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rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So who else is a shut in tonight and what is your excuse?
My excuse is micro is asleep upstairs.
What excuses do you use regularly & why?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 19:52,
139 replies,
latest was 12 years ago)
im at a gig 1p!
Illbe be at the axe shortly by mylonesome
(
Reginald Donkeyfuck, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 19:58,
Reply)
Sorry we all let you down for your first B4sh.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:03,
Reply)
Did nobody turn up?
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:33,
Reply)
My excuse is cask strength Glenlivet.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:04,
Reply)
I don't drink spirits, so wouldn't know if that was a good drop or not. How good is it?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:05,
Reply)
Pretty nice. Traces of honey so sweetish.
54% so sip gently!
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:11,
Reply)
Ah. A strong one then.
Do you mix it with anything? My father once said 'does it say cordial on a bottle of scotch? No. So don't you dare dilute it'.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:14,
Reply)
Nope
Some people like water with it which is fair enough, but I prefer neat.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:23,
Reply)
Ice?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:25,
Reply)
Never tried it in whisky tbh
again a matter of taste.
water, ice etc is supposed to change the taste and so on but I can't be arsed messing...
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:28,
Reply)
Dozer claims to be a whisky 'expert'.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:30,
Reply)
So do a lot of people, including my dad
Same as with music, it's all down to personal taste and people talk a lot of bollocks based on their own tastes. My dad has some whisky that's worth nearly £1k a bottle, but that's only cos of rarity, not cos he likes it all that much. Collectors of stuff can be the most boring people on earth.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:35,
Reply)
The Japanese spend stupid amounts on the stuff.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:37,
Reply)
Yup, whisky is the UKs second biggest export after arms, or something like that.
Even ahead of oil or anything else.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:39,
Reply)
Really?
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:41,
Reply)
Just looked it up, not quite!
2nd biggest Scottish export after oil, £4.27 billion last tax year, apparently.
(
localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:52,
Reply)
the Japanese make pretty good whisky as well
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:01,
Reply)
where do I describe myself as an expert?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:02,
Reply)
It's in your manner and bearing Plummy.
You're a natural!
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:23,
Reply)
I just know what I like and why I like it.
People are far more likely to want to learn about things they like, so I've learned about whisky. I'm far from expert though.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:28,
Reply)
Ahm in.
Don't need an excuse, it's where I want to be.
Three issues of Time to catch up on.
That'll do me
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:36,
Reply)
Time is an excellent magazine. As is The Economist - regardless of personal political views.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:37,
Reply)
Reading from a USA perspective gives me a slightly different view on things.
Although whenever I express a view I'm Fucken Daily Mail reader.
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:26,
Reply)
I've been out
and now I'm back
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:01,
Reply)
I avoided an awful Halloween party Down the pub and I couldn't be bothered galavanting around elsewhere, when I can be safely tucked up at home awaiting the hurricanes about to obliterate my house.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:15,
Reply)
haha you prick
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:17,
Reply)
Says he posting on the internet, as usual, as he has no friends or life.
*sad fives*
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:19,
Reply)
i think we should have a big old hypocritical
bitchfest about how each of us isn't out shagging random *gender of choice* and drinking lots of beers and taking lots of drugs and making fools of ourselves and drowning in a pool of our own vomit and blood while trying to get our underwear back on
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:21,
Reply)
Or as I call it 'my twenties'
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:22,
Reply)
At least I have a genuine reason, by having my two year old daughter here.
(
Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:25,
Reply)
I think 'not being bothered about going out just because it's Saturday' is just as valid a reason.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:26,
Reply)
it's Friday nights I can't do any more.
I only go out to clubs on Fridays if I'm changing records in exchange for drinks and money.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:31,
Reply)
I only really go 'out' out on Saturdays, but I prefer Fridays as you have two days to recover.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:33,
Reply)
yer I know what you mean.
Saturday nights usually involve a couple of grams of mdma, deep house, afterparty and getting to bed at 10am.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36,
Reply)
I only *really* drink these days as I dunno when to stop.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39,
Reply)
I only stop when I run out.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39,
Reply)
My twenties were tip top.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:25,
Reply)
Decadent times 'innit frere'
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:27,
Reply)
the pills were great and so was the music
Loads of money around an' all.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29,
Reply)
I do all that at home every night.
