In other news.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-22061670

What do you reckon? Seems a bit harsh, but then, she done fucked up.

Alt: The new guy I've hired in the kitchen has turned out to be a prick. What was the last big mistake you made at work?

Altalt: I'm finding myself much happier and more relaxed since going to the gym, I thought I'd hate it, but it's great. When were you last surprised by a thing?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:37, 111 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

natural endorphins innit
docs always like head mentals to excercise more.

Alt: can you bin him?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:37, Reply)

yeah, I will, 13 week probation.
Proper dick though.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:43, Reply)

How much of a prick has he been?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:44, Reply)

not showing up to shifts, disappearing mid shift,
Drinking in his break, taking knives home.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:47, Reply)

oh, even one of those will be enough I suppose.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:48, Reply)

You employ Stunned?

( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:48, Reply)

That's pretty prickish,
Doesn't at least one of those count as "gross misconduct" in which case you can bin him regardless of probation?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:49, Reply)

haven't been here to catch him,
What with the dead guy thing. But yeah, I'll serve him notice of failed probation on Wednesday. Leaves me short handed though.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:51, Reply)

Beadle Lulz

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:52, Reply)

Not being funny
but aren't there millions of people unemplyed at the moment?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:57, Reply)

That makes the whole hiring process an even bigger drag than normal.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:59, Reply)

Just hire the one with the biggest tits
they'll be grateful so they're more likely to put out.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:02, Reply)

In order to ascertain which one has the biggest tits you need to process all of the applications, of which there will be many, then meet them all to check
After all that you end up employing Bobby.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:26, Reply)

Alt... Could you slaughter him and turn him into delicious pies

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:39, Reply)

I don't agree with the death penalty at all.
But there's very little excuse to do that. I went through that part of the world last year and everyone says "for gods sake don't take drugs, they will kill you for it" It was even mentioned on the plane coming into Dubai.
I've heard if you want to get rid of something on the plane no questions asked the cabin crew will do it and put it in some sort of secure bins before customs when you land.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:40, Reply)

I bet their Christmas party is a fucking beauty

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:52, Reply)

Pretty much her own fault for being so stupid.
I wouldn't go to Saudi Arabia and steal things and then complain that I didn't have hands.

Actually I wouldn't go to Saudi anyway because it's a country run by and full of the most vile kind of cunts imaginable.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:40, Reply)

Arabs?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:42, Reply)

Apparently Thatcher lives there or sutin

( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:44, Reply)

Religiously fundamentalist, corrupt, money grabbing cunts.
Some of whom are probably Arabs.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:44, Reply)

Most the saudis in power aren't religious at all, but it's used as a control mechanism for the population.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:45, Reply)

Hence the corrupt money grabbing bit.
Not being religious doesn't make them any better.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:50, Reply)

Dammit. Agreeing with Al here. What is the world coming to when that happens?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:44, Reply)

It's Thatcher's fault
On this day everyone is unified against etc etc
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:48, Reply)

it's not really a big mistake if you can simply bin him off as he's under three months. Take heart WP

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:40, Reply)

yeah, he'll be gone by the end of the week,
I imagine he'll kick up some sort of fuss though.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:44, Reply)

Can I come work in your pub?
I won't steal or owt. Got to be tee-total now for my health, innit.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:45, Reply)

sure.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:47, Reply)

OK, but I can't come into work this week as I have the gout.

( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:48, Reply)

gout? I'm not employing anyone over 50 sorry.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:52, Reply)

I know, right?
I'm under 35 and I don't live in the eighteenth century. It all seems a little unlikely.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:52, Reply)

Thank him for all his hard work, but your hands are tied by management.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:45, Reply)

And if he argues, put him in a bag with some bricks and throw him in a canal
or is that kittens?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:48, Reply)

yes kittums, fuck em

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:53, Reply)

Alright, I'll take the hint
I'll come and work in your kitchen
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:49, Reply)

YAY.
Janet eh? Crusty old wind bag eh?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:53, Reply)

I think the point of your post was lost somewhere along the way
I'm not a fan either, but y'know...
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:56, Reply)

lol Thatcher is dead

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:42, Reply)

HOLY SHIT CHECK MY QUADZ

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:43, Reply)

check it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:45, Reply)

It's the laws of the country.
I don't agree with the death penalty under any circumstances, but if that's the punishment for smugging drugs there, don't smuggle drugs there. It's not difficult.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:46, Reply)

Do you think she did it or got used as one of those unknowing mules?

( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:49, Reply)

I've no idea.
I thought I read somewhere that she admitted doing it though. I'm not really up to speed with how fucked up or not the Indonesian justice system is, but I can't really see she'd be facing the death penalty if they thought she was unwitting.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:51, Reply)

According to the article:
Her case has been taken up by the British human rights charity, Reprieve, which said Sandiford was "targeted by drug traffickers who exploited her vulnerability and made threats against her children".
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:52, Reply)

Her children who were presumably in the UK?

( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:53, Reply)

So she knew she was doing it
but there are mitigating circumstances. Hmmm.

