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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good afternoon you lot, did you miss me last week? I bet you did.
I spent a lot of time trying to get rid of fermenting cherries, and fending off drunken birds from the house, what’s been the weirdest week off from work for you?

Alt: I was attacked by a drunken magpie last week, have you been attacked by an animal, if so tell us so we can point and laugh.

Alt:alt: I discovered proper American style BBQ brisket last week, what have you discovered lately?
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:48, 167 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
alt
I have seen a football match in Newcastle and have experienced your pain
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:50, Reply)
Bonzodog29 is a horse now?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:54, Reply)
well your missus said I was like a horse the other night but apart from that

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:54, Reply)
Geldinglols

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:56, Reply)
ZING

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:56, Reply)
I get this

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:54, Reply)
sport lols

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:55, Reply)
A road trip from Sunderland to Hamont in Belgium
1200 miles, 4 countries, fried food and stupidly strong trappist beers
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:55, Reply)
I was given an 11% beer which had a fruit syrup swished round in the glass beforehand
The syrup was 17%. I had two and fell asleep
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:02, Reply)

YM
YM
YM
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:57, Reply)
Could someone call an ambulance
I think Batts is fitting and hitting the Y and M on his keyboard
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 13:58, Reply)
I didn't realise you were gone, I was busy.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:00, Reply)
:(

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:01, Reply)
waaaahhh

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:03, Reply)
>:(

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:04, Reply)
Alt: Not attacked, but I did have to avoid a large tortoise yesterday whilst cycling, that appeared to be being 'walked'' by its owner.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:01, Reply)
One wanking strikethrough a day is my limit, soz

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:04, Reply)
Shame, that would have been classic.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:06, Reply)
that's what happens when you get past about 25

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:06, Reply)
Fuck off, I'm not that old

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:08, Reply)
you're about 36

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:08, Reply)
Says who?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:09, Reply)
we know your oats, OATBOY

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:12, Reply)
Eh?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:13, Reply)
YER

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:14, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post939766
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:17, Reply)
not for the first time
i have absolutely no idea what i was chatting on about
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:20, Reply)
Aw look, the good old days before all the good people left.
There's even a pre-flounce battered in there.
I wonder what it was that baldmonkey did.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:23, Reply)
Ah yes, I remember it well

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:30, Reply)
Who were you in those days?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:31, Reply)
Same as now. I'm in the link too y'know

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:32, Reply)
davros linked to something to show it was quentin
didn't he, RORY?
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:33, Reply)
To show who was quentin?
link plz
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:34, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1600062
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:49, Reply)
Blimey, don't remember any of that
Ah well, fair cop bang to rights etc, you can't argue with that.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:57, Reply)
fucking hell, it's not really you, is it?
i thought you'd died in a rare helicopter/neckless incident :(
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:04, Reply)
I must be, you can't argue with facts

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:08, Reply)
i can
RORY
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:09, Reply)
Typical rswipe! *rolls eyes*

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:10, Reply)
urrrgh
don't make me hug you...
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:15, Reply)
*de-robes*
*spreads*
*makes come hither eyes*
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:36, Reply)
it's just not the same when it's not YM doing it

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:40, Reply)
You've been giving my mum naked ladyhugs?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:47, Reply)
i tried
but her nipples kept banging my kneecaps and it put me off my stroke
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:49, Reply)
+ knock

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:50, Reply)
Yeah, it wasn't empirical evidence
Only a conversation where Davvo called him quints and he responded.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:35, Reply)
It's all very confusing
I'll leave you lot alone to figure out who you all are. I'm just a longtime lurker me.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:37, Reply)
You'll always be Jim Carrey to me, Reg.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:38, Reply)
Can't even remember why I picked that name

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:42, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2045924
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:08, Reply)
Don't know any morse code, soz

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:09, Reply)
True. 7 years of problems for me.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:09, Reply)
i remember winding the boys up at uni because men reach their sexual peak at 19
if only we'd realised the implications for us too *cries*
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:13, Reply)
I'm still hoping to reach mine.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:13, Reply)
Its under your gunt

