I am thinking about divorce
All I can do is think about it. We have a passionless marriage that is mostly my fault and fuck all in common these days. The kicker is the children, four of them, all quite young. I'm assuming in the event of a divorce I'll become a weekend dad, and I just can't do that. The thought of that terrifies me. I want to be there when they wake up and be reading them a story when they go to bed at night. I don't know how to make the marriage work, especially when I'm only doing it to stay in 24/7 contact with my children. I can't tell her the truth because that'll be the line drawn in the sand and bye bye daddy.

Do I still love my wife? I have to think about that question so I guess that answers it, but I'd probably fall apart without her, but trying to be civil at the moment is a stretch.
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:25, 9 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Fuck off.
Prick.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:25, Reply)

Go duck a hurdle fucknuts
duck right under
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:27, Reply)

Fucking newbie blue namers, posting emo shit about the state of their marriage.
Go and kill yourself.

Cunt.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:30, Reply)

My guess is that he isn't serious

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)

still a cunt that should kill himself.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Ooh, you're an ANGRY dwarf

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Dopey, Sneezy and Doc look upon him with a mixture of quiet contempt and tragic resignation

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Sage advice

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)

*something about the purchase ledger*

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:28, Reply)

I know not what you are on about

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Sage accountancy software hilarity.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)

*face palm*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Accountancy lolz.
Thinnest on the ground of all the lolz
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)

You need to delete your account and kill yourself, it's the only way

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:29, Reply)

With the greatest possible sensitivity towards your unfortunate dilemma,
The Sun's Agony Aunt website is THATAWAY
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Serious question:
How long have you felt like this? If it is a long time then you are better off out. If it is a few weeks, then chill out, take the missus out for some dinner and relax a bit.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:29, Reply)

+ dyaaky
+ pints of cum
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:30, Reply)

I may be better off out
but it'll be weekend dad time then and my superman costume needs letting out a bit
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)

You can borrow mine.
That's definitely yoghurt on the leg, don't worry.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)

YaKunt

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)

Glaswegian ProBiotic lolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:33, Reply)

niche

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)

You kick your children?
No wonder your wife hates you and is sleeping with me on the side.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:30, Reply)

She sleeps with me on her back,

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:31, Reply)

Not that she can feel anything when you do.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)

No, read it again
His children kick him. He would be the kickee
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:32, Reply)

I've had her.
Bareback anal.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:35, Reply)

Do you seriously want mature emotional and marital advice from B3ta/

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:34, Reply)

If you're offering
Dear BPtJF,

I am finding it more and more difficult to make love to my wife without picturing livestock. Last night I insisted she moo deeply and make exaggerated chewing actions as I was otherwise unable to sustain my pitiful excuse for an erection. Also as the joints in cows' knees allow them to go upstairs but not down, it's only a matter of time before I'm caught in the act of shoving a particularly obstinate Jersey out of the window. How can I save my marriage and get the RSPCA off my back?

Yours hopefully,

Al Anon. of Newcastle
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)

^ An early attempt at POTD here and a good attempt at that ^

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:40, Reply)

Internet validation!
*reads JMG's "How to be a hero of b3ta"*

Repeat... ad... nauseum...
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)

+ te
+ sexual
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:43, Reply)

That made me Mondaylaugh.
Needed a bit more scat though.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:43, Reply)

*writes down*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:45, Reply)

Yes please

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Don't listen to all these bullies
If you want a sympathetic ear, go and ask for some advice on /talk.
They will be only too glad to help.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:38, Reply)

hahahahahahaha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:39, Reply)

Calm down son, it's not that hilarious, now fuck off back to the lollypop guild

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:42, Reply)

Fuck off. Prick.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:45, Reply)

BOOM!
*staggers*
*reaches heavenwards*
*grimaces*
*solitary tears*
*grabs comrade*
"AVENGE MEEEEeeee....."
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:46, Reply)

Oi!
That's MY insult.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:56, Reply)

Alright AA? Missing Rory I guess?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:58, Reply)

Rory has a new B3TA identity.
The guy who started this divorce nonsense.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:04, Reply)

Bit early for a conspiracy theory isn't it?
I heard one the other day that Q is Scaryduck's sock puppet. Ha!
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:05, Reply)

O< - fuck off

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:12, Reply)

Morning Battered

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:06, Reply)

Good morning AA.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:10, Reply)

Wank it off son.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:41, Reply)

One of Chompy's dad's classic bits of advice here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)

rachelswipe's still single
just sayin'
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:47, Reply)

Who is this? Is she fit?

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:51, Reply)

Yes.
She enjoys sex with guys who haven't showered, shit the bed and are poor.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)

YESSSSSS!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:59, Reply)

that's Battered's mum you're talking about there, lenny
leave it out
(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:54, Reply)

That's one subject I am more than happy for anyone to converse about.
Watch out though; she's 64 so she's probably got a prolapsed vadge.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:56, Reply)

for a second i misread that as 6'4", but I thought 'surely not?'

(Quintno EXPERIMENT RUINED CANCELLED, LEFT 4EVER, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 9:58, Reply)

'Not' indeed.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 16 Jul 2012, 10:00, Reply)