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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I have just dealt with a Chief Inspector Bacon.
I don't suppose criminals have ever laughed in his face about that little piece of nominative determinism eh?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:15, 152 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
I bet your surname is Handcock
because you're a wanker.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:17, Reply)
Why did no one reply to this epic zing?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:04, Reply)
OH SHIT WHERE DID YOU HIDE YOUR STASH????
and also the rest of your really, really shit beard?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:17, Reply)
Like I'd tell you.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:20, Reply)
malc's not in today, all my cop mates aren't even around

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:22, Reply)
Where is he?
Knackers deep in your dog?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:24, Reply)
he's got a few days off
probably looking for a new job
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:25, Reply)
What's going to happen to all your staff when the new owners take over?
I'd hate to think of Jackie Big Tits having to find another job. Especially at her age.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:28, Reply)
jackie left before we sold, she got a better offer from somewhere she was working part time
they're keeping our staff on until our lease ends next year, we're poaching a few, but after that who knows?

i'd like to think they'll keep them all on, but knowing business, they'll rape the fuck out of it and bin everyone else
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:32, Reply)
With those jugs.
You don't get many of those in a suitcase.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:32, Reply)
Not nominative determinism but,
My son's teacher next year is called Mr Coxhead.
I can see why he chose to teach primary rather than secondary.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:18, Reply)
^ FUNNY NAME CORNER!!!!!LOLOLOL!!!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:18, Reply)
My mother was taught by a 'Mrs Smellie'

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:19, Reply)
My maths teach was called "Mr S. Lugg".

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:20, Reply)
Oh LOL!!!!!!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:21, Reply)
I had a head teacher called Mr Bent.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:21, Reply)
You mean boyfriend don't you?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:23, Reply)
I have never had a boyfriend :(

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:25, Reply)
Wuv woo.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:25, Reply)
that's ok, neither has wanderlust :(

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:27, Reply)
Could be worse.
He could be Mr TheDogFucker.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:25, Reply)
He takes the other class.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:27, Reply)
My real name is Richard Hare.
Everyone calls me pube :'(
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:21, Reply)
My physics teacher
was Mr Higgs Bosun.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:22, Reply)
My physics teacher was called
"Mr IntelligentDesign"

!!!!
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:29, Reply)
Was his fave band Genesis?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:32, Reply)
that's nothing, I had a teacher called Mr Hopps.
He just got hauled in front of a tribunal for locking a fellow teacher in a cupboard and just being a prick in general.

It was on the BBC website a couple of months ago.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:32, Reply)
Our French teacher was a proper window licker.
The blackboards had stationary cupboards behind them and he'd open one and talk into it for a bit. Obviously the rumour went around that his family was here illegally and living in the blackboard cupboards.

Children are idiots.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:39, Reply)
did he get tribunalled for being a dick?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:41, Reply)
Nah
His family weren't really in there, you see.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:47, Reply)
Where had he hidden them?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:50, Reply)
in CQ's 'tache.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:56, Reply)
I had a chemistry teacher called
Miss H2SO4.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:23, Reply)
genuine officelol
She had an acid tongue, right?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:29, Reply)
Ask my balls!!
Lol.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:30, Reply)
Speaking of bacon
I have to make this.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:33, Reply)
Tsk.
Cheese IN the burger? That's ignorant. You'll be buying bags of lettuce next.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:35, Reply)
It's possible that, despite you being one of the youngest on here,
we could all outlive you.
Not Stunned though, he's got two, maybe three left at best.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:36, Reply)
I hope it's two.
Sorry, I meant chips.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:37, Reply)
Fried onion rings.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:37, Reply)
I'd only need to make it once.
But I think it could be excellent.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:40, Reply)
Cheese goes ON not IN.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:42, Reply)
Would a piece of mozzerella be less offensive going IN the burger?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:46, Reply)
i used to hate cold mozzarella
But now I appreciate the beauty of mozzarella and pesto on a sandwich
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:06, Reply)
Now thats where you are wrong
The only thing wrong with the cheese in the middle is the type of cheese...it should be a good stilton.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)
Consolidated would have a field day with you.
Did you check out Carpathian and Will Haven?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:36, Reply)
I haven't yet, I've been listening to Revocation and Malefice mainly
Shall give them a lsiten tonight.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:39, Reply)
you may also like the Evil Nine remix of Music by Ils.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:57, Reply)
malefice?
do me a favour.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)
apparently degrassi is still on, and shit is about to go down
I remember watching it when I was a kid and they all had crazy punk haircuts
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:50, Reply)
In other news I have just taken MORE TIME OFF and have booked to go to Polperro for a week, starting this Saturday

