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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So I am in my hotel in Poznan, having been up since 4am to get the 7am flight from Stansted. Too knackered to go out.
My wife has just told me that our daughter has been re-admitted to hospital this evening.
So please, OT, distract me with stupidity. Or lies, I don't really care. Just something interesting.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 19:52,
194 replies,
latest was 13 years ago)
Cheers matey. It's croup. Only came out of hospital this morning and back in again. Apparently it can go on for ages.
I feel a bit of a cunt having flown out here, but the Mrs insisted.
EDIT: how are things? Was sorry to hear your recent news.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 19:59,
Reply)
I've just had to look up croup because I've only ever heard of it in horses
Looks a bit shit but hopefully not overly serious.
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:07,
Reply)
Serious enough for the consultant to want to keep her in again. She's only 15 months old.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:17,
Reply)
Hey, well
Fingers crossed chief.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:20,
Reply)
Ta.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:24,
Reply)
Went for a cig.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:14,
Reply)
Of course. So bent I have eventually straightened out again.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:18,
Reply)
alright wankers?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:02,
Reply)
This'll keep you amused.
www.youtube.com/user/MrLovejoy86/videos?view=0Someone has uploaded every episode of Lovejoy to YouTube.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:02,
Reply)
I'm about to eat.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:08,
Reply)
Alright Mr DG
Long time no see.
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:08,
Reply)
It's a troublesome scamp is reality
It certainly gets in the way of my life of desultory horseplay.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:11,
Reply)
Oh my favourite!
I must dust off the TV and watch it at once. Whatever it is.
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:14,
Reply)
I can't say that my life is in every way fulfilled
But I'm not sure that watching that sort of shite will signpost a glorious path to enlightenment.
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:19,
Reply)
Idols with feet of clay
etc.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:22,
Reply)
I sincerely hope your daughter dies
X
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quintsy, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:08,
Reply)
if she doesn't make it we could all celebrate and call it dead-daughtersmas
And AA and rachelswipe and battered can have a grief-off to see whose loss was the worst
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quintsy, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:11,
Reply)
seems like a lot of effort just to wet a baby's head
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quintsy, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:14,
Reply)
so they just poured old speckled hen on a used lillet?
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quintsy, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:16,
Reply)
sorry, I'm too busy pouring Laphroig on my girlfriend's tampax to reply
(
quintsy, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:19,
Reply)
Hahaha
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:16,
Reply)
Lovely. Thanks so much.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:15,
Reply)
I'll be honest here, I'd rather it was you dead
But as that doesn't seem likely I'll happily settle for one of your loved ones
(
quintsy, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:17,
Reply)
Xx
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:18,
Reply)
He's a true gent.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:19,
Reply)
It's alright, I'm here now.
If it's any consolation, famous erstwhile poster 'djtrialprice' had a ridiculous bout of croup as a toddler, and had a ride in an ambulance with the sirens going, and spent a week in an oxygen tent.
He turned out strong as a fucking ox, if slightly bent.
Have a fucking beer and chillout.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:15,
Reply)
I am chilling out. Just would be better if I was there to help Mrs B.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:16,
Reply)
you'd just be in the way
She'd keep tripping on you
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quintsy, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:18,
Reply)
I'd look quite tall in the paediatric ward.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:19,
Reply)
you wouldn't be able to walk through there without stopping to write a wank story for every patient
(
quintsy, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:20,
Reply)
patient nurse.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:25,
Reply)
I had a gf for 4 years who was a nurse.
She would never let me fuck her whilst she was wearing her uniform. Gutted.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:30,
Reply)
uni Body
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:31,
Reply)
and that's another earworm.
You cunt.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:32,
Reply)
I didn't realise she'd been a nurse. Didn't she keep the uniform?
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:34,
Reply)
Find it and get it dry cleaned.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:40,
Reply)
was it agaist policy for them to date psych. patients?
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quintsy, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:30,
Reply)
Dunno, she was a cardiology nurse.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:32,
Reply)
utter carnage brilliant
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:35,
Reply)
You're a pair of slags
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:37,
Reply)
No longer. Happily married and loyal
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:40,
Reply)

(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:42,
Reply)
Hahaha
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:44,
Reply)
SHUT IT!
