Hi kids.
I'm starting a thread but I have nothing to ask and nothing to say.

You're on your own
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 7:55, 112 replies, latest was 12 years ago)

I'm always on my own, blah blah, depressed, blah blah *sobs and whimpers* etc.
You get the idea!

+ ELLODEREMON
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 7:58, Reply)

ELLODERE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:35, Reply)

Well this is good, monty
Really good.

So Rory has now flounced over a bit of teasing. God some people are so SENSITIVE.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 7:59, Reply)

sicksicksicksick
sicksicksicksick
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:02, Reply)

LOOK, I'M NOT VERY WELL AND I'D APPRECIATE A LITTLE SYMPATHY, MONTY
If that IS your real name
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:29, Reply)

I'm flouncing real life today over the unfair working conditions
i.e. they expect me to do my job and its the first week of term. Freshers week AKA bunch of entitled pricks week.

Highlights so far - 1. Daddy phones to complain his precious one hasn't got wireless in her room. We told him that the rooms in the cheaper halls don't have wireless but an ethernet cable is provided. He threatens to pay someone to install wireless in her room and send us the bill because his precious one shouldn't have to use a cable. 2. Student requests his money back on his freshers wristband because he didn't realise that it only got you free entry to all the event before 10pm and I quote "Going out before 10pm is not something I am preconditioned too"

I fucking hate students
( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:20, Reply)

Easy answer to 1
Buy wireless router herself, connect to laptop wired once only, log into admin menu, disable DHCP, log out, disconnect laptop, plug router into Ethernet cable, use wireless. Simples.

May have left step 1 "don't be a cunt" out.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:25, Reply)

Nope
We don't allow it. Someone tried that one last year. They paid for their internet, attached a router and then sold it cut price to the other people in his block. We noticed there was an unauthorised bit of kit attached within hours and disconnected it. These days we have device registration before they can use any kit on the network.
( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Isn't there something in the International Bill of Human Rights ensuring that all children have the right to a wireless internet connection?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:35, Reply)

Yeh but we got Russia to veto it or something

( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:36, Reply)

What a nice totalitarian university you work for
Why the fuck can't someone have wireless if they want it?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:55, Reply)

Cos its not free
see above
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:11, Reply)

Just give each room a phone line, they can sort the rest

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:23, Reply)

Each room has a phone but they are all Cisco VOIP phones
They plug the computer in to the back of the phone.
( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:25, Reply)

I think you have over complicated things
give them all a box room with a mattress on the floor, a chair in the corner and a bin. Give them one power socket and a phone line. They can sort the rest.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:29, Reply)

Also a lot of wireless routers have switches built in to them
And if you plugged an unconfigured switch in to a routed network it can cause all sorts of issues.
( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:24, Reply)

shut up and fix it IT monkey

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:25, Reply)

I'm no longer an IT monkey
I don't do the fixing anymore.
( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:27, Reply)

Indeed
which is why you turn DHCP off before connecting it to the network, or it will proper bugger things up.

You might get away with a proper wireless access point (extender) rather than a router, though, bit more expensive but more designed for the job.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:39, Reply)

Which is why we don't allow students with no knowledge of DHCP to connect their shit to the network.

( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Christ alive, I hate people.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:25, Reply)

Tell him that you are preconditioned to punch him in the face repeatedly before pouring petrol all over him & setting him on fire.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:27, Reply)

To be honest the first one annoyed me the most because she got daddy to phone me.
She's a fucking adult for fucks sake.
( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:34, Reply)

One of my staff has his mother call in sick for him when he has 'migraines'. He's two weeks older than me.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:35, Reply)

68?

( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:36, Reply)

I LIKED THIS JOKE IN 68 BUT IT WAS THE WHOLE PACKAGE

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:37, Reply)

Weirdly, playing darts seems to bring these 'attacks' on.
Everytime he has a match, he gets these debilitating migraines the next day. It's most peculiar.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:37, Reply)

How odd

( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:40, Reply)

One of those 'medical mysteries' you read about.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:40, Reply)

alright Montosaurus
Is your mobile on the blink?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:25, Reply)

Oh man
Where's your dignity?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:26, Reply)

same place as your self control where food's concerned

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:29, Reply)

There's a 'joke' here that I'm failing to get, I suspect.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:30, Reply)

I am implying you are screening his desperate pleas for attention OFFLINE

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:31, Reply)

I meant his post not yours.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Awwwwwww

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:42, Reply)

Errr...no?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:26, Reply)

Needy needy texts just too annoying eh?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:30, Reply)

He's not sent any texts recently, that I'm aware of.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:33, Reply)

That anonymous picture of a baby gerbil you received?
That ain't a gerbil
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Course he hasn't

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:44, Reply)

Cool thread Monts

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:31, Reply)

And it just got a whole lot cooler
Ice blue cool!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:32, Reply)

YEAH!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:32, Reply)

