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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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the stupid cunt in the team behind has brought in masks and hats for her drones to wear.
this level of enforced fun is, unsurprisingly, not fun for any of the poor fuckers. what shit are you forced to do at work?

what strange parent type things have you done recently?
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:21, 183 replies, latest was 13 years ago)
I had to clean the spunk stains from Sir Jimmeh's chair
WORST JOB EVAR
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:22, Reply)
yeah, that is an odd thing for a parent to do.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:24, Reply)
I thought of you this morning
there's a road in Stockton on Tees in which one house is for sale for £750 and another for a grand. I lolled.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:24, Reply)
Stockton on Tees is grim beyond words

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:26, Reply)
I have relatives in Stockton on Tees
I concur.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:06, Reply)
I think you'll find
removing lobsters from Jane Mansfield's arse is the worst job EVAR.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Chose a nursery school for my daughter.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:23, Reply)
how was that strange?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:24, Reply)
She's 32.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:25, Reply)
It felt strange to me. She is only 14 months old and it made me feel like more of an adult than I have ever felt before.
EDIT: this was not written with of any intended noncey overtones in mind that you cunts assume.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:26, Reply)
When you yourself are the size of a child that must feel very strange indeed.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:29, Reply)
Words cannot express the worry I have for your child having you for a parent.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Out of context click.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:29, Reply)
nice

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:07, Reply)
/haha

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:19, Reply)
fucking hell. that's nothing chief.
I asked the next door neighbour if her granddaughter wanted to come play with my son, cause they're around about the same age.

me and the partner then went "OMG WHAT IF THEY LIKE GET MARRIED WHEN THEY'RE OLDER?!?!?!" being a parent makes you a cunt.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:29, Reply)

Yup, we have people doing the same here. Amusingly (to me, anyway) the head of my department is the only one of all 25 of us that has bothered. You'd have thought he'd have learnt his lesson on 'Pink Friday' last week.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:24, Reply)
if people WANT to join in, well that's just fine.
it's the making people have fun that's pointless.
YOU VILL HAVE FUN AT ZE CAMP!!!
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:27, Reply)
but apparently fun sets you free.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)
yeah, not someone else's though.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:36, Reply)
we've got spotify on, we're doing hallowe'en songs

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:27, Reply)
I walked with a zombie by Roky Erickson
Bela Lugosi's Dead by Bauhaus
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:28, Reply)
never heard of them, probably shit music for pricks, but i've added them

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:29, Reply)
'I Put a Spell on You' by Screamin' Jay Hawkins

You know, from The Darkness?
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:31, Reply)
that sounds so atrocious i have to hear it

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:32, Reply)
It's a great record and he was a fascinating chap.
He fathered about 80 kids or something - they all got together and met up a few years ago.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:35, Reply)
57 children, soz
abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/WolfFiles/story?id=94216&page=1
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:36, Reply)
oh right, i actually believed you when you said about the darkness

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:39, Reply)
You Deacon.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
yeah, i should know all music ever created and not believe what people tell me :(

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
It's not too much to ask, is it?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:46, Reply)
Also 'I Put a Spell on You' is about as obscure as 'Happy Birthday'

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:48, Reply)
WELL EVERYONE KNOWS THE NINA SIMONE VERSION NOT SOME SAMMY DAVIS JNR LOOKIN PRICK

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:50, Reply)
Precisely.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Night of the Sadist by Larry and the Bluenotes
(that is a really great record)
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:30, Reply)
well jelly :(

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:30, Reply)
give me a good scottish song i can put on in tribute

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:32, Reply)
ace of spades

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:34, Reply)
it doesn't fit the remit, but i'll do it for you xxx

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)
wuv ooo
xxxx
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
we're on time warp
after that sympathy for the devil
then a bit of cliff richard
then ace of spades
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:42, Reply)
werewolves of London by Warren Zevon

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)
can we do songs i've actually heard of please?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:33, Reply)
You've not heard of Werewolves of London?
Fucking hell, Q, get your arse to iTunes or summat.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:35, Reply)
maybe i've heard it before, but i certainly don't remember it
when it comes on i'll let you know if i'm all 'ooohhh....! that one!'
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:36, Reply)
It does actually go oooooh a fair bit.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)
Bastard.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)
I'm marking UG lab reports
it makes me quick on the reply here. As well as sapping my fucking soul
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
You work for a shoe manufacturer?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:42, Reply)
sorry, UG. undergraduate.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:47, Reply)
Yes, the one that goes 'Ooooooooooh!'

