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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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I play computer games, watch a bit of telly (I'm working my way through Andromeda at the moment which is shit but entertaining)
Or read books, or play the piano, or make ART

You should go for a lovely wank. Both fists.

Alt: My colleagues do things like aggresively wear shit beards and cowboy hats indoors.

Altalt: no-one on here has ever got laid, don't be ridiculous

Altaltalt: (◉‿◉)
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:42, 2 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
Cowboy hats?
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:43, Reply)
I call them the 'cowboy cunts'
regard my wit
regard it
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:44, Reply)
*regards*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)
Yee look at me getting my regard on

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:49, Reply)
Regardez.
That's French. Bitches be loving that merde.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:50, Reply)
les salopes ont tout dans ma merde, n'est pas?

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:55, Reply)

oooooooooooooooooooooo +w that's what I call stylish
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:44, Reply)
Volume 2

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:44, Reply)
Incorrect
I've had sex twice. That's right....TWICE!
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:43, Reply)
No you haven't
It's ok, we're all virgins here
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:44, Reply)
Well, I say sex
I wanked into her minge while she read Take A Break.
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:45, Reply)
Again, no you didn't
Look it's alright man, you don't have to lie here, we're a virgin support group, take it easy, let the pain out
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:45, Reply)
I wanked while thinking about a picture of a minge I saw once
:(
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:46, Reply)
THAT'S MORE LIKE IT MY SON

(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:46, Reply)
at least she had something to
send in to the magazine for her £20
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:46, Reply)
Well, you say wanked.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)

n l
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
is this really a greek tragedy reference?

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:50, Reply)
Not quite
I was implying that Mrs Hats had a large mancave
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:55, Reply)
It's nothing compared to her milge

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:00, Reply)
I've never wanked into a milge in my life
and you can't prove otherwise
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:55, Reply)
You really are missing out

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:56, Reply)
You've got to admit, it is tempting though

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:56, Reply)
milge, the female bilge?
I.E the bottom part with the waste water and slops in that needs regularly pumping out?
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:59, Reply)
Ray, a drop of golden sun?

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:00, Reply)
LOL

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:00, Reply)
officelol

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:02, Reply)
10/10

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:09, Reply)
Oh boy, is it ever

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:59, Reply)
Stay strong, TH
For the sake of the kids, if nothing else.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:00, Reply)
One for each hat

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:44, Reply)
How do you think I won them?

(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)
I have no hat
:o(
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
Soggy biscuit game?
SUPERMATCH GAME!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
Which _____ isn't going into ______?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:49, Reply)
penis/that minge

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:50, Reply)
EVERYONES!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:51, Reply)
Supermatch game, supermatch game, supermatch game. Tss, tss, tss. SUPERMATCH GAME!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:21, Reply)

CH T
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:12, Reply)
That said I don't reckon Supermatt has enough friends to play that game.
Unless it's Soggy Biscuit Solitaire I suppose.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:14, Reply)
Suppose? I wrote it, mate.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:22, Reply)
I like to think he pulls by going into a room and shouting
"I'M WEARING MY SEX HAT. WHO WANTS ME?!"
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:47, Reply)
Here he is, ready for sexing
SEX ME MY HAT IS FULL OF SEX JUICE
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
DEFCON BONGLE IN NEWCASTLE

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
NEEDS MOAR NONCING!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:49, Reply)
The youngest in our office is 20
*fucks plant*
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:50, Reply)
Same with my work ties.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:51, Reply)
You don't have a work tie under twenty years old?
You ought to do something about that, my friend.
(I helped save b3ta! Kroney, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:57, Reply)
The youngest one I have is your age but not as irritating or gullible.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:12, Reply)
Or garlicky.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:14, Reply)
No wonder Led Zep never reformed. That poor man.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:09, Reply)
A whole lotta cow

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:10, Reply)
He'll be ok
He's just Dazed And Confused
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:15, Reply)
I heard Sporto gave 'no quarter' in the bedroom.
Poor Robert ended up with a 'custard pie' ETC ETC
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:18, Reply)
pffft

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:18, Reply)
Good Times



Bad times
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:21, Reply)
He had straight hair when I started on him

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:19, Reply)
I should use that on Mrs Hats
"Oh darling....I'm wearing my sex hat!"
*waggles eyebrows*
(I helped save b3ta! Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:48, Reply)
I need me a sexing hat

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:49, Reply)
SEX HAT, BEBBEH!!