No need to go out.
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:28,
Reply)
I'm having a lovely night in in front of the telly and with a good book.
Just had a wonderful meal an' all.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:24,
Reply)
I had my second ever dominos pizza today.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:25,
Reply)
yum
proper bad food that tastes of awesome
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:28,
Reply)
Sausages piped into the crust. Nuff said.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29,
Reply)
my god, things have moved on
while I've been eating rabbit food
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29,
Reply)
I had that on the first one. It was too much. Have you seen that pic of when a snake ate a crocodile and burst? That was me.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:32,
Reply)
i know imagine this as a big frog with a stethescope
eating a crocodile pizza until it bursts
the world is better that way
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:34,
Reply)
I had to have a lie down.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:35,
Reply)
and ginger tea
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36,
Reply)
Dominos are cunts
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29,
Reply)
Strong words. I'm new to the takeaway pizza game.
I ordered via the 'app', it told me when it was ready and my name was on a screen for everyone to see. I can't fault it.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:31,
Reply)
last time I had one it was delivered so late it was cold
And the delivery driver was a short haired dyke, blasting out cheap and nasty dance music from her car.
I complained about her as well as the pizza.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:33,
Reply)
You are a miserable fucker aren't you?
I collect as it's a couple of minutes away, then I don't have to tip some prick on a moped.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:35,
Reply)
you're meant to tip them?
shit
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36,
Reply)
Otherwise they do the awkward hang around for a few milliseconds longer, and you know what they want, and I cave.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37,
Reply)
i have no social skills
so I've never noticed
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:38,
Reply)
Autistic.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39,
Reply)
it's part of my 'eccentric' image
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45,
Reply)
My eccentricity extends to an Einstein/Brundlefly wardrobe of many of the same clothes to eliminate choice.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47,
Reply)
i own quite a few hats
and an inability to act appropriately in any given situation
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:49,
Reply)
larper
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:40,
Reply)
the pizza was late and cold.
So I complained.
I also mentioned the cavalier attitude of the delivery driver and 'her' mobile disco blaring out Swedish House Mafia.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37,
Reply)
Did she have any disco lights?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39,
Reply)
no.
Just shit taste in music, a scrofulous accent and a lesbotic haircut.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:40,
Reply)
You look like a lesbian
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41,
Reply)
you taste like a lesbian
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:43,
Reply)
This is possibly true
I wouldn't know. But assume most women taste in the same ballpark.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44,
Reply)
Ballpark lol
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
sorry, I meant you have the tastes of a lesbian
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:52,
Reply)
Lesbotic? Ha ha
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41,
Reply)
swipe is both lesbotic and despotic
Ruling her kingdom of sweaty, virginal Milton Keynesians with a pleather fist.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:49,
Reply)
Sensible
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:27,
Reply)
I'm getting old edj. What's it like?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36,
Reply)
Much less pressure to impress\ comply/ get smashed and
All sorts of other debilitating shit mate
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:55,
Reply)
I've been out all day
I managed to ask the one girl at the baby shower who'd just had a miscarriage if she had any kids. Oops.
Waiting for the man thing to turn up now. Got the fire on, drinks in the fridge etc etc.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37,
Reply)
LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND YOULL SEE A 'MAN THING'
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41,
Reply)
she's a vampire
She has no reflection.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:42,
Reply)
JUST BECAUSE I'M GETTING LAID AND YOU'LL HAVE TO ROLL ON A CONDOM FOR A WANK BECAUSE EVEN YOU CAN'T BEAR
THE COLD CLAMMY CLUTCH OF YOUR AMPHIBIOUS WEBBED FIST
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:43,
Reply)
ITS CALLED A POSH WANK YOU FAT SCAB
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44,
Reply)
^ too much coke making the fat girl bad tempered ^
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44,
Reply)
I hope it's diet.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45,
Reply)
I hope your cock rots off
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47,
Reply)
I don't think it will. It's very well preserved, oiled and maintained by expert hands.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:48,
Reply)
Alright dr tadpole
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:50,
Reply)
diet cocaine?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47,
Reply)
Yeah I got it. I was referencing her massive frame and the fact that diet coke, as in the drink, would be better for her.
