Presents
It's my 40th in a few months and my family are asking me for gift ideas.

Help me out with some humorous or ideally sensible suggestions please.

Alt: there's a right old hoo-hah about the footage of that Woolwich shit. The perpetrators were obviously desperate for the the world media attention. Would it have been better to have denied them the oxygen of publicity and not shown it, or is that suppression of information and a bit police state-y?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:20, 121 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I spent my 40th in London
I would have hated a suprise party.

Could they get you one of them new fangled X-box whatsitcalled so you could do high end gaming
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:24, Reply)

God I love gaming.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:28, Reply)

More like GAYming

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:29, Reply)

U NO DAT BRUV

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Homebrew kit.
Alt: Meh, there's no right answer is there?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:25, Reply)

I could get into homebrew but you've seen the size of my flat, there's nowhere to put it really

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:28, Reply)

Throw out your TV, you hate everything it shows anyway.
Then put it there.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:29, Reply)

Yeah but shouting at beer doesn't sound nearly as much fun

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:36, Reply)

don't knock it until you've tried it.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:43, Reply)

It's a tricky one.
But giving them exposure will probably ultimately kill them off.
There used to be a policy of not covering anything that the BNP did.
After that policy was dropped they gained some ground and even some seats in local councils and European parliament, but that became their undoing as people realised they are a bunch of useless racists.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:30, Reply)

Well if you actually watch the video of the bloke in Woolwich,
and get past the fact he's just killed some poor guy. He's talking total bollocks, is a mixture of embarrassed and excited about what he's doing and doesn't really understand the political motives about what he's just done.
I'd hardly call it a great advert for extremism.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:32, Reply)

I think he just kind of wanted to be famous for killing a guy
and used that for a reason.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:34, Reply)

That's part of it for everyone like that.
but I imagine a big part of it is a genuine belief that this makes them a good muslim/soldier for the cause etc.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:42, Reply)

It's a tricky thing to advertise.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:34, Reply)

Nick Griffin made a monumental twat of himself on Newsnight dinnee

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:35, Reply)

Perhaps they could club together and give you sixty grand to pay off your debts?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:25, Reply)

It's no £9.50

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:26, Reply)

Poor old AA, rotting away in Newgate with nothing but rats to eat

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:26, Reply)

In a pizza box.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:28, Reply)

I have pizza for lunch today
\o/
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:29, Reply)

Not rotting away, nor eating rats
Just bored with stressing about what is essentially an insignificant amount of money, decided it was time to do something about it before it got worse.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:35, Reply)

and what is your plan?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:38, Reply)

Go to parents, go through outgoings with them, see where in particular I can save money (that'll mainly go down to planning meals, I think)
If necessary, they'll lend me a certain amount of cash to get me started, then go from there.

If they simply paid it off for me, wouldn't exactly be a lesson learned.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:45, Reply)

true indeed
I can tell you what, though - the 5 year IVA I'm in is a lesson too far.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:48, Reply)

Go through the Moneysavingsexpert money makeover.
Planning meals will save you about ~£10 if you're cooking for yourself, which isn't that much. There's much better ways to cut down outgoings.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:48, Reply)

I'm planning all my meals this week, got a Jamie Oliver app and plan to cook every single one except for social outtings.
Oddly enough, most of the stuff i've chosen is vegeterian, but thats coincidence.

Tonight I'm making a tabouley salad with halumni.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:32, Reply)

My favorite football chant, of which I'm a well renounced expert on the matter, is
"Park Park, wherever you may be. You eat dogs in your own count-ry. But it could be worst, you could be scouse, eating rats from your council house".
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:30, Reply)

'lol'

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:26, Reply)

Do you have/like a watch?
Could they buy you a trip away somewhere with the little 'un? (not Battered)

1kg coke
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:25, Reply)

I have a nice watch but never wear it really.
Trip away is a great idea though - nice thinking, Sportspaki.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:27, Reply)

*triggerfingassir*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:28, Reply)

A new Hair Dryer \o/

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:28, Reply)

uPVC one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:28, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1974983
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:29, Reply)

:o(

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:28, Reply)

Morning.
So this weekend I moved most of my stuff, all the flatmate's stuff, did a massive shop, broke down a steel door and shifted furniture around. Net result is I ache all over and the exertion has given the cold I had some time to entrench. I now feel all different sorts of shit. I am, however, now mostly moved.