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:44,
Reply)
"Put your knickers back on and make us a cup of tea!"
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:50,
Reply)
"We're The Sweeney and we 'ave'nt 'ad our breakfast."
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:55,
Reply)
"Put your pants on. You're nicked!"
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:58,
Reply)
I have a good friend who works for The Terence Higgins Trust.
I heard yesterday he's not well at the moment.
My remark of 'I hope it's not something he picked up at work' wasn't well received for some reason.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:54,
Reply)
Nurses are mental on a night out
One of our friends is a Ward sister in A&E, New Year round their house is an absolute riot.
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:54,
Reply)
Odd you should mention that.
A local drug dealer had something called 'Night Nurse'.
Mr Boots was ahead of his time.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:49,
Reply)
She's probably getting on fine without you.
Seriously though, dude, hope everything goes okay.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:18,
Reply)
Ta. Am sure it will.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:19,
Reply)
Why not do the Poznan to pass some time,
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:19,
Reply)
Now I have 'do teh Bartman' in my head.
Thanks a bunch, flidnut.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:25,
Reply)
He didn't do it
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 20:47,
Reply)
Whoever it was who said that Dairy Milk with Oreo was a winner....
Well done. It's fantastic.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:04,
Reply)
Fat cunt.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:04,
Reply)
Shame the weather looks shit.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:10,
Reply)
I was going for a 'Beautiful Day' joke.
:-(
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:15,
Reply)
Well TD got it.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:18,
Reply)
Not precisely
But I've been troubled by the ol' Farmer Giles a bit this weekend.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:21,
Reply)
Even I spotted that one
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:17,
Reply)
Excellent.
Tell him not to expect much cash for it if they go for it, as communists they have a policy of everyone being paid the same, from stage hands to technical directors, themselves and anyone else.
Kudos though nonetheless.
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Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:11,
Reply)
Evening all.
Has anyone provided the stupidity yet, or can I apply for this role?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:11,
Reply)
Shit, was I supposed to prepare something?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:14,
Reply)
Phew.
Wait... What?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:16,
Reply)
Just be stupid
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:18,
Reply)
I can't work under this pressure.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:19,
Reply)
You offered the stupidity
Where is it? The rest of us are eminently sensible.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:24,
Reply)
It seems I am too stupid to effectively provide stupidity.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:27,
Reply)
I feel like a foaming at the mouth Alabama creationist who voted for Romney.
Shit, man, you wuz gunna DELIVER us, man. Now I gotta burn an EFF-ER-GEE of you on the lawn. Again.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:32,
Reply)
You need to say "Naked Ape" three times in the mirror
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localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:46,
Reply)
You were a cert for the post.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:23,
Reply)
er un
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:25,
Reply)
Terrible bullying.
I've half a mind to gaz a mod.
One of the proper ones, I mean.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:28,
Reply)
You called?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:30,
Reply)
Alright Chalky, got any blues?
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:39,
Reply)
Ferdy!
I am a black dude with natty dreads.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:44,
Reply)
What do you want, you old spunker, eh?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:48,
Reply)
Chalky: This place gives me the shits, bloody nig-nogs everywhere. It's like bleedin' Calcutta around here.
Dave: Calcutta's in India.
Chalky:Yeah, West India; it's where they bleedin' come from, ain't it?
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:50,
Reply)
Kev: What, am I black or something?
Jimmy: Well you ain't exactly white in that sort of get up, are you?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:57,
Reply)
BELL BOY!
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:58,
Reply)
I'll pay now. Got a pen, judge?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:01,
Reply)
I've just seen Chalky. He's taken a right kicking!
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:05,
Reply)
You killed me scooter!
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:31,
Reply)
I thought you were going?
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:33,
Reply)
he can't get enough of us.
We're too irresistable.
