Alright.
Just seen this and thought of every single Swipe complaint on here, ever,

www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/the-most-agonising-middle-class-problems-of-2013

Show me an image that describes a regular poster.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 8:37, 88 replies, latest was 11 years ago)

Oh dear.
I bet they have never run out of money before pay day. We really are a race of soft arses. We would be in trouble if there was a war.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 8:48, Reply)

You at work today?
I'm spending the day on my sofa researching schools for micro, watching junk on Netflix & resting my guts from too much rich food.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:07, Reply)

Yes, mate. At work AGAIN.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:10, Reply)

Still off the pop?

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:14, Reply)

Yep.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:15, Reply)

From Fri night I had 14, 13 and 10 hours sleep.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:18, Reply)

Nice. I've been having naps in the afternoon. Lovely.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:19, Reply)

Underrated is sleep.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:32, Reply)

Good lad.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:21, Reply)

Mornin' all

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:36, Reply)

Marrning aptain.

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:37, Reply)

Just had a guy at my door looking for someone who, to my certain knowledge, doesn't live here...
...He has, however, managed to get two mobile phone accounts registered here in the last year. How is that possible?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:40, Reply)

Either by being on the electoral roll at your address or by having a bank account registered there.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:43, Reply)

I'd be interested to know how he got a bank account registered here. He's not on the electoral roll
Mind you, last year I got the registration forms for a car sent here for someone called Issy Orlukwu.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:47, Reply)

That name gets only 3 items after a Google search!
None of which are Issy Orlukwu.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:02, Reply)

Yeah, I'm looking for yet another person - can't get a UK hit on google at all!
I get lots for a local African restaurant but nothing about the particular name.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:04, Reply)

GO TO THE RESTAURANT AND KICK OFF!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:10, Reply)

I might just go there and see if Mr K is in fact anything to do with it.
If he is, I'll pass on the info to the organisation that's looking for him. For a fee, of course.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:19, Reply)

Because phone shops are manned almost exclusively by dodgy forrins.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:43, Reply)

+ jews.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:44, Reply)

Urgh
You thinking about me is my worst complaint EVER
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 9:46, Reply)

You love it, you slag.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:00, Reply)

Thing is, she genuinely does.
Just look how she clearly gets off on Rory's flirting.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:06, Reply)

urgh
he even changed his name to doctor frog in the hope of getting a flirt. I feel a bit sick now.

YER we all saw you drop yourself in it!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:19, Reply)

I like how he's deleted his reply.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:20, Reply)

an uncharacteristic slip up
must still be pie-eyed on too much eggnog
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:22, Reply)

Just in case you missed it

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:26, Reply)

I was hoping I'd left it up long enough for a screengrab-saddo to get his PrtScn on
I tell you, the amount of times I've deleted too early, what am I like!
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:28, Reply)

You sad bastard.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:29, Reply)

www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post2176040
(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:29, Reply)

You people are so easily fooled it's not really worth the effort anymore

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:26, Reply)

nice twist on the "legless defence"

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:28, Reply)

I ent drunk

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:28, Reply)

I ent drunk cheers
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:45, Reply)

                              mmmmmmm
    /'~~\                    mmmmmmm\ mm
   |_/~\ |                  mmmm   mm~ mmmm
       |\|                 mmm      mmmm\ mm
       | |                 mm/~~      mmmm| mm
       |\|                 m       ~~\ mmmm\ mm
       | |                 m /~~      \mmmmm| m\mmm
       |\|                 | |@ | ~~\ mmmmmmmm| mmmm
       | |                 |  \/  @ | mmmmmmm| mmmm
       |\| _/~~\          /o/~\   \//_  mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
       | | \___ ~~~~\    oo |'  \__/ooo  mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
       |\|     \_    \   \o_\       ooo  mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
       | |       \    33  /__\   |   o   \mmmmmmmmmmmmmm
       |\|       /     33 \ \ ~~~|      |~~~~~~| /mmmmmm
       |_|       |_/\  33  \ \   \     ~        ~|M/mmmm
                    3\ 33   \ ~___\    \__|~\~~\ | mmmmm
                    3  333   \ \  /\        /    | mmmmm
                    3  33333 |  o/             |~   mmmm
                    3  333333 \____/__|~3~~~~~~      mmm
                    3  3333333      |   \3
                    3  333333333\33 /   33
                    33 333333333 \33    333
                     33|333333333 |3   33 33
                     33/333333333 |3  33 3/3
                       ~333333333 \333 33/33
                         333 \3333 |333/33/ 3
                          333 \333 \33/33/ 333
                            33| 33 |~~33/ 33333
   M E R R Y                  33 \3 \~/ 33333333
                               33333333333333333
       C H R I S T M A S       33333333333| 33333
                               33333333333| 333333
              T O   A L L      33333333333| 3333333
                               33333333333\ 33333333
                               333333333333| 33333333
                               33333::333333\ 33333333|~|
                               33333:::333333| 33333333\|
                               333333:33333333\ 3333333 |~|
         |\       /|           3333333333333333| 333333\/ |
         \  \())/  /            3333333333333333\N 3333___|
        |~~~~~|~~~~~|            33333 NNN 3333 N \ \33
        |\\\\\\\\\\\|            NNNNN  X  NNNNNN 33 \3
  ;'\   |     |     |;    ;`;   333333 NNN 33333333333\
   ; `##|_____|_____|@@;~ ;    3333333333333333333333
  |~~~~|||~~~~||~~~~~~/~~~~~~|  33333333=3333333333333
  |____|||____||_____//______|  33333333=3333333333333\
  |    |||    ||     //      |   3333333=33333333333333
  |____|||____||_____//______|   3333333=333333333333333
 |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|  33333333==33333333333333
 | \    \```\     /```/    / | 333333\33==33333\333333333
 |   \  / /~\ \ / /~\ \  /   |  _____3\33=333333\3333333333
 |     \\ \   *** , / //     |XXXXXX\ 3\3=____333333333333333
 |       \~~~/ | \~~~/       XXXXXXXXX\3 XXXXx\ 333333333333333
 |         /  / \  \         XXXXXXXXXX\/XXXXXX\  333333333333333
 |         ^^\   /^^         XXXXXXXXXX|/XXXXXXXX\ 333333333333333
 |_____________\_____________|\XXXXXXX/ \XXXXXXXX/