I also watched that Great Gatsby film. I loved the cinematography, but I am becoming increasingly perplexed as to who on Earth let Tobey Maguire be an actor.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:29, Reply)

sh pl

hee hee
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:30, Reply)

plit?
I don't get it.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:30, Reply)

oh YOU

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:32, Reply)

plifted?

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:35, Reply)

not you as well ffs

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:38, Reply)

I have bought an axe to complete shed-shift

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:33, Reply)

Sorry, "pled-plift"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:39, Reply)

plut up

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:41, Reply)

It was pretty, but otherwise quite shit, I found.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:35, Reply)

I haven't yet got around to reading the book
so I went into it without expectations. There was a lot of people complaining on the way out, though.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:38, Reply)

Haven't read it either, just didn't enjoy the film
Both the characters and accents grated on me.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:46, Reply)

I read The Great Gatsby during my English Lit A-level
We had a list of books from which we had to read three during the summer holidays. Gatsby was the thinnest book of the lot. Apart from the bongle-licious Isla Fisher the film doesn't appeal too much.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:43, Reply)

You're missing nothing, tbh

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:47, Reply)

There are so many thigns I can't work out.
Like I thought they got shot dead, and what was the car-crash about? The blue car.

Here's my Top 10 Things Monty Should Ask For
- itunes Vouchers
- Tickets to go see Wicked, Les Miss and Caboray
- A ukalaylee
- Some red jeans
- A night out at Chariots Sauna and a www.amazon.co.uk/Interplay-UK-WS1016-Luxury-Science/dp/B000UX5J80/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1369729735&sr=8-4&keywords=science+kit+kids
- The entire Star Trek (all of them) on Bluray
- A "Free Pass", if you know what I mean, you know what I mean. A free pass. Just ask for it, can't do any harm.
- Lifetime subscription to Heat, Vogue and White Dwarf
- A day-pass at Games Workshop so you can learn how to play Warhammer 40K
- 10 Kilos of Coke, but pepsi would do.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:33, Reply)

hahaha oh Gonzy, you do make me smile

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:34, Reply)

=) How was your weekend?
When I asked Ma' what she wanted for her birthday, this was honstly her answer. It's not an exacty quote 'cus it was a few months ago, but its pretty close.

"There's an old gay couple in Finchley who live in this oldy-worldy house, and you go there and they play old DVDs like that chaplin bloke, or you can bring your own DVDs. They very entertaining, I mean, even more so that usual for them. I think its a couple, one of them might be dead, I can't remember. They've lead such an interesting life and you can either get a take-away or they can cook something, i could knock up a brisket and some ludkas."
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:41, Reply)

It was ace, ta
Really nice camping trip and some lovely weather.

That's a somewhat unhelpful reply from yer ma, there.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:44, Reply)

It was quite a bit, she said it was in the local paper, "should have kept a copy", I couldn't track down the entertaining old gay couple (one of them possibly dead).
Cool, where'd you go camping? I ain't been camping in years'n'years, I enjoy it all appart from the packing up, don't mind the setting up though.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Near Tunbridge Wells, lovely part of the country

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:55, Reply)

I hope you registered your disgust while you were there.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:59, Reply)

TBH if I lived round there the contrast between that semi-rural idyll and the rest of the world would have me disgusted on a regular basis too

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:01, Reply)

isn't that the place where a bunch of teens topped themselves and where "Mr Disturbed" who writes into the papers comes from?
I don't know anything about it appart from that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Also, I just googled, this is the first time i've realised it's note "Wales".

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:04, Reply)

Sorry, that sounds negative, I just meant thats the only thing I know about it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:13, Reply)

Bridgend

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:22, Reply)

Ahhh

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:42, Reply)

What amuses me is that Monty would probably quite enjoy tabletop wargaming
if he could get over how tragic it is, how desperately lonely and sad the participants are and the strong smell of stale sweat and dried spunk. He's got the necessary mental attitude to enjoy the game mechanics.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:37, Reply)

It is a hatred born out of fear.
There but for the grace of God, goes Monty Boyce.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:40, Reply)

I used to do military gaming when I was a child.
My brother and I inherited a huge collection of painted lead soldiers mounted in blocks and used to have long-running games in our playroom.

