Good evening. Alright?
Tell me something unusual about yourself that B3tans don't already know.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:11, 113 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Where do I start?
When I was 13 through to 15 I listened to nothing but heavy metal.

Then I grew out of it.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:13, Reply)

You Captain Placid.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:15, Reply)

Harsh words Al. Harsh words.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:19, Reply)

I think it's the first time I've been given honorary membership of twang club.
Totes emosh, right here.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:21, Reply)

Alright Al?
Sorry, I should probably expand here, at that age I was all of the view that the ONLY MUSIC WHICH WAS ANY GOOD was metal. Electronic stuff? Not even music. Rap music? For blacks and wiggers. Country? For old people. Etc etc. Total idiotic blinkers.

I still love loads of metal bands, but do find the view (which I myself held as a kid) that you can only like one genre to be, to use one of your phrases, fucking retarded.

I'm not throwing any stones here, Battered asked for a fact. I gave him a fact about my early teens.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:20, Reply)

It isn't particularly unusual though

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:24, Reply)

I meant in the context of me being the OT wigga hip hoppper.
I don't think I want to reveal anything really unusual, it'll detract from my enigmatic persona.

Soz bbz.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:25, Reply)

I have proper nearly died four times.
I say died, I mean "been killed".
( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:23, Reply)

NO WAY DUDE
Details?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:24, Reply)

Two narrowly avoided car accidents
Slipping on the balcony of a fourth floor hotel room above a busy road and a ridiculous story concerning an attempted mugging by suspected crackheads on a highway in Florida/shark infested harbour.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:26, Reply)

So what I'm saying here is that I've avoided
four incidents that could have led to personal injury.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:27, Reply)

Every day it is a miracle
I don't die from my own stupidity
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:29, Reply)

Cool story bro

(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:27, Reply)

I avoided serious injury several times back in my skating days.
It's a total rush, sadly.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:29, Reply)

I am risk-averse*
*cowardly
( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:35, Reply)

I actually like quorn

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:23, Reply)

Disliking Quorn is like disliking cucumber.
There's nothing to actually dislike. It tastes of nothing and does nothing unpleasant to you.

Having said that, I fucking hate Quorn. Gross.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:25, Reply)

The chicken version I had just now was yummy
possibly as it had chicken flavour in
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:26, Reply)

I read that people who dislike cucumber
can detect some chemical in it that us normal people are unaware of.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:27, Reply)

I heard that too
I think they are just whiny children. The really odd thing is I found out my friend actively likes cucumber, now that is weird
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:28, Reply)

Cucumbers grown in the UK are generally quite bland.
I've had cucumber in salads on Kos, and they are somehow a lot nicer.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:29, Reply)

I not only like cucumber, one of my favourite cocktails is gin, cucumber syrup and black pepper.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:30, Reply)

I am tripping balls, man
tripping balls
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:31, Reply)

That phrase always makes me think of a man falling over his own pendulous testicles.

( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:32, Reply)

Best made with Hendricks gin.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:33, Reply)

Absolutely.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:34, Reply)

cucumber syrup?
How would one make such a liquid?
(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:34, Reply)

You get some cucumbers, and a bottle of cucumber syrup, and pour the syrup out of the bottle.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:35, Reply)

Gin is ming
this is FACT
( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:25, Reply)

It's shit on its own, I'll agree with that.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:28, Reply)

Nonsense.
Gin is lovely.
Particularly on a hot, sunny day.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:29, Reply)

I'm vegetarian.
Quorn do the best mince but Cauldron do the best sausages.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:26, Reply)

I'm not veggi
but Tescos told me I had to eat it today
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:27, Reply)

DON'T LET THE MAN GRIND YOU DOWN!!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:27, Reply)

that's kind of what it needs to do
2 stone and counting. I am the worst kind of lefty liberal, I just do what The Man says
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:29, Reply)

were they threatening you?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:29, Reply)

nah
I just sold out
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:30, Reply)

I quite like Quorn sausages.
Tune in next week, when I admit to liking lentil stew.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:27, Reply)

Alright DG? Might be back up at Eshott in a few weeks. Let me know if you & T fancy meeting up for a beverage.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:34, Reply)

are you able to make it over to Leeds?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:35, Reply)

No. Unless you are out of the country at the time.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:36, Reply)

Prick.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:09, Reply)

Wanker xxxxx

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:11, Reply)

wuv woo!!!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:14, Reply)

That would be good.
Any idea when? We're going to be in Edinburgh 28th and 29th October and also have a 40th to go to that on the Friday of weekend, but other than that we have no real plans.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:57, Reply)

Also, Blousie will be with us from the Saturday.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:59, Reply)

If we do (still tbc) then 2nd / 3rd Nov. will let you know.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:59, Reply)

That's do-able.
There's a nice curry house in Morpeth if you fancied a bite to eat as well. Only about six miles down the road from Eshott.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:01, Reply)

Excellent. Will let you know as soon as I can. Will have Mrs and micro Battered with me.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:03, Reply)

I like your face.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:34, Reply)

*blushes*

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:58, Reply)

So what you're saying is that you're quite odd.
I think we already knew that.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:26, Reply)

I am normal
it's the rest of you who are odd
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:27, Reply)

Where's your "something unusual" then, cock-nose?

( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:42, Reply)

I am a qualified mechanic . For diesels only.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 19:48, Reply)

Evening shit weasels
You didn't know that I'm you mum's favourite anal invader
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:10, Reply)

You're not her favourite. You're not even in the top five. Soz.

( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:13, Reply)

Maybe the whole 'spiderman' incident has knocked me down the rankings

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:17, Reply)

You really are worse than yourself sometimes.
Not sure this is physically possible but I think you'll know what I mean.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:14, Reply)

I am aware of this, see my sig for proof

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:17, Reply)

You didn't know that Jimmy Savile is RIGHT NOW noncing up your daughter from beyond the grave.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:15, Reply)

Nah man she is sleeping like a little angel in her new pyjamas

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:19, Reply)

+ in Jimmy's grave.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:23, Reply)

I've got an odd number of nipples.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:16, Reply)

7?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:21, Reply)

1.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:23, Reply)

Weirdo.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:32, Reply)

I was the ofical world champion stiga hockey champion and have even beaten Bret Hull and Wayne Gretski at it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:17, Reply)

I don't know what these words mean

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:18, Reply)

I beat him and him at this.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:24, Reply)

So how come this isn't mentioned in either wikipedia entry?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:51, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:24, Reply)

*shock*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:32, Reply)

*horror*

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:42, Reply)

I'm never going to dance again

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:05, Reply)

Guilty feet :(

( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:07, Reply)

Got no rhythm :((

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:11, Reply)

I was once a guinea pig for a mate who was a hairdressing student, and we came first in the regional heats and third overall in a national hairdressing competition.

At least I got a free haircut and an all expenses paid trip to Blackpool out of it. Although Blackpool was pretty shit as I remember.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:46, Reply)

I'm just reading that as
'I was once a guinea pig'

it's a more unusual story then
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:46, Reply)

what do he do to your hair?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:48, Reply)

Bleached it 'til it was white, cut it into a mohawk and dyed the sides and tips black.
Two weeks later an old lady clobbered me with a handbag.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:52, Reply)

hahaha
Do you live in a sit com
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:53, Reply)

Sometimes I wonder...
I think he asked me because I had the whole goth thing going on at the time and he thought he could make a statement with me. There were also some rather attractive beauty therapy students involved, so I wasn't complaining.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:54, Reply)

My eyes are upside down
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 20:53, Reply)

you've lent back too hard and the back of the sofa has snapped off depositing you upside down
HTH xxx
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:00, Reply)

How are you getting on with young'un you snatched last night?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:08, Reply)

Ah, fuck it.
You mindpissing flid.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:14, Reply)

Have you taken that girl back home yet?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:13, Reply)

thjey arrested someone, but not found the girl :(

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:15, Reply)

She went to buy milk for the hitman next door.
She'll be fine.
( Kroney, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:17, Reply)

Are we to assume that he's not talking?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:17, Reply)

They are searching a river.
I assume they got that idea from him.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:19, Reply)

Just read the reports.
Sounds like he's known to the police as a local nonce.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:22, Reply)

And so his trial by media begins.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:24, Reply)

I'm sure he'll get voted out of the investigation soon.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:27, Reply)

She's so dead.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:17, Reply)

They usually are by the time they're reported missing.
Except when they're being hidden in someone's divan bed, that is.

Actually, has anyone asked her maths teacher where she might be?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:20, Reply)

The first 24 hours are the most crucial.
The likelihood of turning up a dead body increases after that.
It's been 26 hours now plus, as Nakers said, they've got a suspect, but not the girl.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:35, Reply)

I'm actually a girl.
I only pretend to be a dull bloke from the Midlands to prevent unwanted attention from sweaty-handed male b3tans.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:13, Reply)

what I coincidence
I am a middle aged trucker called Dave. Wanna meet up in a layby?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:14, Reply)

Well, I don't usually do this sort of thing....
Alright then.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:17, Reply)

you deserve an oscar

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:15, Reply)

It's very convincing.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:19, Reply)

this makes me happy
www.bbc.co.uk/archive/tomorrowsworld/
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:34, Reply)

Oh Cavy...
You won't meet a man there.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:37, Reply)

i thought boys liked science

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 21:44, Reply)

No
they like "behind the science block."

But since you're a trucker called Dave, I'll pass.

Or maybe overtake.

Na, I'll just go to bed.
(Phudbree oh man, the Doric Yorick, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 22:01, Reply)

Is that it then?

( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 2 Oct 2012, 23:11, Reply)