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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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So who else is a shut in tonight and what is your excuse?
My excuse is micro is asleep upstairs.

What excuses do you use regularly & why?
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 19:52, 139 replies, latest was 12 years ago)
im at a gig 1p!
Illbe be at the axe shortly by mylonesome
(I helped save b3ta! Reginald Donkeyfuck, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 19:58, Reply)
Sorry we all let you down for your first B4sh.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:03, Reply)
Did nobody turn up?

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:33, Reply)
My excuse is cask strength Glenlivet.

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:04, Reply)
I don't drink spirits, so wouldn't know if that was a good drop or not. How good is it?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:05, Reply)
Pretty nice. Traces of honey so sweetish.
54% so sip gently!
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:11, Reply)
Ah. A strong one then.
Do you mix it with anything? My father once said 'does it say cordial on a bottle of scotch? No. So don't you dare dilute it'.
(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:14, Reply)
Nope
Some people like water with it which is fair enough, but I prefer neat.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:23, Reply)
Ice?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:25, Reply)
Never tried it in whisky tbh
again a matter of taste.

water, ice etc is supposed to change the taste and so on but I can't be arsed messing...
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:28, Reply)
Dozer claims to be a whisky 'expert'.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:30, Reply)
So do a lot of people, including my dad
Same as with music, it's all down to personal taste and people talk a lot of bollocks based on their own tastes. My dad has some whisky that's worth nearly £1k a bottle, but that's only cos of rarity, not cos he likes it all that much. Collectors of stuff can be the most boring people on earth.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:35, Reply)
The Japanese spend stupid amounts on the stuff.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:37, Reply)
Yup, whisky is the UKs second biggest export after arms, or something like that.
Even ahead of oil or anything else.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:39, Reply)
Really?

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:41, Reply)
Just looked it up, not quite!
2nd biggest Scottish export after oil, £4.27 billion last tax year, apparently.
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:52, Reply)
the Japanese make pretty good whisky as well

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:01, Reply)
where do I describe myself as an expert?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:02, Reply)
It's in your manner and bearing Plummy.
You're a natural!
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:23, Reply)
I just know what I like and why I like it.
People are far more likely to want to learn about things they like, so I've learned about whisky. I'm far from expert though.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:28, Reply)
Ahm in.
Don't need an excuse, it's where I want to be.
Three issues of Time to catch up on.
That'll do me
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:36, Reply)
Time is an excellent magazine. As is The Economist - regardless of personal political views.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 20:37, Reply)
Reading from a USA perspective gives me a slightly different view on things.
Although whenever I express a view I'm Fucken Daily Mail reader.
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:26, Reply)
I've been out
and now I'm back
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:01, Reply)
I avoided an awful Halloween party Down the pub and I couldn't be bothered galavanting around elsewhere, when I can be safely tucked up at home awaiting the hurricanes about to obliterate my house.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:15, Reply)
haha you prick

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:17, Reply)
Says he posting on the internet, as usual, as he has no friends or life.
*sad fives*
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:19, Reply)
i think we should have a big old hypocritical
bitchfest about how each of us isn't out shagging random *gender of choice* and drinking lots of beers and taking lots of drugs and making fools of ourselves and drowning in a pool of our own vomit and blood while trying to get our underwear back on
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:21, Reply)
Or as I call it 'my twenties'

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:22, Reply)
At least I have a genuine reason, by having my two year old daughter here.

(I helped save b3ta! Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
I think 'not being bothered about going out just because it's Saturday' is just as valid a reason.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:26, Reply)
it's Friday nights I can't do any more.
I only go out to clubs on Fridays if I'm changing records in exchange for drinks and money.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:31, Reply)
I only really go 'out' out on Saturdays, but I prefer Fridays as you have two days to recover.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:33, Reply)
yer I know what you mean.
Saturday nights usually involve a couple of grams of mdma, deep house, afterparty and getting to bed at 10am.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
I only *really* drink these days as I dunno when to stop.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)
I only stop when I run out.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)
My twenties were tip top.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
Decadent times 'innit frere'

