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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Fruit Woes II
Hartley Hare asks 'ever had any fruit woes? Tell us about your fruit woes'.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:50,
150 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
I'll start.
I once had a mildly disappointing satsuma.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:51,
Reply)
Well you're never going to get the best quality when you scavenge your fruit about of the bins at the back of Lidl.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:56,
Reply)
I had one recently that was bitter and the flesh in the middle was chewy
I'm telling you right now....I contemplated suicide.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:04,
Reply)
Has it come to this?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:52,
Reply)
i'm going to kill myself
(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:53,
Reply)
Should one of us gaz Poppet or something?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:55,
Reply)
yes, but she's only got fifteen minutes
(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:56,
Reply)
Good luck getting a reply out of that lazy bogan in such a short amount of time.
The flamin' galah.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:57,
Reply)
if she's not watching prisoner cell block h it'll be the sullivans
(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:04,
Reply)
Or 'The Young Doctors'
Hot damn that shit was dope.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:05,
Reply)
that country truly has a rich televisual heritage
(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:06,
Reply)
Was Sons & Daughters Australian?
You're right...they have had some TV gems* in the past.
*
cancer
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:08,
Reply)
It sure was!
And
what a theme tune!
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:11,
Reply)
*punches air*
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:14,
Reply)
Haha
I was
so close!
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:15,
Reply)
Yer, i've got the theme choon iin my head now :((
(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:11,
Reply)
Soooons and Daughteeeerss
Der der each other, der der something something and happineeeeeesss!
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:14,
Reply)
Porkylips is on it now.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:57,
Reply)
He wishes he was 'on it'.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:58,
Reply)
He makes me feel a little bit ill
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:02,
Reply)
...in a sexy way
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:03,
Reply)
him and bartleby could give her a right good roasting
(
Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:05,
Reply)
She'll well outside his 'area of specialist interest' these days
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:06,
Reply)
Tee hee
fresh Mangoes are not really a fruit to try and eat at the desk
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 8:58,
Reply)
I no longer have a desk but must sit in a team "neighbourhood"
Fucking stupid idea.
We get free fruit on Wednesday, but I'm never in on a Wednesday : (
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:01,
Reply)
Woah, free fruit?
What sort of thing do they lay on?
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:02,
Reply)
I'm going to a Google conference tomorrow morning
If I don't get free cumqauts and a Segway I'm gonna kick off.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:04,
Reply)
Cumquat may Monty B
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:06,
Reply)
I don't get it
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:06,
Reply)
Have I ever had a cumquat?
I mean...I must have, right? Hmm...I wonder if I like them.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:07,
Reply)
Oh you think they're just divine
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:08,
Reply)
Phew....well that's a relief
Cheers Montz.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:09,
Reply)
Bananas, apples, grapes, plums, tangerines, pears, all sorts really
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:04,
Reply)
Nice
The only time free food gets thrown around at work is birthday cakes and a summer BBQ. I swear they're trying to kill us off.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:06,
Reply)
I'll bet when you're on your hols you eat it by the case.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:06,
Reply)
GOD YOU'RE SO THICK
How can you not get a reference to a Kellogg's Fruit and Fibre television ad from when you were about 6??? YOU MORON!!!!!
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:09,
Reply)
WTN
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:10,
Reply)
Sometimes I despair for that boy I really do.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:12,
Reply)
What more can you realistically expect of a bent spastic though?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:12,
Reply)
If only I was fucking ancient like you two eh?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:13,
Reply)
39 is not ancient.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:23,
Reply)
Good old 'Grant Mitchell'
What a career he's had.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:13,
Reply)
You and he have something in common.
Both beaten up by ex girlfriends.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:14,
Reply)
'Both really tough and cool', you mean.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:15,
Reply)
'both having an unhealthy homo erotic interest in men in military uniforms' more like.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:18,
Reply)
*tells more lies*
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:02,
Reply)
Sweet, little ones?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:02,
Reply)
Nope, BIG FAT WHOPPERS!
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:03,
Reply)
The likes of which neither the internet, nor Fleetwood Mac, have EVER SEEN!
