I'm really bored
if you could have any job in the world what would it be?

points awarded for things that aren't along the lines of (insert famous hottie)'s bra/pants/dildo, or for things that aren't a given, like Top Gear presenter
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:50, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Weirdly
I would love to be able to restore classic cars. I would of course need to improve my welding.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:53, Reply)

Hmm
CEO of an oil company.

Either that, or:

Working at a youth centre as a breakdancing teacher.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:54, Reply)

restaurant/wine critic
as well as anything else that needed an opinion had on it. AA Gill, basically.
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:55, Reply)

nice
I forgot to put I'd like to be.

for the record, I'd love to be a blacksmith

PS. you are indeed not a bloke or a badger, but in fact a human female. a very pretty one.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:57, Reply)

Vipros
I agree on both counts.

I was a blacksmith on my work experience at school. Most fun I had for a long time (til I met ladies)
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:58, Reply)

Strangely....................
As a small trooper Placid I didn't ever put on my list of possible careers "Technical sticky-tape salesman".
However this is the best job I've had for a loooong time. Interesting, varied and with loads of travel. Dammit they even give me a car, credit card AND they pay me!
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 14:58, Reply)

@Vipros
You little charmer. I'm very flattered.

kisses!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:02, Reply)

There are a few things:
everyone knows that I trained to be an actor, so that's a given.

Other than that, I'd love to be a writer, I just don't know where to start and I lack confidence.

But the one thing that will always be out of my reach is being a fast-jet pilot in the RAF.




I'd also quite like to be a pig farmer.

Bit of a mixed bag there! :)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:03, Reply)

@baz
:-P
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:07, Reply)

ooh tongues!
u saucy bitch!
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:07, Reply)

can i be
lorraine kelly's pants if she got a job on top gear ?

I'll just get my coat ...
(happyjoy last changed sig on, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:08, Reply)

haha
*pushes Baz out the way*

Thanks Vipros *giggles*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:09, Reply)

A surgeon
I think I'd be damn good at it too.

Can't afford another 6 years of uni though.
So, isn't gonna happen.
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Mmmmmm (*dreams*)
I'd have three jobs.

Firstly, I'd be a pilot. Not just any old pilot, but a Spitfire pilot.

When not being paid to sit in a cramped cabin acting out the fantasies of my boyhood, I'd be designing mountain bikes and components. I keep wrecking expensive bits of aluminium and cannot help but think "I could have designed better".

And thirdly? I'd have enough talent and drive to earn a living as a writer.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:10, Reply)

Other than a musician
I've always wanted to be a landscape gardener... in a country with much better weather than this one.
( Moey, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:12, Reply)

Hugh Fearnley -Whittingstall

Small holding - check

Restaurant - check

CIDER - Check
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:14, Reply)

@Vipros, TGB
*falls down*

Eh?
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:17, Reply)

@TGB: you're welcome
@everyone: all very interesting

*ponders how long it will be before I know enough about you all to kill you and replace you with cunningly programmed robots*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:17, Reply)

An erotic fiction writer
Fortunately, it's something I'm working on.

Or a scriptwriter.

A cabaret artiste, if only I didn't have crippling stage-fright.

A sculptor.

A travel writer. Or food writer. Perhaps a travelling food writer, journeying all over the world to sample the local delicacies.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:19, Reply)

If it wasn't for the killing part
I would sign up for a robot replacement today!

Robot me could deal with H&S crap and real me would lounge about in the garden or if it was raining lounge about in the lounge.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:21, Reply)

that may well be a better use of my army of robots
awarding them to people I like so they can spend time enjoying themselves

unfortunately my robot-building and programming skills leave a little something* to be desired



*everything
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:23, Reply)

TGB
You stuck in H&S too?

*frowns*

Some idiot today decided to clean oil off his hands.
With 90% Formic acid.
And rubbed it on his face, thinking the burning sensation was "it cleaning him".

*punches self in head*
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:27, Reply)

hmm
actor / writer / musician.

I have the burbling imagination I reckon but my english language sucks!