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:52, Reply)
*sees faded sign*

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:54, Reply)
*pages swipe*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 15:55, Reply)
*wipes page*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:10, Reply)
*buffs dickson*

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:10, Reply)
WASN'T THIS GOOD?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:11, Reply)
Oh so good.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:11, Reply)
Wasn't it fine?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:14, Reply)
The best I've ever had.
/Becky Blues Explosion!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:15, Reply)

Blues aubergine
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:16, Reply)
Floppy Aubergine Explosion!
I have Orange on my desk here actually, I went digging through all my teenage stuff from the 90s.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:17, Reply)
Crusty wank socks?

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:18, Reply)
He only likes their early stuff.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:19, Reply)
alright Monts?
Daniel Avery posted this on his facebook feed this week, your pals Richard Fearless and Tim Holmes talking about The Contino Sessions:

youtu.be/TsUN5js3Lcw

Your mate Mat might be in there somewhere, I haven't watched it all yet.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:22, Reply)
Last time I saw Fearless he had a preposterous moustache.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:23, Reply)
I think it's gone now.
The Contino Sessions was patchy but that Bobby Gillespie track on it is fucking ace.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:26, Reply)
Bobby Gillespie is a wanker

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:34, Reply)
I don't doubt that.
But Primal Scream are (largely) great. Fantastic live band, patchy records.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:35, Reply)
Nah
CDs and stuff by Foetus, Sisters of Mercy, Massive Attack, Young Gods, Death in Vegas, Coil, shit like that.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:20, Reply)
The Levellers?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:20, Reply)
click

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:21, Reply)
It's a beautiful daaaa-aaa-aay.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:23, Reply)
Madness
*shakes head*
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:15, Reply)
Oh now that's one step beyond, Lokesy.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:16, Reply)
Ah, listen to you!
It must be love.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:19, Reply)
You wouldn't dare use that cheek round our house.
You're an embarrassment mate.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:22, Reply)
Yeah well, your place isn't exactly a house of fun is it.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:25, Reply)
SOMETHING SOMETHING BAGGY TROUSERS!!!!!!!!!

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:26, Reply)
You're an embarrassment
edit: ironolols. fucksocks
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:23, Reply)
And you were doing so well, too.
BACK IN THE BREAD BIN, BOY.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:25, Reply)
I'll just wait for the ghost train, thanks.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:27, Reply)
He should take a night boat to Cairo for that.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:27, Reply)
A couple of years ago Madness did a gig at York racecourse.
I could hear it in my garden. It was shit.

THE END.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:29, Reply)
I was having a pint or 9 with Monty a couple of years ago in Spitalfields and Suggs was doing a live appearance in the market.
I don't know how we managed to stop each other from going over the road and punching him. Possibly because it would have meant stopping drinking for 10 minutes.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:31, Reply)
Madness are fucking shit.
I don't care if they're a 'great singles band', they are fucking shit.

THE END.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:32, Reply)
I agree.
Suggs's mum is a good laugh. Met her a couple of times in the Colony Rooms (forevainourhartz)
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:34, Reply)
That was indeed the reason.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:33, Reply)
That used to be such a great pub, shame all the Hoxton cunts ruined it.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:35, Reply)
I went to a festival and Madness was on
Alright, middle of the day, bit drunk, why not listen to them

Then later that night the headline act was coming on

This will be good

OH NO they cancelled

So we got treated to...another Madness gig, identical to the first one.
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:34, Reply)
Ha ha. You poor fucker.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:36, Reply)
Weren't best pleased with that
I was alright listening to them once, sunny day, drunk, fuck it, not my normal stuff but alright.

TWICE? FUCK OFF
(I helped save b3ta! Theoban What of it, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:37, Reply)
Encore
You know the score
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:36, Reply)
SPACIOUS

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:36, Reply)
well spacious, yeah?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:37, Reply)
Right side
Massives
(I helped save b3ta! hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:38, Reply)
Bad luck.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:36, Reply)
*accepts that you won't be mine*

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:16, Reply)
*puts head away and zips up*

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:18, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1862959
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:10, Reply)
Curse your speedy hooves.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:11, Reply)
hahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:12, Reply)
oh that is fucking superb

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:12, Reply)
First Robert, now Jimmy
That band are getting the full treatment today.
(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:11, Reply)
You need to turn over a new Page.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:17, Reply)
Have you heard that annoying cunt on Radio 2?
I've never hit a woman, but where's she's concerned there may be a first time.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:24, Reply)
Can you narrow it down?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:24, Reply)
He has to be talking about Whiley.

(I helped save b3ta! tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:25, Reply)
NO WHILEY CHAT

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:32, Reply)
oh come on that was good. No?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:36, Reply)
I liked it
Not enough to click though, sorry
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:38, Reply)
No.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:39, Reply)
Elaine Paige.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 13 Feb 2013, 16:26, Reply)

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