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)

Lee Ho Fook's has closed down and been replaced by something called 'Dumpling Palace'.

Sad times.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)
see? London is clearly well shit
they can't even manage to keep open random chinese restaurants mentioned in the lyrics of late 70s songs...
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:39, Reply)
That I can get behind.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Monster Mash
is the best Hallowe'en song.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:53, Reply)
that was the second one we had on

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:01, Reply)
1800 suicide by Gravediggaz
Bathory Erszebet by Sunn O)))
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Everything Wednesday 13's ever done.
Everything Misfits ever done.
Most of what Rob Zombie done.
Evil Scarecrow.
Cradle Of Filth
Sorted.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 11:48, Reply)
Nothing like that at all.
We don't even have a Christmas party because no-one wants one. No decorations, no fucking hats, no all signing a birthday card etc. Suits me fine.

I had to pretend my sitting room was a hotel recently. This consisted of leaving the room, then coming back in and saying 'what a lovely hotel' about five fucking times.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:27, Reply)
Lusty's demands are just getting stranger and stranger.
Get out before she starts getting stabby.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:29, Reply)
you sound bitter about this.
do they celebrate birthdays for everyone else?
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:31, Reply)
Yes, they all go to Thorpe Park and stuff.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)
Poor old PD has been forced to wear a flat cap by his boss today :(

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:28, Reply)
how tragic. That won't go with his shirt at all

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:28, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1771192
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:32, Reply)
They barely even force me to work.
I guess they just assume that I am working when I'm sitting here.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:29, Reply)
sad times :(

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:34, Reply)
Tonight is going to be depressing.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:31, Reply)
you having a fancy dress contest?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:34, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:35, Reply)
so what's the haps pigster? why so down?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:36, Reply)
he's not having a fancy dress contest

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)
I imagine
because his lovely pub is going to be full of LOLWAKI cunts.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:37, Reply)
this.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:38, Reply)
there will be fat chicks showing off their "curves"
I was out on saturday. fuck off halloween.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Ive got a friend who runs an Anne Summers.
She has spent the last 2 weeks selling ridiculous outfits to fat slappers.

I saw one of those facebook things that said "i keep my arse big so its easier to kiss" they're not even pretending to try and lose weight anymore.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:46, Reply)
I went to that pub you recommended yesterday
and it was full of LOLWAKI cunts in fancy dress.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
sorry tangles.
it can be hit and miss. I just like it for the beer.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
The beer was nice.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
I fucking TOLD YOU.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:41, Reply)
Yes. But your suggestion was "don't go to any pubs there, they're all shit"
you've got a valid point, but it's hardly fucking helpful to man after a beer, is it?
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:42, Reply)
All they had to do was go for a drink somewhere else.
Ten minutes on the tube and they could have gone somewhere better.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:46, Reply)
Granted, but a) it's probably not worth it for a quick couple of pints and b) they don't know london.
it's all about the flexibility, Monts.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I am as flexible as granite.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:49, Reply)
Time was an important factor though.
We went to a pub on The Strand, then my boss was keen to try the Porterhouse as he had liked the one in Dublin.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:48, Reply)
I'm not.
One of the reasons I do what I do.

Well, unless you include "admin" .. I suppose I have to do that, but that's not really what you mean I assume.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:34, Reply)
I'm sorry badge, that was very dull.
put on a silly hat then try that again.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:35, Reply)
haha.
Yes boss. Howsabout I put a pumpkin on my head?
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:36, Reply)

www.thedailygreen.com/cm/thedailygreen/images/great-pumpkin-lg.jpg
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:39, Reply)
that's some sexy shit right there.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:47, Reply)
is it NSFW do you think. dont wanna upset the mods.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:48, Reply)
fuck 'em

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:51, Reply)
fuck the mods. MOAR SEXAH!