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:55, Reply)
fascinating.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:56, Reply)
prick

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:01, Reply)
You're not on garden leave, are you Batto?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 12:57, Reply)
No, contracting so can work when I like within reason.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:02, Reply)
You're getting smaller?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:03, Reply)
hahaha!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:37, Reply)
I think you mean shed leave.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:03, Reply)
It looks as though there may be more shed-related steppings on qotw this week.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:06, Reply)
that's v near my house!
I am not going til september though
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:05, Reply)
Dunno, never had to deal with a Chief Inspector
I just had a double chocolate muffin, it was a pack of four and I give one to the guy across from me whose birthday it was yesterday, that leaves two...what should I do?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:04, Reply)
stop giving bad gifts

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:06, Reply)
The muffin was a bonus, I gave him a foam rocket that goes for 50 feet when you squeeze it yesterday
He was dead chuffed
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:08, Reply)
GREAT!

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:27, Reply)
Oh, hi tangers, how are you?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)
Fine thanks.
How are you?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:46, Reply)
Sorry dude, that was quite rude of me
I'm good, thanks
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:56, Reply)
No worries, mate!
Glad to hear you're ok.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:58, Reply)
monts
I'm really sick of these "alternative" music videos trying to be all artsy but they're just shit
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:05, Reply)
They're not as alternative as Dozer.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:07, Reply)
i bet he haas horn rimmed glasses

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:10, Reply)
phwwwooooooooaarrrr
'horn' and 'rimmed' in the same sentence.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:58, Reply)
A girl in the gym this morning got her shoelace stuck in the side of the running machine, watching her trying to run
And jiggle her lace free was hilarious. So hilarious I dropped my phone and cracked the screen.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:08, Reply)
sportscow broke his iphone screen aswell
Maybe you two can start your own thread about it?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:10, Reply)
Maybe you can suck my sweaty gym sock

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:11, Reply)
Is that a euphemism?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:14, Reply)
You decide

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:15, Reply)
I hate decisions

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:16, Reply)
kharma is a bitch

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:11, Reply)
What did I do?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:12, Reply)
schadenfreude

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:15, Reply)
True. But I wasn't the only one.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:16, Reply)
that makes it OK, does it?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:24, Reply)
no, sorry miss.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:25, Reply)
It comes and goes, it comes and goes

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:12, Reply)
Yes she is.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:14, Reply)
Apart from AA posting pictures due to his difficulty with forming sentences to express himself, what else have I missed?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:16, Reply)
no, wait I know this

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:16, Reply)
OI YOU YES YOU
WHERES MY SHIRT?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:17, Reply)
soz

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:20, Reply)
Anyhow welcome back you reprobate

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:21, Reply)
Welcome back.
Prick
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:17, Reply)
I've in a roundabout way won qotw ! I've done it at last !! Last week I made it to the popular page, but this week I've exceeded all expectations

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:18, Reply)
You're famous.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:20, Reply)
On the Internet, sad cunt

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:20, Reply)
great news
you're back. It's been hell here without you
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:24, Reply)
I know, first Disasterprone being dead for six months and no fucking icons and a banning on top of that

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:32, Reply)
if you love a celebritys hair
And know it's fake, is it therefore acceptable to get fake hair also to have amazing hair like said celeb?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:22, Reply)
what's wrong with fake hair?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:25, Reply)
Bleach of the Trades Descriptions Act?
/leaves internet.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:27, Reply)
haha

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:32, Reply)
nothing ii suppose, just that any white girl i know with extensions irl looks like shit

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:28, Reply)
meh
make it work
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:33, Reply)
as the most altetnative person here by a country mile
I would like the following to he noted:

Tattoos are pikey as fuck
I do not wear glasses
Today's tie and cufflinks are by Paul Smith
Pop punk is fucking bent
'Extreme Metal' is fucking bent
Chart dance is fucking bent
Steampunks, Goths and cybergoths are fucking bent
Chicks dig me.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:30, Reply)
this post is a lie

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:34, Reply)

a lie unnecessary
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
coming from you that is fucking funny.
I could of course mention 'proper whisky', but the last time I did that you nearly exploded with fury.

