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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So who else is a shut in tonight and what is your excuse?
My excuse is micro is asleep upstairs.

What excuses do you use regularly & why?
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 19:52, 139 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
im at a gig 1p!
Illbe be at the axe shortly by mylonesome
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 19:58, Reply)
Sorry we all let you down for your first B4sh.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:03, Reply)
Did nobody turn up?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:33, Reply)
My excuse is cask strength Glenlivet.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:04, Reply)
I don't drink spirits, so wouldn't know if that was a good drop or not. How good is it?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:05, Reply)
Pretty nice. Traces of honey so sweetish.
54% so sip gently!
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:11, Reply)
Ah. A strong one then.
Do you mix it with anything? My father once said 'does it say cordial on a bottle of scotch? No. So don't you dare dilute it'.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:14, Reply)
Nope
Some people like water with it which is fair enough, but I prefer neat.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:23, Reply)
Ice?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:25, Reply)
Never tried it in whisky tbh
again a matter of taste.

water, ice etc is supposed to change the taste and so on but I can't be arsed messing...
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:28, Reply)
Dozer claims to be a whisky 'expert'.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:30, Reply)
So do a lot of people, including my dad
Same as with music, it's all down to personal taste and people talk a lot of bollocks based on their own tastes. My dad has some whisky that's worth nearly £1k a bottle, but that's only cos of rarity, not cos he likes it all that much. Collectors of stuff can be the most boring people on earth.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:35, Reply)
The Japanese spend stupid amounts on the stuff.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:37, Reply)
Yup, whisky is the UKs second biggest export after arms, or something like that.
Even ahead of oil or anything else.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:39, Reply)
Really?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:41, Reply)
Just looked it up, not quite!
2nd biggest Scottish export after oil, £4.27 billion last tax year, apparently.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:52, Reply)
the Japanese make pretty good whisky as well

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:01, Reply)
where do I describe myself as an expert?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:02, Reply)
It's in your manner and bearing Plummy.
You're a natural!
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:23, Reply)
I just know what I like and why I like it.
People are far more likely to want to learn about things they like, so I've learned about whisky. I'm far from expert though.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:28, Reply)
Ahm in.
Don't need an excuse, it's where I want to be.
Three issues of Time to catch up on.
That'll do me
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:36, Reply)
Time is an excellent magazine. As is The Economist - regardless of personal political views.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:37, Reply)
Reading from a USA perspective gives me a slightly different view on things.
Although whenever I express a view I'm Fucken Daily Mail reader.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:26, Reply)
I've been out
and now I'm back
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:01, Reply)
I avoided an awful Halloween party Down the pub and I couldn't be bothered galavanting around elsewhere, when I can be safely tucked up at home awaiting the hurricanes about to obliterate my house.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:15, Reply)
haha you prick

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:17, Reply)
Says he posting on the internet, as usual, as he has no friends or life.
*sad fives*
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:19, Reply)
i think we should have a big old hypocritical
bitchfest about how each of us isn't out shagging random *gender of choice* and drinking lots of beers and taking lots of drugs and making fools of ourselves and drowning in a pool of our own vomit and blood while trying to get our underwear back on
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:21, Reply)
Or as I call it 'my twenties'

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:22, Reply)
At least I have a genuine reason, by having my two year old daughter here.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
I think 'not being bothered about going out just because it's Saturday' is just as valid a reason.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:26, Reply)
it's Friday nights I can't do any more.
I only go out to clubs on Fridays if I'm changing records in exchange for drinks and money.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:31, Reply)
I only really go 'out' out on Saturdays, but I prefer Fridays as you have two days to recover.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:33, Reply)
yer I know what you mean.
Saturday nights usually involve a couple of grams of mdma, deep house, afterparty and getting to bed at 10am.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
I only *really* drink these days as I dunno when to stop.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)
I only stop when I run out.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)
My twenties were tip top.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
Decadent times 'innit frere'

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:27, Reply)
the pills were great and so was the music
Loads of money around an' all.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)
I do all that at home every night.
No need to go out.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:28, Reply)
I'm having a lovely night in in front of the telly and with a good book.
Just had a wonderful meal an' all.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:24, Reply)
I had my second ever dominos pizza today.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
yum
proper bad food that tastes of awesome
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:28, Reply)
Sausages piped into the crust. Nuff said.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)
my god, things have moved on
while I've been eating rabbit food
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)
I had that on the first one. It was too much. Have you seen that pic of when a snake ate a crocodile and burst? That was me.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:32, Reply)
i know imagine this as a big frog with a stethescope
eating a crocodile pizza until it bursts

the world is better that way
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:34, Reply)
I had to have a lie down.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:35, Reply)
and ginger tea

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
Dominos are cunts

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)
Strong words. I'm new to the takeaway pizza game.
I ordered via the 'app', it told me when it was ready and my name was on a screen for everyone to see. I can't fault it.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:31, Reply)
last time I had one it was delivered so late it was cold
And the delivery driver was a short haired dyke, blasting out cheap and nasty dance music from her car.

I complained about her as well as the pizza.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:33, Reply)
You are a miserable fucker aren't you?
I collect as it's a couple of minutes away, then I don't have to tip some prick on a moped.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:35, Reply)
you're meant to tip them?
shit
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
Otherwise they do the awkward hang around for a few milliseconds longer, and you know what they want, and I cave.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)
i have no social skills
so I've never noticed
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)
Autistic.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)
it's part of my 'eccentric' image

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
My eccentricity extends to an Einstein/Brundlefly wardrobe of many of the same clothes to eliminate choice.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
i own quite a few hats
and an inability to act appropriately in any given situation
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)
larper

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:40, Reply)
the pizza was late and cold.
So I complained.

