1. It's a NIGHT. ONE of them. Not a week. not a weekend. No-one gives even 10% of the shit you do about your poxy wedding.
Chances are they can't stand your moose of a fiancee either.

2. UK only. See above. No cunt cares - I want to be able to get home for less than £20

3. No activities that are not eating, drinking or taking drugs. This is a good rule to apply to your entire life, you tedious wanker.

4. Wakkiness of any kind whatsoever will mean the whole thing is cancelled IMMEDIATELY. Costumes, strippers - even 'drinking games'. All are shit and if you like them, I hope you get cancer.

5. Make sure it's on a date when I genuinely can't go. I cannot be fucked to make up a lie.

Top location: staying in
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 14:57, 6 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Wow this is awkward I was going to invite you on one with me, but now, well I'm not so sure

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 14:58, Reply)

Ker-lick

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 14:59, Reply)

All points except location are completely correct.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 14:59, Reply)

this sounds as cross as someone with a wasp between their buttocks

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 14:59, Reply)

You could fit a fucking huge wasp between yours.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:01, Reply)

A whole white Anglo-saxon protestant?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:03, Reply)

with room for a long boat

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:07, Reply)

the "Queen Mary 2"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)

now you're just being inaccurate
i have an annoyingly small arse and part of the personal trainer's job is to bulk it out so i can actually wear jeans that aren't from the teenage boy section
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:09, Reply)

So what you're saying is, you're in the habit of getting into teenage boys' pants?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:10, Reply)

And - just to clarify for the sake of interest - that's a BAD thing, right?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:19, Reply)

Yes and no
given that "teenager" covers both legal and illegal ages.
Would tend towards "yes" to be on the safe side.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:22, Reply)

Very well played sir

(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:33, Reply)

I play drinking games all the time!
Admittedly, the rules are always 'Let's see how much booze you can fit in your body', but still.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:28, Reply)

Best of all the drinking games.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:29, Reply)

But it's hard!
No matter how much I practise, I still need to keep trying.
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:32, Reply)

Me too. In fact, I'm going to have another try in about 20 minutes.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:33, Reply)

Practise makes paralytic

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:35, Reply)

The "buying a round" game's a corker too.

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:30, Reply)

I'm terrible at that game

( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:32, Reply)

it's not often I agree 100% with Monty on soothing, but this is one of those rare occasions.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:38, Reply)

calming people down isn't one of his strong suits normally

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 19 Jul 2013, 15:57, Reply)