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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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can you all be a little bit less shit please?

alt: When have you badly put your foot in it?

altalt: pool or beach or city or ym?
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 15:53, 171 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
I have had a delivery of 3 bottles of beer to my office from an "Andrew"
This is GOOD

Alt:
Almost every day due to my big fucking mouth

AltAlt:
Beach MoFo
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 15:57, Reply)
It's Dozer trying to date rape you

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 15:58, Reply)
Stop clowning around

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:06, Reply)
Someone once said that Dozer looked like a really rubbish clown, what with his big feet and short legs.
Well, in response to that he came on here and told a few jokes and nobody's laughing now.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:02, Reply)
I'll see you all in a week.
b3ta.com/questions/unreasonablecruelty/post2020457
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:00, Reply)
I want to go to the beach
Or, more specifically, I want to be swimming in the sea right now.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 15:59, Reply)
not in England, far to fucking cold

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:00, Reply)
Gay

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:00, Reply)
I have a very strong aversion to cold water
and very hot water for that matter
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:01, Reply)
^ dirty boy ^

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)
that's what your mum said as I curled one out onto her chest

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:03, Reply)
I spend most of the day in the sea when on holiday in cornwall
However I do have a wetsuit on
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:01, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2020319
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)
Truth be told If your in the water for 8-12hours a day
You need one just for the sun protection
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:04, Reply)
gay skin

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:05, Reply)
I'm a white lilly
and fear I would wilt in the sun, plus the average burn time was about 32 Mins. before you even add the factor of the sunlight reflected
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:08, Reply)
Your feet must really stink

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:00, Reply)
I'm afraid they really do today.
Who would've thought vegetarian Birkenstocks could do that to them?
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)
I shall visit the beach this evening with the dog

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:05, Reply)
Hey she may be past her prime but Mrs.Cow is still a handsome woman

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:08, Reply)

wo
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:30, Reply)
Beaches & pools are boring.
Never understood why you'd just want to lay there doing nothing (like YM), when there are things to do & see.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 15:59, Reply)
well you can chat and drink, read and swim, look at breasts and make a sandcastle

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:00, Reply)
I don't want to lie there doing nothing
I want to swim in the sea and climb on the rocks and explore the "secret" caves with my kids.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:01, Reply)
nonce

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:02, Reply)
You don't key your own car, Nakers.
If I were to do any noncing, I'd do it on mini-Ape
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:08, Reply)
pah IF?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:09, Reply)
Admit nothing, Bonzer.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:10, Reply)
I kick the wing mirrors off mine when the wife parks it badly

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:10, Reply)
I kicked her back doors in

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:18, Reply)
actual lol here re car analogy

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:11, Reply)
I'll explore your secret cave in a minute

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:05, Reply)
Top tip for all you parents out there
Adding the prefix 'secret' to anything like this massively increases your child's excitement.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:09, Reply)
"secret penis"

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:10, Reply)
You got it.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:11, Reply)
I know but the doc says if I keep using the cream it will go

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:13, Reply)
you might need to pass this tip on to missus tangles too

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:15, Reply)
+ before she infects the rest of the rugby team

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:17, Reply)
Hey, wait a minute...

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:17, Reply)
Proper office lol

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:18, Reply)
I passed my tip onto Mrs Tangles tits only last night

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:26, Reply)
Christ, the woman is insatiable.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:26, Reply)

satia edi
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:29, Reply)
NOMNOMNOM

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:29, Reply)
"secret going to your room and staying there in silence until the morning"

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:12, Reply)
YAY \o/ runs off exitedly

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:15, Reply)
Also works for younger adults.
Eg "Secret gig", "Secret stash".
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:15, Reply)
Secret bash...

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:18, Reply)
"secret cellar" ?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:18, Reply)
"Our little secret."