Musician because I tried, and failed in bands, have no skills whatsoever (used to shout in a piddly 5 men and a dog crowd punk band) so the ability to rip out a killer guitar riff on stage would send me all a quiver

Actor, well I fake it most of the time at work ie smiling and holding a conversation rather than butchering to death the fucking idiots I have to work with sometimes, so why the hey not!
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:27, Reply)

@Kaol
Yup training to be a CDM coordinator, mainly having to deal with all the admin side of it at the moment - submitting F10s and the like but my boss takes me out for site visits and I get to enquire why workman A thinks it wise to trail extension leads through puddles, past the welders and then pulled tight (because it was too short innit) over a freeking doorway.

Your example is slightly stoopider though :p
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:30, Reply)

dear god, CDM
shoot me now

fortunately I've steered away from the kind of projects that require me to have the sort of engineering input that means I have to deal with CDM stuff.

bleurgh
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:32, Reply)

I'd love to be a writer
But I'm lazy, and could do with brushing up the skills.

And if I had the cash, I'd set up my own record label, take a sound engineering course and open a studio.

*edit* and wrote good instead of could
*spang*
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:33, Reply)

I'm in-house H&S
For a Timber Mill.

Every single accident like that kills another part of my "love for fellow man".

I've reached the point where any time someone moans "Oh, I can't put up shelves, lol, bloody health and safety!" I launch into a rant along the lines of:

"If people like you weren't so fucking stupid, there're wouldn't need to be Health and Safety procedures.

I'm strongly in favor of abolishing H&S, taking the warning labels off of everything, stopping training, then taking a long camping holiday in the Canadian Wilderness.

By the time I come back, 90% of the population will be dead, Darwin will have been proven right, and retards like you will have died out, as will your shit-brained children.

Give it another hundred years after that, and society will be full of clever, lucky and resourceful people, without a trace of morons like you."

*breathes*

Sorry I'm in a fairly bad mood today.
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:39, Reply)

I don't want a job, thank you.

I've had loads of jobs, and they've all been shit.

My job now for instance...I am well paid, and can pretty much do what I want...yet it's still not enough because when I'm not working from home, I have to be here.

I would like to sit at home...or in the pub...somehow producing oodles of cash to keep me in the manner to which I have become accustomed.

It's not too much to ask is it?

*Buys Euromillions ticket*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:46, Reply)

When I grow up
I want to be ........ Johnny Depp's personal masseuse. Or sex toy. He wouldn't even have to pay me. In fact, I'd pay him.

Or, more realistically, a chocolatier (sp?). But then I'd be about the size of a house ....
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:53, Reply)

TWW
A house?
Surely a bungalow?

*runs*
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:55, Reply)

do you know how a bungalow got its name?
builders were building a house but ran out of bricks after the first storey.

they were debating what to do when one of them said "bung a low roof on it"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:57, Reply)

Bollocks
It's from the Hindi for "Shed for wrinklies"
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 15:59, Reply)

*chases Kaol*
*gets distracted by chocolate*

nom, nom, nom

*lets loose the hounds of doom*



*Actually, lets loose the small black cat who's afraid of her own shadow*
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:06, Reply)

Oh...
*shrugs*

*picks up cat*

*snaps it*

*eats thoughtfully*
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:13, Reply)

@Kaol
I have a fantastic mental image of you doing that with a thoughtful expression
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:13, Reply)

*stomps back in complaining of windows autoupdatercrap*
@Vipros

Yeah I get that reaction a lot regarding the CDM!

It's not too bad mainly checking through stuff to see if people have bothered to update their H&S policy. (normally no)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:15, Reply)

Yeah...
I'm quite an expressive person, what can I say...

That's why I'm starring in a film this weekend.
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:15, Reply)

@TGB: sounds like fun
@Kaol: slasher flick?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:16, Reply)

A black comedy
About grave-robbing...
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:17, Reply)

sounds good
is it going to be available for watching?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:18, Reply)

I had to take a call whilst writing the last reply
And I see Kaol has been eating cats and is now talking of grave robbing? *backs away slowly*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:20, Reply)

Yep!
I'll post it on /links when it's done.
Or on here.
*shrugs*

I'm gonna be out in the rain tomorrow night, digging a grave.
*frowns*

It's in the name of Art though.
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:20, Reply)

we should go to war in the name of Art!
or possibly Paul!

right. I'm offski

have a good weekend y'all
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:21, Reply)

Bizarrly
I have pictures of me digging a grave so if you need any pointers...

