Don't use words you have to explain..
While driving with my 13 year old daughter, we heard an advert on the radio inviting listeners to call in for a chance to win tickets to a Justin Bieber concert. My daughter (bless her) made retching sounds at the idea. I agreed that the Beeb was a wanker. As we live in Canada, daughter didn't know what that was and asked me. Reluctantly, I explained the meaning of the word. She exclaimed "Daddy, you're HORRIBLE! - but he probably does!".
(Smudge the Demon, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 2:06, 140 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Smashing self awareness failure here.
b3ta.com/questions/bodyhorror/post2016717
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 7:25, Reply)

Fuck off back to /QOTW

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 7:58, Reply)

so are you RaymondThreeBreakdownsYachtboy then?
I remember being perfectly civil to you and you were an ill-mannered prick in return. Are you still in some pitiful backwater being bullied by bigger boys and blubbing incessantly or have you finally flipped and Honda'd the muthas?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:05, Reply)

unless it's not you in which case alright

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:06, Reply)

Pathetic moaning on Twitter yesterday. If you don't like what you read then fuck off to mumsnet.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:27, Reply)

You want to get called a "mental spastic" or "benefits scum" on an avowedly liberal website and have no-one defend you? B3ta is your place.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:27, Reply)

Dunno about you, but he does seem a bit of a mental spastic to me.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:28, Reply)

Where is this website avowedly liberal?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:35, Reply)

Not on my watch it fuckin ain't.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:36, Reply)

Ha ha

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:36, Reply)

So is this knob Raymondo or not?
Help me out here, chaps, I don't know which angle to take.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Err on the side of calling him a cunt.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:34, Reply)

I'm sure I can manage that, but I prefer more of back-story when I'm teasing someone.
I like some meat with my mockery-potatoes where possible.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:37, Reply)

You don't really need to hang around waiting for the real back story though, do you?
You know how this works, make one up.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:49, Reply)

I can't believe he's a furry with a shit fetish!!!! You couldn't make this up!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:52, Reply)

His dry cleaning bill must be astronomical.

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:02, Reply)

Who says he cleans his outfits?
He could really be into the whole 'crusted-on shit lumps' thing. You never know with these types.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:09, Reply)

Well if that IS true, then it's completely disgusting
and he should be ashamed of himself
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:11, Reply)

This is the same one who had Chompy's name for a while and was here as Misery McUgIywife yesterday.
Dunno if he's the original Raymond though
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:41, Reply)

I could really do with a new version of your spreadsheet 'tangledupinsocks', gaz us a link yeah?

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:59, Reply)

Yeah me too, the formulae in mine got fucked up somehow

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:02, Reply)

Basically we're all Al now.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:04, Reply)

If you keep seeing this: #DIV/0!
you've opened your accounts spreadsheet by mistake
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:07, Reply)

Now what on earth gives you the idea I've ever had one of those.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:08, Reply)

Al

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:46, Reply)

You say that about all of them.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:47, Reply)

Actually in this case, I think al is on holiday
But meh, it's al anyway
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:52, Reply)

Hey Alfonsobongo,
Are you ok?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:09, Reply)

I really hope he is
His twitter feed makes for some worrying reading :(
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:17, Reply)

Ah haaha ha haahahaha
Wanking. Outstanding.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:02, Reply)

you know...WANKING, LIKE WITH YOUR WILLY!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:06, Reply)

Hey I dont wank with my willy
I find there are plenty of others around who will let me use theirs
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:07, Reply)

prison has its upsides eh

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:17, Reply)

sexy sexy prison
I call it Cock Block H
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:20, Reply)

Prisoner 'SEX BLOCK' H
....MORE LIKE!!!!!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:38, Reply)

Oh my god! You can't say that on the internet, you maniac!!!!

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:26, Reply)

I'll say what I jolly well like, you... TUMMY-BANANA!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:39, Reply)

Ok, that's enough
NOW I've seen it all!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:51, Reply)

G'day

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:06, Reply)

Bonzer cobber
Let's throw another tinny on the wozchumba!
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:12, Reply)

That's what my mother said just before she died. What a woman.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:32, Reply)

Hi Smudge the Demon
Welcome to our fluffy part of the internet. Please share any recipes you have for nommi chorizo and scrummi bacon.
Your suggestions for lunch would also be much appreciated.
Please note though, there isn't usually anyone here at 2am.
Your friend,
tangledupinblue
xx
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:31, Reply)

Hullo Tangliano

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Ah the fragrant Hatiana
How are you old son?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:35, Reply)

Becoming more fragrant by the moment, dear boy

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:51, Reply)

Morning all!

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:50, Reply)

alright Cappo

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:52, Reply)

Marvellous, thanks
How's you? And who is this twitterfeeding idiot up there^
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 8:57, Reply)

I don't know but I am going to make him cry.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:03, Reply)

Harsh...
...but fair. I never 'got' twitter, facebook can be bad enough with some folk posting pictures of every meal/bus ticket/bowel motion.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:07, Reply)

If facebook is shit, it's because your friends and/or family are shit.
Hope this helps
xx
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:10, Reply)

Thanks tangles
This goes a long way towards helping.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:11, Reply)

Yo.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:05, Reply)

Alright smudge.
I don't have children so this sort of thing only comes up when communicating with Americans. Trying to explain to the young lady what facetious meant was a fair struggle. But then, she actually used the word YOLO in a sentence so I think she's a no-hoper.

