Hello children
So last night DG accused me of wanting to sleep with dozer. What's the biggest insult you'Ve given or received recently? Or what last offended you?

Alt: so it's fucking freezing again today. What do you say to people who believe global warming is a government conspiracy or any other foil hat nutterbutters?

Altalt: anticipated highlight and lowlight of your day? Apart from lunch, clearly...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 7:49, 87 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I reckon you've fucked wurst

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 7:52, Reply)

Greggsactly

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 7:54, Reply)

I can't believe she took Greggs Hat to a b4sh and didn't dream that he'd become the entertainment

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 7:58, Reply)

She is labouring under the delusion that people won't think he's a massive, narcissistic spastic in person.
I have absolutely no doubt in my mind at all that she is hugely mistaken.
( Kroney, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 7:59, Reply)

At least he'd beat up battered in a dwarf jelly bath fight
fuck yeah, thats gotta be an ego boost
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:02, Reply)

Smaller than Battered, wearing a silly hat and a paki.
It was only ever going to go one way.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:03, Reply)

Has she admitted that everything was in proportion ?
It must have made anal a breeze though
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:07, Reply)

chip/M1
Just sayin
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:12, Reply)

It must look like a peeled Morecambe Bay brown shrimp.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:15, Reply)

...falling into a dead Sarlacc

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Well done all
*bokes*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:05, Reply)

Alt: One of my colleagues believes that if it's not an outright lie
then it's massively overblown. It's this sort of "it's cold today, so where's the warming?" idiocy he goes in for. He's mostly ignorant of the science and simply parrots back what other people say.

Working late today, so highlight will be my morning off. Lowlight will be staying there until half nine.

I'm half-heartedly looking for jobs.
( Kroney, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 7:56, Reply)

I have never offended anyone on here EVAH
alt: say what?

alt:alt: anticipated highlight 5pm probably, that or saying happy candle day to Weepee
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:06, Reply)

alt: house music all night long?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:12, Reply)

HOSE MUSIC ALL NIGHT LONG
/offline injoke.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:14, Reply)

tee hee
I GET THIS
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:25, Reply)

I find the blatant lies in the media offensive
and it's no good us self-flagellating and shelling out for windmills when countries hundreds the size of ours are pumping shite and pollution everywhere.
We need new nuclear and quick, but the Frogs have us over a barrel as we got rid of all our expertise in that.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:07, Reply)

worst recent insult
Is internet bullies saying that I do sex things with my hamster :'(
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:09, Reply)

You want to know who I like?
That Nigel Farage fellow.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:16, Reply)

He's got the policies which are right for Britain and he's not afraid to tackle issues head on that the other so-call parties shy away from.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:17, Reply)

He's got charisma in spades, which is ironic cos he hates coons innit

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:20, Reply)

( Peej, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:24, Reply)

Yes, that's him.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:34, Reply)

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:41, Reply)

Thats him too

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:42, Reply)

I just thought you like to see the picture I have on my desk thats all.

( Peej, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:43, Reply)

Same here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:45, Reply)

I want to spend the night in the garage of Nigel Farage.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:21, Reply)

Nothing offends me because I think being offended is retarded.
Alt. Not here! Its sun sun sun in Pastyland today which is great because all the ladies wear skimpy clothes and not all of them are fat munters.

Alt Alt, My office front is a huge glass panel, the highlight will be watching the ladies walk by in their skimpy clothes, the lowlight with be lunch. I am getting in to shape for summer and its a shitty healthy lunch.
( Peej, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:20, Reply)

I'm never offended as everyone is always so nice to me
Alt: no it's not its sunny and lovely you temperature wrong

Altalt: I have quite chapped lips, which won't be much fun.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:24, Reply)

Did you and Marc have fun?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:26, Reply)

Eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:27, Reply)

In Amsterdam

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:30, Reply)

Alt. I don't have a problem with GM foods
But it seems my facebook feed does. Fucking idiots.
( Peej, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:26, Reply)

My father is quite the scientist and he has no problem with it in principle.
According to him, some of the arguments against it are cretinous, the kind of half-baked well-meaning-but-ultimately-ignorant-and-based-on-emotions-not-facts twaddle like those anti-MMR flids who've caused this measles epidemic.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:34, Reply)

'oh it's unnatural' etc - as if selective breeding etc is in some way 'natural'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:36, Reply)

Oh, you mean the
"GM foods are genetically engineered mutants one lightning strike away from becoming sentient and EATING US RIGHT BACK" stuff?

You have no idea how many times I had to self-correct writing that sentence. It seems I was determined to write "genitally engineered". I swear I don't know what's been up with me the last few days. I'm not right.
( Kroney, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:40, Reply)

This thread is shit
Have you done a thread this month yet?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:45, Reply)

Still April, innit.
Did two the first week. I'm out until June, now.
( Kroney, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:56, Reply)

pfffttttttttt.......

