what's the most unkosher meal you've ever had?

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:29, 12 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

Uncut pork sword.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Weiner Auschwnitzel

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:30, Reply)

Pig trotters in goat sauce

( Kroney, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:31, Reply)

belsen burger

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:31, Reply)

Something in a gas-tropub

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:31, Reply)

sssssssssssssssss

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:36, Reply)

London vs Derby

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:38, Reply)

Zyklon B-eans on toast

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

Communion wafer

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:32, Reply)

pitta bread with hamas

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:34, Reply)

hummus-lim brotherhood

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:35, Reply)

Caesar s'allah-d

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:36, Reply)

I don't keep kosha, I love bacon and prawns and lobseter and scallops and all that.
I fucking love a bacon'n'egg bagel with stoke's ketchup.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:37, Reply)

I know you don't gonz, was just wondering.
what would your mother say?

"that boy of mine, OY! edna goldenblat's son is a radiologist, hasn't eaten bacon once. and his wife! such an angel."
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:40, Reply)

Ahh, nah', 'rents were never kosha eaither, or their 'rents eaither, but their rents probably were.
I'm quite lucky, my family are more along the lines of the Sugars, starting off on the Markets and doing proper graft, there was no illusions of me becoming a schollar.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:44, Reply)

what happens if it turns out the jews were right?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:41, Reply)

Then there is nothing we can do anyway
You have to be born one of them, don't you?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:43, Reply)

You can convert.
The cheeky cunts make it really hard.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:44, Reply)

no, funky radical new wave jews let you sort of convert.
orthodox ones don't
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:45, Reply)

Who would have thought they would be picky?
Have they never heard of the safety in numbers concept?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:48, Reply)

Safety in numbers?
Numbers like 'six million'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Too soon?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:55, Reply)

I'm half Jewish.
The good half. lol.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:45, Reply)

You've got a twoskin?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:45, Reply)

rolls over my oneskin
true story.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:47, Reply)

Well from what I've seen from history God certainly is looking out for them.
*straight face*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:44, Reply)

it's not the winning, it's the taking part that counts.

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:44, Reply)

The taking part by joining in with the ridiculous headgear and deranged haircuts.

God insists on it, you know.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:46, Reply)

What I don't get is, chronographicly, it goes Jews, Christans Muslims.
Jews = Kosha
Christians = Whatever they want
Muslims = Halal, which is more or less the same as kosha.

So what happened for them to change their mind back?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:47, Reply)

it's to do with the part of the world they are in.
it was simply not a good idea to eat pork and shellfish in the middle east. those dietary laws are more the early form of food hygiene than anything.
same with the foreskin thing, cuts down on infection and that.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:49, Reply)

Thank you, Jackie Mason.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:52, Reply)

Oh man I LOVE 'Reet Petite'!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:52, Reply)

Same with the burial of corpses within 24h ruling.
It's not the will of God, but the absence of refridgeration and adequate food hygiene you stupid cunts.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:52, Reply)

There is something in the bible about burning your house down if you get mould in the basement.
Based on some really cunty mould they used to have which would kill loads of people a year and spread through towns.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

NO NO IT'S GOD'S HOLY LAW.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:55, Reply)

To be honest that makes the most sense of the laws.
"Oy, Bill burn your own house down, or your neighbours kids might get sick"
"no, fuck off"
"Bill, God says you should do it or you'll die"
"ohhh alright then"
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:59, Reply)

3000BC = fine
2012AD = backward to the point of being fucking scary
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:00, Reply)

2012AD it is gods will that you go to Wickes and get some fungicide and do your DIY

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:07, Reply)

GOD'S WRATH has brought MOSS upon thy decking. REPENT!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:10, Reply)

Kosher kitchens where they use different knives/utensils for chicken and meat.
And another set for everything else is exactly that.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:53, Reply)

maybe there's a part to adam and eve where adam eats god's scallops that he just got for tea and god gets angry and makes adam erupt from both ends

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

Yeah', but that must mean that between about 30AD and 200AD there must have been a LOT of sick people.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:58, Reply)

Well they did all sleep with their sisters.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:58, Reply)

correct, which was why it was written into the religious laws.
cause people listened to that.
( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:58, Reply)

but didn't Christianity develope in the middle east?

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:03, Reply)

Nandos

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:49, Reply)

I heard ultra-christians aren't allowed to eat nutella

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Do you do that thing with Nutella where you pretend you just scooped it out of your bum?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:52, Reply)

Yeah right, 'nutella', yeah? 'pretend', yeah?
I'm not falling for that one again.

Worst cub camp ever.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:54, Reply)

I can only grip the small jars between my cheeks

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:55, Reply)

Or you could just do it on your finger.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:57, Reply)

I can get more than a finger between my cheeks

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:00, Reply)

I am surprised your arse doesn't bang shut.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:02, Reply)

it has a screw cap, and foil for maintaining freshness

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:03, Reply)

NOW you tell him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 14:01, Reply)

It's almost like they made it up as they went along?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:51, Reply)

Easy
The rules are designed for pre-technological, desert-dwelling nomadic tribal survival. If you can't refrigerate stuff, it goes off. Shellfish, pork, milk-based dishes etc etc are not good ideas in a desert.
Instead of some clever bloke trying to convince people that these foods might be dodgy, it was easier to claim they were rules given by God.

Ninja edit. Note to self - learn to type faster.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 5 Oct 2012, 13:52, Reply)