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:04, Reply)

RT TO WIN A LEOPARD

(Captain Give-A-Fuck #internetpals4eva, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:04, Reply)

Is that Swipe touching Froggers pee-pee?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:09, Reply)

If so it's very flattering.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:10, Reply)

Her hands aren't that big?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:11, Reply)

No , she has massive man hands and I have a micropenis,
It's not a good combination.
( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:13, Reply)

no
it's you bending over, begging Monty to ease the candy cane up your pouting jacksie!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:21, Reply)

It's not though, is it?
It doesn't look anything like that. Whereas it does look like my suggestion. Stupid woman.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:23, Reply)

when I strummed myself stupid over it, that's exactly what it looked like

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Hi m8!!!!!!

(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:21, Reply)

Stunned; in his office most afternoons

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:13, Reply)

I am not in my office most afternoons.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:15, Reply)

Maybe that's the rest of your colleagues once you've gone, celebrating being set free from the company of a tiresome oaf.

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:17, Reply)

Ding dong, the oaf is dead!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:18, Reply)

*downloads*

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:20, Reply)

Hey, it's MY ringtone.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:21, Reply)

It's OUR ringtone now xx

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:23, Reply)

GET A ROOM

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:29, Reply)

+ SPARE

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Zing #1

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:32, Reply)

+ LOCKED

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:30, Reply)

Zing #2

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:32, Reply)

my 4 year old niece just drew a picture of me
with fucking flaming red hair. fml.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:19, Reply)

RING RANGA DONG FOR THE HOLIDAYS!

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:20, Reply)

The prosecution rests.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:22, Reply)

kids know nothing!

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:22, Reply)

How was your Christmas?

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:24, Reply)

awesome actually, although bloody exhausting
how about you?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:25, Reply)

Good thanks.
Micro really enjoyed it & the watch I got her was a particular success.

I got absolutely ruined on Boxing Day; it took me three days to recover.
( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:27, Reply)

ahhh. she's so cute, I bet she had a brilliant day
you hammered on the other hand? not so cute!!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:29, Reply)

My stomach muscles ached for two days as a result of vomiting.

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:30, Reply)

alright
Alt: Cheers.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:38, Reply)

'k
O
l
L_
l
l
L
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:49, Reply)

^ That's you, Badgey

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Good penisage.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:48, Reply)

:D

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:49, Reply)

Morning.
Some real warriors among that lot ay?
Anybody still Christmassing?
Ploughing through annual accounts here.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 30 Dec 2013, 10:50, Reply)

Off work until the 6th
Then it'll all go mental. The imminent arrival of the Xmas cash goblins* made some of the waverers actually place orders for the machines we'd been quoting them - on the last working Friday of the year FFS.
They'll all be screaming for installation dates when I go back.

*The ones that steal the budgets if they're not spent by Xmas.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:08, Reply)

Amazing how things become urgent the second
the customer can be arsed.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:24, Reply)

I've never understood the 'spend it or lose it' idea of budgets.

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:32, Reply)

It's very simple.
If you don't use that money, then you can get by without it. So they reduce your budget and re-allocate it somewhere else. Perhaps to profit margins, as I don't think budgeted money is counted as a margin, but as wastage. Or perhaps to another department that does need more money. Or to director bonuses.

I imagine you don't understand it because your 1960s miner mentality still has one of its commie-loving feet in t'fockin' pit.
( Kroney, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:54, Reply)

Could also be seen as short-sighted and short-termist
Maybe if the budget was rolled over and added to, the department could afford better equipment and become more efficient/profitable, thereby increasing the profits of the company, leading to more money coming in and enhanced bonuses/margins/potential to prop up other departments.
Just a thought.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 12:28, Reply)

I just got a late crimbo pressie.
Posh kitchen ztuff.
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:09, Reply)

Someone gave you Nigella?

( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:24, Reply)

I wish mate.
Her and her magic Icing sugar. Good crimbo? New year plans?
(Pookie Bear had some very shiny foez, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:38, Reply)

no. 12 is every food snob who's ever posted on here

( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:06, Reply)

Apart from the one about Alpacas, it's basically this place, in Tweets.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:40, Reply)

You obviously haven't tried wrangling alpacas on a sunny spring day.
Fucking povvo.
( Kroney, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:56, Reply)

morning
I've been hammered in Birmingham on Saturday then up to Shrewsbury for more boozing and a huge curry last night. On the train back to London now, my guts are possibly going to explode at some point.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:25, Reply)

Make sure it's at Milton Keynes.
Nobody will notice.
( edjogs Collared doves are shit., Mon 30 Dec 2013, 11:27, Reply)

Lighty, later on today
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynQ_cw6oHMg
(katie hopkins telling it where its at, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 12:24, Reply)

Alright?Im off out for more drinks. If that's possible.

( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 12:43, Reply)

I didn't have any yesterday if that matters.
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Mon 30 Dec 2013, 12:43, Reply)