Bye Vipros have a good weekend :)
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:21, Reply)

@ TGB
Please elaborate, I like when ladies put their backs into it.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:24, Reply)

Have a good weekend Mr. V!
TGB, I've got this that I've made as a promo-type artwork, 'tis a bit rough, but:
The Resurrectionists

P.S, why were you digging a grave?
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:25, Reply)

Grave digging fun
b3ta.com/questions/experiments/post206924

Think we only made it about 4' deep though

Edit: Pictorial evidence to be found here:
i4.photobucket.com/albums/y105/crazysexymadfun/n286300457_605466_8505.jpg
(yes my photobucket account has a awful name)
Please note the lovely headstone we made as well.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:32, Reply)

Hahaha!
We've got 8 men, three spades and two hours.
Should be fine!

EDIT on seeing your edit: Nice headstone, but shallow and disappointing :(
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:34, Reply)

It got a lot deeper!
That was just the beginning but I don't have pictures of the completed grave :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:45, Reply)

Ok
I believe you...

*raises eyebrow*

I shall take pictures of our diggings at the weekend, and display them in full, meaty glory on Monday.
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:47, Reply)

pft fine don't believe me
*sulks*

I wasn't really wearing the shoes for it either
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:54, Reply)

Fine
*sulks*

Well, I can't leave it like this over the weekend.
*offers you a bite of dismembered cat*
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 16:57, Reply)

Thanks
That's very kind of you but sadly I am allergic!

Woo home time hugs for everyone! *hugs*
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:04, Reply)

Yes!
Home time indeed!
I shall be away filming, so have a good weekend everyone!

*smashes window*

*runs away*
( Cawl, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:07, Reply)

Car mechanic
It would be much more rewarding to fix cars than computers. Proper, honest, dirty working with your hands.
(Rich T has a clever and witty sig, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:08, Reply)

There are some people who can be fixed
by working with your hands...
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 15 Aug 2008, 17:09, Reply)

A member of a circus trapeze act
In Prague.



Purely because Prague conjures up bohemian romantic dreams of mine - I adored it when I went there about five or six years ago. I'd also love to be in a trapeze act and I've always wanted to run away with the circus.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 18:02, Reply)

@ Everyone who wants to be a writer
I give you two pieces of advice...


1. Read Stephen King's 'On Writing' for the truth about the job by a very, very well known and successful writer. If that doesn't put you off and you're interested....

2. Do it.

I don't mean give up the day job and join me in writerly penury, but rather spend time actually writing and submitting to journals, magazines, anywhere in fact that they will take your words.

Magazines and journals want, no, NEED articles, poetry and stories to publish...but not just any old crap, but good stuff, polished stuff which has been crafted, redrafted and considered.

It is not impossible to get your words into print and get paid for it.

It simply takes a bit of work.

In that respect it's no different from the hoards of people who want to be in successful bands...you need to practise, practise, practise.

Natural talent is part of the picture, but like the old saying - it's 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

And finally, you only have one life. No one is on their deathbed saying how they wish they'd spent more time stacking shelves at Sainsburys (or similar - insert whatever boring job you fancy).
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 18:15, Reply)

I'm still looking forward
to actually working as a teacher, I don't know if it's my ideal job yet though.

To be honest my ideal would be to be a full time mum. Very dull I know but I really would love to do that.

Or be a writer but I can't write for shit.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Fri 15 Aug 2008, 18:44, Reply)

I want to make pants with ancrenne : )
.
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 19:24, Reply)

.
I’d say any job where my workmates are bursting with positive energy that reverberates off eachother and encourages us to keep working. Alas, such jobs are as rare as hens’ eggs.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 5 Sep 2008, 13:46, Reply)