Morning class, I'm off to the big smoke tomorrow, lady pig won't tell me what she has planned as a surprise for my birthday, so I can't invite you for drinks, but be prepared for possible last minute lol bash.

Also, anyone seen Theo? I'm sure he's supposed to be in England around now
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:03, Reply)

RIP THEO 4EVAINMIHART
You stay safe in that big city, poor wee Theo got stabbed by some ASBO kids and was never heard from again
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:06, Reply)

Kids can get ASBO's now?
What is happening to our fair London Town?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:09, Reply)

I had to throw some junkies out of my flat on Saturday
Got home after an evening out to find them on my sofa smokin' da reefer. Harrowing.
( Kroney, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:10, Reply)

I didn't know you lived that far north.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:12, Reply)

It's the furthest North I've ever lived.
They do speak funny here, you know
( Kroney, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:23, Reply)

I can't decide if you got ,y Harrow joke, or you really live in a different bit of north London.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:36, Reply)

It's possible they have already infected you with junkie AIDS
Probably best if you burn the sofa
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Theo was due here end of June I thought.
RIP Theosophist.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:18, Reply)

I miss him

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:26, Reply)

I'm sweater than a high end gamer at a 'cos play' show

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:06, Reply)

Take off your trousers

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:10, Reply)

Dont encourage him WP
only another 4 years and he is off the register
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:15, Reply)

I'm still sick :(((

( Kroney, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:11, Reply)

I'm sweating like a pregnant nun

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Like Bartleby in mothercare.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:18, Reply)

Morning all
I heard this on the way in this morning, now it's stuck in my head again, FFS.

How are we?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:18, Reply)

Best. Song. Ever.

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:19, Reply)

But try this version
It's mental
www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4ouPGGLI6Q
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:20, Reply)

Are you getting Mungo Jerry as a recommendation on the right?
If so, look at those fucking sideburns, superb.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:23, Reply)

I've been seeing that a lot recently
I think it must be because it's hot. Stupid Youtube.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:29, Reply)

I like this

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:26, Reply)

That dude is crazy

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:29, Reply)

He is, but it was the 70's, as far as I understand it everyone had acid on their cornflakes and magic mushrooms for every meal.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:30, Reply)

It was the only way to stem the urge to touch kids apparently

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:31, Reply)

we sure did!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:35, Reply)

I cannot abide that record.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:26, Reply)

It's one of a few songs that will immediately get stuck in my head, as soon as I hear it

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:28, Reply)

You're insane, Monty
Beautiful, but insane.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:29, Reply)

Why not?
Apart from the daft yodelling its a lovely tight bit of 70s proggy rock. That live version shows how tight they are as a group.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:29, Reply)

The answer, my friend. is blowin' in the yodelling.
I'm sorry but caped oaves going on about wizards I am just about fine with, however Alpine folk-singing is TOO FAR.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:33, Reply)

Lol
We all have our limit I suppose monto, and I'll defend your right to your arbitrary line with my life.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:35, Reply)

I do hope your kindly lady allows you a sneaky pint with a kindly old hippie when you're in 'tine'.
And after he's gone, one with me.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:38, Reply)

Well, she seems to have some sort of master plan and is banning me from making any sort of drink dates.
I am so hoping she's got us tickets for the cricket
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Well I hope your dream comes true

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Lusty offered us a nice lunch at her club,
And I've felt awfully rude turning her down.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:42, Reply)

It's a nice place in which to eat YOU RUINER

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:54, Reply)

You know, reading about that Alfonsobongo bloke above,
I find myself thinking that anyone single going on 40 odd is weird. Unless you're divorced or have had a long prison stint, unless you're basically an unpleasant human being, you should have met someone by now.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:28, Reply)

I know someone of that sort of age who's single
Through choice...He likes to keep things casual and he's very sociable. Maybe this guy's the same?
ahem.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:30, Reply)

Maybe, I don't know many people that age to be honest.
Immsure it's just some sort of ageist bigotry, but surely you could find someone equally casual and sociable to spend your life with?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:32, Reply)

You'd have thought so
It's not my way, but each to his own I guess.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:33, Reply)

Yeah, maybe being single and miserable is the problem,
Sort of wanting to meet someonen but being incapable is the weird thing.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:34, Reply)

\o/

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:37, Reply)

Alright HH,
What are you cheering about?
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:39, Reply)

Being over 40 and one of the good ones

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:39, Reply)

Happily married eh?
Good work my man!
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:40, Reply)

I'm quite the catch I'll have you know
Wee Pee BBC Breakfast was on about some big thing going off in Birmingham today, all the latest things for the blind and partially sighted
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:43, Reply)

Oooh, I'll have google of that.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:49, Reply)

All I can find is about the EDL rally, do they hate the blind now too?

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:53, Reply)

I'll try and find it, it was on BBC breakfast at about 6.40am
It must be this
www.qac.ac.uk/sightvillage/6-1.html
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:57, Reply)

He thought someone said
'all those living in Britain's worst gun-crime city who are tedious Wood-Dozers PUT YO' MUTHAFUCKIN HANDS IN THE AYERRR'
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Birmingham?
I'm not googling it.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:41, Reply)

Nottingham I think.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:49, Reply)

Same as any major city, mainly only only the pricks involved with that lifestyle get shot
Even the so called bad areas are perfectly fine to visit.
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:52, Reply)

\o/

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Tue 16 Jul 2013, 9:43, Reply)