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:27, Reply)
the pills were great and so was the music
Loads of money around an' all.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)
I do all that at home every night.
No need to go out.
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:28, Reply)
I'm having a lovely night in in front of the telly and with a good book.
Just had a wonderful meal an' all.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:24, Reply)
I had my second ever dominos pizza today.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:25, Reply)
yum
proper bad food that tastes of awesome
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:28, Reply)
Sausages piped into the crust. Nuff said.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)
my god, things have moved on
while I've been eating rabbit food
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)
I had that on the first one. It was too much. Have you seen that pic of when a snake ate a crocodile and burst? That was me.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:32, Reply)
i know imagine this as a big frog with a stethescope
eating a crocodile pizza until it bursts

the world is better that way
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:34, Reply)
I had to have a lie down.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:35, Reply)
and ginger tea

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
Dominos are cunts

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:29, Reply)
Strong words. I'm new to the takeaway pizza game.
I ordered via the 'app', it told me when it was ready and my name was on a screen for everyone to see. I can't fault it.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:31, Reply)
last time I had one it was delivered so late it was cold
And the delivery driver was a short haired dyke, blasting out cheap and nasty dance music from her car.

I complained about her as well as the pizza.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:33, Reply)
You are a miserable fucker aren't you?
I collect as it's a couple of minutes away, then I don't have to tip some prick on a moped.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:35, Reply)
you're meant to tip them?
shit
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
Otherwise they do the awkward hang around for a few milliseconds longer, and you know what they want, and I cave.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)
i have no social skills
so I've never noticed
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:38, Reply)
Autistic.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)
it's part of my 'eccentric' image

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
My eccentricity extends to an Einstein/Brundlefly wardrobe of many of the same clothes to eliminate choice.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
i own quite a few hats
and an inability to act appropriately in any given situation
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)
larper

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:40, Reply)
the pizza was late and cold.
So I complained.

I also mentioned the cavalier attitude of the delivery driver and 'her' mobile disco blaring out Swedish House Mafia.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)
Did she have any disco lights?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:39, Reply)
no.
Just shit taste in music, a scrofulous accent and a lesbotic haircut.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:40, Reply)
You look like a lesbian

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41, Reply)
you taste like a lesbian

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)
This is possibly true
I wouldn't know. But assume most women taste in the same ballpark.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
Ballpark lol

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:52, Reply)
sorry, I meant you have the tastes of a lesbian

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:52, Reply)
Lesbotic? Ha ha

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41, Reply)
swipe is both lesbotic and despotic
Ruling her kingdom of sweaty, virginal Milton Keynesians with a pleather fist.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:49, Reply)
Sensible

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:27, Reply)
I'm getting old edj. What's it like?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:36, Reply)
Much less pressure to impress\ comply/ get smashed and
All sorts of other debilitating shit mate
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:55, Reply)
I've been out all day
I managed to ask the one girl at the baby shower who'd just had a miscarriage if she had any kids. Oops.

Waiting for the man thing to turn up now. Got the fire on, drinks in the fridge etc etc.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:37, Reply)
LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND YOULL SEE A 'MAN THING'

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:41, Reply)
she's a vampire
She has no reflection.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:42, Reply)
JUST BECAUSE I'M GETTING LAID AND YOU'LL HAVE TO ROLL ON A CONDOM FOR A WANK BECAUSE EVEN YOU CAN'T BEAR
THE COLD CLAMMY CLUTCH OF YOUR AMPHIBIOUS WEBBED FIST
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:43, Reply)
ITS CALLED A POSH WANK YOU FAT SCAB

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
^ too much coke making the fat girl bad tempered ^

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:44, Reply)
I hope it's diet.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
I hope your cock rots off

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
I don't think it will. It's very well preserved, oiled and maintained by expert hands.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:48, Reply)
Alright dr tadpole

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)
diet cocaine?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:47, Reply)
Yeah I got it. I was referencing her massive frame and the fact that diet coke, as in the drink, would be better for her.
But thanks.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:50, Reply)
see, the hilarious irony is that diet coke is the fat whale's favourite soft drink