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:03,
Reply)
PHWOARRRR
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:06,
Reply)
no.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:03,
Reply)
Just saw your reply
Not good...I'm sure you'd be sad to see the back of it, but maybe a career change is in order? At the risk of sounding like my Dad, you're young enough to pull it off. So to speak.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:05,
Reply)
Oh no what's happened?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:06,
Reply)
They found Windy's meth lab in the basement of his pub
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:07,
Reply)
Did they pin that murder on him too?
(
Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:14,
Reply)
I'm not at liberty to say
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:16,
Reply)
Sad times for the Oxford pub going massive.
(
Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:19,
Reply)
Oh, it's a scene, man
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:35,
Reply)
yeah,
I'm looking at where I can go with the skill set I have without taking a large pay cut.
Without any uni it's a little tough.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:24,
Reply)
Once you've been working for more than a couple of years, in most cases university is irrelevant
It's not the hindrance you think it is, I reckon. Having some nebulous specialist knowledge of an academic subject (like I do) isn't worth shit compared with a proven track record of work.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:30,
Reply)
I sympathise
Could you re-train while you work, maybe? Part time course or something? Depends what you want to do I guess.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:35,
Reply)
maybe,
i've been looking at apprenticeships, but I'd have to work another job to keep my income at a sustainable level.
I mean, i could sell the house, buy a smaller house, and afford the pay cut, but i think ladypig wouldn't be happy.
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:41,
Reply)
No, that seems like a last resort
Any chance of working in a bigger place, where you can take a bit more of a back seat, but for the same money? Sorry, sounds a bit fantastic, but just a thought.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:46,
Reply)
it's possible,
to be honest, my best bet is to get in with one of the colleges, get on a more settled rota, and then get in to the OU for something i really want to do. Although, this might all settle down in a couple of days and i just go back to doing what i've always done
(
Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
Stop killing your patrons and it'll get better in time.
Stay strong hun x x
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:10,
Reply)
If they learned to keep their mouths shut, maybe he wouldn't HAVE to kill them
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:14,
Reply)
Red apples give me the fear
Oranges that when peeled are all pith
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:10,
Reply)
I keep getting whifs of a nice moisturiser smell
but I've not got any on this morning.
Oh hang on, I've just realise, I had to wear Lynx this morning as I couldn't find my other deodorant.
As you were.
(
Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:14,
Reply)
Lynx?
Nasty.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:15,
Reply)
It's not as bad as you might think.
But I don't really like wearing scented deodorant generally.
(
Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:18,
Reply)
I always wear unperfumed.
I bet you're glad to know that eh?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:21,
Reply)
Why do you have lynx in your house?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:22,
Reply)
Christmas present from the in laws innit
(
Bazongaloid, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:23,
Reply)
I got that too.
binned it the first chance I got.
(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:32,
Reply)
Why do Al's in-laws get you a Christmas present?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:35,
Reply)
Just how many b3tans did Al's inlaws give that shit to, then?
And why didn't they give me any?
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:36,
Reply)
Stroke the new fragrance by lynx
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:37,
Reply)
why did ANDREW MARR etc
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:37,
Reply)
'cos he fucking stinks
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:37,
Reply)
I GOT SOME FROM THEM TOO!!!!
(
Gerald was innocent, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:37,
Reply)
how old do they think you are?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:36,
Reply)
They've heard his political views and made a guess that's he's about 15.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:36,
Reply)
ZING!
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:37,
Reply)
My in laws took me skiing for my Christmas present
I can only assume that Al's inlaws must hate him
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
They're only human.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
It's the fragrance du jour down at the Spires
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:25,
Reply)
A grape killed my family
(
woocfot friends with Sacha Distel, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:18,
Reply)
* something about wrath *
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:22,
Reply)
Come on guys!!!
Fruit woes, yeah? THINK! You
must have something funny to tell.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:35,
Reply)
i keep getting random needle like stabbing pains in my ear if that helps
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:36,
Reply)
Brain tumour.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:36,
Reply)
only in my brain is in my outer ear canal
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
We can't rule this out at this stage.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:39,
Reply)
You have a lychee in your ear.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:38,
Reply)
Have you checked your ear for random needles?