But thanks.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:50,
Reply)
see, the hilarious irony is that diet coke is the fat whale's favourite soft drink
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:54,
Reply)
It's mine too, maybe I should try and shag her.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:56,
Reply)
what, have Psychochimp's sloppy seconds?
She's tainted goods m8.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57,
Reply)
They all are at our age :(
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:59,
Reply)
what, they've all been on the receiving end of a life loser's amateurish ministrations?
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00,
Reply)
The ones I have been with complain of this afterwards.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:04,
Reply)
I told you
He couldn't get it in. Trufax.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:14,
Reply)
He must be wielding a monster not to penetrate your cavernous gash.
Plus, that's grim.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:18,
Reply)
Nah
If you are so bad at foreplay that it physically hurts, the girl will clench up.
Don't tell me you've never experienced this.
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
No as I am a Virgin.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
I think you may have yourself to blame for that.
No bloke has any idea what a woman needs unless
he meets one who takes the time to show him.
It's not instinctive like engine tuning you know.
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:28,
Reply)
haha!
In all seriousness, if I'd had a sexual experience as humiliating as that, I'd never visit b3ta again. The shame would be too much.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:24,
Reply)
Have you never had a shameful regrettable experience?
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:29,
Reply)
not since I was about 15
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
You must have little to no sex.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
alternatively, I'm not a ham fisted nob with no idea where the clitoris is
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:34,
Reply)
So everytime you have done the deed nothing unfortunate has EVER happened?
Good work, Lothario.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:38,
Reply)
one time I was fucking this chick and sucking her feet
I flipped her over onto all fours and she did a fanny fart when I put it back in.
It was well lol.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:41,
Reply)
Urrrrrgh feet sucking
Gross
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:53,
Reply)
your feet are gross, yeah
Hairy, warty, smelly, sweaty and bigger than mine.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 23:00,
Reply)
Course he has.
He lives in Yorkshire FFS
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:33,
Reply)
IT'S A UNITARY AUTHORITY, ACTUALLY
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:35,
Reply)
it's funny because it's true
probably
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45,
Reply)
DONT YOU START BULLYING POOR DR FROG TOO
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:46,
Reply)
It is true
Dozer is exactly the same
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:46,
Reply)
You bitches are jealous as me and Dozer are fly and players4lyfe and you don't stand a chance.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57,
Reply)
yeah, I saw some of last night's thread
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:58,
Reply)
If you saw me, it would be 'shock and awe' at my splendour and magnificence.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00,
Reply)
we should DJ thegither some time.
I'll warm up with hip hop, then get stuck in to some 130bpm breakbeat then hand over to you for the dnb biznizz.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:59,
Reply)
you might do OK
I mean Jive Bunny made a lot of money
(
Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00,
Reply)
no they didn't.
Hence The Tidy Boys.
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:03,
Reply)
I'm not meeting you, but it's a lovely thought.
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:01,
Reply)
I'll play the Evil Nine remix of Music by Ils as my first track
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:04,
Reply)
This
youtu.be/7_-IlMC3WqA
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:14,
Reply)
as long as you drop Bambaata I'll be happyish
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:22,
Reply)
Of course. That and Zinc - on fire tonight
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:23,
Reply)
and Warhead
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:26,
Reply)
And Metropolis
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
and Terminator
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:31,
Reply)
Good shout, I had forgotten that
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:32,
Reply)
It's Jazzy
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:33,
Reply)
Champion sound
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:36,
Reply)
138 Trek
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dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:37,
Reply)
I can follow up with a bit of
Mantovani if it helps.
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:23,
Reply)
Cool edj, you're in for the 'chill out' set
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:27,
Reply)
I've played Satie alongside DJ Shadow
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:28,
Reply)
i mean tracks by, not physically
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:30,
Reply)
Slowdance expert me.
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:35,
Reply)
the erection section
(
dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:37,
Reply)
It's getting a bit late.
Was he not on the same date as you?
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57,
Reply)
No
Not wanted a a baby shower. Nor did he want to go!
(
rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:13,
Reply)
Is that a junior version of a golden?
(
edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19,
Reply)
Think it might be fibs
(
MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:13,
Reply)
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