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:51, Reply)
It's not suitable for anyone who fucks pumpkins.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:53, Reply)
you're not suitable for anyone who fucks pumpkins

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:03, Reply)
I'm not suitable for anyone full stop, q. I think we both know that.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:21, Reply)
you're suitable for hockeypricks

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:29, Reply)
see? we're all having fun now.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:40, Reply)
I went to the cinema on Sunday and they showed a Ford advert
which has Master of the Universe by Hawkwind as the soundtrack. Bit fucking weird.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:51, Reply)
I don't know what this "hawkwind" is monty

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:52, Reply)
is it when professor stephen hawking straps a jetpack to his chair?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:52, Reply)
It's when Prof Hawking eats beans and artichokes and then guffs like a camel.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:54, Reply)

crack. a .window. oh. fuck. check. my. bag. I. might. have. followed. through
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:58, Reply)
roffle.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:21, Reply)
How did you rate the film?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:03, Reply)
I used a star-based system not unlike your own.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:05, Reply)
What the hell has happened to you?
www.theshiznit.co.uk/news/paul-ross-still-relevant-now-dressing-up-as-bond-girls-on-tv.php
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:10, Reply)
ACE OF SPADES IS ON!

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:53, Reply)
WOOOOOOO

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:54, Reply)
oh no wait it's ace of base

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:55, Reply)
and now hungry like the wolf

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:56, Reply)
YES!

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:54, Reply)
IF YOU LIKE TO GAMBLE
ijhjadhjsnnn WIN SOME LOSE SOME IT'S ALL A GAME TO ME.

derderderderwaaaah

hjhakdhaakjpei DON'T FORGET THE JOKER
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:56, Reply)
YES!

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:56, Reply)
THE ACES OF SPADES
dumdumdumderderderderwaahderderderwaaah
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:57, Reply)
Dead man's hand again
ner-ner-ner-ner, ner-ner-ner-ner
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 9:58, Reply)
this jay hawkins thing's a bit shit

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:03, Reply)
He should never have left The Darkness.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:05, Reply)
No it isn't.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:08, Reply)
i'm sure in the right situation it's fine
but it brought down our party atmosphere
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:09, Reply)
it's ok, we've been saved by the cartoonz 'witch doctor'

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:09, Reply)
'Fire' by Crazy World of Arthur Brown.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:11, Reply)
is that going to be shit as well?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:14, Reply)
I've seen him in a couple of pubs.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:16, Reply)
It's excellent
He lives in a 'yurt' near Lewes these days.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:19, Reply)
That'll be why I've seen him in the Snowdrop severl times then.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:21, Reply)
I reckon so!
Ever talked to him? He seems like quite a laugh.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:21, Reply)
No, but, and here's a funny story right, you'll laugh at his right, it's dead funny right.
I was in a pub in CLapham, yeah I know, Me, in a pub, in Clapham, what's that all about right? But thing is right, I was there to see a Led Zep tribute band with a mate, they were pretty decent, Whole Lotta Led, if you get the chance check 'em out, they're pretty good, but anyway right, I was in this pub in Clapham right and I look over right and I see Arthur Brown. So I turn to my mate and I say "Hey Charlie" 'cause his name was Charlie right, I says "Hey Charlie, you see that fella over there?" and he says "Yeah" and I says "That's Arhtur Brown that is, as in 'The crazy world of Arthur Brown'" and he says "Oh really? I'm gonna go and say hello" so he wonders over and I stay at the bar and have a drink and notice that my mate Charlie wanders straight past Arthur Brown and starts talking to a different guy standing near him.

So he's chatting to this guy for about 5-10 minutes and thn he comes back right and he says "Nah, wasn't him".
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:34, Reply)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:35, Reply)
I know right!

