RIGHT YOU LOT
Advice please. I've got a fellow making a second viewing of my gaff today. It's on at 300k, how much should I accept from him if he makes an offer? Rory said max 5% variation which would be 285.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:27, 10 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

Rory is the expert on these matters.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:28, Reply)

Refuse to sell to him or let him in the flat
The excitement this'll create will mean you can push the price up to 350k
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:29, Reply)

I like this plan.
I could also deny that I even have a flat.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:30, Reply)

If he asks why and what you're doing just go super racist
ME NO SELL TO YOU, ME SOLLY
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:30, Reply)

I could call him GLASSHOPPER

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:30, Reply)

Especially if he's black

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:31, Reply)

If he's black, I'll break out my classic Nigerian impression
AH WOULD LAK TO SEH TO YOOOOO, EEN MAH CONTREH AH AM A PREENS.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:33, Reply)

So I'm willing to sell to you but I have to ask how many bongos you plan to keep here
We have a strict anti-bongo policy, no bongos after 10pm, will you be able to abide by these rules?
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:34, Reply)

You won't be doing any of those Voodoo ceremonies will you?
I've seen 'Live and Let Die', you can't fool me - I know what you lot get up to.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:37, Reply)

If you're going to be draining chicken blood, remember to use the outside sink
Try to keep your human sacrifices to a minimum during the working week please, you godless savage.
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:42, Reply)

Lols

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:35, Reply)

Certainly don't go straight to that price, £295 might do it
It looks cheaper that way, as not starting with a 3, ya get me?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:29, Reply)

I'm inclined to hold out for the full arksking price, I'm in no hurry

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:32, Reply)

ps sorry to keep going on about this, I know it's tedious but it's a massive deal to me

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:29, Reply)

Chuck in the Lionel Richie bust as a sweetner

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:29, Reply)

fuck that, that's a frikkin heirloom yo

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:30, Reply)

HELLOom

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Easy bruv

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:32, Reply)

299k HTH

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:31, Reply)

Flat out lie and double the amount of viewings
you've actually had.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:32, Reply)

If he stops to think, start hustling him out saying 'the next viewer can't know I've seen you, you've got to go'
Like a battered bride
NOTE not battered's bride
( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:33, Reply)

Although she did hustle him out the door pretty quickly.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:33, Reply)

her real husband was coming home

( Theoban What of it, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:35, Reply)

Ha!

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:44, Reply)

And remember the food delivery guy counts as a viewing

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:43, Reply)

always knock them back on their first offer.
Get them as close to 300 as you can. Tell them you've had an offer of 290 already. It's a seller's market innit bbz xx
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:32, Reply)

Come on now Monts, you know that haggling and bartering is uncouth and the preserve of Jewish barrow boys.
Accept the gentleman's offer politely with minimal fuss, then try to leave quickly and with dignity.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:39, Reply)

That's how I was raised.
I'm no Moroccan carpet salesman.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:40, Reply)

Offer to pay the man's fees as well.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:41, Reply)

Charge them a grand above asking, then knock them down

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 12:47, Reply)