will be eating homemade steak pieTomorrow Mrs Cow is off out from 3pm so I'm on Dad duties and making cakes with the kids. Sunday will no doubt involve getting up early with the kids and doing fuck all.
*sigh*
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:26,
Reply)
I'm concerned about the link between 'homemade steak pie' and Mrs Cow conveniently disappearing to 'visit her mother'.
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:33,
Reply)
?Did I just invent the part about visiting her mother, or did you edit that?
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scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:34,
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Are you at Monty's at the moment?I didn't post or edit anything about Mothers
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:35,
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It's the rum affecting your perception.Another bottle should clear it again.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:35,
Reply)
*Does 'comedy' look into coffee cup, shake of head and pours rest out the window*(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:37,
Reply)
And AA going to buy a non specific joint of beef.(
Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:35,
Reply)
I thought someone would pick up on making cakes with the kids too(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:38,
Reply)
Cooking with kids is awesome for Maths.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:41,
Reply)
We are making Milky Bar cupcakesI'm also picking up my mangina tonight
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sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:49,
Reply)
So... Much... Maths...(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 10:00,
Reply)
It's very windy outside, I keep hearing things get blown across the garden(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:39,
Reply)
That's what you get for living next door to Darth.(
scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:41,
Reply)
I heard in alien 4 to successfully pull off the effect of the alien being sucked into the vacuum of spaceThey just stuck a picture of Louis spence to the other side of the window and pointed darth in the right direction.
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SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:43,
Reply)
No it wasn't, alien 3 was prison planet, alien 4 was spaceship(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:59,
Reply)
He's just wrong tangles, I,can't change that I can only show him the way(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 10:04,
Reply)
New carpets being fitted tomorrow, Father's Day on Sunday, which means taking my daughter out for the day.(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:42,
Reply)
If you buy shagpile does it feel like you are running in long grass in your own home?(
SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:44,
Reply)
My grandma used to have shagpile in her living room many years ago.Fucking lush is was.
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girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 10:48,
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More job applicationsgot offered a retail job, but sadly I was on the train back to Bristol at that point.
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Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 9:56,
Reply)
I'm hanging out with a couple of nutters and a monkey this weekend.(
girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jun 2012, 10:47,
Reply)
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