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:54, Reply)
It's mine too, maybe I should try and shag her.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:56, Reply)
what, have Psychochimp's sloppy seconds?
She's tainted goods m8.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
They all are at our age :(

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:59, Reply)
what, they've all been on the receiving end of a life loser's amateurish ministrations?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
The ones I have been with complain of this afterwards.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:04, Reply)
I told you
He couldn't get it in. Trufax.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:14, Reply)
He must be wielding a monster not to penetrate your cavernous gash.
Plus, that's grim.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:18, Reply)
Nah
If you are so bad at foreplay that it physically hurts, the girl will clench up.

Don't tell me you've never experienced this.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
No as I am a Virgin.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
I think you may have yourself to blame for that.
No bloke has any idea what a woman needs unless
he meets one who takes the time to show him.
It's not instinctive like engine tuning you know.
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:28, Reply)
haha!
In all seriousness, if I'd had a sexual experience as humiliating as that, I'd never visit b3ta again. The shame would be too much.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:24, Reply)
Have you never had a shameful regrettable experience?

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:29, Reply)
not since I was about 15

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:31, Reply)
You must have little to no sex.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:32, Reply)
alternatively, I'm not a ham fisted nob with no idea where the clitoris is

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:34, Reply)
So everytime you have done the deed nothing unfortunate has EVER happened?
Good work, Lothario.
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:38, Reply)
one time I was fucking this chick and sucking her feet
I flipped her over onto all fours and she did a fanny fart when I put it back in.

It was well lol.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:41, Reply)
Urrrrrgh feet sucking
Gross
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:53, Reply)
your feet are gross, yeah
Hairy, warty, smelly, sweaty and bigger than mine.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 23:00, Reply)
Course he has.
He lives in Yorkshire FFS
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:33, Reply)
IT'S A UNITARY AUTHORITY, ACTUALLY

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:35, Reply)
it's funny because it's true
probably
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:45, Reply)
DONT YOU START BULLYING POOR DR FROG TOO

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
It is true
Dozer is exactly the same
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:46, Reply)
You bitches are jealous as me and Dozer are fly and players4lyfe and you don't stand a chance.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
yeah, I saw some of last night's thread

(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:58, Reply)
If you saw me, it would be 'shock and awe' at my splendour and magnificence.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
we should DJ thegither some time.
I'll warm up with hip hop, then get stuck in to some 130bpm breakbeat then hand over to you for the dnb biznizz.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:59, Reply)
you might do OK
I mean Jive Bunny made a lot of money
(I helped save b3ta! Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:00, Reply)
no they didn't.
Hence The Tidy Boys.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:03, Reply)
I'm not meeting you, but it's a lovely thought.

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:01, Reply)
I'll play the Evil Nine remix of Music by Ils as my first track

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:04, Reply)
This
youtu.be/7_-IlMC3WqA
(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:14, Reply)
as long as you drop Bambaata I'll be happyish

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:22, Reply)
Of course. That and Zinc - on fire tonight

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:23, Reply)
and Warhead

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:26, Reply)
And Metropolis

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:30, Reply)
and Terminator

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:31, Reply)
Good shout, I had forgotten that

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:32, Reply)
It's Jazzy

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:33, Reply)
Champion sound

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:36, Reply)
138 Trek

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:37, Reply)
I can follow up with a bit of
Mantovani if it helps.
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:23, Reply)
Cool edj, you're in for the 'chill out' set

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:27, Reply)
I've played Satie alongside DJ Shadow

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:28, Reply)
i mean tracks by, not physically

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:30, Reply)
Slowdance expert me.

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:35, Reply)
the erection section

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:37, Reply)
It's getting a bit late.
Was he not on the same date as you?
(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 21:57, Reply)
No
Not wanted a a baby shower. Nor did he want to go!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:13, Reply)
Is that a junior version of a golden?

(I helped save b3ta! edjogs Collared doves are shit., Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:19, Reply)
Think it might be fibs

(I helped save b3ta! MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sat 26 Oct 2013, 22:13, Reply)

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