Wait, ice isn't blue

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:33, Reply)

It can be if you get enough of it

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:57, Reply)

Can anyone else smell curdled yak's milk and tofu all of a sudden?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:33, Reply)

Can you smell it and all?
I can't seem to trace the source of it, but I've been smelling it for ages.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:35, Reply)

man alive Mince, like Battered designing a pub you're setting the bar pretty low this morning
word on the street has it that whilst clipping your tagnuts last night the gravitational pull of your hoover snout caused your clippings to fly through the air like enthusiastic shitty sperm looking for a home in your nasal shaft.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:37, Reply)

Reg's street updates are also available as a BBC audiobook priced just £19.99

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:38, Reply)

Read by Reg himself, or is it Martin Jarvis?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:41, Reply)

Willie Rushton.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:43, Reply)

Morning Monts
Today isn't going to be much fun, but I'm being fed some austrian food by a friend tonight, simply because I fixed their laptop last week. Should be good.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:42, Reply)

I hope you like cabbage.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:43, Reply)

and sausage
But I think its a given that AA likes the sausage IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...

In other news morning all
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:51, Reply)

alright Bonz

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:52, Reply)

yeah not too bad,
might wallow in some self pity later just for giggles.
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:54, Reply)

Don't mind it too much at all
Might have an ale or two, stink out the office tomorrow.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:54, Reply)

Platypus egg omelettes*


*omelettes are shit regardless if the animal from which the eggs were sourced
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:14, Reply)

Of course he likes cabbage HE HANGS ROUND ON HERE WITH YOU LOT LOLOLOLOL

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:19, Reply)

what, kangaroo steaks and wombat tails?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:48, Reply)

I had a text from Jeff last night which made me jealous.
He's been given the box set of Lovejoy for his birthday.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:55, Reply)

In my office I've a box and two bags of my father's stuff which he couldn't carry back to the US after his stint at Oxford.
Much of it books. I'm supposed to tell him the cost so he can reiumburse me. At a guess, £100.

I shall tell him this cost whilst I'm thanking him for my 40th birthday present from him. A shiny almost-new £20 note.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 8:58, Reply)

I'd guess it'll cost at least a pony

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:00, Reply)

I don't trust squirrels.
They're all fluffy and cute but they're actually complete bastards.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:02, Reply)

uh oh! Vag is here with another one of his zany takes on life!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:03, Reply)

I'd be interested to hear his take on airline food.
And possibly humorous differences between black people and white people.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:04, Reply)

You see white people drive Iike this
Bit black people drive like this!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:06, Reply)

Haha it's funny because it's true!

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:08, Reply)

Uh-oh!
It seems Monty's hitting the sarcasm button early today!

I'll back out - I was just having a bit of a laugh.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:19, Reply)

Sorry Vag, I didn't mean to be rude.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:20, Reply)

Squirrels are crazy
one might even say NUTS...
(Bonzodog29 is an unemployed sponge of the worst kind, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:05, Reply)

They are completely conkers

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:06, Reply)

I like 'em. Sometimes I feed them chips.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:06, Reply)

Fattening them up for the pot eh?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:11, Reply)

Saves doing veg when they already have a tum full of spuds.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:14, Reply)

Did you know that if you catch a grey squirrel its illegal to let it go.

( Peej, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:22, Reply)

Morning Monty.
How's it hanging? And what are your views on the state of the world this morning?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:13, Reply)

It's shit.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Misty ain't it?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:13, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:14, Reply)

dunno
you hum it, i'll play it
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:14, Reply)

Magic Donkey!!!
oh man, classic bayta!!!
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:14, Reply)

Bayta should tit off because it's a twuntflanging monkeybadger!!!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:15, Reply)

Hello new person. Please read our <a href="http://www.b3ta.com/features/faq/">FAQ</a>. Cheers.

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:16, Reply)

well thats a shit secret code

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:17, Reply)

This place must have been coded by a right wee-wee tapir!!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:18, Reply)

so what kind of cunt used that secret code on purpose, like without being all ironic n shit?
i aint seen anyone do that before
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:29, Reply)

A massive fuckin cunt.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)

Fuck this shit, I'm going back to bed.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:19, Reply)

Morning anal?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:24, Reply)

NO REAL NAMES

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)

Sorry Tymon.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:40, Reply)

have intolerant people ever shouted silly things like "THREADWASTE" at you?
apparently you dont have to worry about people doing that over on /talk. WHAT A RELIEF
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)

you might just find that the talk board moves at a slower pace and is a nicer place to chat

( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:31, Reply)

This is definately my view of /talk

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:34, Reply)

I'm gonna fill in some holiday time sheets now

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:33, Reply)

Finally a thread that I can get behind.
Morning everyone.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:34, Reply)

are you calling this thread gay?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:35, Reply)

Don't be daft.
Bi-curious at best.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:37, Reply)

alright Fizzy

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 24 Sep 2013, 9:36, Reply)