I suppose the point would be "what are the chances those mitigating circumstances would make any difference to case of a local in the same position" ?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:54, Reply)

I guess the question is, how did you get into a situation where smuggling 5kg of coke
was considered to be what you had to do to stop nasty people threatening your kids rather than going to the police.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:57, Reply)

Yeah, but Psychochomp threatened my daughter, saying he hoped she died of cot death. So it doesn't have to take much to set someone over the edge.

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:59, Reply)

upset

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:00, Reply)

How much drugs have you smuggled because of this?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:01, Reply)

several kilos of meth in my anus

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:02, Reply)

well quite.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:03, Reply)

money
money money money
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:15, Reply)

brb, driving to the lesbian parlour.
news.sky.com/story/1075280/nutella-heist-5-5-tonnes-of-spread-stolen
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:46, Reply)

Been there
There are signs fucking everywhere saying if you smuggle drugs you will get the death penalty. No Sympathy.
( Peej, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:50, Reply)

My numbers don't add up the way i want them too : (

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:51, Reply)

It's probably Thatcher's doing.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:52, Reply)

Bitch now i hate her with every FIBRE OF MY BEING

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:52, Reply)

fucking idiot.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:53, Reply)

that seems a little unfair...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:55, Reply)

if accurate

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:56, Reply)

yeah but, still
*chin quivers*
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:57, Reply)

I dunno, man.
I've got loads to do and can't really be bothered.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:54, Reply)

My toe hurts.
A bit less than it did this morning, but it still hurts.

Can I blame this on Thatcher?
( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:55, Reply)

Isn't that a bad sign, when you've got gout?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:55, Reply)

It is a gouty sign.
Whether or not it's a good or a bad sign depends on whether or not you want gout, I guess. If the option were toe cancer, I'd rather have gout.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:58, Reply)

WITH JAM IN!!!!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:58, Reply)

Are you sure you haven't just damaged the tendon?
Or suffered an effusion wiht the fluid in the joint? My wife had that, steriod injection and BAM. Job done.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:58, Reply)

I dropped a server on my toe a few days back
and then night before last I did a plie.

I don't really have gout.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:59, Reply)

wtf is a plie

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:59, Reply)

It comes out of your bottom when you strain to much.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:00, Reply)

Isn't it a ballet thing?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:00, Reply)

You know that thing what ballerinas do when they stand on tippy toes?
I think it's that. That's what I did, anyway.

What actually happened is that I tried and then went "OW FUCK" and fell over in a crowded bar.
( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:01, Reply)

why?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:02, Reply)

Because his toe hurt and he lost his balance
and it was probably about 5.30 so lots of people had finished work and all wanted a drink at the same time.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:04, Reply)

It seemed like the thing to do at the time.

( Kroney, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:07, Reply)

Something benders do.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:01, Reply)

i gave your wife a testosterone injection last night

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:59, Reply)

Not a mistake as such, just confused
Somehow my job now involves understanding the intricacies of Panamanian tax law. Me no likee :(
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 14:59, Reply)

are you a canoe salesman?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:00, Reply)

Maybe one day
It'll always be the dream, that's for sure
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:00, Reply)

On the upside, I rather like the word 'Panamanian'

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:00, Reply)

I enjoyed typing it
I'm toying with the idea of pronouncing it Pana-MAHN-ian when I speak to someone about it.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:01, Reply)

If you do, I think you should use an affected Spanish accent at the same time.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:04, Reply)

Oh god, yes
But just for that word. With some LATINO HEAT!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:05, Reply)

It's because of your offshore hat trading empire.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:04, Reply)

I'm never going to expand if I don't consider Latin America

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:05, Reply)

Alt: I wiped up the results of my afternoon 'teasing-out' session into a sheet of lasagne in the works canteen instead of a tissue
I doubled-up on garlic and oregano before serving up, mind. Can't make any cock-ups during my probation period.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:05, Reply)

i just ate wispa, so much better than an aero

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:16, Reply)

I just fucked your wife, so much better than your mum.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:17, Reply)

i'm very pleae to hear that

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:18, Reply)

No you didn't. They won't allow your sex stool on the aircraft.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:18, Reply)

They will if I check it in. So ner.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:19, Reply)

i like the orange aero balls
see also the tango ones, with popping candy inside them
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:20, Reply)

grim

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:21, Reply)

Fat bint.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:21, Reply)

ugly retard who smells like a bin

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:23, Reply)

i imagine him to smell of cheap cologne, fags and cum

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:24, Reply)

He's basically how you'd picture a used car sales man
only shorter.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:25, Reply)

oh jesus, does he really wear a thinning burton polyester mix suit?

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:26, Reply)

I was thinking more of the car coat and bling jewelry.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:29, Reply)

I don't wear jewellery, apart from a watch. Don't even wear a wedding ring.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:30, Reply)

and a very bling watch it is too.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:31, Reply)

Certainly not. I am many things, but not a wearer of cheap suits.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:29, Reply)

almost
but you forgot the overwhelming one:

PISS
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:27, Reply)

Northern ginger with 12 chins.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:24, Reply)

garden gnome model

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:27, Reply)

yeah theres no crap joke that goes with it hahahahah

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:21, Reply)

also they should bring back the caramel and mint wispas

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:27, Reply)

We need a new thread

(PsychoChomp, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:18, Reply)

yarp

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 8 Apr 2013, 15:19, Reply)