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:14, Reply)
That's not the problem, it's my little fliddy beadle arms that won't reach.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:16, Reply)
i want to do the tour of the west cemetery at highgate at some point
i was googling it, and found the following classic comment about the east cemetery:

"jeremy beadle would have been mortified to find two old ladies standing on his grave identifying him as 'the one with the funny hand'"
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:21, Reply)
Is that where he's buried?
I keep meaning to go for a wander round Highgate cemetery, looks interesting, but I keep forgetting.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:23, Reply)
yes, he's in the modern bit, apparently
it seems you can go to the east bit any time, but the older west bit is guided tour only, which you can book in advance during the week, and take pot luck at the weekend. after the west tour, you can go and look around the east.

it's kind of creepy, but kind of cool i think, and the views/wild life etc look amazing.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:28, Reply)
It looks an interesting mix of wild/creepy which I like.
I shall have to remember to go up next time I'm working at the weekend.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:29, Reply)
Just like b3ta then

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:59, Reply)
More on the creepy side here, by my reckoning.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:04, Reply)
*opens gaz box*

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:05, Reply)
What is a 'gaz'?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:06, Reply)
You were away last week?
Could have made some cherry wine... and took you clothes off, or whatever.
Always thought that song was sung by a woman.

Altalt. cooking with pastes. Essentially blending the base ingredients and adding tomatoes or stock. Nice.
Also, buying the supermarkets own.

Also recently rekindled a love for egg noodles in a wok.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:02, Reply)
Try adding carrots

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:02, Reply)
I've found I have a pear tree at the bottom of my garden
How hard would it be to make this into perry, I wonder?
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:03, Reply)
You'd look a bit of a burke if you got it wrong

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:05, Reply)
FFS

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:06, Reply)
I would look that up properly.
Very easy to poison yourself!
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:05, Reply)
Pick pears
Put Pears into Bucket
add water
Perry...

Then throw away you big nancy and get some proper drinks
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:06, Reply)
But
free!
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:13, Reply)
haha Jermaine Stewartlolz
I have made a few bottles of cherry brandy, over the last month I've been like Bubba from "Forest Gump" only with cherries instead of shrimps.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:04, Reply)
Thats about all you can do with cherries

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:05, Reply)

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2045636
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:07, Reply)
YEAH!

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:10, Reply)
my grandma used to make apple and cherry pies with ours

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:12, Reply)
done loads of them
+ crumbles, flans and the list goes on
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:52, Reply)
I might have to look into making my own spirits. Not one for beer really.
Cider and wine.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:06, Reply)
"NO HOMEBREW CHAT"!!!

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:09, Reply)
Where my homebrews at?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:10, Reply)
it makes you poor and fat
(couldn't think of a better rhyme)
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:12, Reply)
Yeah. No.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:13, Reply)
well, that doesn't rhyme
1/10

stay behind class and THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:13, Reply)
Yes ma'am I shall. What a fucking flid.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:16, Reply)
Bad idea, illegal and not safe.
You can make 20% ish rum etc with some turbo yeast but distilling becomes dangerous in terms of the amount of meths you concentrate.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:14, Reply)
there are quite a lot of reasons why distilling is dangerous. I'm not sure methanol would be my first concern.
That would probably be explodyfireydeath.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:49, Reply)
There were some good threads last week.
The weirdest week off work I had was probably the week I spent potty training little tangle.
/fobtm
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:16, Reply)
was it like a rocky montage?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:22, Reply)
There's a joke to be had here about the browneye of the tiger or summat

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:24, Reply)
Its the thrill of the shite

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:41, Reply)
Rising up to the challenge of our piles

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:42, Reply)
sorry, don't think we've met.
The name's Boyce
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:27, Reply)
Who?
35/8 yesss!!!
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:28, Reply)
are you sure?
i think it's gay hussar, myself
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:28, Reply)
I'm just havin a cup of coffee and a slice of pie

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:41, Reply)
Man, I want some pie
I have coffee though
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:42, Reply)
Corned beef pie?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:43, Reply)
Go on then

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:44, Reply)
Actually it's a lemon tart really

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:45, Reply)
THAT'S NOT A PIE!