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:22, Reply)
^ This^
I was gutted when my son decided he was to old for rock pools :(
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:06, Reply)
Beach and pool for maybe a couple of hours, but generally I need summat to engage my brain as well.
Foots: my mate once suggested loudly pre-gig that our band send our demo to Jo Wiley on XFM, "because she'll play any old shit".
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:05, Reply)
She really will

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:12, Reply)
Christ I'm bored of people complaining about other people being shit without having the self-awareness to realise they're part of the same group of shit people.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:15, Reply)
Yeah well your shit
you're
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:15, Reply)
I like the beach but only if there's stuff to do
I can't sit around being hot all day. Boring.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:18, Reply)
Try stealing some kids
That usually livens up a dull day at the beach
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:21, Reply)
I fucking hate kids, why would I steal them?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:22, Reply)
To relieve the boredom
Half the fun is trying to get rid of them again.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:24, Reply)
Also
ing hate     why would I steal them?
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:25, Reply)
you've got noncing on the brain this afternoon

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:26, Reply)
I think I'd better go home.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:27, Reply)
Wait for the kids to get back eh

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:28, Reply)
SURPRISE!

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:30, Reply)
BONGLE

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:32, Reply)
work getting you down?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:18, Reply)
A little bit, yeah.
Going to a beer garden with og later, that'll fix things.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:19, Reply)
i'm babysitting : (

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:21, Reply)
lol

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:22, Reply)
i'll sit on my balacony with a g&t in my hand and your mum on my cock

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:24, Reply)
Yeah but if you have a saggy fat old bird sitting on your todger
there's going to be no room for your gin. You'll have to sort lean out sideways to have a drink.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:25, Reply)
wheres theres a will

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:27, Reply)
There's a string of family members trying to look forlorn.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:29, Reply)
Better be a strong balcony.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:25, Reply)
Impossible, I'm TH™
/ac
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:26, Reply)
TWOSIE!

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:28, Reply)
Baked *doffs cap*

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:30, Reply)
Tits, missed the qotw.
b3ta.com/questions/unreasonablecruelty/post2020377
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:30, Reply)
dodgy opening line Noley old chap

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:31, Reply)
wait I read the rest of it...
WTF?
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:36, Reply)
W.T. actual F.?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:32, Reply)
Yup.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:37, Reply)
Yet again, my efforts are overlooked

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:35, Reply)
are they ignoring your suggestions again?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:38, Reply)
Of course they are
They're intimidated by my creativity
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:40, Reply)
Well next Thursday link your Fav. and let us all vote it up

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:41, Reply)
That will give you about 6 votes judging by the amount of posters here today

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:43, Reply)
6 more than your shit deserves

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:56, Reply)
Good idea
Thanks Harts
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:45, Reply)
Hey, I'm here to help
or should that be Hare to help?
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:47, Reply)
haha i guess it should

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:50, Reply)
Alt: she said she liked it :(

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:36, Reply)
I've just had a small informal meeting with the boss of this site in his office
which also included a cold bottle of Becks
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:37, Reply)
I am sat outside the pub with a cold cider, warm sun, a gentle breeze and the cricket on in the background.
I win.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:39, Reply)
beats me :(

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:39, Reply)
Sweet

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:40, Reply)
Give me two hours and I'll be doing the same.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:40, Reply)
I'll be 6 pints ahead of you by then.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:43, Reply)
Reading this drivel, it seems plain to me that no, no they can't.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:43, Reply)
Hey, look if it isn't /ot's very own black cloud

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:44, Reply)
Racist.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:45, Reply)
fuck off, wanker

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:54, Reply)
^ Upset ^
Anyway I will do in two Mins.


*sticks tongue out*
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:57, Reply)
Can you remember what time the £3 Czech place opens? Can't be arsed to walk there if it doesn't open til 6.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:44, Reply)
lunchtime I think

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:54, Reply)
Ta.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:54, Reply)
Hey

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:45, Reply)
It's Monty dude, no point flapping your testes over this one.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:47, Reply)
*flaps faster*

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:48, Reply)
Oh, I wasn't
I meant it more in a 'Hi' type way. Perhaps I should've just said 'Hi'.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:50, Reply)
Come on, lad.
We all heard the flapping of your gargantuan scrotum, don't lie.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:50, Reply)
Heard it? You can fucking smell it at the moment

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:51, Reply)
It honks like a flock of Canada geese, TH.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:53, Reply)
I know, it's bad mate
Smells like an antelope ate pickled onions until it died.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:00, Reply)
POTD

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:07, Reply)
Hahahaha

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:27, Reply)
Yo, nig.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:50, Reply)
I knew you'd understand, Musty

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:51, Reply)
Im just hanging on for 5pm Friday, thanks.
AltAlt. NONE of those when they're all rammed (yes, even YM). I much prefer good company and alcohol in the garden.