You sad fucker.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:38, Reply)
Heh, calm down you plum go brew some herbal tea or something
Sorry if I upset you, it's all really not worth it y'know
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)
I'm not angry, just dismissive.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:52, Reply)
I tell you what, you're on a different level to that Thunder/Sharkfucker guy
If I've been harsh in the past I apologise, you seem to be a good egg.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)
it is all 100% true yo.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:35, Reply)
Tattoos are not bent at all, your new sweeping statement persona is bent,

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)
to be fair
he's just saved a lot of time by putting all his posts ever into one handy wankpost.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)
Yeah but all he does now is pooh pooh stuff, he used to be good.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
Can't you just say, I don't like...

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:49, Reply)
You've forgotten 'Public Enemy were tedious'

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:59, Reply)
hardly.
What about '70s rock bands are, on the whole, bent'?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:05, Reply)
May I just add:
SHED
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:32, Reply)
You can, but no one gives a shit. Besides wouldn't a kennel do you just as well?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:41, Reply)
Oh man, Bobby, Bobby, bobby, you're just a wrecking ball of emotions aren't you?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:44, Reply)
I'm cool thanks Al. What emotion am I displaying this time?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:46, Reply)
Dunno Ray, I'd guess at 'GRRRR'

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)
Swing and a miss.
ssssssstrike one. Wanna go again?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
Go again at what big man?
You seem alright but you you couldn't out-banter a ten year old. I guess by replying to you I'm just encouraging you so I dunno, I have no grand plan here Ray but I'm more than willing to give you an intellectual leg-up if you so desire.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Banter is fine, trolling is boring. Your posts are bent and send people snoring.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
Hah! You turned it into one of those rap-off things! Fucking great, man
I can't rhyme for shit so I'll just say that I don't consider myself a troll but I'm open to criticism and will accept a majority verdict. Of all the posters on this forum I find you the most offensive. Not that you're controversial or anything, there's just this level of competence that you consistently fail to breach. I don't think it's your fault, I mean I'm willing to see the best in everyone, it just takes a lot of hard work with you. Y'know, just give a little more effort big man, you'll get there.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:03, Reply)
i don't think your a troll, jim carrey
x
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:21, Reply)
I'm afraid you can't, no.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:47, Reply)
i'm just gonna say it
i'm bored with the shed thing now.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)
I was bored with it two seconds after it began.
The fact that the mods were annoyed by it was mildly funny, other than that, it's shit.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:00, Reply)
i take credit for the whole thing

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:19, Reply)
I think it's maybe had its time
I for one won't get teary about it.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:26, Reply)
fuck off tory prick
eat shit and die of botulism, you complete shitbucket
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:27, Reply)
woah, lotta rage there q
should I link this for qotw?
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:47, Reply)
I'M GONNA FIND YOU ASN EAT YOUR FUCKEN BABY, YOU DICK

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:48, Reply)
shed a tear, geddit?
it was a poor attempt at missing word irony, I admit.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:53, Reply)
WTFAYBOAYFP?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 15:06, Reply)
i have just been for the usual hair and mani
new manicurist has sliced my tip of finger open with the file. it HURTS. it hurts even more when she then rubs oils and various nail unguents into it. ow.

her name should be shit manicurist.
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:39, Reply)
:'(

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:43, Reply)
wtf is an ungeunts?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:45, Reply)
how do you feel about extensions?
Demi Levato has amazing hair and I want it
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:48, Reply)
shave her bald and tell her to fuck off back to Camp Rock

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:50, Reply)
you nerd
I bet you love that show
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:51, Reply)
it's a film, YOU IDIOT

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:18, Reply)
you would know, YOU PEEDO

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:40, Reply)
man, i do love fucken dem kidz

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:41, Reply)
i wouldn't personally
because (i) i've never seen anyone look good with them in real life; (ii) they fuck up your own hair; and (iii) you've got gorgeous hair
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:53, Reply)
Pube lols

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:56, Reply)
just.... how?

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:57, Reply)
Hair, tenuous I know.

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 13:59, Reply)
HE'S A CREEPY CREEPY FAT PERVERT VIRGIN

(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:18, Reply)
i don't anymore!
And I will never! I can't grow it out past my shoulders, I neeeed them
(, Thu 19 Jul 2012, 14:02, Reply)

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