i don't
but this particular friend can guff for 30 seconds straight, it's most perturbing.

as for men.... i have some friends whose blokes get out of bed and leave the room in the night to be polite, and others whose blokes think dutch ovening is hilarious. men are a funny lot.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:23, 3 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

I just let rip these days.
I used to go out to the bathroom, or at least leave the room. Not anymore. Fart city in the pig house.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:25, Reply)

i suppose you are teh windy pig
how soon into seeing the other pig did you start this charming practice?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:26, Reply)

It's only been the last year or so.
So she got 3 years odd of me being nice. Although she did say I fart in my sleep sometimes, so I may have been doing it rudely and never knew.
( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)

you sound like a decent sort of bloke
well, for the first 3 years.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)

Like you've never done a fanny fart in your life.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:33, Reply)

A Muff Chuff

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

i can honestly say that this has never happened to me

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

pfffft
Either your previous conquests are built like gnats or you've got a melted welly top "downstairs"
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)

I have clicked 'I like this!'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 11:10, Reply)

I can only assume you've had a pressure-equalising vent fitted to your vajoo then
that, or you're spending too much time with underendowed men.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

hang on, i thought it was the other way around
small cocks cause them, as air gets pumped in with them?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)

nope.
air always gets pumped in. small cocks allow it to come out again.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:41, Reply)

oh
well, it's never happened to me, and i have quite a few friends who say it's never happened to them either. maybe we are all shagging men with small dicks.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

Or you are some kind of anomoly
and your friends are all liars?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:43, Reply)

girls don't lie to each other about that sort of stuff
we are alarmingly graphic.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:44, Reply)

bollocks.
You are alarmingly graphic about certain things. You lie like bankers about others.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

haha, not to each other!
some of my texts to/from my best friend read like a gynaecologist/sex therapist's hand book.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

Oh, you do.
I promise you. I mean, "you" singularly might not be. But some of your friends are.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:47, Reply)

interesting
so it's caused by big cocks? what about vajay size, would being exceptionally small stop it? or flapping flaps?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:48, Reply)

How can you be so clueness as to the simple mechanics
whilst at the same time being a dirty old tart?

Air gets pushed in. It's released when there's room. Usually when the obstruction has been removed. If there is room around the obstruction for the air to escape slowly, no queefing.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:52, Reply)

i am too busy laughing at dirty old tart to take the offence that is required, here
so by that logic, surely someone with an elephant's ear would queef a lot more than someone with a mouse's ear
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:54, Reply)

nope, tighter fannies queef more than looser ones
because looser ones allow the air to escape all the time, so no build up and no queef.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:55, Reply)

No, wrong way around.
A bucket would allow air to escape around the penis. For somebody with a small opening to not queef, they're either fucking tiny cocked guys, or they're lying/tragically deluded about the scale of their fishwhistle.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:56, Reply)

i am sure you are wrong about this
both of you.

but it is true that both the bedshitter and greggs had rather petit cocks, so maybe not.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:58, Reply)

We are both correct.

( Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 11:01, Reply)

yeuch
i'm glad it's never happened to me, anyway. human bodies are disgusting.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 11:02, Reply)

So are you admitting to having a bucket here?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 11:03, Reply)

I'm guessing she falls into the "tragically deluded" camp, here.

( Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)

nah, quite the opposite
it's proven a problem on some occasions
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 11:05, Reply)

Of COURSE it's happened to all of them.
This is precisely the same as women saying they never fart.
( Kroney, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:44, Reply)

cf. Fat people who "only eat salad"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:45, Reply)

CHIPS ARE POTATOES AND POTATOES ARE VEGETABLES

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

i'm getting quite disturbed by this now

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

Anyone who didn't fart
would be dead.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:46, Reply)

I like your SCIENCE here
There are fanny farts because of my massive cock.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:42, Reply)

*finger guns*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:43, Reply)

One of the joys of living on my own is dropping my guts whenever I wish.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)

charming
just.... charming
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)

You should see the state of his kitchen floor

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)

Once I managed to fart the tune of 'We buy any car dot com'.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:30, Reply)

We buy any car dot com The Shite of the Bum-blebee
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:32, Reply)

people fart.
some people need to get the fuck over it. leaving the room in the middle of the night to be polite? fuck's sake. Maybe on a first date, but as soon as you accept the relationship is going somewhere, accept that both parties have bodily functions. Anything else is frankly repressed.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)

but......... it's gross!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:27, Reply)

no, it's not.
It's a perfectly normal bodily function.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)

you might as well expect someone to leave the bloody room to sneeze.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:30, Reply)

yeah, for the fartER
but what about the poor fartEE, stuck inhaling it? if there is a disproportion in the number of guffs per evening, and let's face it, how could there not be... it's not fair.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:31, Reply)

If your arse-trumpets are particularly vile smelling
it might indeed be polite not to subject other people to them

Otherwise, frankly, people need to grow the fuck up and stop being repressed little children.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

just because it counts as foreplay in scotland

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:35, Reply)

I wouldn't know, I've never pulled anyone Scottish.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:35, Reply)

I once pulled an "Elva"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

but presumably by having sex in scotland, that by nature makes it scottish sex?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:38, Reply)

needs MOAR IrnBru lube

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

I'm pretty sure it doesn't
In the same way that having sex in a field isn't the same as fucking a sheep.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:40, Reply)

but it would still be outdoor sex
same way as you might not be scottish, but mini badger is. location is important.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:43, Reply)

If geographical location pre-defines type of sex
then you're screwed in Greece.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:45, Reply)

"we invented it"
as the owner of our local taverna says to me, repeatedly.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:47, Reply)

fucking small boys in the arse? why yes, they did.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:48, Reply)

i think that's what he meant
despite protesting that he was totally straight
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:50, Reply)

This sounds like a fumble in a chip shop in the Grass Market

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:49, Reply)

I'm not sure there even is a chipper down there any more.
I dunno, I tend to avoid it like the plague. There's only so much sexual assualt from fat geordie hen dos you can handle.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:56, Reply)

so, two a week for you, then?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:59, Reply)

It's what keeps my relationship with mrs tangle strong
Neither of us could be bothered to go through that pretending not to fart business with someone new.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:28, Reply)

^TGGI.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:29, Reply)

I take great pleasure in farting at the dog when she rests her head in my lap.
She has been known to wander off in disgust.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:34, Reply)

hahahaha!
I'm giggling away and having to hide behind my monitors, thanks
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:36, Reply)

Ha.

( Windy Pig I'm naturally quite suspicious about the moon., Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:37, Reply)

i knew farts would find a humour level with the men around here...

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 10:39, Reply)

My dad used to blame the dog for HIS farts so often that it got to the point that if the dog heard someone drop one, it would get up and leave the room.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 14 Oct 2013, 11:11, Reply)