Hate sand, the city is far too congested and awful, pools are full of kids,YM is full of crabs
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:46, Reply)
Once again you e all forgotten Chicken Thursday.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:48, Reply)
I didn't I had sweet 'N' sour chicken with rice

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:50, Reply)
it's easily done

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:50, Reply)
You could join in
with some quorn roast chicken nibbles
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:02, Reply)
I'm having chili cheese fries
Will that do?
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:51, Reply)
i dunno whetehr to make a sausage and creamy mustard pasta, with red onions and parsley
or something with chicken and bruschetta
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:09, Reply)
I'm doing king prawns with linguine and chilli.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:15, Reply)
I'm going to have lager in a lager sauce, served on a bed of wilted glass.
With a side salad of fags.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:16, Reply)
Starting with an amuse bouche of a spliff?
With a few lines of powder as a digestif?
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:19, Reply)
oooh I want this please

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:20, Reply)
Piss easy to do.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:21, Reply)
I reckon yeah

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:22, Reply)
Boil pasta. Sauté some cherry tomatoes, add prawns, garlic & chillies. Drain pasta. Mix with prawns etc. fresh black pepper. Parsley.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:24, Reply)
fuck your parsley, i'd go basil
LIKE A BOSS
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:25, Reply)
Too strong in flavour. You wouldn't taste the prawns.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:26, Reply)
I guess I have a more delicate palette than you then...

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:27, Reply)
Possibly given how much I smoke.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:28, Reply)

basil gay
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:29, Reply)
I'd go gay for you

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:33, Reply)
this makes no sense
unless you are saying i look like a man

in which case.... AND the horse you rode in on, cowboy
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:35, Reply)
Ha ha
b3ta.com/questions/unreasonablecruelty/post2020457
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:56, Reply)
Who's sock is it?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 16:58, Reply)
Possibly AB. Dunno.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:00, Reply)
swipe was certain that it was Rory earlier

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:00, Reply)
Yes but swipe is an idiot.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:02, Reply)
+ for not recognising my desperate attempts to woo her

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:03, Reply)
+ said Chompy

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:04, Reply)
*zips lips*

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:07, Reply)
at this stage that seems unlikely

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:08, Reply)
I'm not gonna lie but I heard that Chompy and Swipe did actually get together and in the morning it was like Braston pickle vs unpasturised stilton.
No clues as to who was who really but I'm wishing I was the freshly-baked bread.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:11, Reply)
hahahah
Fucking hell Noel you've brightened the place up today and for that I thank you heartily.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:14, Reply)
i think n he may be mental

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:19, Reply)
i could have sworn this was gonz

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:21, Reply)
Badoombedoombedoom.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:28, Reply)
no, i said that YOU were rory
which you are.

rory.

RORY.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:22, Reply)
alright fanta pants?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:24, Reply)
Hahahahahaha

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:24, Reply)
no, i said that you were banned
which you are.

banned.

BANNED.
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:27, Reply)
i ent never been banned or stepped
everyone loves me
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:28, Reply)
you do need an icon though
generally the quality of the poster is directly linked to the icon or lack thereof
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:29, Reply)
i am an exception to this rule and so many others in life

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:31, Reply)
You know when you've been tangoed...

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:28, Reply)
+ ,

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:29, Reply)
When someone slaps you round the face with an organic yurt?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:44, Reply)
Are you in Battered's bath?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:09, Reply)
Nah, Vincent Tabak's house innit

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:10, Reply)
234/4

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:11, Reply)
300 by the close?

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:16, Reply)
they have 25 overs to play so yeagh i reckon

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:17, Reply)

283 for 6.

First one way then the other. Like Monty's Mum.

EDIT Make that 7. :(
(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 18:26, Reply)
Yeah talking about being hot and sweaty and being sweaty in places you never knew you had and having sweaty feet and sweaty shoulders and taking your clothes off and them being hot and wet and stuff being generally damp and humid and that.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:33, Reply)
I posted in the wrong tab.

(, Thu 18 Jul 2013, 17:38, Reply)

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