I don't like the cut of that thread's jib
and if you start talking about cars 'hardly heard' I'll fucken jib you, you cunt

Say someone invades your home what have you got to defend yourself with? We can't all be Mince with our samurai swords and hoover snouts, so whats first to hand for you mere mortals?

Alt: Have you ever not felt the benefit?

Altalt: Get yer drinks orders in fer the baych here folks, I;ve got the memory of a fucken feckless cunt so I need to print shit out.
( Reginald Donkeyfuck, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:35, 60 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Gorra sword in the corner
YEAH YEAH INTERNET WANKER but my work gave it me, they give us swords as a 5 year 'hooray for not getting fired' thing
( Theoban What of it, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:38, Reply)

theoban yesterday
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:46, Reply)

Where the fuck do you work?
I got to expense £500s worth of stuff for my 5 year bonus
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:53, Reply)

I got a fucking pen for 10 years here
A.FUCKING.PEN.
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:03, Reply)

Shit company lols
This place gave me £3k just for starting...that was pre recession though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:04, Reply)

I went up £15,000 in just over 3 years here though

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:05, Reply)

Lots to be said about the YTS programme

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:08, Reply)

YMs programme has over 9 million viewers

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:10, Reply)

If your on about Nakers sperm don't bother he shoots Blanks

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:13, Reply)

Shame his milkman doesn't, really

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:14, Reply)

He really thinks his daughter is that colour because she likes chocolate milkshake

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:17, Reply)

i have swords and guns and things but they're not real
I did once think there was an intruder and carried a heavy tripod (with spike legs) just in case

alt: yes, if you get too cold you have no body heat left to warm your coat
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:36, Reply)

Alt:alt: I'll email you my drink order so you can print it out

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:39, Reply)

I keep a extended remix of "Whos Gonna Take You Home Tonight" to combat any home invaders
I can't remember who it's by
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:42, Reply)

I've got a nice set of kitchen knives to go all Michael Myers on you.
If my rogue cat doesn't scratch your eyes out first.


alt. Pop your jacket off until you are outside.

altalt. I'll have a gin, thanks. Bitter lemon or tonic.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:42, Reply)

Talking of bitter lemons, has Monty spoken to his mum's about his troubles?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:44, Reply)

Yourn alive!
Does mince have new troubles on top of his old troubles and current troubles?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:54, Reply)

Yeah he has to put up with the random postings of a BENT SPASTIC
That poor sod just can't get a break in life
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:56, Reply)

Whereas you've had a break from your job AND your wife \o/

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:57, Reply)

Yeah somebody had to control the queue for YM

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:00, Reply)

I have several cushions with sharp corners

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:45, Reply)

PUB!
What kind of cunt has the bathroom downstairs?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:52, Reply)

Are you answering the right thread????

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:54, Reply)

I don't really bother with the actual questions tbh

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:55, Reply)

How was your holiday?

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:56, Reply)

Too long ago
But excellent thanks
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:58, Reply)

Not David Wier

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:03, Reply)

Alt: yeah, it's all those work shy povvo cunts that get it instead

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:52, Reply)

Anyone that says omeega instead of omega should be shot

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:56, Reply)

You said it twice, we all you know you mouth the words as you type
does that mean we can use a fully loaded 1912 colt 45 and unload the whole chamber in you?
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 15:59, Reply)

I unloaded in your mum last night

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:01, Reply)

You probs unload several times a day thinking about Dale Winton (whilst in public spaces)

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:09, Reply)

Supermarket Weeps

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:09, Reply)

Most wonder why at the start of the day he has normal trousers, but by the end of the day they look like....
Urban camouflage fatigues
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:12, Reply)

"Pre-Come On Down!"

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:14, Reply)

Yeah he does still carry the sword* for Joey Deacon
*By sword I mean laminated photo
( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:16, Reply)

A full set of teeth and an erection that could cleave granite
Pint of lager, squire. Non of the cheap Fosters/Carling shite though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:05, Reply)

ite
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:08, Reply)

sh?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:09, Reply)

gran

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:10, Reply)

INORITE
/pedant
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:13, Reply)

Is it possible to garrote someone with a mouse cable?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:09, Reply)

Yep
Err, I mean possibly.....
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:09, Reply)

If it's less that 30m long it's possible

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:10, Reply)

30m long and I'd have already used it as an escape rope

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:15, Reply)

Bit silly really if you live in a bungalow

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:18, Reply)

Unless you use it as a zip wire

( hartley hare Just some prick who thinks it doesn't apply to him, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:20, Reply)

Blimey, how big are your trousers?

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:30, Reply)

Sometimes not just possible but entirely desirable.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:15, Reply)

i posted in teh wrong place
I am tired. Bring me a pint of tasty brown beer
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 16:42, Reply)

where is everyone?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 17:02, Reply)

Spazmaloids, the lot of you!

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Wed 16 Oct 2013, 17:14, Reply)