Just to point out, this was a good 30 years ago or more.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:45, Reply)

0
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:45, Reply)

I used to play when I was like 13 or soo, wish I kept my stuff, it would be worth well in excess of a good few grand.
I reckon it's quite a good game, that can last for days, it's like Risk on crack.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:47, Reply)

It's a very well put together game, for sure.
But it is a) for children and b) attracts a particularly insalubrious section of society.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:50, Reply)

It's a social "Rule in hell or serve in heaven" thing, you'd be king agmonst them.
I'd say its a bit simplistic to say it's "for children", the rules are very complicated and the artwork is extremely intricate.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:01, Reply)

Yeah, it is.
On the other hand, whatever way you look at it, it's playing with toys.

And they *are* toys.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:06, Reply)

I think these transend from 'toys' to 'models' / 'figurines', because they envolved lead and toxic chemicals.
I wouldn't let kids play with them, for the kid's safety, not for the toys.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:12, Reply)

Alt: They don't show streakers at sporting events any more
I'd be interested to see if that's cut down on the numbers, I suspect it has.

The problem is that the media wants to maximise the sensationalism, and that means splashing TERRORISM over everything.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:33, Reply)

Monthly meat hamper from a decent butchers.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:38, Reply)

This is gay slang, right?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Monty's decided to give up meat ,so this isn't an option.

( wanderlust, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:41, Reply)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:41, Reply)

It's all folk music and camping with him these days.
The yurt prick.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:42, Reply)

He suits the yurt lifestyle.

( wanderlust, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:45, Reply)

The nonexistent hygiene speaks to my soul

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:46, Reply)

Anything has to be an improvement on his existing lifestyle.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:46, Reply)

Just what are you trying to say here?
Living with me must be awful and drive him to drink? Yeah thanks Battered. Cheers, oh it's fine, I understand yeah.
( wanderlust, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:49, Reply)

I wouldn't dream of inferring something like that.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:51, Reply)

*implying* on the other hand...

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:59, Reply)

Ssshh

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:00, Reply)

All that money wasted on a private education.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:01, Reply)

Until the next time he sees some ribs, anyway.

( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:48, Reply)

U NO DAT BRUV

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:52, Reply)

Or dry meat, or spicy lamb chops...

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:00, Reply)

or pepperami, economy spam....

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:21, Reply)

A real gift idea for you
Have you got one of them turntables/cassette things that transfer vinyl and tapes into a digital format? And a new PC if memory serves me correct.

I could actually see this being of use to you.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:53, Reply)

IT JUST DOESN'T SOUND THE SAME, OK?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:56, Reply)

m.guardian.co.uk/music/2013/may/25/pete-hutchison-interview-new-vinyl-recording
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:57, Reply)

fucking hell what a nutjob

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:18, Reply)

I do have a USB turntable and a cassette converter thingy but have used neither.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 9:57, Reply)

}: (
OK a trip to Hong Kong, with VIP tickets to the Shaw Bros Studios?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:01, Reply)

Yeah, because vinyl has a much "warmer" sound than digital mediums.
Which I assume comes from all the hissing and scratching noises and, of course, the groove-skipping.

I, personally, favour tube-amps over modern alternatives because they're so much more delicate and inconvenient to use. Although, to be fair, they do look awesome.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:03, Reply)

Hey K-dog
Wheeler Dealers did up a Fiat Dino on the programme yesterday, It was well nice
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:05, Reply)

This is a bit like Monty and the wargaming.
You know you could easily get obsessed with this sort of thing.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:09, Reply)

gam monger
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:13, Reply)

tickets to something amazing, like bowie
or the next take that reunion tour?

a proper swish coat, that would last forever?

a cordon bleu cooking course?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:01, Reply)

All excellent ideas*


*except for the first two
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:08, Reply)

a really classy coat is always a good thing
my dad had his for about 40 years and it still looked smart.

then he decided to replace it and [insert name of shop here] failed to put the right number of 0's on the end of the price tag. did he tell them? did he fuck.

it's amazing i'm as honest and lovely as i am...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:10, Reply)

My Crombie is sixty years old and was made for my grandfather
Still looks really smart. A well made coat will outlast its owner.
( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:23, Reply)

i saw you in uxbridge in that coat once
i remember thinking, that would look REALLY smart if he just pulled it up over his face.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:28, Reply)

:(

( Kroney, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:30, Reply)

*unfunny-fat-cunt-cooling-his-soup-lols*

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:11, Reply)

I don't get this at all, soz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:21, Reply)

something something james something something blows

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:28, Reply)

nope, nothing. Sozz-o

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:34, Reply)

I have started a new thread.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 28 May 2013, 10:36, Reply)