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:56, Reply)

any thread is only as shit as the posters

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:57, Reply)

Thanks for that 'Roy Walker'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:56, Reply)

I won't be in today I'm afraid as I'm very busy and important
Sorry it's going to be shit again
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:29, Reply)

That tea won't serve itself !!

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:31, Reply)

actually it would, if they had a teasmade

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:56, Reply)

:` (
what will my children eat?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:08, Reply)

childREN?
did you forget to wear a condom again?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:10, Reply)

there'll be more at some point
prolly next year
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:13, Reply)

christ what a terrifying thought

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:16, Reply)

are if you saw how pretty mini ape is you'd change your mind

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:17, Reply)

they're all pretty at that age
then they get to be about 5, their teeth start falling out and being replaced by scary adult teeth that are too big for their faces. soon they are 10 and you are bickering with them about bedtimes, homework, time on the computer, swearing, being on the phone all the time. then they get to be spotty, greasy haired teenagers who hate you (it'll be great fun when mini-ape's adolescence clashes with mrs ape's menopause, ww3 in barnes). and then they'll fuck off to uni and cost you a fortune to see them once a year.

that is if they don't become hookers or strippers or drug addicts or car thieves...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:23, Reply)

wow what a cheery post

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:24, Reply)

it's true though

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:29, Reply)

Which did you become then?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:35, Reply)

Wait, how old is Mrs Ape?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:24, Reply)

spare me your life story

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:28, Reply)

I'm usually too stupid to notice when I'm being insulted and I can't remember ever taking offence at something.
Alt: I don't say anything to them.

Altalt: High - might go to see a film tonight; low - right here, right now.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:44, Reply)

Bit offended by the lack of response here.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:52, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1948351
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:55, Reply)

I don't get it.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:58, Reply)

Are you really, you mung bean yurt prick?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:55, Reply)

one of my friends farts like a horse
they are impossibly long, loud and offensive, but they don't generally smell. until the day i fed her mung beans. dear god.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 8:57, Reply)

you really are perverted, aren't you?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:01, Reply)

JUST GET A ROOM YOU TWO!!!!

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:02, Reply)

i'll get him a room alright
room 101
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:04, Reply)

Zing

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:06, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1948359
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:01, Reply)

Used my shavette again today
I have, as I believe the phrase goes, "cut my face to ribbons" and I'm beginning to think it wasn't such a good idea and a waste of twenty quid.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:07, Reply)

Maybe next time you'll hit the artery
Keep trying
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:09, Reply)

There is a reason why people don't use them any more, I suspect.
I think you may have found out what that reason is.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:09, Reply)

It looks so easy on the youtube videos.
The bits I got right feel great, a really close shave, but it's the fiddly bits where I feel like I've tried to peel my face that are a little annoying.

I think an actual straight razor is supposed to be a bit easier, but you have to sharpen and hone and strop the blade and all sorts and I can't be bothered with that.

I'll give it another few goes and see how it works out.

Don't worry, I'll keep you updated.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:11, Reply)

Oh I thought that's what you'd bought.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:12, Reply)

Nah, it's the one where you break a razor blade in half and put it in the holder
like they use at the barbers.

You might not get this reference as you only use trendy hoxton "hair consultants"
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:18, Reply)

I cut my own hair and haven't had a shave for about 6 years

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:21, Reply)

You big fibber
you had just been to a hairdressers before we went to the Tayyabs a couple of years ago.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:24, Reply)

is it that al is, in fact, more of a bent spastic than nakers?
i think this might be the reason
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:16, Reply)

Look you syphilitic whore.
There's a lot of stuff I'll let go on here, I know what sort of a site it is after all, but inferring that I am even in the same ballpark a bent spastic as nakers is just not on.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:17, Reply)

coming from a fat, bald roofer this hurts

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:20, Reply)

this has secretly delighted me
carry on boys
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Coming from a bent spastic I don't care what you think.

(Bazongaloid, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:25, Reply)

give it to monty for chopping up his powders
the traces of al stubble clinging forlornly to the blade will only enhance his experience
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:09, Reply)

I insult almost everyone and couldn't give a fuck when someone insults me
It is warm Oop North today and sunny, so fuck you

AltAlt:
Highlight: Coffee
Lowlight: Work
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:08, Reply)

Yeah? Well shut up and fuck off.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:11, Reply)

*cries*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:17, Reply)

altalt: working from home today and getting my sofa delivered
not sure if thats a highlight or a lowlight, to be honest.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:23, Reply)

Lowlight: I started a cool new steampunk thread and no cunt replied.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:24, Reply)

This cunt has.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 30 Apr 2013, 9:26, Reply)