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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good morning knobs
How can it only be Wednesday?

I've just watched the cunt opposite me pick his nose, inspect his haul and then eat it.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 7:54, 191 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Alright Knob
This weeks going quick for me.
You're always an early bird on here, and always at work late. You need to start taking care of yourself. Do you work ridiculously long hours or something?

That disgusting cunt you saw would make me boke.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 7:59, Reply)
yes I do.
For shit money and I work for a total cunt. Every day is a titanic struggle against the urge to do a Reginal Perrin.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:13, Reply)
Steady on old son. Can't you get another job?
AND DNT 4GET WE R HERE 4 U HUN XX
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:15, Reply)
I am not very employable

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:18, Reply)
*subtley taps 'BUTLER WANTED' sign*

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:22, Reply)
I'd make a splendid Jeeves type character.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:23, Reply)
Apart from my slovenliness and chronic inability to graciously accept servility.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:23, Reply)
Oh, we could work around that
Imagine the comedy moments we'd share!

"Boyce, bring the car around would you?"
"Get fucked. I'm skinning up."
"Capital"
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:25, Reply)
I'd watch that.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:27, Reply)
This has got BBC 3 written all over it
If they say no, I'll try E4.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:27, Reply)
The GOOD channels.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:28, Reply)
You forgot DAVE

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:34, Reply)
If ever there was a mark of televisual quality
the words "Exclusive to DAVE" would be right up there
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:36, Reply)
I see Dave Gorman is doing something of that ilk.
I LOVE Powerpoint presentations so I'll be sure to watch.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:38, Reply)
Oh Dave Gorman is SO FUNNY!!!
Did you hear about that time he went looking for all the people called 'Dave Gorman' he could find?? What a brilliant idea! No wonder he lived off that alone for about two years.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:40, Reply)
Haha, nearly as funny as that lolwaki prick who went round Ireland - get this - WITH A FRIDGE!!!!

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:43, Reply)
I fear I shall kill someone today.
Worst case, myself.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:43, Reply)
Do not kill yourself please.
I need your consistent jibes of GAY and PRICK to keep me going.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:44, Reply)
^ GAY PRICK

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:45, Reply)
\o/

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:46, Reply)
He's so wakki.
Googlewakki! Get it? Because he did a laborious stand up routine based around search engine antics. Classic!
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:43, Reply)
Classic Gorman!!!!

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:49, Reply)
He took a simple idea and got a bit of money and fame in return?
haha what a n00b!! I mean, who does that??!!?? You wouldn't catch me in that rat trap, man. Strictly nine two five, good honest underpaid work. No flies on me guv etc, etc
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:55, Reply)
He's probably a secret Jew, Reg.
They run the world, you know.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:04, Reply)

J Keanu R
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:25, Reply)
Pardon?
Ninja flid.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:26, Reply)
Dust in the wind, dude
Dust....Wind.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:27, Reply)
Go ahead, invent a tasty spicy sauce

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:15, Reply)
Fucking what??
Where are you? At work?
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:00, Reply)
I am going to say
In front of a mirror
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:06, Reply)
Oof!

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:21, Reply)
yes

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:16, Reply)
Bloody savages
I tell my son off for doing that. If he continues doing it into his adulthood I shall have him committed.
Good morning Montle...I hope you are well.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:20, Reply)
Apparently
and please note the apparently, It is good for children to do it as it helps the immune system,
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:52, Reply)
Morn.
ING.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:19, Reply)
Hello hello hello!
Are you well?
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:21, Reply)
Very well.
I've gotta go pick up a chainsaw in a bit to help destroy some trees. I'm really really looking forward to it.
Are you well? How's the extension coming?
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:22, Reply)
Sweet. I've never handled a chainsaw. I probab'y shouldn't to be honest.
Yeah, so far so good. Concrete base is down, they've made a start on one wall. I think the pipes and screed are going down today. It's all happening! My house is going to be proper!!
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:24, Reply)
Awesome!
I've got a new shed arriving on Friday, gonna run some cables to it for power and make it a man palace.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:25, Reply)
YEAH!
I think we're going to be gutting our garden next year. Now that we're making the back of the house look house, we'd better improve the garden.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:26, Reply)
I am suffering this morning; revenge of the scotch bonnets.
ouch.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:09, Reply)
I hope you don't strain to hard causing a rectal prolapse and uncontrolled bleeding ultimately leading to your painful death on the bathroom floor covered in blood and feces in a house fire
Alright?
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:15, Reply)
Yeah. You alright?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:19, Reply)
A little hungover, very demotivated to work
But apart from that, alright
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:20, Reply)
Should've put some wet wipes in the fridge the night before