I also mentioned the cavalier attitude of the delivery driver and 'her' mobile disco blaring out Swedish House Mafia.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)
Did she have any disco lights?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)
no.
Just shit taste in music, a scrofulous accent and a lesbotic haircut.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:40, Reply)
You look like a lesbian

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41, Reply)
you taste like a lesbian

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)
This is possibly true
I wouldn't know. But assume most women taste in the same ballpark.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
Ballpark lol

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:52, Reply)
sorry, I meant you have the tastes of a lesbian

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:52, Reply)
Lesbotic? Ha ha

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41, Reply)
swipe is both lesbotic and despotic
Ruling her kingdom of sweaty, virginal Milton Keynesians with a pleather fist.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)
Sensible

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:27, Reply)
I'm getting old edj. What's it like?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
Much less pressure to impress\ comply/ get smashed and
All sorts of other debilitating shit mate
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:55, Reply)
I've been out all day
I managed to ask the one girl at the baby shower who'd just had a miscarriage if she had any kids. Oops.

Waiting for the man thing to turn up now. Got the fire on, drinks in the fridge etc etc.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)
LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND YOULL SEE A 'MAN THING'

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41, Reply)
she's a vampire
She has no reflection.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:42, Reply)
JUST BECAUSE I'M GETTING LAID AND YOU'LL HAVE TO ROLL ON A CONDOM FOR A WANK BECAUSE EVEN YOU CAN'T BEAR
THE COLD CLAMMY CLUTCH OF YOUR AMPHIBIOUS WEBBED FIST
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)
ITS CALLED A POSH WANK YOU FAT SCAB

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
^ too much coke making the fat girl bad tempered ^

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
I hope it's diet.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
I hope your cock rots off

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
I don't think it will. It's very well preserved, oiled and maintained by expert hands.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:48, Reply)
Alright dr tadpole

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)
diet cocaine?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
Yeah I got it. I was referencing her massive frame and the fact that diet coke, as in the drink, would be better for her.
But thanks.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)
see, the hilarious irony is that diet coke is the fat whale's favourite soft drink

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:54, Reply)
It's mine too, maybe I should try and shag her.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:56, Reply)
what, have Psychochimp's sloppy seconds?
She's tainted goods m8.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
They all are at our age :(

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:59, Reply)
what, they've all been on the receiving end of a life loser's amateurish ministrations?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
The ones I have been with complain of this afterwards.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:04, Reply)
I told you
He couldn't get it in. Trufax.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:14, Reply)
He must be wielding a monster not to penetrate your cavernous gash.
Plus, that's grim.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:18, Reply)
Nah
If you are so bad at foreplay that it physically hurts, the girl will clench up.

Don't tell me you've never experienced this.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
No as I am a Virgin.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
I think you may have yourself to blame for that.
No bloke has any idea what a woman needs unless
he meets one who takes the time to show him.
It's not instinctive like engine tuning you know.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:28, Reply)
haha!
In all seriousness, if I'd had a sexual experience as humiliating as that, I'd never visit b3ta again. The shame would be too much.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:24, Reply)
Have you never had a shameful regrettable experience?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:29, Reply)
not since I was about 15

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:31, Reply)
You must have little to no sex.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:32, Reply)
alternatively, I'm not a ham fisted nob with no idea where the clitoris is

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:34, Reply)
So everytime you have done the deed nothing unfortunate has EVER happened?
Good work, Lothario.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:38, Reply)
one time I was fucking this chick and sucking her feet
I flipped her over onto all fours and she did a fanny fart when I put it back in.

It was well lol.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:41, Reply)
Urrrrrgh feet sucking
Gross
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:53, Reply)
your feet are gross, yeah
Hairy, warty, smelly, sweaty and bigger than mine.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 23:00, Reply)
Course he has.
He lives in Yorkshire FFS
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:33, Reply)
IT'S A UNITARY AUTHORITY, ACTUALLY

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:35, Reply)
it's funny because it's true
probably
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
DONT YOU START BULLYING POOR DR FROG TOO

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
It is true
Dozer is exactly the same
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
You bitches are jealous as me and Dozer are fly and players4lyfe and you don't stand a chance.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
yeah, I saw some of last night's thread

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:58, Reply)
If you saw me, it would be 'shock and awe' at my splendour and magnificence.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
we should DJ thegither some time.
I'll warm up with hip hop, then get stuck in to some 130bpm breakbeat then hand over to you for the dnb biznizz.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:59, Reply)
you might do OK
I mean Jive Bunny made a lot of money
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
no they didn't.
Hence The Tidy Boys.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)
I'm not meeting you, but it's a lovely thought.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:01, Reply)
I'll play the Evil Nine remix of Music by Ils as my first track

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:04, Reply)
This
youtu.be/7_-IlMC3WqA
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:14, Reply)
as long as you drop Bambaata I'll be happyish

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:22, Reply)
Of course. That and Zinc - on fire tonight

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:23, Reply)
and Warhead

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:26, Reply)
And Metropolis

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:30, Reply)
and Terminator

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:31, Reply)
Good shout, I had forgotten that

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:32, Reply)
It's Jazzy

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:33, Reply)
Champion sound

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:36, Reply)
138 Trek

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:37, Reply)
I can follow up with a bit of
Mantovani if it helps.
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:23, Reply)
Cool edj, you're in for the 'chill out' set

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:27, Reply)
I've played Satie alongside DJ Shadow

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:28, Reply)
i mean tracks by, not physically

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Slowdance expert me.

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:35, Reply)
the erection section

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:37, Reply)
It's getting a bit late.
Was he not on the same date as you?
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
No
Not wanted a a baby shower. Nor did he want to go!
(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:13, Reply)
Is that a junior version of a golden?

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
Think it might be fibs

(, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:13, Reply)

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