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:34,
Reply)
One of mine is that I didn't shag Leslie Ash in a back yard in Brighton.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:34,
Reply)
Waah waah waah
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:31,
Reply)

(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:33,
Reply)
waah
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b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:33,
Reply)
Haven't heard that for a while
an unfashionable opinion, but he wasn't too bad, old George.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:45,
Reply)
A perfect, understated guitarist.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 21:49,
Reply)
And not a bad writer too
Have you seen the immense documentary?
It was on BBC4 a few months ago and I can't normally sit through a four hour programme, but I did with that.
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:00,
Reply)
No, I missed it when it was on
And again when It was repeated recently.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:02,
Reply)
Worth it - well worth it.
I don't know Quadrophenia well enough to join in up there, I'm afraid.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:04,
Reply)
I'm not waiting two hours for TD to watch that.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:07,
Reply)
hahaha
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:08,
Reply)
I've seen it and I'm not watching the whole lot now you mong.
I can't remember all the lines well enough.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:07,
Reply)
Oooh. Get you.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:09,
Reply)
U.G.L.Y
You ain't got no alibi.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:10,
Reply)
I'm sure you're looking dashing.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:14,
Reply)
look go
d fl
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:14,
Reply)
How long?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:16,
Reply)
What grand scale are you using?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:20,
Reply)
Fair enough.
But you'd get an hour and a half of radio.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:24,
Reply)
Yeah, I'm going to bed too.
G'night all.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:17,
Reply)
*throws bottle of piss*
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:13,
Reply)
Reading-tastic!
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:14,
Reply)
I was going to say that I have no idea what compelled me to post that...
/ strange mindpiss
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:11,
Reply)
get stick
+ your mama too and your daddy.
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:10,
Reply)

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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:11,
Reply)
Well maybe Brian will become 'the standard'.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:13,
Reply)
That's not very nice Jeff.
It was a shrug-off, not a stomp-off.
xxx
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:11,
Reply)
Sorry TD.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:13,
Reply)
Well I'll fuckin' tek yous all on
An' that fuckin' smirkin' snail.
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:15,
Reply)
Sounds like you are getting tired.....

(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:17,
Reply)
Boinggggggg
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tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:18,
Reply)
I'd rather a joint.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:18,
Reply)
It's a long drive from Bristol
But just imagine what I've got lined up right here...
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:20,
Reply)
Your cock.
You massive bender.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:21,
Reply)
This is not the first time I've been accused of gaylording.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:22,
Reply)
What with you being the lord of the gays.
This comes as no surprise.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:24,
Reply)
I'm going for a tab.
Take it to the left lower corner. You notice I avoided saying bottom there.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:25,
Reply)
apparently right, Hitler was a baddie
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glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:02,
Reply)
Say you, say eek!
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:05,
Reply)
TD.
I'll bet he BUM sucks his tabs.
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:27,
Reply)
I'm no uphill gardener
I don't ride the chocolate speedway, or mine for chutney.
Why such cruel allegations?
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:34,
Reply)
It's written on the wall of the gents.
It says 'TD a bottom lover'.
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:35,
Reply)
Well it must be right then
Especially if it's in the BBC bogs
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:36,
Reply)
Enough about that anyway TD, who am I to judge.
How are things anyway, work keeping you busy?
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:37,
Reply)
Very much so
There's a Russian fishing boat due to dock tomorrow.
85 blokes stinking of rotting fish and paying me with low denomination notes.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:40,
Reply)
Just for the halibut!
(
JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:43,
Reply)
I said to the first one - "Russian?"
He said "Niet - I'm taking my time."
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:44,
Reply)
How many houses/flats are you managing now?
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JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:45,
Reply)
Still the same for my ownership
The business isn't management, it's contracted assessment.
Basically I provide inventories for letting properties and services (lets leave it at that) for landlords.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:50,
Reply)
I'm seriously getting to the point at which I need some help.
I also have an exceptionally good business model which might work elsewhere on a franchise basis.
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The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 22:53,
Reply)
Or do it for yourself.
There's probably a market in your area. Bedtime right about now but it's worked for me.
EDIT - Quick check on my professional body says only two companies on North Tyneside.
(
The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 23:00,
Reply)
evening
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 12 Nov 2012, 23:11,
Reply)
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