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:20, Reply)
Morning hippy knob
Console yourself with the thought that if he keeps rooting around in his nostrils like that eventually the inside of his nose might just cave in.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:13, Reply)
Morning mince, I have a 9am conference call and then 2 hour meeting \o/

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:16, Reply)
I eat my own nose pickings. It's a grim habit I can't seem to shake.
I met a family last night who had named their son Cava. What do you think of that?
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:18, Reply)
Honestly?
There's nothing in your post that I don't find appalling.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:19, Reply)
Yeah.
Gross innit.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:20, Reply)
It'll be a bit confusing if he ever goes to France

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:19, Reply)
Oh Windy. YUCK. How can you do that? Eurgh.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:19, Reply)
It's horrid. I have a problem

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:20, Reply)
hells bells
You shan't recover from this
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:22, Reply)
Can you still love me?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:22, Reply)
Of course
But will I still like you? That's the question.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:26, Reply)
You filthy pig!
Alright.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:33, Reply)
Yeah. I'm alright.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:57, Reply)
Good lad.
*wipes brow, stops worrying*
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:59, Reply)
Morning all
I have to travel to Manchester and talk about 3D printing advances to a customer who bought a machine so long ago I think he paid in guineas.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:19, Reply)
That sounds dreadful
Manchester.....urgghh
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:27, Reply)
And it's raining..
All the more depressing
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:28, Reply)
I believe that's normal in Mancland

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:33, Reply)
Not just normal - compulsory!

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:46, Reply)
I've just done my second poo of the day

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:35, Reply)
I've only done one
But it was very satisfying. hth x
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:36, Reply)
I've only done one
But it required a second flush!
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:42, Reply)
In my humble opinion, I would say this is a better feat than doing two.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:46, Reply)
:(

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:47, Reply)
Hey, I'm just an ordinary guy
With an extraordinary bowel
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:47, Reply)
must be all that alfalfa you eat

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:49, Reply)
TELL ME MORE ABOUT
YOUR SECOND POO OF THE DAY
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:37, Reply)
i think it was really just some leftover from the first one

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:46, Reply)
Sooo, not really two then.
You're just not doing it right.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:48, Reply)
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOUR APPROVAL
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:49, Reply)
Poo properly.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:49, Reply)
this^
2 more mins quiet sit will result in a better shite experience
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:56, Reply)
you know what mornings are like in a household with children

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:58, Reply)
No.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:59, Reply)
you don't, sporters does
he brought his entire extended family over from Pakistan when he moved here
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:00, Reply)
Flats above corner shops *are* quite big, you know.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:02, Reply)
OK "Jarvis Cocker"

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:05, Reply)
I'm sorry.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:06, Reply)
Here's a thought:
imagine the misunderstandings you'd get into in Newcastle if your name was Sergei.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:38, Reply)
Newcastle is the only place where people cheer when told of a devastating tidal wave.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:44, Reply)
This is a sportball joke isn't it?
I love those!!
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:46, Reply)
i don't get it tbh

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:46, Reply)
I fear young gammon-digits here is punning on the chant 'Toon army', bellowed by bull-necked builders in vests, in the snow.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:47, Reply)
^^tggi

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:51, Reply)
This only turned up around 1992 as a "thing"
Prior to that, I'd never heard of "the toon" or the "toon army"
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:55, Reply)
What are your thoughts on the ownership of the fog on the Tyne?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:56, Reply)
They can have it

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:57, Reply)
I don't really mind the picking your nose bit, if needs must and all that.
But eating it is pretty objectionable.
I suggest you force him to eat his earwax if you catch him doing it again.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:41, Reply)
eff that he'll be eating MY earwax

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:42, Reply)
are you one of those people that sticks their bogeys underneath tables?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:47, Reply)
Nah, I'm a flicker.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:48, Reply)

cker d
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:48, Reply)
No way, Tango saves his, he's making an eco-cycle out of them.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:48, Reply)
Bogey power is the future of sustainable energy, you mark my words.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:49, Reply)
I accidentally bought a Calvin Klein Macintosh yesterday

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:53, Reply)
'Pop-able' collar I hope.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:54, Reply)
it's massive

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:55, Reply)
Thanks, I know.
But answer the collar question please.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:57, Reply)
your poo?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:59, Reply)
Which one? The first bit, or the second bit that's just part of the first one left over?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:01, Reply)
WHY ARE YOU TORMENTING ME?!

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:05, Reply)
IM FLIRTING

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:06, Reply)
well this is awkward

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:07, Reply)
LOL not really.
You're a knob.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:07, Reply)

:(
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:10, Reply)
Carry on - I've got the jester's shoes.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:11, Reply)
You have Dozer's shoes?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:13, Reply)
I wanted to be able to judge him, so walked a mile in them.
Now they're mine. MINE, I TELL YOU!
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:22, Reply)
LOL not really.
You're the best one here.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:11, Reply)
We are soooo over.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:12, Reply)
Oh man! Dumped again!