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:40,
Reply)
I have no tales of woe to tell.
Fruit brings me nothing but joy.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:36,
Reply)
*banana-in-tailpipe-lols*
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:37,
Reply)
My missus wrote 'SURPRISE BANANA' on a banana and snuck it into my lunchbox once
I was quite surprised by it, so that could be a 'woe' sort of.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:39,
Reply)
stop the internet
twosie has won
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:40,
Reply)
I was going to post the photo I took of it
But I appear to have lost my fucking phone. WHICH ONE OF YOU PRICKS HAS MY PHONE?
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:41,
Reply)
DISTRACTION BANANA
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:43,
Reply)
'Sok, I found it, soz
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:43,
Reply)
i lost my wallet twice in two days
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:45,
Reply)
but did you get a banana?
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:48,
Reply)
Stay About from El Segundo
(
hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:53,
Reply)
Tony in work had GAY CUNT written on his
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:41,
Reply)
Wow his wife really hates him eh
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:42,
Reply)
Yep
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:43,
Reply)
Woah
That's pretty agressive
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:44,
Reply)
I bet it had been up her
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:42,
Reply)
Yet she still managed to write on it
That is one talented minge
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:44,
Reply)
fanny stamp-
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:46,
Reply)
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1934471
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
cranberries are fucking awful little hollow shits
cranberry sauce fooled me :(
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:39,
Reply)
Proper cranberry sauce is fucking excellent
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:43,
Reply)
I think secretly everyone hates pomegranate but no-one will admit it.
The juice is alright but those little sacs that cunts put in salads are fucking queer.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:44,
Reply)
Pomegranates come under the "too much work for not enough reward" fruit umbrella
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:45,
Reply)
I thought I liked pomegranate, so I bought one
It was awful
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:45,
Reply)
pomegranate is good in cous cous
/Darth
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Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:47,
Reply)
I heard once from a "mate" of mine *wink*
"He" got a melon because he'd heard that if you stick your peepee in it it feels funny. However, it was all cold and sticky.
"How much more awesome would this be if it was warm?" he thought.
So he chucked it in the microwave for a minute and burnt his bellend.
(
Kroney, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:46,
Reply)
stick your finger in first.
(
PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:49,
Reply)
Fruitplay
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:50,
Reply)
i've got a coconut story.
But this isn't nut thread.
(
PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:48,
Reply)
Terrible trolling here - you know full well that a coconut isn't a nut.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:49,
Reply)
it worked.
(
PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
where?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
I imagine that nut thread could be just as successful as this one though.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:52,
Reply)
i dunno, seems a little specific
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:53,
Reply)
It could be widened to include tree nuts, ground nuts, legumes, etc.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:53,
Reply)
Snickers?
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:54,
Reply)
I didn't think it was that funny.
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:59,
Reply)
god you're thick
Botanically speaking, a coconut is a fibrous one-seeded drupe, which is a fruit with a hard stony covering enclosing the seed
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:49,
Reply)
I'll tell you who else has a one seeded drupe
I dunno like lance armstrong or someone
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
HITLER LOL!!!!
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:54,
Reply)
I often buy a bag of fruit
eat one or two and then the rest go manky. :(
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:48,
Reply)
Redcurrants last about 30 seconds before going mouldy
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:50,
Reply)
best of all the currants
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
If you eat them in 29 seconds
(
sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
They wouldn't be So Solid then
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:56,
Reply)
Well if you will insist on filling up on Rustlers, you won't have room for fuit afterwards.
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:55,
Reply)
Don't forget the takeout pizza
(
The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 10:09,
Reply)
watermelons are rubbish
I'm trying hard man
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:50,
Reply)
incorrect
althought their seeds are annoying
(
Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
polystyrene soaked in weak ribena
(
glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:52,
Reply)
Do you always get the pips under your foreskin too?
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:51,
Reply)
THIS IS GOOD STUFF HERE
(
Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:55,
Reply)
new (non-fruit based) thread.
you are welcome.
(
CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Tue 16 Apr 2013, 9:55,
Reply)
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