death and taxes
so apparently we're spending £1M on the apartments at kensington palace and £100k on new toilets in the H of L. that's £100k for 2 new toilets. do we think this is right and proper? or should they be made to sell pics of the royal crotchfruit and scatvideos of peers shitting into a bucket to raise cash for their own house refurbs?

alt: meanwhile under the 13 years of labour, the rich/poor divide was apparently made bigger than ever. not exactly in their manifesto. who else should delete their account and kill themselves?

altalt: best pun you've ever heard?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:00, 87 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm still waiting for the Princess Anne sextape to come out
In it, she's fellating a horse whilst being buggered by Prince Edward. In the background her Maj is diddling away furiously whilst Phillip is failing miserably to get it up Kate.

Alt:
Couldn't give a fuck. My tenants have advised that they wish to rent off me for the next 18 months then buy my house. So that's good

AltAlt:
ani
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:05, Reply)

That last one took me far too long to work out.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:07, Reply)

Try using a cucumber

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:11, Reply)

O.o

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)

Aim for the front one

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:13, Reply)

*fixes cow with a Paddington stare*

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:14, Reply)

*proffers marmalade sammich*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Alt:
You.
Dozer.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:05, Reply)

Morning Swipey.
I don't unnerstan teh alt thing, sorry. Re deletion and suicide.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:07, Reply)

search DYAAKY
understand
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)

Yeah I know how to spell it.
It's my wacky and crazy way of internet spelling of understand.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:14, Reply)

haha i didn't mean that
it was a command. not a comment.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Sorry, I'm not up to the game at the minute.
Long, long weekend.
I was first made aware of puns, from Shakespeare. Something to do with a shoemaker giving his awl. Shakespeare comedies are pretty crap, Twelth Night being the worst.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)

I'd like to state on record that I thoroughly resent the 53p that the queen costs me personally each year.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:09, Reply)

You should demand she comes round your house and personally thanks you for your contribution.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)

She could send a stamp with an IOU for 7p

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:12, Reply)

I think you've misunderstood my objection.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:13, Reply)

i like the queen
and i think the royal family generates income and employment and tourism etc. but andrew should be forced to live on a council estate on £25 a week for the rest of his life, the useless arrogant waste of space.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:13, Reply)

Have you read The Queen & I by Sue Townsend?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:14, Reply)

no, but i know that is the gist of it

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)

have you read the queen's nose by dick king smith?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:55, Reply)

nooo
is this a real thing or are you yanking my crank?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:56, Reply)

Do you think we couldn't generate similar income, employment and tourism without them?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:15, Reply)

what's your suggestion?
the world's biggest loom for weaving your own yoghurt?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:16, Reply)

I'm suggesting we could find a cheaper caretaker for those palaces for a start.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:18, Reply)

i'd like to see the stats done properly as to whether they contribute or take
eg i read that people paying to see kate middleton's wedding dress recouped a huge part of the costs for the royal wedding. is this true or is it bollocks?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)

I wouldn't
I'd just hand all their assets over to the National Trust or English Heritage and let them turn it into better profit.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)

now i know how you feel when i say i spent £200 on a haircut
"i have tasted my own medicine, and it is bitter"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:35, Reply)

What we should do is privatise them.
They're overstaffed and have too many wasters and underused facilities.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:15, Reply)

I didn't realise Chompy worked for them as well as the NHS.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:19, Reply)

you forgot these " "

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)

I resent the many pounds I spend a year propping up fat wasters on the dole
I resent the many pounds I spend a year fuelling governmental bureaucracy
I resent the many pounds a year I spend on pointless unwinnable wars
I resent the many pounds I spend a year helping to service our "debt mountain"
etc etc

I do not resent 53p for the queen.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)

i think the problem is that so much of the british public is just rank
they're ugly and they smell bad
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:45, Reply)

The rich poor divide will get bigger no matter who is in power
unless we have another awesome massive war where all the rich snobby fucks get drafted too.
( Peej, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:14, Reply)

Also, she has cherry-picked the information.
The rest of the story is that, while they may not have narrowed the gap during that 13 years, they did massively improve public services, lowered poverty, reduced national debt, etc.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:18, Reply)

i only read the headline
the selfish cunt reading the paper turned the page. but labour sucked gigantic hairy sweaty donkey balls.

the problem is that the current lot do too.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:23, Reply)

I disagree.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:24, Reply)

you think labour did a good job??
or you love dave and his bumchums??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Look, if you ignore the..
...accelerated farming out of public sector services to cost-cutting private firms, the illegal wars, the massive clampdown on civil liberties, ruinous PFI contracts, continued subsidies to badly run rail services, encouragement of an unsustainable housing price bubble and failure to properly regulate irresponsible and incompetent elements of the banking sector, for example, they did a smashing job.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:29, Reply)

plus all the people who were encouraged to go to university to keep them off the unemployment list
so that now we have 50 grads going for every job. marvellous.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)

You know who's got the stones to sort out all this mess?
That's right - that Nigel Havers fellow.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)

imagine him in lycra
shudder
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:35, Reply)

Hells bells

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:21, Reply)

What do you reckon the bells in hell would be like?
I like to think they'd be fucking enormous.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:23, Reply)

hot

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:24, Reply)

In Dante's vision of hell large sections of it are freezing cold
including the very centre where the three faced Satan is encased in ice up to his waste.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:26, Reply)

would you rather be too hot or too cold?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Yeah, really big and loud
Probably black, with a flaming clapper. Didn't think I'd be typing that sentence today.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:27, Reply)

Swipe'll know all about flaming clappers
the ginger tart.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:28, Reply)

luckily i know you have a bit of a ginger fetish
so i am going to take this as a COMPLIMENT. HAHA.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:29, Reply)

I have a fetish for women in general.

( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:31, Reply)

rory will remember the criminal lecture at the college of law
where they tried to teach that only men can have fetishes because the legal definition is something that makes you ejaculate.

THAT was a lively lecture.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:31, Reply)

Why?
Was Vinegar Strokes in the hall?
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:33, Reply)

Lighty's reply wins that thread.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:39, Reply)

Female ejaculation surely?
Apparently, females can orgasm too.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)

I refer you to my post above.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:36, Reply)

I like to say "zounds", instead of normal swearies.
It means Christ's wounds, apparently.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)

I like 'zounds'
I also like 'gadzooks'
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)

Clayplolz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:15, Reply)

It's a good'un
In fact, I think I'll have it.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:34, Reply)

ha, nice

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:35, Reply)

When did "back in the day" become a common term?
It seems to have appeared very swiftly.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:38, Reply)

It's nonsensical.
So I figure it's probably an Americanism.
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:00, Reply)

I think it's a contraction of something like "back in the old days"
Or "back in my day". The idea of "my day" is so strong that one would consider it to be THE day.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:01, Reply)

"Oh my days" seems to be big these days too
I hate it. It sounds so insincere.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:00, Reply)

I always thought it was "all my days"?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:00, Reply)

Is it?
Well that's even worse.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:01, Reply)

I'm not sure I hate coined phrases

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:10, Reply)

I'd like to state on record that I wouldn't notice the extra 53p the Queen costs me personally every year if I stopped paying it

( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:30, Reply)

that'd buy you a house in uxbridge

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:31, Reply)

It's not the money, it's the principle.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:31, Reply)

I'm fine with the principle.

( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:43, Reply)

The principle being
"A powerless figure-head constitutional monarchy costing 53p a year is no burden on anybody at all".

The arguments against amount to "waaah, I don't like them because I don't know why but I don't waaaah"
( Kroney, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:58, Reply)

OK anti-Jessie J

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:45, Reply)