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:13, Reply)
^TGGI^

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:15, Reply)
lol

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:01, Reply)
I have no idea
I'm on a half day today for calf 2 nursery stuff. This afternoon I will be buying a Spiderman birthday cake

Punch him in the face then watch him pick slugs of congealing blood out
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 8:56, Reply)
This week is dragging heavier than your mum on those scrawny little doobies she rolls.
This morning at 0545hrs I ran past a young gentleman who was smoking a skunk cannabis-flavoured cigarette. At 5-45! I ask you! He should have been in bed.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:00, Reply)
why were you running at 5.45?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:01, Reply)
'the feds' were after his 'stash'

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:02, Reply)
To try and get a cheap hit off someone else's gear.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:10, Reply)
OH MAN! I'm such a gimp
Y'know if I saw the word beta I WOULD rhyme it with Peter as in Petermax, but I've always had b3ta in my head as baiter. FUCK! I got it all wrong man! Why dint I look at the effayecuze at the start! What a n00b!!!

No, hang on, it I was talking about beta testing I think I'd say that as baiter but I dont fucking know now cause im thinking about it too much. I dunno, I feel theres only one course of action here.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:14, Reply)
also, theres nowt in the effayecuze about the constipated nostril guy
thats why i was there
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:14, Reply)
i originally called it B- threeta

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:15, Reply)
MARSTER LOOKE!!! OH MY!!

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:16, Reply)
^ STAR TREK ^

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:16, Reply)
wot?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:17, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2093237
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:18, Reply)
Yeah, a friend of mine says bee-three-tee-ay
And they allow him to teach children.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:17, Reply)
yeah, you say that, but what are the rules for pronouncing words with numbers in them?
are they even words?
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:18, Reply)
N0

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:18, Reply)
they are for cretins

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:19, Reply)
I think 'baiter' would be how one of those American people might say it

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:18, Reply)
thats what i was afraid of

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:18, Reply)
In fairness I think the perceived correct pronunciation of the Ancient Greek letter b *IS* bayta

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:22, Reply)
But that's also a bit 'merican, therefore shit.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:24, Reply)
But we are not Ancient Greeks
In English it is pronounced /ˈbi:tə/
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:28, Reply)
this just gets worse
now how do you pronounce a forward-slash?
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:29, Reply)

oxforddictionaries.com/words/key-to-pronunciation
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:32, Reply)
fucken hell, lifes too short for that man, soz

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:52, Reply)
Just say it.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:32, Reply)
NO YOUN FUCKEN SAY IT

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:52, Reply)
Hang on, did you think the b3ta image hosting site was pronounced 'baytards'?
That's a bit raytarded Reg.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:21, Reply)
i cannot tell a lie Mince, youve got me bang to rights here
i've gone and done the honorable thing:


(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:25, Reply)
haha

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:25, Reply)
that's jaynius

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:34, Reply)
Hang on, he's called us all knobs

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:24, Reply)
Yep
Except me of course. I'm exempt. But the rest of you are knobs. Sorry.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:28, Reply)
i definitely am

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:29, Reply)
That's right.
I didn't mean you - I meant these knobs.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)
*fist bumps*
*steals mobile phone*
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:35, Reply)
I was fairly confident he wasn't including me in that.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:29, Reply)
Precisely the kind of mistake a knob would make

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)
Yeah, not me though. I'm a 'gay prick'.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:30, Reply)
Oh man I've lost the lid for my pen
could this day get any worse :(
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:24, Reply)
Probably not.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:26, Reply)
it's ok I found it
are you doing some landscaping/tree surgery while you wait for the sparky stuff to kick off or do you do electrics witha chainsaw?
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:27, Reply)
I just hope you don't accidentally throw something away you meant to keep.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:27, Reply)
I have an IT question is Kroney around?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:30, Reply)
I'm not sure that classes as an IT question

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:30, Reply)
I know IT! Ask me

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)
i only really like to ask Kroney tbh

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)
Whats the problem?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:35, Reply)
He's lost the on button again

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:38, Reply)
Its just next to the Any key

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:38, Reply)
If it's 'How do you get a pen lid from under a keyboard?' that isn't really IT.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)
I could make it IT

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:32, Reply)
You should make it IT innit.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:34, Reply)
FUck Kroney
I'm the best at IT round here.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Incoming Tomes?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:46, Reply)
Morning you fargin bastidges. I'll put your bells in a sling.

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:40, Reply)
Do you think it's time for a new thread?

(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:42, Reply)
done
and if you say "my daughter", i'll shoot you with a pizza. that's not a funny answer, and truth has no place here.
(, Wed 18 Sep 2013, 9:45, Reply)

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