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:46, Reply)
Lemon Meringue Pie
Fucking NOM
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:47, Reply)
Nah just a tart, soz

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:47, Reply)
*bums*

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:47, Reply)
this may be the best pudding ever

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:53, Reply)
Summer pudding takes that crown for me

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:56, Reply)
Rhubarb Crumble and Cornish clotted ice cream or GTFO

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:00, Reply)
That also sounds good
Loads of ginger in with the rhubarb
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:01, Reply)
Apple and caramel pie with custard. That is all.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:03, Reply)
you're all wrong
stewed fruit is not good
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:05, Reply)
AND YOU KNOW A FRUIT
AMIRIGHT
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:08, Reply)
I did have key lime pie
For the first time last week, it's quite nice
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:14, Reply)
What's so 'key' about it?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:14, Reply)
It locks in the flavour

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:16, Reply)
golf claps

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:17, Reply)
monKEY extract is very expensive
I had to buy it from Rebecca Loos
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:18, Reply)
You're inviting Swipe to help you eat yours?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:08, Reply)
i've seen his rhubarb

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:09, Reply)
Crum(ble)s

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:10, Reply)
If she ate my rhubarb, I'd crumble
or something
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:09, Reply)
Fuck

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:10, Reply)
No ta

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
Cock teaser :(

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:12, Reply)

cock Tyne
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:15, Reply)
Wear please

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:16, Reply)
you know when someone is hungry and says, "i could eat a monkey's miscarriage" ?
well, that's summer pudding, that is.

gross.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:04, Reply)
It's made with fucking bread. That's enough for me to tell it to piss off.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:05, Reply)
yes
soggy bread at that
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:05, Reply)
Who wants bread in a pudding? Poor people that's who.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:07, Reply)
people with no taste
see also bread and butter pudding.

GROSS.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:09, Reply)
Again, bread. Unnecessary. Have a nice sponge or something.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:11, Reply)
+ Ample

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:12, Reply)
I think you've misunderstood the point of bread and butter pudding

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:15, Reply)
Bread isn't a pudding.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:15, Reply)
Yeah
Raisins and custard will be nom
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:15, Reply)
It's very good when it's made with croissants instead of bread.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:19, Reply)
no
croissants are good when they are fresh, hot and served with melty golden butter

pudding is good when it is served WITHOUT bread or croissants
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:26, Reply)
Croissants are for breakfast.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:27, Reply)

t p reall
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:47, Reply)
lol

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:47, Reply)
Lemon tarpy?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:52, Reply)
Close enough

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:56, Reply)
I was followed down the street today by a goblin with an axe.
Norway. Still mental.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:48, Reply)
Norway?
Yes way
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:48, Reply)
accentlol

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:50, Reply)
nine pounds a fucking pint, sporters.
It's criminal.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:50, Reply)
Ouch
Enough to turn you to drink, that is
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:56, Reply)
i thought hockey season had finished?

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:50, Reply)
It's just about to start
what has that to do with Norway?
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:52, Reply)
nothing
it has everything to do with mad goblins holding an axe though...
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:53, Reply)
As Euphemisms go
I can't see that one catching on
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:55, Reply)
Goblins can play guitar, you know.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:25, Reply)
Goblin are my favourite Italian prog band.

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:27, Reply)
Look no need to get embarrassed you lot
someone must have missed me


anyone?
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:31, Reply)
I missed you hh

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:31, Reply)
Fanks

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:33, Reply)
woah

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:33, Reply)
Heeey! Look who's back!! This fucken guy, eh!!
*noogies*
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:32, Reply)
\o/
*skips in a circle*
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:35, Reply)
How long were you even away for?
Pretty sure you were posting last week.
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:36, Reply)
I did on Monday
may have done on Tuesday



ac/ Craig David
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:37, Reply)
Didn't miss you

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:40, Reply)
How rude

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:51, Reply)
I can't honestly remember if I missed you.
but I'm glad you're back
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:52, Reply)
I did.
I understand you broke your cherry?
(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:36, Reply)
*Giggles*

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:38, Reply)
NEW THREAD

(, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:59, Reply)

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