I don't like this Monday
because my weekly weigh-in has revealed an upturn, despite my consuming less than 2000 calories and exercising like a bastard.

Alt: Black people in Norwich. If you can find them. Which you can't, and not because it's dark a lot at this time of year. Because there aren't any.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:39, 3 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

You consumed less than 2000 calories in a week?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Yes
Net of exercise. Bumming burns a lot of calories. As does your Mum.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:49, Reply)

try bumming his mum for a cumulative calorie burning effect

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:50, Reply)

I'll probably blow up like that bloke in Live and Let Die
Am proper pissed off about this. I was under the impression that if you burned more calories than you consumed, you'd lose weight. Well I most definitely have, and haven't. Science = bollocks.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:53, Reply)

What does it matter to you?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:56, Reply)

I set out to lose three stone at the start of the year
First one came off like a sailor on shore leave, but now I#m going backwards despite doing everything right
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:59, Reply)

You always plateau when losing weight
Keep cracking on
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:02, Reply)

+e off

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:07, Reply)

This advice is unnecessary.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:08, Reply)

When you've got a job to do, you gotta do it well.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Muscle weighs more than fat.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Hahahaha
Yeah, that's the problem
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:49, Reply)

I didn't for one moment believe that it was, but it's one of those things you tell people to make them feel better about gaining weight when they are dieting.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:52, Reply)

the annoying thing is that your body will favour fat over muscle
because it thinks that storing fat is more important than looking buff. stupid bodies.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:54, Reply)

Yeah, that's such a lie that fat people tell themselves.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:53, Reply)

My favourite one is when they claim that they only eat salad.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:53, Reply)

Fried salad

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:56, Reply)

Along with "I'm just big boned"
"It's a glandular problem"

and my personal favourite

"It's average for my height, I'm actually 6'2", I just slouch"

Someone actually used that defence once.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:54, Reply)

"It's a glandular problem"
Yep, an enlarged cake gland
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:55, Reply)

Tell a lie, my favourite is when fat people claim they're being discriminated against because of their condition
"Greed" is not a condition
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:56, Reply)

It is a condition
They have an under-developed face. One mouth and two hands
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:57, Reply)

And an over-developed waistband

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:00, Reply)

lols

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:02, Reply)

i'm confused about the impact of metabolism
some people argue that it makes all the difference in the world, need to build muscle to speed up metabolism etc. others claim that the difference between a fast and a slow metabolism actually works out to a couple of hundred extra calories a week, so basically the fatties are kidding themselves about what they are actually eating.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:04, Reply)

I assume that fat people do a lot of lying to themselves.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:07, Reply)

you see properly supermorbidly obese people on something like "fat families"
and they're not ashamed to admit that they are like that because they overeat hugely and they are lazy. so clearly those people at least know the problem; they just don't fix it.

i think the metabolism thing kicks in when you want to shift that last stone and you want to blame it on the metabolism rather than the fact that you are eating that bit too much every day.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:09, Reply)

Next time someone tells me they're big bonned, i'm going to reply "So is a brontasorious".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:14, Reply)

I reckon that Zangith weighs more than e-honda.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 10:02, Reply)

You're probably full of other men's spunk after the weekend
hth
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Have a massive spunkshart
Profit
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 28 Jan 2013, 9:52, Reply)