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:36, Reply)
You and your stories! *wipes eye*

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:39, Reply)
*INSERT THE WORD 'JAPS' SO IT LOOKS AS THOUGH YOU MEAN YOU HAVE A DRIBBLY PENIS*
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:41, Reply)
I haven't thought about Monty's Drenis for a while.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:46, Reply)
Front page this now.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Oh if only I could be that lucky
but I don't think my art will be appreciated in my lifetime.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:41, Reply)
he's on last

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:21, Reply)
'Quite bland' he ain't.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:23, Reply)
Soz Q. Soz.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:10, Reply)
Hey Monty
there is a youtube video of a man lip syncing to screaming jay hawkins doing I Put A Spell on You and he looks funny when he does it.

it's here:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=0exXGfzivJ8
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:12, Reply)
His version of Under Presure is also quite funny.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:14, Reply)
I can't watch this at work I'm sad to say

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:18, Reply)
If you're bored at home and want to waste ten minutes it's worth watching
but it's not worth planning your evening around it.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:21, Reply)
So I shouldn't have hired a cinema to watch it in?
Bugger.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:22, Reply)
If you've already done it, i'll come along

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:31, Reply)
Cool!
Odeon, Leicester Square, 8pm.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:32, Reply)
See you there!

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:33, Reply)
I'm gonna bring my five stars with me jsut in case.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:35, Reply)
Very wise

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:36, Reply)
Why are you so FUCKING CRAP?!

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:40, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:40, Reply)
it was "Shit" actually.
But LOL none the less.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:41, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bfKredivMU
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:42, Reply)
OH MY GOD!
It's like someone just rewrote my childhood!

I totally would have done sarah green though. On a pool table.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Hahaha

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Are you sure about that?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:43, Reply)
See above.
I'm waiting for his apology.
I don't mind if it is a public apology or if he'd prefer to do it via gaz.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:44, Reply)
Dear Tangles I'd like to take this moment to formerly apolo-WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING CRAP YOUR SO FUCKING ....

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:46, Reply)
Thanks very much, Eliot.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:50, Reply)
You wish he was your lover.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:09, Reply)
especially now he's dead

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:10, Reply)
SirJimmeh lolz

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:19, Reply)
Monty, you really must restrain yourself
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-20140701
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:20, Reply)
South London? Ugh.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:21, Reply)
Ha.
That's round the corner from my office. It's a fucking hotbed of gay sauna debauchery around here, there's a Chariots on Lower Marsh too.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:23, Reply)
Quite the expert, aren't you?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:23, Reply)
Well, you know how it is. You get bored going to the same old places for lunch everyday.
and before you know it, you're blowing a stranger in a jacuzzi.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:24, Reply)
I see.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Onlysupposedtoblowthebloodywhoresoff

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:27, Reply)
i think that werewolves of london one was just on
it was very bland
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:21, Reply)
I agree.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:22, Reply)
Wrong

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:23, Reply)
Fuck, that went all out of order.
Oh well.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:23, Reply)
You. Are.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:23, Reply)
but it was very bland
i could actually barely hear it
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:24, Reply)
For little tangle's Hallowe'en party the other night I put on the soundtrack to Suspiria, by Italian prog band Goblin.
None of those six year olds were impressed.
What is wrong with kids nowadays, eh?
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:26, Reply)
They're fuckin' gay.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:27, Reply)
Bumming kids straight is the only way

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:28, Reply)
is that before or after you put your dick in them?

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:28, Reply)
During.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:30, Reply)
After - he tests which ones push back.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:31, Reply)
They should never have repealed Section 28.

(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 10:29, Reply)
If you REALLY wanted to scare them you'd have put on the theme for Jim'll Fix It.
Best halloween music EVER has to be King Diamond. Either Abigail or the lp about the haunted teapot.
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 11:45, Reply)
Work.
It really harshes my buzz mumpso.
:(
Looking out the window ain't all it's cracked up to be you know.
:(
(, Wed 31 Oct 2012, 11:42, Reply)

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